On the Tiber's shore

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So my wife and I had another conversation.

I clarified that the reasons I want to return to the Catholic Church are not just relating to piety, but also doctrine, and that I had misunderstood and gotten so much wrong. And, as I am her family’s resident theologian, I was concerned about whether or not she still trusted my theological opinion, or if she was wanting me to just be quiet about theology from now on.

On her end, she repeated that she would support me, but never wants to become Catholic, saying “Just being Christian is good enough for me. I’ve never really been attached to any denomination. You, though, it’s never enough for you. You want to be a part of a team that you can hold up and say ‘this is right’. Just, don’t say anything about this to my mom; I can’t take her constant, concerned questions about this.”

She also said, regarding her view of my theological opinions, “Of course, I still respect your opinions. But I will be more wary going forward. Besides, I couldn’t stop you from talking about theology of I wanted to. It’s what you do. Just don’t start going on about some weird things.”

My response: “Well, I will just have to include more citations from Scripture when I say things, then, rather than simply proclaiming things from my own ‘authority’, as I have often in the past. And what weird things?”

Her response: “I dunno. Like the Pope being perfect and can’t make mistakes. I don’t want to get into specifics right now.”

I have a long way to go.
 
That’s unfortunate.

Yup, it’s going to be a process. You know I live 1200 miles from my original home of record. When I converted a few years back, i seriously considered just keeping it to myself. I figured nobody really has to know and wont know unless i tell them since I’m way down south and they don’t come here.

Of course, I wanted to avoid all the awkwardness and tense conversations with Protestant Christians that I love and respect. But the more I thought about it the more i realized it was a bad idea. Jesus talks about denying those who deny Him publicly. And of course in the Catholic Church we don’t separate Jesus from His Church. I should be proud to announce I’m Catholic Christian – to deny or bury that info is essentially denying a part of Jesus. So I came out to everyone and announced it. Doing the best I could to answer their million and 1 objections.

So If I were in your situation, there is no way I’m not telling my in-law’s. But that’s just my POV and you obviously have to deal with this the best you can.

I don’t know your spouse – but I do know that any Church claiming authority scares people in this day and age. We live in the freest country in the world and people want to be “free in Christ” to do whatever. They don’t want a Church telling them anything. My hope is that overtime she sees your devoutness and determination to do things the right way and it leaves a great impression on her --so much so that she lightens up on her opinion of the Church. Overtime I would mainly just let her ask questions and gently respond. It appears that she thinks that we teach impeccability of the Pope so yeah, long journey here.
 
Maybe I should change the thread’s title to “On the metaphorical shore of a metaphorical Tiber”, or “Folks, let’s put on our biochemical suits” 😅😉
 
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I think it’s promising, actually.

She stills trusts you, she’s still willing to listen to what you have to say, and it seems that at least part of her problems with your decision rest on misunderstandings of Catholic positions.

I hear you on the in-laws front. I’m not concerned about mine, but I still haven’t told some of my close family members, nor my closest Protestant friends (including the pastor who was my mentor during pastoral training). I don’t even know how to break it to them.
 
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OddBird said:
Maybe I should change the thread’s title to “On the metaphorical shore of a metaphorical Tiber”, or “Folks, let’s put on our biochemical suits
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No shortage of bridges though - crossing the Tiber is no problem at all (Rome’s traffic allowing, obviously) - it’s the ‘swimming’ part of the metaphor that always makes me smile. 🙂
 
TNMan said:
And honestly, it felt stale to me.
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While I agree with what everyone else is saying, I just want to commiserate with you for a moment.

I come from a tradition that places a lot of emphasis on excellent and engaging preaching. In the tradition I come from, if you can’t deliver an excellent sermon you can’t expect that anyone will come to your church.

So, having to get used to the sometimes AWFUL homilies I experience in the Catholic Church has been a major adjustment. And, for my husband, bad preaching remains a stumbling block for him.

It takes a while to adjust your focus and begin to see the Eucharist as the source and summit of our faith and indeed the reason we are at mass in the first place. You can always listen to great preaching or the kind of music you are used to online. 🙂
 
OddBird said:
There was an interesting thread on here recently on women preaching (created by @(name removed by moderator), if I remember rightly) , from which I refrained participating because it’s something of a sensitive topic for me right now, being a woman who preaches and all that ; let’s just say it’s an area where I have some serious work to do on myself.
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Once you have come home to the Catholic Church, please do continue to preach! While you can’t deliver a homily, you can still lead bible studies and preach retreats and give conferences, work as a catechist, work in religious education, evangelize, join the speakers circuit, etc. The church desperately needs preachers and teachers who are engaging and orthodox.
 
