Perpetually single

[legaleagle]

Now you’ve come out and said that you don’t like the whole process of dating. OF COURSE few if any guys are going to want to date you let alone marry you if that’s your attitude! What’s with that?

It’s like, as someone earlier put it, expecting a fish to fall from heaven into your lap without you making the effort to go to the lake, bait that hook and drop it into the water.

I never said I don’t like the process of dating - - it would be kind of hard to make a judgment on that since it’s not something I’ve experienced yet. Maybe you confused what I said about online dating. That doesn’t appeal to me for multiple reasons: not knowing if the person is who/what they claim to be, long distance, no chance to see if there’s chemistry, just to name a few. It works for some people, and that’s great, but I’ve tried it before and I wasn’t comfortable with it.

 

[chevalier]

I think we might have hit the nail on the head with this one … someone who truly sees you as intelligent, good-looking (plus financially secure, which lawyers tend to be) and confident will be wondering
a) how they could measure up to you (since rightly or wrongly they’ll assume someone like you has extremely high standards) or
b) what they could possibly have to offer you since you already seem so well-set up in life (guys like to be needed at times, just as girls do) …

for that matter they might just assume that you are happy as you are.

Yeah, lawyers do tend to look that way. But few of those under 30 years of age whom I know actually are single.

After all, the majority of super-intelligent, super-good-looking and super-confident single guys

You forgot super-humble!

This one too … not only do they not approach women who seem uninterested in dating in general, they probably won’t approach a woman until they get a vibe that she is particularly interested in dating THEM in particular.

That’s true. A guy will probe and test the water - and contrary to the common perception, it’s possible the woman won’t even notice - but probably not make any moves unless the woman indicates some openness. Or actually unless he thinks she does. Signs of friendship can be taken the wrong way.

Now you’ve come out and said that you don’t like the whole process of dating. OF COURSE few if any guys are going to want to date you let alone marry you if that’s your attitude! What’s with that?

'Cause the process of dating is dumb. Once you’re no longer a teenager, you generally date to settle down in life and that’s like a fast-forward chick flick. No guy and few female lawyers can take that! It’s artificial and it feels awkward. It’s a kind of in-your-face self-match-making, as opposed to a more natural avenue a feeling could develop. Yeah, lawyers have feelings.

It’s like, as someone earlier put it, expecting a fish to fall from heaven into your lap without you making the effort to go to the lake, bait that hook and drop it into the water.

Yeah, you gotta throw the bait. On the other hand, if you make sure to let it slip that a pretty and well-adjusted young lady lawyer is single and up for the taking, you can be sure to have a stream of applicants a-flowing.

 

[LilyM]

I never said I don’t like the process of dating - - it would be kind of hard to make a judgment on that since it’s not something I’ve experienced yet. Maybe you confused what I said about online dating. That doesn’t appeal to me for multiple reasons: not knowing if the person is who/what they claim to be, long distance, no chance to see if there’s chemistry, just to name a few. It works for some people, and that’s great, but I’ve tried it before and I wasn’t comfortable with it.

Fair enough, my apologies for the mistake.

Having said that, a person can lie almost as easily to your face about a lot of pertinent things - what they earn/do for a living/their name/age/marital status. It’s not like you’re going to immediately demand proof of ID and bank balance.

And of course you’d sooner or later meet up in real life with a person who took your fancy online, no? I trust you wouldn’t go through all or most of a courtship sight unseen!

 

[legaleagle]

Lol, I should clarify something after reading some of the recent posts. I am a lawyer, yes. But I’m a brand new lawyer with law school sized student loans, so there’s no danger that I’m scaring off men because I’m rich. For three years, my social circle revolved around law school and there were only a handful of Christian males there. And even then, some were married, some were fundamentalists and one was Catholic and he was only interested in Catholic women (which I wasn’t). Incidentally, he’s still looking for love and he’s 30 and hot and smart, etc.

