Progress with my "trans" child? Maybe

  • Thread starter Thread starter childinthefaith
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
VonDerTann said:
I wouldn’t even necessarily deem acceptance part of Catholic morality,

As a parent I am not required to “accept” mental illness, let alone accept behavior (who my child sleeps with/makes a baby with, etc.) that involves third parties as well.
Click to expand...
How can you not accept mental illness? It exists. Your acceptance or lack of acceptance of the illness has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on the illness itself. It only does harm to deny its existence and says something about your own mental state.

Acceptance doesn’t mean that you liked it or agree with it. You actually do have to accept things that you have no control over. What is your option? You don’t have to tell your child that it moral or healthy, but you cannot change it what is going on in somebody else.
 
It’s a bit different though. It’s not a man that is pregnant for 9 months and dealing with all the bodily changes which often are uncomfortable. It’s not the man giving birth or dealing with post partum pain. And in the majority of the cases, it’s not the man doing most of the child rearing. Plus, even though a child may be half of a man’s genes, it’s not up to him to decide the medical decisions a female makes. Maybe you can bar abortion since it’s more directly ending the pregnancy, but any other medical procedures with the women’s health in mind, even if they have potential impact on the pregnancy, should be entirely her choice unless she chooses to include the man suck as if they are in a committed relationship.
 
Once a son or daughter becomes an adult it’s ultimately their choice what they do, whether they associate with you, who they have a relationship with, who they live with etc. no one said you have to approve of their choices, but because they are an adult it is not your place to tell them what to do and showing disapproval(I assume they already know where you stand if you raised them Catholic) without them asking your opinion is disrespectful and could just make them push you farther away. I personally wouldn’t want to spend time with my parents much were trying to dissuade me or tell me my decisions are bad… whether it’s me practicing Catholicism or sleeping with a guy or taking a certain job- it’s just not their place to tell me if the approve or disapprove unless I ask them for their opinion.
 
So we went form “It isn’t really pain” to “Pain is good”. Not to mention that pain only makes you stronger if you are capable of remembering the lesson. A “slow child” can get better; an adult with dementia never will.
 
It’s still your child, but once they become an independent adult the relationship changes a lot. You certainly wouldn’t treat your two year old the same way you treat your 15 year old and you wouldn’t treat your 15 year old the way you treat your 25 year old. The dynamics change and over time they become more and more independent.
 
Look, everyone needs people who can give them good advice - or who will tell them when they’re seriously screwing up. Our parents invariably fit that bill. IMHO the worst thing a parent can do is NOT tell a wayward child of their waywardness, out of some misplaced desire not to hurt their feelings or “drive them away.”
 
This is a very hard issue to resolve. I’ve known parents who deliberately tried not to drive their kids away and were too permissive, and parents that did drive kids away by their harshness. I hew to the model of providing loving guidance whenever possible - and this is very imprecise, I admit that.
 
Back when I was young I wanted to be opposite of my late mother. She was outspoken and not really feminine. I was taunted for that I was told to make my voice stronger to stop with the heels and clothes. My grandmother thought i was modest.

Now of course I have a daughter who wants to be different then me.

Unfortunately being bi, lesbian gay trans. Is cool.
 
Last edited:
Anonkun said:
Removing an illusion is inherently beneficial. Besides, pain is part of life. . . .
Click to expand...
If you reminding them actually removed the illusion for more than five minutes, maybe. But otherwise, you’re just pointlessly inflicting pain, which is not “part of life.”
 
I wonder if the current high incidence of (supposed) gender dysphasia is a subtle form of mass hysteria. I almost hope so, because maybe it will self-correct.

I am also deeply troubled about the in-depth counseling that some clinics shamelessly omit before launching into gender reassignment surgery. I’ve read of clinics diagnosing gender dysphoria after only two or three 45 minute counseling sessions. It’s unconscionable and it should be an absolute scandal.
 
Sorry to hear about this, I am 23 and have seen this amongst many of my peers and also in the secondary school I teach in. It is sad to see but sometimes (and I know I’ve been there with my own parents on other issues) it can feel like we are being lectured and that makes us pull away more. I think perhaps trying to establish that you are doing this for her own joy in life so she can live the fullest life possible is important. I would maybe point her to some resources and ask her to at least be open to your point of view, if she is so “open-minded” as many people these days seem to call it.

Have you heard of / shown her the Chasity Project? It’s a brilliant online resource with articles and podcasts all from a Catholic perspective about how we as Catholics should view sexuality and how this ultimately allows us to live the fullest life we can. It has got a section on gender and homosexuality which I have posted a link to below:

https://chastity.com/category/homosexuality/

Also Lifeteen is a good resource for young people and has many blogs about gender from a Catholic perspective also. I’ve posted one below.


Good luck and I’ll keep you and your daughter in my prayers. The world’s view on gender and sexuality at the moment makes me sad too, but there have also been times when I have gone against my parents and chosen the wrong thing because I thought that would make me happy, and that’s what my friends kept telling me as well. I have now learned from experience that true joy can only come from living out the faith, but sometimes this realisation takes time. Don’t lose hope! I think the way I would phrase it is the world feeds us a lot of lies and sometimes the truth can get drowned out. What you are trying to give your daughter is the truth, and that is a beautiful gift.

Also just to add both of these websites will have lots of resources on abortion too. Abortion is an issue that is very close to my heart, I spent a lot of time putting forward a pro-life argument at university which a lot of my friends looked down on me for and it caused me a lot of upset at the time. Acknowledge that the times she is growing up can make it very hard to be Catholic but that does not make everyone else right.
 
Last edited:
Anonkun said:
(Actually, I think my grandfather was still screaming and cursing at my grandmother a few hours before she passed away).
Click to expand...
Wait, but…are you saying that was a good way to behave?

Because that sounds absolutely abhorrent. This isn’t a case of being justifiably firm with someone. Abusing people with diminished mental capacity Isn’t “tough love.”

I’m kinda shocked that you seem to think what you’re describing is normal.
 
Last edited:
Anonkun said:
Eh, it’s also what I grew up with, so you also have to take my definition of normal with a grain of salt. But I still don’t think that correcting an aging relative a few times is that bad in the grand scheme of things.
Click to expand...
Sure. When you have an aging relative with dementia, people can disagree with whether it’s best to correct their misunderstandings or just smile and nod. It’s just there’s a big difference between gently saying “No, grandma, remember, your cousin Bob passed away five years ago…” and “screaming and cursing” at them. I can’t imagine any scenario in which that’s remotely acceptable.

If someone had started screaming and cursing at my grandfather in the last years of his life because he got confused, I probably would’ve punched that person in the jaw.
 
Last edited:
But some people have a desire to help people who need a dose of reality.

Is it possible that you want to be thought of as nice at all costs? Once I ingratiated a transgendered individual who was selling me a product from his home by using the preferred pronouns. Sure, I used the preferred pronouns because I just met him, and I wanted a good deal on the product. But with family members whom you have the opportunity to correct, gentle allusions to the truth can and do help.
 
Last edited:
You derailed my argument because we weren’t discussing medical decisions; we were discussing abortion, the ending of a life.

Also, men are very much involved in child rearing. Many of them suffer greatly following a relationship breakdown, and have to go to court to get the opportunity to parent.

The amount of work a woman puts into parenting, or pregnancy, doesn’t give her the right to take the life of her unborn baby. Men also provide for women as they are experiencing discomfort during pregnancy and beyond.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top