D
Dr_Meinheimer
Guest
Oh I know (and sorry about your struggles), just found the timing and juxtaposition amusing.
- Status
Q
QwertyGirl
Guest
Parents always worry about their kids on some level. The level of worry of OP is over the top, particularly given the subject at hand.
A
Allegra
Guest
Really? Granted my kids are still very young, but I know they love God and God loves them. I want to give them a good example and show them right from wrong, but I’m not sitting around anxious that they are secretly in mortal sin. Maybe I’ll feel differently when they’re older and if they become drug dealers, but I’d like to think if my son grows up to have a decent job, profess the Catholic faith, marry in the Church, and seem to have a happy relationship with his wife, I would be able to chillax a little bit!
PS- I don’t know if it’s ever “bad advice” to tell someone not to worry. Worry is rarely helpful or productive. It might be impossible advice to follow, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t wise.
PS- I don’t know if it’s ever “bad advice” to tell someone not to worry. Worry is rarely helpful or productive. It might be impossible advice to follow, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t wise.
Last edited:
O
oldgraymare2
Guest
I can respectfully tell you as someone who has faced fertility issues with her husband, I still would not recommend doing this as well, where the subject should be brought up to the couple for discussion by another family member.
We have had to face tactless and incredibly hurtful comments throughout the years of our marriage regarding a lack of children in our marriage, and some of those hurtful comments came from my MIL, as well.
I personally feel that it’s difficult and sensitive enough for a couple to have to face these sensitive issues between them, but it’s even worse when other people start prying into their marriage, asking invasive questions into what I personally feel should be something that should be up to the couple to discuss with others if they want to.
D
Dr_Meinheimer
Guest
True, although there’s not a single person on this board who doesn’t fall prey to worry, but of course you are correct. Perhaps concern is more relevant.
The poster seem to be saying “your children are grown and no concern of yours anymore” which I don’t see as realistic. Yes I will take deeper breaths when my children are no longer in my home simply because they won’t be in front of me each day, but if I suspect there is something amiss in their lives or they need help or any other number of things that are dangerous, I will show great concern and bend over backwards to do what I can to help them assuming it is my place. Sometimes that’s simply fervent prayer other times it may be more direct intervention if they were struggling with some sort of addiction issues. But I don’t think promoting an attitude of not being concerned about their lives anymore simply because they’re adults is realistic or makes sense. Ask any mother who’s worried for the state of their child’s soul and they will tell you the same thing.
Now having said all that, that is separate from the discussion of when it is appropriate to insert yourself into their lives. There are certain occasion seasons where it is and certain occasion’s where it clearly is not…
The poster seem to be saying “your children are grown and no concern of yours anymore” which I don’t see as realistic. Yes I will take deeper breaths when my children are no longer in my home simply because they won’t be in front of me each day, but if I suspect there is something amiss in their lives or they need help or any other number of things that are dangerous, I will show great concern and bend over backwards to do what I can to help them assuming it is my place. Sometimes that’s simply fervent prayer other times it may be more direct intervention if they were struggling with some sort of addiction issues. But I don’t think promoting an attitude of not being concerned about their lives anymore simply because they’re adults is realistic or makes sense. Ask any mother who’s worried for the state of their child’s soul and they will tell you the same thing.
Now having said all that, that is separate from the discussion of when it is appropriate to insert yourself into their lives. There are certain occasion seasons where it is and certain occasion’s where it clearly is not…
J
JanetF
Guest
I’m still waiting for the ability to chillax, but we aren’t quite through with college yet, so maybe then I’ll be able to chillax?
In all seriousness, I think worrying about our children is natural for parents. I would imagine that it ebbs and flows as their lives progress, and is undoubtedly different when we do not have day-to-day contact with them. Even though my daughter is in college and lives away from home, she still contacts me on a daily basis (her choice entirely). She tends to share a lot with me, which can be a great thing as well as anxiety-inducing.