Back to the online dating thing. I realize that there seems to be potential in finding someone thru that, but I’m cautious and it’s the fear that there might be psychos out there. I know there are tons of success stories.

Anyway, I don’t really mind the fact that I haven’t gotten asked out a dates by creeps (actually, it’s a relief that I have been spared that). As some of the male posters have said, I guess guys who I wasn’t interested in could sense that I wasn’t receptive. So I guess that partly explains why I haven’t been asked out. When I like a guy, I do try and show it, but if I was to think back over all the guys I’ve been seriously interested in from the past 5 years, then there hasn’t been one faithful Christian (who was single) on that list. For awhile, I was super interested in a guy that I knew wasn’t religious and a few months ago, I gave in and asked him out. He declined and I was wrong to consider him but I was smitten with him. Oh well.

This thread has been very interesting. I have to use some will power now and log out because I’m procrastinating on a work assignment.

Thanks for all your advice.

 

[LilyM]

Lol, I should clarify something after reading some of the recent posts. I am a lawyer, yes. But I’m a brand new lawyer with law school sized student loans, so there’s no danger that I’m scaring off men because I’m rich. For three years, my social circle revolved around law school and there were only a handful of Christian males there. And even then, some were married, some were fundamentalists and one was Catholic and he was only interested in Catholic women (which I wasn’t). Incidentally, he’s still looking for love and he’s 30 and hot and smart, etc.

Back to the online dating thing. I realize that there seems to be potential in finding someone thru that, but I’m cautious and it’s the fear that there might be psychos out there. I know there are tons of success stories.

Anyway, I don’t really mind the fact that I haven’t gotten asked out a dates by creeps (actually, it’s a relief that I have been spared that). As some of the male posters have said, I guess guys who I wasn’t interested in could sense that I wasn’t receptive. So I guess that partly explains why I haven’t been asked out. When I like a guy, I do try and show it, but if I was to think back over all the guys I’ve been seriously interested in from the past 5 years, then there hasn’t been one faithful Christian (who was single) on that list. For awhile, I was super interested in a guy that I knew wasn’t religious and a few months ago, I gave in and asked him out. He declined and I was wrong to consider him but I was smitten with him. Oh well.

This thread has been very interesting. I have to use some will power now and log out because I’m procrastinating on a work assignment.

Thanks for all your advice.

Of course you’re a new lawyer with lawyer-sized student loans (I’m a hair’s breadth away from being admitted to practice as a lawyer myself, so I hear ya loud and clear on that score!).

Doesn’t mean people won’t assume that you’re raking in a good salary - and many won’t stop to think about how short a time you’ve been working etc etc.

 

[stanncie]

Hi legaleagle

I don’t know if my advice is useful or not mainly because i’m pretty much in your exact situation. I’m in my early thirties and still looking for love.

I have dated men before but very few. Men just don’t ask me out period. When i have been asked out I have declined some of these dates because i knew these men were already involved with someone else and were just looking for a fling.

Other times I have accepted but pretty much only because it’s such a rare occurrance i thought i would give it a shot. That’s usually not good because i didn’t feel an ounce of attraction to these men and the dates were not very good. It was also unfair to these poor men.

I had a boyfriend for a record setting three months and most of that time was miserable for me. I thought i was attracted to this guy and he was very sweet but pretty much the only reason I started dating him was because all of my friends and his friends were sure we would make a perfect couple. I tried my best to like him but i failed miserably and eventually we had to break up.

The men i am attracted to usually have no interest in me and believe me i have made it pretty obvious i like them.
The only time i’ve liked someone and they have liked me back was with my last ‘boyfriend’ if i can call him that, it lasted like 4 months but most of that time he was away for work.

To make a long story short we started very hot and heavy and it kinda fizzled out very fast after that. i would have liked to develop a relationship with him but sadly he was just interested in the physical part and he grew tired even of that pretty quick. I was pretty enamored with him and let him take advantage of that

So take heart legaleagle, I have put myself out there but have very poor results to show for it, on top of that i have been hurt in the process. Continue to be ‘picky’ and if it’s in God’s will you will find a good man, at least that’s what i tell myself these days.

