Relationship HELP

[Liberanosamalo]

And by the way, I’m not fat. In case you think that’s my motive. Some would say I’m too thin… a legacy of being with someone who was fixated on how thin a woman was. Some men are never happy… even if you manage at 5 weeks post-partum to get back into your old clothes. Some of the comments here are bringing back horrible memories.

In some cultures, fat is considered attractive. In America, it’s considered a personality defect, or a moral failing. If you’re a size 5 but sleep with every man you meet, you’re considered more virtuous than a virginal size 15.

At an early age daddy pointed out to his daughters all the women walking around who were “five pounds of sh–t in a four-pound bag.” Yes, they’ll have great self images growing up!

I wonder if the men are as harsh talking about overweight men… Or their mothers or grandmothers. Or perhaps for a man teetering on the threshold of mysogyny, a woman daring to take up too much space in the world is the final outrage. There. I said it.

Just some things to ponder…

 

[Angels_Unaware]

Some men are never happy… even if you manage at 5 weeks post-partum to get back into your old clothes. Some of the comments here are bringing back horrible memories.

There are some men that objectify women so completely there is no woman who ever fulfills all of their needs, regardless of how attractive or how fertile or how much money she makes or how well she cooks. Hence the requirement for a harem. And regardless of what said man does to build and extend such relationship, it was never his intention to do so, and nothing he has done is his responsibility. He was trapped.

Not that this describes the OP necessarily, of course.

 

[chevalier]

What did she do? Sit on you? Just because your relationship with a fat woman didn’t work out doesn’t mean all fat women are emotionally manipulative. There are plenty of slender gorgeous women who capable of being emotionally manipulative as well.

Beware of painting all women with the same brush. I am SO glad I am not dating (aside from going to Eucharistic Adoration one night a week; I joke with my friends that THAT is my date night with Jesus..)

Easy, easy. I know I’m hollering and you don’t want to pick it up, but hey, generalisations are bad but putting generalisations in someone’s mouth isn’t great, either! Nowhere did he generalise like that. Besides, Prodigal and excaliber are more or less taking the same front and just a while ago I took issue with Prodigal’s tiny generalisation about the (perceivedly) very attractive women, now you’re flattening excaliber’s head with a frying pan for generalising about the group seen as less attractive… dontcha thing poor doods are getting’ too much flak between us two? Just sayin’.

Who used whom here? Maybe she’s going around talking about the lawyer who hadn’t had a woman in 10 years

Pats his pin-striped suit cough cough

Or maybe not. We’ll never know. We’re just hearing a lot of criticism of bad motives and bad character being associated with overweight, when there are plenty of thin women out there who are users and manipulators too.

It’s clear to me he doesn’t perform that association, at least not consciously. Doing that subconsciously is what he and all other men should guard themselves against (women too, anyway - this is not a new thing, anyway, it was official in ancient Greece - the word was kalokagathia), but all we can say here is that perhaps he wouldn’t mind the same treatment from a more attractive girl - but we’re still guessing here. Generally, there’s a lot of things we don’t mind when we’re attracted to someone but we do when we aren’t. An extreme example is people being offended because you asked them to dance at a public party (i.e. you were supposed to know they wouldn’t find you attractive).

And dudes… if you don’t want to date a woman, you don’t have to call her up and ask her. You don’t have to drive your car over and pick her up. You don’t have to meet her somewhere. How does a man get bullied into romance? You just do what men for centuries have done, and become unavailable, busy all the time and leave her sitting by the phone. It’s a man talent. They’re famous for it.

That’s true but being a gentleman complicates things sometimes. I’m playing the evasion tactic on a university colleague of mine (nota bene she’s very attractive and has a dignified look at that (it goes further, but I don’t want to risk identification), she could easily get a drama queen role in an Old Will play… and we like each other instinctly, the matter is that I couldn’t possibly live with her views on the Catholic Church and certain issues relating a bit to manners and a bit to morals) and it isn’t making me feel like a great fella. Evasive tactics nearly always involve showing bad manners and what is more - being unkind to someone, which seems to be a question of charity more than manners and it begs the substantial question: whether it’s fine to hurt someone a little so as to avoid hurting him more.

