On the Tiber’s Shore II

[Dlee]

Perhaps now is not the time. Maybe there needs to be some healing in your family. Remember that we are bound by time and we want things and answers now. God is outside of time. His answer may be that now is not the right time. Hope and pray for that time when you spouse might come in with you - united. Know that He wants you even more than you want Him. Trust His timing.

 

[al2o3]

I do find it interesting that no Catholics seem to have anything positive to say about my desire to keep my marriage intact. I thought that was a good thing?

rlmcc, thank you for sharing your difficult journey. Each of us carry our cross and I often reflect that it is only a tiny sliver of the cross Christ carried for us. In a marriage where one spouse is not Catholic (seemingly even in good conscience) It leads to some very very testing situations. While my own situation is very different in detail, it may come down to a common issue that must be confronted: Are we “idolising” our marriage above a deeper relationship with Christ? In my view, if we passionately seek Christ, he knows our troubles and we must trust that He will lead us Home.
Off course I pray for a fulfilling resolution of the difficulties you endure. God bless always.

 

[OddBird]

Thank you, @Saturninia, for sharing your beautiful story.

 

[OddBird]

I thought it was a general ‘crossing the Tiber’ thread

It is

Simply put, it doesn’t matter how much comfort or help I derive from the Catholic Church, as long as he refuses an annulment of his first marriage I will never have access to things like the Eucharist and Reconciliation. Given the reality of our marriage, and his personality and needs, it is truly for the best that I learn how to accept my situation and move on. It is the hardest thing in my life, but something I need to do.

You are in my prayers. My own marriage has also been rocky, to say the least, this past year, and my wanting to become a Catholic has done nothing to help the situation. I empathize.

I wish I knew why God led me to the Catholic Church when I can’t be let in, but I may never find out.

God’s time isn’t our time. Maybe you can’t let be in now, but who knows what the future holds for you ? That’s where I am too, for now, and it is so difficult. At the same time, for now, it is a school of letting go and trusting God, of putting my marriage in its right perspective before Him, and even if there are days when it is barely bearable I suspect it will bear fruits, not just for me but for my husband too, one day.

 

[OddBird]

Hi @TNMan. How are you doing ?

And does anyone have news of @HopkinsReb ? I haven’t seen him around lately.

 

[TNMan]

Doing well, thanks for asking.

Ended up not signing up for rcia this time around. Discussions with the wife, family, etc.

I think I’m still at the dipping my toes in the Tiber stage. One day I’m convinced the RCC is where I’m supposed to be, then I’ll read something from the Lutheran Church, and I’m like, “yes, that makes perfect sense.”

So humbly asking for prayers of discernment still. 8 months ago I thought I’d be approaching Lent about to be a Catholic, but here I am.

 

[Saturninia]

Rlmcc83 and Oddbird, so glad to be here with you both.
When I started going to daily Mass as a Protestant I had no intention of becoming Catholic. I just liked Mass. I attended Mass in different churches in my city, just to observe. So what was I doing? Singing badly, crying, sometimes going forward for a blessing.

Do you know the story of the woman who tells Jesus even the dogs under the table eat the crumbs the kids drop? I felt for sure like a dog under the table. I had no right being there.

So you can’t enter the Church right now? No matter. Go to daily Mass, go to Adoration, subscribe to Magnificat. Tell Him you want to be near Him. Tell Him you want to partake. Ask Him to show you the way. He knows the mess of your life. Who knows how He will work it out for you? Even if you spent 20 years at daily Mass before you could officially partake, I guarantee your cup would ‘runneth over’. Jesus can not resist a humble and contrite heart.

As far as difficult spouses go, you have to let go of the pride that keeps you from fully handing your spouse to the Lord. You’re still trying to work it out in your human mind, beaten down by your crappy circumstances. This is a war to wage silently, in prayer, making yourself very small. Start relationships with St. Rita of Cascia and St. Monica and St. Augustine. Say a Rosary for your spouse’s soul. Fast one meal a day. Commit to radically observing Lent. Go on a retreat at a monastery (they welcome all). Do it all silently- don’t tell your spouse. Don’t fight, don’t complain, don’t explain. If you think you’re going crazy, you’re on the right path

All of that is what you’d do if you were to become Catholic. Especially if you enter without your spouse. I promise you, there are a cloud of witnesses suffering like you, both Saints and fellow Catholics. You need to accept that it’s precisely your suffering that is the door to deep communion with Jesus.

By the way, I’m a much better wife now that I’m a Catholic, and my husband admits it, even as we’ve had to work out my new sexual ethics!!

 

[gohjedrek]

Same story as TNMan, but different reasons. Signed up for rcia, but decided not to go for it this year, due largely for time required for discernment, there is so much to learn. (I still have the rcia notes sent to me online) And it also doesn’t make it any easier that the rcia process is long, I move around from country to country, so it’s difficult to commit. Hence, be taking a minimum of 2 years from now: to read sacred scripture/catechism in 1 year, early church history/church fathers in the following year to be more informed.

My goal was to be able to explain what catholics believe to catholic friends, if I can’t, I think I am not deserving to be going to the same church to partake in the communion. And also I am exploring the anglican ordinariate, I have only been there once. In the meantime, I hang out with catholics more than protestants, to get to learn their perspective, definitely don’t see myself as a reformed protestant, but more as a high church protestant at this point. Will be observing Lent and also praying the rosary from time to time, that is it for now.