T
TheLittleLady
Guest
As Christ spoke at great lenght on the topic, He commanded us not to worry. Luke 12 and Matthew 6 are both suggested reading when worries beset us. Also, consider the account of Jesus in the storm. The disciples were afraid, Jesus was asleep and when they woke him Christ rebuked them for their worries!
Mine is almost 30. I will let you know when I can chillax.I’m still waiting for the ability to chillax, but we aren’t quite through with college yet, so maybe then I’ll be able to chillax?
Thing is, I take my concerns, those awful worries, to prayer. I trust that God loves my adult child more than I ever can. Because I have not been a nosy parent, we have a very strong bond and I know for certain that he will come to me if he needs or wants my advice/opinion.
Last edited:
J
JanetF
Guest
Same here, just seems like at least lately, that the prayer line has been on fire LOL. Don’t mind me it was just a rough semester.
Isn’t it rewarding to have a strong bond with our children? What a blessing!
Tis_Bearself
Patron
John and his wife are adults. I understand you are concerned for your children, but this is not your business.
I will speak from the other side of the coin. My husband and I also did not have a baby. Throughout our marriage, I was not the most faithful Catholic and he was a Protestant; however, our lack of a baby was not from using any kind of contraception, but rather because we had health problems that set in relatively quickly after our marriage and resulted in us not having children. Neither one of us wanted to take “extraordinary means” to have them (I didn’t want to do in vitro because I understood it was sinful, nor did I want my husband to have to have a lot of medical procedures, nor did I want to have certain medical procedures myself).
On a couple of occasions my mother pestered me about why we did not have babies. I loved my mother but this was an absolutely awful and invasive discussion to have. I finally had to tell her our personal health business to basically get her off my case. I was not happy about this as it felt like a big fat privacy violation of not only me but my husband. Thankfully, my mother was not the type who ever let on to my husband that she knew this stuff and husband probably wouldn’t have been perturbed about it though a lot of other men would have been. But I was perturbed about it.
Please, just stay out of this personal area and leave it between your son and his wife. If you are concerned, pray and then put it in the hands of God. It is not. your. business. and unless your children bring up the subject, for instance by making a dinner table speech about how they use contraception and think it is great, then nothing good will come of you nosing into their affairs.
P.S. I understand from reading the rest of the thread there was some question as to whether the OP was “for real” or a troll. I post this here just in case any real mom is reading who has the same worry, because it does happen.
Last edited:
D
dollysro
Guest
Pretty sure if the son and dil wanted you to know, they would tell you.
Also pretty sure they are aware of your position on all things children.
Please keep your mouth zip and continue to pray
Also pretty sure they are aware of your position on all things children.
Please keep your mouth zip and continue to pray
M
maryjk
Guest
My husband and I were married a few years before we had our child.
My MIL seemed to constantly ask about when we were having kids. She didn’t care about me using contraception, she just wanted a grandchild.
I had fertility issues. They were none of her business.
It got to when she asked me, I would ask her about her sex life. She was appalled. Heck, I figured if she could ask about my sex life, I could as about hers.
Just stay out of their business. Please.
My MIL seemed to constantly ask about when we were having kids. She didn’t care about me using contraception, she just wanted a grandchild.
I had fertility issues. They were none of her business.
It got to when she asked me, I would ask her about her sex life. She was appalled. Heck, I figured if she could ask about my sex life, I could as about hers.
Just stay out of their business. Please.
A
Allegra
Guest
Unless you have some sources, I still say they’d have to be REALLY overweight. There are some significant conditions that are frequently comorbid with being overweight and infertile such as diabetes and hormonal issues, but these are not generally caused by being overweight as much as the actual condition causes both infertility and excess weight. Losing weight would not likely relieve those conditions. If you know of an exception, I’d love to hear what it is. But I don’t know of a single disease of disorder known to cause infertility that is directly or primarily caused by being overweight. Even if you do know of one, I think you’d have to admit that it’s a rare one, since over-weight and even obese women safely concieve and give birth all the time.