BTW Chev, don’t ever sell yourself short. Your clarity of thought and wisdom… I had thought all along you were much older. Alas. Too bad you’re so young… and so far away…

:tiphat:

In some cultures, fat is considered attractive. In America, it’s considered a personality defect, or a moral failing. If you’re a size 5 but sleep with every man you meet, you’re considered more virtuous than a virginal size 15.

In Europe, we’re more in the middle of it, i.e. we more easily get over “a little extra” than you do but less easily get over “a lot extra” than you do.

I wonder if the men are as harsh talking about overweight men… Or their mothers or grandmothers. Or perhaps for a man teetering on the threshold of mysogyny, a woman daring to take up too much space in the world is the final outrage. There. I said it.

No, I don’t think so. That is, I don’t think it has anything to do with space. I think it has all to do with perceived attractiveness. By the way, I’ve seen guys looking like a young Tom Cruise dating girls who were not 20 lbs above the average.

Women are more tolerant of surplus weight in men than the other way round, but there’s the issue of muscular mass that doesn’t apply to most men looking for women. It’s my impression that while thinner guys may steal a glance or two and probably be seen as somewhat objectively more attractive, the bulkier guys will generally “get the girl” despite that. This may have to do with perceived manliness level. Same reason as Bruce Willis would have more ultimate success than Brad Pitt despite being mentioned as a “cookie” less often.

There are some men that objectify women so completely there is no woman who ever fulfills all of their needs, regardless of how attractive or how fertile or how much money she makes or how well she cooks. Hence the requirement for a harem.

Angels, Angels, one is already too much to handle and you say a harem? And when would I have the time to play video games anyway?

 

[chevalier]

Oh, it seems another very, very pretty old acquaintance has very kindly replied to a season’s greeting of mine… another one that I have a reason not to attempt to date that has nothing to do with looks or chemistry (there is a lot, though don’t know about her that much). And she’s not the only one - I’ve only just spotted another gorgeous (by gorgeous, I mean stops my breath helplessly and I look like an idiot) we-won’t-go-there friend on Facebook (to make matters worse, she’s been good to me and she likes me as a person… we don’t see eye to eye on some relatively important things, judging by some clues). Sometimes people just don’t click. It doesn’t matter all that much whether it’s looks or something else. All reasons will appear shallow to people who don’t agree with them. The matter is, if you know you won’t be able to put up with it, you don’t go in when you can still avoid it. If you allow yourself to get too close, it will be harder to pull back and you will ignore what you saw earlier. Bottom line: if you aren’t attracted but the other person apparently is, don’t allow it to develop. In other words, you gotta run while you still can. Unless I’m wrong and that’s a possibility.

 

[dulcissima]

Oh, it seems another very, very pretty old acquaintance has very kindly replied to a season’s greeting of mine… another one that I have a reason not to attempt to date that has nothing to do with looks or chemistry (there is a lot, though don’t know about her that much). And she’s not the only one - I’ve only just spotted another gorgeous we-won’t-go-there friend on Facebook (to make matters worse, she’s been good to me and she likes me as a person… we don’t see eye to eye on some things, judging by some clues). Sometimes people just don’t click. It doesn’t matter all that much whether it’s looks or something else. All reasons will appear shallow to people who don’t agree with them. The matter is, if you know you won’t be able to put up with it, you don’t go in when you can still avoid it. If you allow yourself to get too close, it will be harder to pull back and you will ignore what you saw earlier. Bottom line: if you aren’t attracted but the other person apparently is, don’t allow it to develop. In other words, you gotta run while you still can. Unless I’m wrong and that’s a possibility.

You are not wrong at all. I guess I confused the posters in my original reply, but I do think that the real problem here is not with their reasons for not being interested, but in their apparent inability to say “NO”. Plenty of women have this problem, but men also do as well. They shouldn’t worry about others thinking they are shallow. If their heart’s not in it, DON’T GO THERE. The absolute kindest thing that they can do when they are not interested is to be direct, polite, and very firm about it.

 

[chevalier]

You are not wrong at all. I guess I confused the posters in my original reply, but I do think that the real problem here is not with their reasons for not being interested, but in their apparent inability to say “NO”. Plenty of women have this problem, but men also do as well. They shouldn’t worry about others thinking they are shallow. If their heart’s not in it, DON’T GO THERE. The absolute kindest thing that they can do when they are not interested is to be direct, polite, and very firm about it.

