Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut, Susanne. It’s very good to know that some husbands such as yours love their wives and God enough to not ogle other women. It gives me hope in our marriage. May Our Lord bless your marriage always and help keep your husband on the straight and narrow.
In truth there is a point here, I can generally check out much without getting caught.Not to be disrespectful or comic, but as it seems most men are visually stimulated, many adapt the “I can look but not touch” type of attitude, which while crude, is not bad in itself. Therefore, husbands should get good at starting straight ahead, or down and develop better peripheral vision.
Good point.
It’s not impossible. I just don’t think most men see it as a thing, let along something that they should ever consider doing. Outside of truly devout Christians, how many men actually consider lust to be a sin? Even among allegedly devout Christians, I think a large percentage of them only give lip service to the idea that anything other than physical infidelity and possibly porn are wrong. I have a friend whose brother is a minister. He’s about the holiest guy you’ll ever meet (just ask him). He prides himself on the fact that he doesn’t own any porn, doesn’t visit pornographic websites, etc. Yet just mention the name of a strip club and he’ll be the first in line to go. I was having lunch with another really devout, holier-than-the-pope friend and the story about that lady sportscaster who was photographed naked at that hotel came on. He started making all sorts of lewd comments about her and what he’d like to do to her, then offered to show me the pictures which he’d saved on his phone. You might say those examples are a little extreme but I don’t believe they are. I believe the vast majority of men don’t subscribe to the “you can look but don’t touch” rule, but actually subscribe to the “you can look but don’t touch too much” rule. I’m not saying they’re all cheating on their spouses, but I believe most men believe it’s perfectly okay to ogle, “read” Playboy and the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, watch/use porn and can justify physical contact in certain situations (strip clubs, while drunk, etc.). And, no, this isn’t just among my friends, family, sphere of acquaintances. I believe it’s that way pretty much across the board.
I rhink it depends on the totality of circumstances.
I’ll never buy that one Man can be honorable And others can’t.
Our secular society has unfortunately gone downhill more rapidly than ever in these past few decades, Hoosier Daddy, and it has had a major effect on Catholics and other Christians as well. Maybe it’s more that many other men simply don’t WANT to fight the sin… I’ve seen all too sadly in my marriage that the actual desire to stop doing lustful acts has to be there before anything else good can follow, and it just becomes a vicious cycle of sin, including other sins added as it spins. God’s blessings to you.
In the bulk of this thread, many posters want to blame the husband, labeling him as a “creeper”, and worse. No doubt, the husband’s behavior is generally inappropriate - I think there is some level of consensus.
So the “blame” really lies in the way a woman dresses?
this is a very frightening example of blaming and shaming the victim. In Rio you have beautiful women on the beach topless, not to titilate, no pun intended, but because it’s their culture and it’s, you know, 100 degrees at the beach. There’s nothing wrong with noticing or glancing at an attractive beautiful person, male or female, but to try and blame the way they’re dressed on causing lust is definitely wrong and dangerous in my opinion.Have you taken any notice as to how women in the West dress today in our modern era, compared to how they dressed in say, the 1950’s, or even earlier?
See above. Context, not scapegoating.
Most men don’t ogle women. Even in today’s yucky, messed up culture. It is not normal for a man to obviously stare at a woman in front of his wife and then blame her for being hurt by it. She is right to require him to be accountable for the vows he made to her. Even secular men don’t do this because they know it’s disrespectful, even if they don’t see a moral problem with it. The husband does not respect his wife. He has not asked for help, he hasn’t admitted a problem, he hasn’t humbled himself at all. He is not acting as a husband should. He is not honoring the vows he made to his wife.
I don’t think anyone is bashing the husband for noticing other women. All men, old, young, married, and single do that, and they do it regardless of era and how women dress. Of course, all women, old, young, married, and single love to be noticed, also regardless of era or common fashion. That’s just human biological nature and there’s nothing problematic about it.
Yes. The way people dress is one thing, the way the OP’s husband reacts is another. The fact that some people may be dressing immodestly doesn’t mean the OP’s husband is instantly let off the hook. He hasn’t admitted what he’s doing is wrong and he tells the OP she is being irrational. It’s his problem.
Do many women dress immodestly? Absolutely.
I never stated that the husband should “depend on others” to correct his behavior. I simply stated that you have to take his behavior into proper context and understand his environment and culture. Men are being bombarded with sexual imagery in the West.
I never stated that he was “off the hook”. Yes, he bears responsibility. The immodest, scantily clad women bear responsibility as well. These situations don’t happen in a vacuum.
Calling a man a “creep” when you are only hearing one side of the story, and not in its proper context, is unbecoming of Christian charity. We haven’t heard the husband’s side of the story, and you don’t know if the original poster is exaggerating.
Uh…any man who behaves like that is a creep. It doesn’t matter what his wife is or isn’t doing, that behavior will creep out anyone who sees it.