 

[OddBird]

Welcome to the thread, @gohjedrek! That makes a few of us who are anticipating a long “swim”. You’re definitely not alone !

 

[Dlee]

For all of you who are in RCIA or somewhere along the Tiber, take heart. God calls us all at a unique time, not all at the same time. Keep wading, doggy paddling, swimming, floating, whatever - just don’t sink! I really believe once you start to explore Catholicism, you will get there eventually. For me, I did it in sneaky, small ways until the time was right. Praying for all of you.

 

[rlmcc83]

Thank you, Jamieleah. Your “even if it takes 20 years” comment is a bit generous, I’m afraid. Since my husband’s death is probably the only way I’ll get to join the Catholic Church, and we’re still young (I’m 36, he’s 46), I’m probably looking at more like 50 years. I’ve already given up on praying for him, and am now focused on doing the best I can with what religion I’ve been forced into.

 

[Saturninia]

Rlmcc33, are you familiar with Saint Catherine of Genoa? She spent a decade in bitterness and resentment with an unfaithful husband before she had her conversion. It’s very inspiring. St. Rita of Cascia was in an arranged marriage to a violent adulterer. I love them both because they know my marriage situation, and their witness proves there is indeed a way to overcome.

They show us no adversity can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.

If you aren’t suffering, or desperately in need of love, or burned out on the shallowness of human love, if you’re not ‘screwed’, then you wouldn’t need to seek after God. You’d be living a pleasant american life with your nice husband and obedient children.

Rather, you’re drawn to the Catholic Church because it’s a place for people with broken hearts, for the downtrodden, the sheep without a shepherd.

 

[Saturninia]

I’ve already given up on praying for him, and am now focused on doing the best I can with what religion I’ve been forced into.

The enemy definitely wants you to give up on your husband.
You should certainly attend church with your husband, and do it with kindness. Then continue your own pursuit of Catholic spirituality without him.
The pain of your situation can be ‘offered up to God’.
You can go to Adoration and look at Jesus, who looks at you too, and tell Him you’re ready to accept His suffering on the cross through your own bad marriage. Ask Him what it’s like to love people who hate Him.
Ask Jesus how it was that St. Stephen has the face of an angel when he was being stoned to death.

God is faithful and good. I believe you’re in the perfect situation. I will pray for you.

 

[TNMan]

I didn’t get to add this to my post yesterday, but over the last year I’ve had some odd, weird dreams. Now I know dreams aren’t always to be interpreted to mean something, but these have been about the Church.

First, I had a dream that I was in St. Peter’s Square and Pope Francis found me and reached out and hugged me. This was about a year ago.

Then, within the last 3 months, I’ve had 2 different dreams where I’ve been at the local Parish I would join if I did cross the Tiber. In these dreams, my deceased father is there, but not really saying much. I’ve waited for him in both dreams to tell me to “make the jump” but he hasn’t. My father was not Catholic, which is weird also.

Anyways, thought I’d share. I think the signs are there, but Jesus told us that people would even see signs and still not believe, so I hope I’m not in that category.

 

[rlmcc83]

Just curious, how can this be the perfect situation? I truly believe I will never get to be a full member of the Catholic Church.

 

[gohjedrek]

Do keep in prayer and ask for signs, it isn’t wrong to ask for signs. Some people connect to God more deeply with signs, some connect via different interactions with people currently practising the faith.

I connect more to the intellectual aspect, I need to understand what catholics actually believe before I can go further.

 

[Crocus]

Just curious, how can this be the perfect situation? I truly believe I will never get to be a full member of the Catholic Church.

Read @Saturninia 's last 2 posts again. I was a bit surprised too, for a split second, at her words “I believe you’re in the perfect situation.” That struck a spiritual cord with me, a confirmation, only the second time since I’ve been on CAF.

Someone posted a picture here that showed Simon Peter, when he lost faith, sinking into the sea after Jesus had called to him to walk across the water to Him. The picture captures the moment Jesus grasps Peter’s hand, drawing him up out of the water, saving him from drowning.

Be sure. Jesus is calling you right where you are. He wants to save you.

 

[TNMan]

I feel bad asking for signs because I should just have the faith to do it.

I’m with you on the intellectual aspect as well. I research and research. I just need to jump into RCIA this year and get it straight from the source.

 

[Crocus]

over the last year I’ve had some odd, weird dreams

I feel bad asking for signs because I should just have the faith to do it.

I think the dreams may be your subconscious, working out, while your mind is at rest, all your forwards and backwards and sideways thoughts. I experienced one such dream, setting me bolt upright in bed from the piercing sound of my own frantic scream, (which was soundless in the awake world).

I don’t think you are unbelieving of signs. I think you know there is a certain spark within that needs fanning. Maybe the prospect of bringing such a quantity of fuel (intellectual substance) as you feel necessary, seems overwhelming.

All in good time. We’re pulling for you.

 

[tafan2]

My goal was to be able to explain what catholics believe to catholic friends, if I can’t, I think I am not deserving to be going to the same church to partake in the communion.

This is wrong, IMO. Learning the faith is a life long process. Most of your Catholic friends have varying levels if knowledge.