I like that metaphor actually, with the symbolism of water, and the way it implies a conscious effort – it reminds me of the French expression “mouiller sa chemise”, although one might argue that in winter, one is maybe more likely to get cold feet 😜
 
First, thank you.
Lenten_ashes said:
So If I were in your situation, there is no way I’m not telling my in-law’s.
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Considering my brother-in-law is in an anti-Catholic cult, and my mother-in-law complained about Lutherans being “too Catholic” until last year, if I am going to make any headway with them, I’m going to have to gently correct and defend as time goes on, at least until the very anti-Catholic sentiment is gone, or else I’ve lost all chance for them to listen. Certainly not denying it if it was asked specifically. But, I have this habit of correcting misconceptions and misunderstandings in conversation. And more than once someone’s quoted me at me, and I have to say, “Yeah, I found out I didn’t understand things there. Here’s what’s actually going on”.
Lenten_ashes said:
I do know that any Church claiming authority scares people in this day and age. We live in the freest country in the world and people want to be “free in Christ” to do whatever.
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Nail, meet hammer. This ultimately is a big part of my wife’s issue. She has criticized anything that gives guidelines for personal behavior as “too focused on rules.”
OddBird said:
I hear you on the in-laws front. I’m not concerned about mine, but I still haven’t told some of my close family members, nor my closest Protestant friends (including the pastor who was my mentor during pastoral training). I don’t even know how to break it to them.
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@OddBird, yeah. I’m not sure how to talk to the pastors of our Lutheran parish yet either. Or my professors… or classmates who are friends.
OddBird said:
She stills trusts you, she’s still willing to listen to what you have to say, and it seems that at least part of her problems with your decision rest on misunderstandings of Catholic positions.
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True. I’m sure she’ll eventually come around. This time I’ll wait, as I should have in the first place, even if it takes the rest of my life.

As an aside, I sent an apology email earlier today to the priest who was my pastor before I left the Church.
 
I totally agree with you. As long as you believe, there’s nothing impossible for GOD.
 
This is for @OddBird:
I fervently pray that she may give birth to a healthy baby very soon:

The Lord’s prayer:
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The Hail Mary:
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The Glory be:
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PS. I’ll be going for a pilgrimage tomorrow, after work, and I’ll dedicate the whole Glorious Mysteries for you, asking GOD for a miracle, through the intercession of our Blessed Mother.
Just have faith. Remember, with GOD, everything is possible. 😇😇😇

This is where I’ll be praying the rosary for you tomorrow:
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Oops! I think I forgot to take out my bottle of green tea from the kneeler. My bad. 😜😜😜
 
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Sounds like my mother. Everytime a issue comes up about Catholic teaching she claims we are to be free in Christ without any restrictions. To put this in perspective – she does not understand why people aren’t speaking in tongues during Mass, lol. I mean it’s pretty ridiculous to me. I know it’s tough to digest all these guidelines from the Church if you aren’t accustomed to them, but a little structure never hurt anyone.
 
MiserereMei said:
or classmates who are friends.
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You may discover who your true friends are…and aren’t…sadly.

I think you had a good conversation! You are starting to hear exactly what her objections are so now you know what you need to address. The hardest issue going forward may be your in-laws. The good news is that you can respect your wife’s request and not tell them anytime soon. The hope is that by the time they find out, your wife will be fully on your side and able to come to your defense!☺️

They conversation may not have left you feeling great but it opened up the issues. You have a starting point. Take it slow, answer the questions honestly…even if they’re painful…and as her head comes around, so may her heart!
 
Thank you.
Pattylt said:
You may discover who your true friends are…and aren’t…sadly.
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Well, I know of one friend who probably expected this. He jokingly said of my thesis proposal on the Magnificat, that I wanted to “force [my] Mary-worshipping ways on [them]”, to which I responded, “No, I just want to teach you what prayer actually is.”
Pattylt said:
The hardest issue going forward may be your in-laws. The good news is that you can respect your wife’s request and not tell them anytime soon. The hope is that by the time they find out, your wife will be fully on your side and able to come to your defense!🙂
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Oh, I certainly hope so! It would certainly ease the stress of the situation.
 
Sounds to me like she respects your decision - she doesn’t necessarily like it or understand it, but she will respect it.

That’s a far better situation than “over my (or your) dead body!”

Take it slow, be the best Catholic you can be. Make your faith so attractive to her that she can first realize that she can relax; you’re not joining some weird cult. Down the road…who knows how the Spirit will move?
 
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