 

[redroses098]

A couple people here have said that there is no single vocation. I agree with that to a point. You can be called to celibacy. Ask yourself the reasons you want to get married. Do you need the physical intimacy of a partner or do you yearn for companionship? Usually it gets to a point where one way outweighs the other. If it’s companionship, maybe you should consider asking Jesus to be that companion for you. There are many options along that route including becoming a nun or consecrated virgin. Whether you are truly called to marriage or a form of single life, you should take advantage of the time you have now to grow closer to God; it’s a gift many married people don’t get much of.

 

[chevalier]

Lol, I should clarify something after reading some of the recent posts. I am a lawyer, yes. But I’m a brand new lawyer with law school sized student loans, so there’s no danger that I’m scaring off men because I’m rich.

As Lily says, that doesn’t mean people won’t assume - besides, if you look from a long-term perspective, most lawyers tend to get quite rich quite soon anyway. Plus, it’s a profession (still) considered respectable. It may create a bit of an intimidating impression. Besides, female lawyers tend to be rather sharp-tongued as compared to your typical female.

For three years, my social circle revolved around law school and there were only a handful of Christian males there. And even then, some were married, some were fundamentalists and one was Catholic and he was only interested in Catholic women (which I wasn’t). Incidentally, he’s still looking for love and he’s 30 and hot and smart, etc.

Yeah, that’s more or less the pool you get if you look around at work or something, in a religiously mixed country.

Anyway, I don’t really mind the fact that I haven’t gotten asked out a dates by creeps (actually, it’s a relief that I have been spared that). As some of the male posters have said, I guess guys who I wasn’t interested in could sense that I wasn’t receptive. So I guess that partly explains why I haven’t been asked out. When I like a guy, I do try and show it, but if I was to think back over all the guys I’ve been seriously interested in from the past 5 years, then there hasn’t been one faithful Christian (who was single) on that list. For awhile, I was super interested in a guy that I knew wasn’t religious and a few months ago, I gave in and asked him out. He declined and I was wrong to consider him but I was smitten with him. Oh well.

Well, maybe it’s time to unwind? After my last relationship to an agnostic girl ended 2.5 years ago, I needed rest and I probably still do. Meanwhile, there hasn’t exactly been a huge pool of compatible ladies, so I can relate. Work is probably not the best place for looking in your case. Maybe it’s time to have a taste of life first, get in tune, recover from the past and so on? Being single is a great time to build a relationship with God and with yourself.

This thread has been very interesting. I have to use some will power now and log out because I’m procrastinating on a work assignment.

Good move. Willpower is another factor reducing the number of relationships or prospective partners, by the way.

Thanks for all your advice.

Cheers, Counsel.

 

[Magickman]

Criticism of those who have not been able to marry is unjustified. Please do not so construe my comments.

Instead, I believe we can offer positive suggestions for marriage seekers, about meeting potential partners and securing rewarding relationships.

For most folks, their romantic match will not fall, fully ripe, from a tree. We have to seek out acquaitances who may become dates, and, eventually, spouses.

This is easier for some people than for others. Not everyone is equally gifted at establishing relationships.

Those in different present situations will have divers perspectives.

I am a bachelor of 60 years, without exceptional social skills, but still an observer of human behavior.

I would ask the married people here to please present some ideas for persistently single people to mitigate their single status.

 

[Angels_Unaware]

I never said I don’t like the process of dating - - it would be kind of hard to make a judgment on that since it’s not something I’ve experienced yet. Maybe you confused what I said about online dating. That doesn’t appeal to me for multiple reasons: not knowing if the person is who/what they claim to be, long distance, no chance to see if there’s chemistry, just to name a few. It works for some people, and that’s great, but I’ve tried it before and I wasn’t comfortable with it.

