Just feeling angry right now. Friday night DH went off to his computer room to have his fit, vent and just escape his/our troubles, as usual. So I was left to deal w/ our 3yo on my own, and -as usual- being mad a DH meant that DS took the brunt of my fury. After basically giving up, I had a laundry list of things to do to get ready for our family outing the next day. I would normally push myself beyond reason, but I just gave up and went to bed.
DH wouldn’t give me the time of day to hash out when we wanted to leave or allow me to tell him all the things I had to get done and how much time I’d need - it was every man for himself. So, of course, he slept in and I just let him - if he didn’t wake up till 1, I wasn’t going to help him get up. I hate when he doesn’t set his alarm, it speaks to me volumes about his feelings about where our plans lie in his priorities.
So I didn’t get anything done all morning b/c I had the boys. And, not knowing about how the weather was where we were headed, or if DH would wake up so late he’d decide to scratch the whole thing, I didn’t want to waste my time. Finally, he got up and I went and lay back down. He comes in now acting real sweet, but he still wants to leave in an hour. Shoot, I take an hour just to shower and get dressed, let alone all the food prep and packing the car - BY MYSELF! And he still needed to run to the store to get his dad cards from him and the kids.
2 hrs later as we’re literally seconds from leaving, I’m doing HIS chores taking out the trash so the house didn’t stink when we come back. When he hears me going outside, he flat out YELLS at me ‘Let’s Go!’ It ticked me off b/c there was tons of stuff that needed to be packed in the car, yet he was doing nothing but stand there and yell at me like I’m the one holding up the show! That set the tone for the day - right then and there I just wanted to throw my hands up and tell him to go without me.
Then, without communicating to me at all about directions, taking charge himself, he loses his cool at me in front of the kids in the car when we get lost. He didn’t get the complete directions before we left and we were in an area where nobody’s cell phones were working. Thankfully, a family member just happened to call when we were no more than 10 miles past our turn. As he’s telling me directions, I’m repeating them out loud to DH to back me up b/c I knew I’d forget in an instant. He gripes that he’s not listening. At this point, he’s speeding ridiculously on a very curvy road b/c he’s angry and needs a smoke. We were unsure about our first turn and he yells at me again.
It actually ended up being the right turn and we made it just fine with everything we needed. He’s tried to act sweet since then, but has never verbally acknowledged his wrongdoing or attempted to apologize. He woke me up @ 5am Sunday with a massive headache, so I got him something to take and rubbed his head. I knew church for him was out. Can’t really be mad at him for that, but just felt like it spoke volumes that on Fr’s Day of all days he wasn’t with us at mass.
Just angry thinking about how his example is going to color how my sons talk to me and treat me. I can see perfectly that his dad to this day, after 40-some yrs of marriage still talks to his wife and the boys follow suit - not a positive example. SO MAD RIGHT NOW!!!