There’s even less concern post-conception. Even in the cases of women who are considered severely obese, the biggest concerns are increased risk of preeclampsia (from roughly 5% of pregnancies to 10%, which means 90% of obese women don’t experience pre-eclampsia. The overwhelming majority of women with pre-eclampsia deliver their babies safely.), gestational diabetes (less than 5% difference in risk and the overwhelming majority of women with gestational diabetes deliver their babies safely), and an increased need for early delivery through induction or c-section (the overwhelming majority of women who deliver through induction or c-section deliver their baby safely.) The idea that being an overweight mother is a death sentence for unborn babies is a massive over-exaggeration.
There’s even less concern post-conception. Even in the cases of women who are considered severely obese, the biggest concerns are increased risk of preeclampsia (from roughly 5% of pregnancies to 10%, which means 90% of obese women don’t experience pre-eclampsia. The overwhelming majority of women with pre-eclampsia deliver their babies safely.), gestational diabetes (less than 5% difference in risk and the overwhelming majority of women with gestational diabetes deliver their babies safely), and an increased need for early delivery through induction or c-section (the overwhelming majority of women who deliver through induction or c-section deliver their baby safely.) The idea that being an overweight mother is a death sentence for unborn babies is a massive over-exaggeration.
One exemple. Being overweight Can makes some conditions worst, duchesse as polykystic ovarian syndrom. The two Can bé together, but not necessary. sources Can bé found easily online where physicians Say that loosing weight Can for thèses patients improove their health And fertility.
Of course, i agréé with you that overweight on itself is not an indicator of infertility. But something that Can bé associated with others conditions.
Of course, i agréé with you that overweight on itself is not an indicator of infertility. But something that Can bé associated with others conditions.
A
Allegra
Guest
It’s true that being overweight can exasperate some conditions, but it doesn’t cause those conditions, and statistics show that the majority of over-weight women are not infertile and the majority of infertile women are not over-weight. Therefore, it is not only rude for MILs to assess their DILs size for indicators of their fertility, it’s completely futile.
H
Hoosier-Daddy
Guest
Yep! This is exactly what I do with others as well. It is common in this day and age for sexual topics to come up between strangers in the grocery checkout line. A simple question about someone else’s sex life usually makes a good point and leads to welcome silence…
A
Allegra
Guest
Where the heck are you shopping?
H
Hoosier-Daddy
Guest
If I have a baby with me (always) " are you done? Dont you know how that happens?" Even just casual aqaintences want to know if I’m planning on a vasectomy. Or if “it’s our last one”
“Do I know how it happens? Sure let me explain it to you. It was a dark and stormy night…”
Since ABC is so common so are comments about others sex in public. What was once confined to the tabloids is now free conversation as common as the weather but somehow less taboo than politics…
“Do I know how it happens? Sure let me explain it to you. It was a dark and stormy night…”
Since ABC is so common so are comments about others sex in public. What was once confined to the tabloids is now free conversation as common as the weather but somehow less taboo than politics…
Last edited:
A
Allegra
Guest
I rarely go anywhere without my kids and I’ve clearly got another one on the way. I’m pretty sure no stranger in any checkout line has made any such comment to me! I must look meaner than you or something.
H
Hoosier-Daddy
Guest
Lol maybe. I get it a lot. Mostly from checkers. I’m constantly amazed at how much I know about others sex life freely because of casual conversation. I know my cousin and his partner are looking for a woman to have their baby. I know my BIL had a vasectomy during March madness last year because it came with a March madness sale and package deal. I know my other cousin had a vasectomy at the same time. I know my mom and her husband use condoms. I know coworkers who used to tell me when they had relations and why. Just today I told my sister we were expecting number 7 and her response was that I have more sex than anyone she knows… lol.
- Status