Online dating is just an introduction tool. If you use eharmony, you get to use the personality profile to help you meet people you are supposed to have some personality compatibility with. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. You can restrict your matches to your local area, so you don’t have to worry about long distance. You can restrict your matches to Catholics. When it comes to chemistry, that’s a combination of things, and you never know whether you have it unless you meet a person. You can always talk on the phone, and even before you get to that stage eharmony has a structured communication phase where you can get some ideas if you really want to pursue meeting this person before giving them your phone number.

So, you’re saying you don’t want to use online dating because you might be matched with someone you would have to actually go out and meet before you knew if you had any chemistry? I mean, at some point, you have to either take some risks or decide you aren’t going to take any risks, and therefore are going to remain single. Looking for a mate is a journey with twists and turns. It is not easy for everyone, and not successful for everyone, but that doesn’t excuse people who really want to get married from trying.

If you absolutely cannot bear to use online dating, I know that my parish has a singles group, and there is more than one singles group in our diocese. The whole purpose of having a singles group is to get people together who are single and who can feel comfortable asking one another out on dates. You have never heard of this? Or the men in your parish singles group aren’t interesting to you?

 

[barb_finnegan]

I love being the cool aunt to my nieces and nephews (18, 12, 5, 2, and not born yet). Since I don’t have kids of my own, I tend to be on the fun side (their parents are buzz kills). And the older ones feel like they can talk to me about anything. But the best part of it is if they act up, back home they go. The eighteen year old’s parents wouldn’t get him an I-pod for Christmas, so I got him one. He can’t stand his parents, but he loves me.
Pregnancy never was something I wanted to do. Pictures of babies in utero creep me out, they look like aliens. And childbirth, forget it. I’ve was in the room when my best friend gave birth (husband was gone), and it traumatized me. NO THANK YOU. Lol. I was in the corner puking.

CountrySinger-that’s the exact reason why I would never get married. Pregnancy grosses me out, and childbirth even more!

You ‘puked’ ? Ewwww…I’d probably do that if I were in your shoes, too. Or else I’d grab hold of my husband [if I had one] and say, ‘I don’t ever want you near me again!’

 

[Bataar]

Most of the perpetually single people are lacking in certain social skills.

The lack of social skills is not a moral or personality defect. It is merely some things that have not yet been learned.

It should be a signal, if marriage seeking men or women reach their thirties, without ever having a date. The signal is that it is time to wake up and take some action.

Friendly casual conversation is one social skill. Dancing and popular culture are others. Flirting, too.

Marriage seekers need to make an effort to meet other singles, and to be open and friendly.

If you are smart and attractive, which not all of us are, those are advantages. But more important is positive attitude.

Perpetual singledom is usually not truly perpetual. But we have to get proactive and break out of the rut.

Otherwise, you could find yourself at age sixty, and still single.

This is pretty true for me. Having Asperger’s makes this very hard for me. It’s a vicious circle. I don’t like being alone, but I don’t like being around people. I have a few hobbies and interests I participate in, but they’re mostly stuff I can do by myself. The social hobbies I have seem to only attract other guys. Over the last couple of years my friends have all moved away so I really don’t have anyone to hang out with anymore and I don’t like going to places/events by myself. Kind of puts me at a dead end.

 

[karbear]