Pretty much the reason why I avoid contact with the last girl I mentioned. I know I wouldn’t have the heart to tell her no and in a large part because I really wouldn’t mean it - and if I don’t mean it, I don’t say it. I honestly wouldn’t mind her being the future Mrs Dr, but the relatively small clue by which I’m going (an off comment no less) indicates that we don’t see eye to eye (or closely enough) in a matter that’s important in two people putting up with each other. Hence, I cringe and look the other way. If someone proved me shallow, it would actually make me happier. Fortunately, she’s not horribly into me. Noticeably, but not enough to prevent her from sleeping at night. Life’s tough, as I said. Sometimes you just have to forego the short time benefit or even the long time benefit at a high long time price, and wait for what life brings next.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

But… what if you misread her? You need to be sure, if she is that wonderful otherwise, that you did not misunderstand.

This is what you do…

Staring into the distance wistfully… you then look at her and smile sadly and shake your head.

“Alas, you are so close to perfect. But for your fascination with ouija boards, I would have swept you off your feet.”

Or whatever. Maybe she can’t use styrofoam pillows and you are hopelessly allergic to goose feathers…

If she says “I abhor ouija boards!” you may be able to rethink.

But otherwise, you are correct. The term that once applied to this behavior of flirting where hope was impossible was “leading her on.” Giving false hope is cruel.

I had friends in college who used to draw the line at friendship… they’d joke and say “She’s the kind you marry. But only if you want 6 kids. Hahaha.” Wink. But I understood. They did not want 6 kids. We were free to be wonderful friends. I did not get my hopes up. They remained kind and gentlemanly. We all knew our roles.

At the very least, if you think a woman with kids has hopeless baggage and encumberances from her past, you tell her “Let’s be friends. I wouldn’t make a good father to your children.” (Not: I want no part of your fat spoiled undisciplined little monsters.)

Hopefully, you do it before she introduces you as their new father.

 

[prodigalson12]

What did she do? Sit on you? Just because your relationship with a fat woman didn’t work out doesn’t mean all fat women are emotionally manipulative. There are plenty of slender gorgeous women who capable of being emotionally manipulative as well.

Beware of painting all women with the same brush. I am SO glad I am not dating (aside from going to Eucharistic Adoration one night a week; I joke with my friends that THAT is my date night with Jesus..)

She happened to be overweight, it’s a fact, it’s something I wanted to share as part of the story here, it is saying nothing more then the fact, I am not shallow and can empathise with women that are overweight, it is not making a broad statement about all women that are overweight and sadly, stuff like this happens all too often on these forums, where you say one thing and it gets twisted around by another poster to be saying something else entirely. Regardless of the weight, or looks, I agree, there are some very manipulative women in this world, and at that time in my life, I did not cling to what the church teaches nearly as much, I was wanting to have a girlfriend, even if I had to compromise, I was in a vulnerable spot emotionally and she knew it and took advantage of the situation, if she really cared about me she would have known from the beginning that we were not right fo each other, but the reality of it, the only thing she cared about is herself and her own interests and that anybody and anything that was not directly working for her own personal selfish ambitions, she had a problem with.

We have a lot of them, just like her, very much into themselves with no empathy for those they hurt in the process and I learned a very hard lesson, that no matter how good you are, no matter how helpful you as an individual are, you cannot just walk into a relationship and fix someone elses problems, they have to really want to help themselves first and there is nothing you can do to change that. I can at least look back and see what a huge difference I made in her life, she and her son no longer are being physically abused by her x husband, she knows now that it’s not normal for her significant other to berate her for her weight, she learned from my example that you cannot steal from others and expect to get away with it, and hopefully she keeps my advice with her along how to lose the weight, for she was making progress in this area. Sadly, there are too many other things she still has to learn and she may, or may not ever learn them, so it’s now entirely in God’s hands, unfortunately, she had a new boyfriend in less then a month after we parted, so hasn’t taken the necessary time to work on herself, for this story goes into some deep rooted problems she has that have never been properly addressed, of which I expressed even in our very last conversation that she needs professional help.

