Re: Youth Director is an Unwed Mother

[Spirithound]

To me, an appropriate role model is one who can show young people that one can fall and rise and continue to serve Jesus in the Church.

The OP implied that she didn’t show the young people that she can fall and rise, however because the parents learned about the pregnancy because it was obvious, not because the YC gave an excellent testimony at a chastity night.

 

[carol_marie]

The kids know enough about unwed motherhood, stds, pregnancy, abortion, ABC. I don’t know that seeing one more unwed mother holding a baby is going to erase all the other education. Kids have sex because of their raging hormones, not to thumb their noses at God.

She is one more example of do what I say - not as I do. She is one more example of someone who gave in to raging hormones. Why bother having standards for our youth if we assume they are not going to uphold them? And better question - why should THEY even try to uphold them if no one around them does - not their friends - not their youth leaders - nobody.

 

[maria29]

Folks, I wish everyone would read the past posts here. A lot of this has been exhausted.

It is most likely that she violated her job description…as I said before, most youth ministry job descriptions state that one must be free from mortal sin, and live out the teachings of the Church.

There are plenty of youth directors that do so. This doesn’t mean perfection, but it means a formed conscience and will, a healthy lifestyle, and avoidance of occasion of sin.

**Free from mortal sin at all times? I mean that would be hard as there are times i would love to have my neighbors car, and house

Or i told someone i couldn’t do something with them because i was sick but really i just didn’t want to hang out…

Living out the teachings of the Church I can understand, its why i think youth ministers should have a solid theology background. They need to actually read some great Catholic Theologians, like Von Balthasar, Henri de Lubac to be able to understand what the church teachings are truly about.**

 

[agapewolf]

litllulu,

You have every right to be here and share your opinion. But you have repeatedly been sarcastic and abrasive, maybe not to anyone in particular, but even in a general sense, this is unacceptable.

If you read all of the past posts, you will see some people who share your opinion, but have presented it in such a way that is respectful and all in searching for what’s right. NOT in way that is demeaning, calling names, or making statements such as “get real”.

Everyone else’s opinion is just as valuable, and as well, they hold lots of truth in theirs as well.

Since you have entered the dialogue, the tone has turned to very negative. Please please, read the discussion that has happened already. I think you will find it enlightening, and also a good example.

We welcome your opinion, but please present it in such a way that is not so erratic, impulsive, or degrading

 

[carol_marie]

I was speaking of mere “sex scandal” not someone who has many victims! you may have not mentioned pedophiles, u did refer to their victims. This lady is not molesting the children. Get real!

Again, I will explain myself one more time because apparently you aren’t understanding what I’m saying.

I did not say she was molesting children. Obviously that is ridiculous.

What I did say is that just because someone is forgiven, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t consequences to their sin. Just like a very repentant Priest who molested a child is forgiven and totally accepted by God - the consequence of his sin is he may no longer minister to children.

The woman is forgiven - but the consequence of her sin is she may no longer serve as a role model for teens who will struggle with wanting to have sex.

 

[litllulu]

She is one more example of do what I say - not as I do. She is one more example of someone who gave in to raging hormones. Why bother having standards for our youth if we assume they are not going to uphold them? And better question - why should THEY even try to uphold them if no one around them does - not their friends - not their youth leaders - nobody.

Carol this conversation obviously hits too close to home for you, maybe you should politely bow out of it!

 

[litllulu]

Again, I will explain myself one more time because apparently you aren’t understanding what I’m saying.

I did not say she was molesting children. Obviously that is ridiculous.

What I did say is that just because someone is forgiven, that doesn’t mean that there are consequences to their sin. Just like a very repentant Priest who molested a child is forgiven and totally accepted by God - the consequence of his sin is he may no longer minister to children.

The woman is forgiven - but the consequence of her sin is she may no longer serve as a role model for teens who will struggle with wanting to have sex.

That is not a parallel. This would be akin to a priest who had sex while being a priest (big sin). And after he repented he would be stripped of all priestly duties. This woman is not acting criminally.

Are you saying that if a priest commits a public sin he should no longer lead his flock? (not a criminal activity, a “sin”)

 

[agapewolf]

That is not a parallel. This would be akin to a priest who had sex while being a priest (big sin). And after he repented he would be stripped of all priestly duties.

Actually, he would be put on sabbatical for awhile, away from his diocese, and would not serve in any priestly functions for a long time. Maybe after some time he would come back…

This is the same thing. After some time, she could be an excellent youth minister. But not immediately

 

[litllulu]

Actually, he would be put on sabbatical for awhile, away from his diocese, and would not serve in any priestly functions for a long time. Maybe after some time he would come back…

This is the same thing. After some time, she could be an excellent youth minister. But not immediately

Really, I know of a couple priests who were caught being active homosexuals, who’s sins were brought to the bishop, with no sabbatical.

 

[carol_marie]

That is not a parallel. This would be akin to a priest who had sex while being a priest (big sin). And after he repented he would be stripped of all priestly duties. This woman is not acting criminally.

Are you saying that if a priest commits a public sin he should no longer lead his flock?

If it would cause many in his flock to stumble - yes, he should no longer be in charge of that parish.

Does this mean he could never be a Priest again? Of course not - just that the main concern should be of those in his flock - not him.

 

[leonie]

Even if she gave her testamony, admitted her sin, asked forgiveness, it would still be scandalous.

Why? Many kids wouldn’t hear it. Is she going to give it every meeting? Is she going to give it to every kid who sees her there in her role, but doesn’t actually go to the meetings. How about the person she meets at a social event? Is she going to say when asked what she does, “yes, I’m the Youth minister at the Catholic parish. No, I’m not married. But, I am deeply sorry for my sin and have had the sacrament of penance.”