Hi perpetually single girl,

I, like you, am pretty and feminine, have a great personality, and am lifelong christian. I talked with a intelligent, orthodox, and holy priest about this whole thing. He said that usually when people come to him about this, that it is something within themselves that need fixing first. But he said that in my case, no. I don’t have anything wrong with me either. He said that there are so many guys that would die to meet a girl like me. I keep waiting and praying. I do think that the person who commented about the difference between older single men and older single women is right. Men have the option to persue. They have so many more choices. We sort of have to wait to be persued. The older single women are ususally that way because they are chaste and innocent. Younger men tend not to have an interesest in dating the chaste and innocent girls. The older ones who are interested in us are usually the converted who have hit bottom for some reason or another and have a whole ton of issues. I would not reccomend AMS just because it is a little depressing to get hit on by older men who have had a late-life conversion and suddenly want 10 kids and are interested in you primarily because of your age. It is a little creepy and depressing to be objectified like that…children are a gift and you marry for love. I am now in my late thrities and am wondering if the reason that God allowed (whatever reason it was that I was unable to meet my man) is because he wanted me in architecture school. It’s not something I wanted…sort of happened by accident. I always wanted love and babies. I will pray hard for you because I know how hard the heart can break over this as time grows shorter. God breaks our hearts to rebuild them stronger. He is the Divine Physician. Dare to hope and keep hoping!! It may be very soon. Hope is a harder virtue to maintain as we grow older. Hold on to it. Hope is for the brave. Live your life in joy because He knows what is best and He could make it (love) happen tomorriw if He thought that was best. You may meet someone soon and He WIll take care of you, His sweet daughter, in the meantime.

p.s. some more great advice this priest gave me…I started dating guys that I was not attracted to (my intuition was against it too) in my early thirties because they seemed to be “good” men. I didn’t want to end up single and I ended up getting hurt. This priest told me that when it is right, your intellect and intuition will be in harmony. If either one is screaming, beware. This is assuming you are well formed etc. The Giver of good gifts will give you the love you need when the time is right. Maybe very soon. Proceed in joy and trust but if your heart has to break, let it, and invite God into that hole in your heart and your capacity for love will increase.

peace and prayers,
Karen

 

[ljvt]

Hi Legal,

I don’t wish to say that you are doing anything particularly wrong, or right, as I don’t believe there is such a thing in love. But i will share with you that I was singles for AGES, guys would never ask me out and I certainly tried asking them out and all ended up a complete humiliating failure.

I realised that I had gotten to a point in my life where there were no potential partners amongst my friends, work friends, friends of friends. All I was left to do was just to meet someone out of the blue.

So, I upped and moved to another country (you need not be so dramatic!) but all new work mates and situation. I joined a beginner Ice Hockey team and meet my husband to be (in less than a month). He was our team captain.

He was not Catholic, or even Christian. He was intimidated by my morals a bit and a bit dubious but he is the kindest person I had even meet and Christ shines in him even though he does not always know it. He comes with me to mass every Sunday and listens to my prayers. I am so blessed to have met him and to be marrying him and I am so happy!

I guess, I would hope that you remain open to the kindness of people and not draw the line at people not being Christian/Catholic. I know things can be a lot more challenging in that situation, but I can be so rewarding and so special.

In the end you really need to get out and try as many things as possible and keep trying because it sounds like you’re just haven’t met the right guy yet. I’m sure he’s out there, you just need to keep on the hunt so to speak Don’t give up! New activities, new jobs, new friends, new situations …

I would also say that spirituality/morality issues are quite deep and a bit overwhelming to someone who doesn’t feel the same or as passionately as you at first. If you open up too soon to people who don’t deserve they can put you in a basket without really understanding what you’re about, they just rely on what they know about ‘religious people’ - and often things like closed-minded, hypocritical come to mind only because that is what they have experienced.

Keep us posted when you meet that someone special! All the best

 

[Jay82]

Hi perpetually single girl,
The older single women are ususally that way because they are chaste and innocent. Younger men tend not to have an interesest in dating the chaste and innocent girls. The older ones who are interested in us are usually the converted who have hit bottom for some reason or another and have a whole ton of issues.

Karbear, you had a lot of good advice there, but I don’t agree with the statement above, at least from my perspective. It might be true to some extent, but I know I’m not too old (Late 20s) and I would like to find a chaste girl.

I realised that I had gotten to a point in my life where there were no potential partners amongst my friends, work friends, friends of friends. All I was left to do was just to meet someone out of the blue.