Eucharistic Adoration is actually a good place to meet your future partner, and I have a good feeling about how God places us at the right time and place for a reason, for you two to have that as a common ground, it’s foundation is firmly established within your faith, which is a wonderful thing. Keep focusing on him and his kingdom, he knows our hearts better then we do and I’m noticing how he gives us little surprises along the way when we focus on them, giving us our hearts desire, as a way of telling you that you are on the right track, so keep it up.

 

[chevalier]

Liberanos, I don’t know if you mean me, but you probably do, since the last bunch of post was mine. If only it were so simple. The matter involves an off-hand sexually charged remark (not a heat of the moment thing), of which the implications are kinda obvious, supported by a bit of an overtone in a couple of other things (which weren’t directed at anyone in particular, which again makes the clue stronger). There’s no contempt in me (frankly, I wasn’t far from that not so long ago), just sadness. You know better than I that bringing such things up is a killer as far as any future relationships go.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Alas, Chev. I get it. Well, keep the standards high. You’ll find someone for you.

Prodigal… up to the front of the classroom. It’s your turn again!

I’m the one that is 42. I’ve been there done that, rescuing one that was 5’ 4", 250 pounds, and was emotionally bullied into the relationship to a point, I was taken advantage of when we initially got together due to a death of a dear friend which also concided with losing my job and having to address my friends business matters pro bono afterwards to boot, for he was my boss as well. so, kind of in a low spot in my life and she took full advantage of it as well as the very long dry spell I had not even remotely dating anyone for a decade prior as well.

You are essentially looking at the thresh hold of what I faced back then, and it took me a decade to finally be free from that one

Oh, no! You do not get off the hook so easily. You didn’t just bring up her weight as an aside. You made it a warning notice to the OP about character, as if the 250 lbs. on 5’4" was part of the whole character/bully process. Instead of leaving it at the fact that you got yourself entwined for a decade with a manipulative bully (was matrimony involved? Because I’m an expert at emotional bullies and stupidly loyal myself, and even I can’t imagine letting someone you weren’t even married to hold you prisoner that long.) well… you front-loaded your warning with her vital statistics that made you an expert (it seemed by your tone) on the perils of being roped in by square-shaped women.

In fact, that whole story could have been told without even mentioning her appearance and you would have retained much more credibility, say, had you framed it as a warning about not being firm in boundaries with people who latch onto you emotionally without proper reciprocation on your part.

I did not cling to what the church teaches nearly as much, I was wanting to have a girlfriend, even if I had to compromise, I was in a vulnerable spot emotionally and she knew it and took advantage of the situation, if she really cared about me she would have known from the beginning that we were not right fo each other, but the reality of it, the only thing she cared about is herself and her own interests and that anybody and anything that was not directly working for her own personal selfish ambitions, she had a problem with.

Again, who was using whom here? You knew you were vulnerable. But for 10 years? So you lowered your standards (any port in a storm?) and let her use you even though you knew she was a selfish thief with conflicted interpersonal relationships and unresolved issues from an abusive prior relationship?

You must have gotten SOMETHING out of this 10 years of social work on your part? Was she a project? You don’t say you loved her. Did she support your while you were unemployed? So you felt beholding to her?

I’m not kicking you for your relationship choice or duration. We all make mistakes and do the wrong things for the right reasons and sometimes the right things for the wrong reasons.

I’m just intrigued that now after the fact, you frame it all in terms of her physical size. When that was really the least important part of the story.

What you may feel about her now is disgust. Maybe even genuine disgust. Understand that those of us whose partners could be considered attractive to strangers also have that same disgust in retrospect. Don’t confuse physical disgust with moral disgust. Although sometimes they feel the same.

 

[prodigalson12]

Alas, Chev. I get it. Well, keep the standards high. You’ll find someone for you.

Prodigal… up to the front of the classroom. It’s your turn again!

Oh, no! You do not get off the hook so easily. You didn’t just bring up her weight as an aside. You made it a warning notice to the OP about character, as if the 250 lbs. on 5’4" was part of the whole character/bully process. Instead of leaving it at the fact that you got yourself entwined for a decade with a manipulative bully (was matrimony involved? Because I’m an expert at emotional bullies and stupidly loyal myself, and even I can’t imagine letting someone you weren’t even married to hold you prisoner that long.) well… you front-loaded your warning with her vital statistics that made you an expert (it seemed by your tone) on the perils of being roped in by square-shaped women.