I doubt it. I imagine she won’t make a testemony to every stranger she meets who is aware of her situation.

She should definitely step down.

Many kids will not be affected. The most vulnerable will.

And, it may not be right away. They could be in college, tempted to unchastity, then justify it in their minds–my youth minister did it, and it all turned out okay.

Our concern for the unwed mother should be balanced by the concern for the teens. And, not just the teens–the preteens, the young adults will also be affected.

 

[PennitentMan]

That is my fear, that they would only see the good of it because of the beautiful baby growing inside her. It is impossible to see the bad in a new life created by God.

I don’t know that they would see why having sex is a bad. Even the youth leader would have a difficult time saying she regreted having sex because look at what it resulted in - the beautiful gift of her child.

Not necesarily.

She can phrase it from the standpoint that she is a sinner. She went against Church’s teachigns andthe implications of that is all the added responsibility, and all that comes with parenthood. Put that in persective with where the teenagers are intheir lives and they will gladly wait for marriage to have sex.

Teenagers are smart and showing them the consequences of their actions will make them realise.
yes, it’s a beautiful likfe growing inside of her, but if she levelheadedly speak about the long term effects and requirements on her as a person…coming from someone who realises what she now has to deal with and make the teenagers aware of that…that is worth a lot.

 

[agapewolf]

Not necesarily.

She can phrase it from the standpoint that she is a sinner. She went against Church’s teachigns andthe implications of that is all the added responsibility, and all that comes with parenthood. Put that in persective with where the teenagers are intheir lives and they will gladly wait for marriage to have sex.

Teenagers are smart and showing them the consequences of their actions will make them realise.
yes, it’s a beautiful likfe growing inside of her, but if she levelheadedly speak about the long term effects and requirements on her as a person…coming from someone who realises what she now has to deal with and make the teenagers aware of that…that is worth a lot.

THen she can be a guest speaker. Not the hired youth minister of the parish

 

[litllulu]

If it would cause many in his flock to stumble - yes, he should no longer be in charge of that parish.

Does this mean he could never be a Priest again? Of course not - just that the main concern should be of those in his flock - not him.

Thats interesting, I just read a statistic here on catholic.com that more than 25% of preists are homosexuals.

My uncle left the seminary because of all the debauchery going on there. Not, just sexual sins either, hard core drugs too.

Welcome to the Catholic Church, a place for sinners!

 

[carol_marie]

Carol this conversation obviously hits too close to home for you, maybe you should politely bow out of it!

I have disagreed with several posters, but I have not called anyone names or attacked them personally.

This is an interesting discussion - that’s it. We are not involved in this situation - we aren’t the ones to decide the fate of this girl. We are just discussing it - and not even really the OP’s situation - it is a discussion about an unwed woman youth leader in general.

Let’s just keep it about that, shall we?

 

[carol_marie]

Not necesarily.

She can phrase it from the standpoint that she is a sinner. She went against Church’s teachigns andthe implications of that is all the added responsibility, and all that comes with parenthood. Put that in persective with where the teenagers are intheir lives and they will gladly wait for marriage to have sex.

Teenagers are smart and showing them the consequences of their actions will make them realise.
yes, it’s a beautiful likfe growing inside of her, but if she levelheadedly speak about the long term effects and requirements on her as a person…coming from someone who realises what she now has to deal with and make the teenagers aware of that…that is worth a lot.

I just think that message would go alot further if the child were older (think demanding toddler) rather than a beautiful new baby that everyone can’t help but ohhh & awww over. And besides, she really can’t honestly speak about the difficulties of being a parent - she’d be in the honeymoon stage at best.

 

[litllulu]

I just think that message would go alot further if the child were older (think demanding toddler) rather than a beautiful new baby that everyone can’t help but ohhh & awww over. And besides, she really can’t honestly speak about the difficulties of being a parent - she’d be in the honeymoon stage at best.

When was the last time you saw an infant? They are the most difficult, they need 24 hour care. A toddler can feed himself and play alone for a bit, an infant is completely helpless. They cry all the time too. They are beautiful creatures, but not less demanding than a toddler!

 

[JLSacred]

litllulu,

You have every right to be here and share your opinion. But you have repeatedly been sarcastic and abrasive, maybe not to anyone in particular, but even in a general sense, this is unacceptable.

If you read all of the past posts, you will see some people who share your opinion, but have presented it in such a way that is respectful and all in searching for what’s right. NOT in way that is demeaning, calling names, or making statements such as “get real”.

Everyone else’s opinion is just as valuable, and as well, they hold lots of truth in theirs as well.

Since you have entered the dialogue, the tone has turned to very negative. Please please, read the discussion that has happened already. I think you will find it enlightening, and also a good example.

We welcome your opinion, but please present it in such a way that is not so erratic, impulsive, or degrading

Thank you for saying this, I would like to echo your sentiments. This thread has been very civil and interesting, but I noticed that it started to turn nasty. I think we all have very good contributions to make, from different points of view, that should be heard. This is a very interesting ethical dilemma, I think.

 

[litllulu]

Thank you for saying this, I would like to echo your sentiments. This thread has been very civil and interesting, but I noticed that it started to turn nasty. I think we all have very good contributions to make, from different points of view, that should be heard. This is a very interesting ethical dilemma, I think.

JL an others, just stating the obvious here. I call myself a sinner too! Luckily, God loves us in spite of our sinS!

 

[thechrismyster]

it’s a shame when forgiveness is nothing but lip service from adults who are Catholic.

that is a worse example and more scandalous to kids than a pregnancy ever will be.