So, I upped and moved to another country (you need not be so dramatic!) but all new work mates and situation. I joined a beginner Ice Hockey team and meet my husband to be (in less than a month). He was our team captain.

I think there is some truth to this…sometimes you just need to branch out and meet all sorts of new people. Even if you don’t think you will find some one it can’t hurt (worst case is the status quo). Maybe you make a new friend or two and start some new activities and then some where down the road you come across a guy that is a good match for you. Branching out is important, I’ve seen it work for others and I also see others grow older never meeting anyone new outside of the same handful of friends and they haven’t realized they won’t meet anyone new that way, or will only meet a very limited number of people, thus decreasing their chances of finding a husband/wife.

 

[chevalier]

This is pretty true for me. Having Asperger’s makes this very hard for me. It’s a vicious circle. I don’t like being alone, but I don’t like being around people. I have a few hobbies and interests I participate in, but they’re mostly stuff I can do by myself. The social hobbies I have seem to only attract other guys. Over the last couple of years my friends have all moved away so I really don’t have anyone to hang out with anymore and I don’t like going to places/events by myself. Kind of puts me at a dead end.

Same problem, though no Asperger’s. Good people skills, leadership/speechcraft etc., vast knowledge of human nature and unverbal communication (telling people’s moods, spotting liars and so on), plenty of acquaintances and a sometimes followers (when I get to non-solitary business)… Regarding the ladies, I can get pull off stuff like only happens in films as long as I get to use my verbal skills, but stuff always ends up bad for this or that reason at a relatively early stage. Oh well, at least life’s interesting. If I may say something, if I were you, I would probably look for a person who can be a good listener and a good companion, either someone who would feel natural to your activities or someone who would get you to try something different.

 

[chevalier]

The older single women are ususally that way because they are chaste and innocent. Younger men tend not to have an interesest in dating the chaste and innocent girls.

Yeah. It’s not just women, men have the same problem, but women have it harder, I think. Women rely on being pursued, men rely on getting feedback. If, “certain things are not done,” then there’s less avenue to show interest or show it’s mutual. This is obviously because people are lacking in communication skills or because they’re after physical display of affection more than after the substance of it - probably a problem with endorphin shortage or some such.

By the way, those men who would die to meet a woman like that don’t meet those women who would die to meet a man like that, because they aren’t coming forth with being single and perhaps because if they started match-making and forcing themselves to date, it would be artificial. A more natural venue generally should help it… such as being present in the right places or times.

p.s. some more great advice this priest gave me…I started dating guys that I was not attracted to (my intuition was against it too) in my early thirties because they seemed to be “good” men. I didn’t want to end up single and I ended up getting hurt. This priest told me that when it is right, your intellect and intuition will be in harmony. If either one is screaming, beware. This is assuming you are well formed etc. The Giver of good gifts will give you the love you need when the time is right. Maybe very soon. Proceed in joy and trust but if your heart has to break, let it, and invite God into that hole in your heart and your capacity for love will increase.

Thanks. That nails it. I’ve had suspicions like that too. I generally get scared at that point because it means none of the girls has been the “material” and I don’t know any that would be it, at which point it’s a bit like locking all the doors on an outside cat in the house.

 

[HolyChurchRocks]

I’m not sure if this is the right forum, but I’d like some insight if anyone is willing to provide some. I’m in my early 30’s, I’m pretty, smart, successful, respected by my peers, popular and funny - - yet I’m single. I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I’ve never even been on a date!!!

Since I was a child, I’ve been interested in guys and I always had crushes on guys in my schools/college/etc. I desperately want a husband and yet it eludes me. My mother always says that God is saving me for some special guy. But, I don’t quite see the logic of that. I haven’t even been on a date or anything to prepare for a special guy. I should add that I’m not yet a Catholic (probably will become one soon) but I’ve been a Christian since childhood and one reason I probably have been single is because of my high moral standards. I’m also wondering (and hoping) that maybe I’ve been single because God was waiting for me to come to the Catholic Church and it would’ve been complicated if I had ended up with a Protestant guy first.

