I’ll share my experience. I struggled with the Mormon church for most of my life. It was, for the most part, misery. For one thing, if you’re a true believing Mormon, you’re never good enough. Never. And you never will be acceptable to God. The Mormon gospel is often referred to as the Impossible Gospel of Mormonism for a reason. It’s also the reason that anti-depressant medication prescriptions are so high in Utah. The Mormon god is not a loving Father. He is one who reminds you daily that you’re a miserable failure.
I left the church emotionally in 2001. But I remained in the church, serving over the next 12 years in various positions. As a church service missionary—called, sustained and set apart as a missionary for the Church. I did that for about 3 years (2 years plus a 1-year extension). I was very faithful in that calling. Then I was a gospel doctrine teacher for about 2 years. Then I was a second counselor in the bishopric for about 4 years. Then I was a first counselor in the bishopric for about 2 years. Then I served as a temple ordinance worker and a seminary teacher for the remainder of my time in the church.
I always relied on the belief that the Spirit would testify the truthfulness of the Mormon gospel. It never happened. Most members I have talked to have said that they’ve never had that spiritual witness. What they do feel is the same kind of emotional feeling that you get when you see a really moving movie, or read a very touching story, or when you hear the beautiful music in The Messiah. Mormons have a lot of them. One of the more interesting ones I remember was the one that moved so many Mormons to tears, but was later retracted by Elder Holland because it was a lie. So, the Spirit told and confirmed to millions of Mormons, a story that was nothing more than a feel-good lie.
Mormons tell a lot of feel-good lies. Those of you who were Mormon youth in my days would remember many of the Elder Paul H. Dunn lies. There were a lot of them. And they moved and bore witness to a lot of unsuspecting members, especially youth. He had me fooled as well. I bought his lies.
Mormons bank on lies. Mormons train you on how to lie.
I left the Mormon church in 2013. It came after I did what I had done so many times before. Over the course of about 22 days, I fasted, studied and prayed as I poured my heart in to my final reading of the Book of Mormon. I pleaded with God with the energy of my soul to tell me that it was true. What did I feel? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Or maybe what Mormons refer to as a “stupor of thought”. And I knew that was my answer. The Book of Mormon is as hollow as a wind tunnel. And if you read it with pure intent, you’ll probably feel as empty as I did.