Anyway, am I weird for being perpetually single (I guess that part that makes me think I’m weird is that I’ve never dated)? I don’t understand why guys don’t ask me out. I got so desperate that I even asked a man out this summer (he declined, but there’s a long story there). I would understand it if I weren’t attractive, etc, but I honestly am. Is there such a thing as God shielding me from guys because He has something planned for me?

legaleagle, first of all, welcome and if I may dare say, you are not too far away from coming HOME to the Catholic Church

I just want to encourage you to keep doing what you are doing. We are first of all called to be united to Christ and it is through that unity we have with him and through the love we get from him that we are able to love in the first place. Remeber Scripture says, we love because He Loved us first.

Having said that, I for one am also single and I can relate to you. I have been single most of my life and I just turned 30! However, one thing I will not do is to settle for less. Like you, I have very high standards, which my family and friends have said is unrealistic, but hey, I would rather spend the next 30 years being prepared with my oil and lamp, waiting and readying myself for the bridegroom ( Mt 25:1-13) and be happy for the rest of my earthly life (however short it may be then, nevertheless, full of joy), than to settle here and now and spend the next 30 years regretting what a choice I made!

Enjoy your single life, fill it with Christ, so that when that person comes, you will be a fountain of love. If it is any consolation to you, in heaven there is no marriage (Mt 22:30), marriage here on earth is only temporary (that is why one is free to marry again when the spouse dies). The single life is an extension of how our life will be like in Heaven!

Good Bless,

 

[whatevergirl]

legaleagle, first of all, welcome and if I may dare say, you are not too far away from coming HOME to the Catholic Church

I just want to encourage you to keep doing what you are doing. We are first of all called to be united to Christ and it is through that unity we have with him and through the love we get from him that we are able to love in the first place. Remeber Scripture says, we love because He Loved us first.

Having said that, I for one am also single and I can relate to you. I have been single most of my life and I just turned 30! However, one thing I will not do is to settle for less. Like you, I have very high standards, which my family and friends have said is unrealistic, but hey, I would rather spend the next 30 years being prepared with my oil and lamp, waiting and readying myself for the bridegroom ( Mt 25:1-13) and be happy for the rest of my earthly life (however short it may be then, nevertheless, full of joy), than to settle here and now and spend the next 30 years regretting what a choice I made!

Enjoy your single life, fill it with Christ, so that when that person comes, you will be a fountain of love. If it is any consolation to you, in heaven there is no marriage (Mt 22:30), marriage here on earth is only temporary (that is why one is free to marry again when the spouse dies). The single life is an extension of how our life will be like in Heaven!

Good Bless,

Amen to this–I think this is one of the most beautiful posts I have read in a long time. God bless!

 

[Bataar]

Same problem, though no Asperger’s. Good people skills, leadership/speechcraft etc., vast knowledge of human nature and unverbal communication (telling people’s moods, spotting liars and so on), plenty of acquaintances and a sometimes followers (when I get to non-solitary business)… Regarding the ladies, I can get pull off stuff like only happens in films as long as I get to use my verbal skills, but stuff always ends up bad for this or that reason at a relatively early stage. Oh well, at least life’s interesting. If I may say something, if I were you, I would probably look for a person who can be a good listener and a good companion, either someone who would feel natural to your activities or someone who would get you to try something different.

In any kind of relationship I would be in, I’d have to be the listener as I don’t do much talking. I’d almost be afraid to see what a relationship would look like if she were the listener. My problem is simply that I don’t meet people. Having Asperger’s means I put things and information on a higher level of priority than people. I can’t help it, that’s just how my brain works. Therefore, it makes it very hard for me to meet people or make small talk with a person to get to know them. Unless there’s something contextually interesting worth talking about, I keep quiet. A lot of people think I’m shy because of this, but I’m definitely not shy. I just don’t know what to say as small talk is pretty much torture for me.