• she couldn’t take care of herself, she proved she couldn’t take care of me, I was working my tail off and she couldn’t be bothered to help in any area what so ever, opting to sit on her can and watch the boob tube instead. No matrimony was involved thankfully. When you are beaten down financially and emotionally, you tend to remain in a depressed state of mind so do tend not to see how bad it is until you finally get completely away from it. I also have to add, her psycopathic son used to assault me with kitchen knives on a regular basis as well, just so you can see the added enjoyment I faced.

In fact, that whole story could have been told without even mentioning her appearance and you would have retained much more credibility, say, had you framed it as a warning about not being firm in boundaries with people who latch onto you emotionally without proper reciprocation on your part.

• that’s your opinion, mine differs.

Again, who was using whom here? You knew you were vulnerable. But for 10 years? So you lowered your standards (any port in a storm?) and let her use you even though you knew she was a selfish thief with conflicted interpersonal relationships and unresolved issues from an abusive prior relationship?

• oh no, none of that came out until years later, by then it was too late.

You must have gotten SOMETHING out of this 10 years of social work on your part? Was she a project? You don’t say you loved her. Did she support your while you were unemployed? So you felt beholding to her?

• yeah, I was unemployed, I just had a small business that was forced into complete full blown launch to support myself, and then her. She spent every dime she could that should have gone into it, forcing me to remain within a fiscal spiral that never gave me the ability to get out of the situation. I couldn’t leave because she made it impossible to do so unless I wanted to live on the street…

I’m not kicking you for your relationship choice or duration. We all make mistakes and do the wrong things for the right reasons and sometimes the right things for the wrong reasons.

• agreed

I’m just intrigued that now after the fact, you frame it all in terms of her physical size. When that was really the least important part of the story.

• no, it was part of mine, I just painted it to show clearly that compromise with physical chemistry never resolves itself no matter what is going on inside.

What you may feel about her now is disgust. Maybe even genuine disgust. Understand that those of us whose partners could be considered attractive to strangers also have that same disgust in retrospect. Don’t confuse physical disgust with moral disgust. Although sometimes they feel the same.

Actually, at this stage, there is very much both in place to some degree, but the overriding element I feel the most is the fact, I felt sorry for her back then, I do as well today, the difference is, I do NOT get involved with someone I feel sorry for, that is entirely for the wrong reason.

 

[Ailina]

Eucharistic Adoration is actually a good place to meet your future partner, and I have a good feeling about how God places us at the right time and place for a reason, for you two to have that as a common ground, it’s foundation is firmly established within your faith, which is a wonderful thing. Keep focusing on him and his kingdom, he knows our hearts better then we do and I’m noticing how he gives us little surprises along the way when we focus on them, giving us our hearts desire, as a way of telling you that you are on the right track, so keep it up.

Ah no! If I ever meet my match, he will be on the hiking trail at the top of the mountain, perhaps pausing to say a rosary before heading back down. All the people I have encountered in the chapel are either elderly or female.

 

[prodigalson12]

Eucharistic Adoration is actually a good place to meet your future partner, and I have a good feeling about how God places us at the right time and place for a reason, for you two to have that as a common ground, it’s foundation is firmly established within your faith, which is a wonderful thing. Keep focusing on him and his kingdom, he knows our hearts better then we do and I’m noticing how he gives us little surprises along the way when we focus on them, giving us our hearts desire, as a way of telling you that you are on the right track, so keep it up.

Ah no! If I ever meet my match, he will be on the hiking trail at the top of the mountain, perhaps pausing to say a rosary before heading back down. All the people I have encountered in the chapel are either elderly or female.
Yeah, but they have sons, nephews, etc. just saying, one that shows devotion in this area clearly sets them far ahead of the rest of the pack when it comes down to it.

 

[flyingfish]

Are you telling us that the women who stay with abusers, despite the lack of a gun or equivalent device, aren’t bullied into a relationship? I don’t think that proposition would survive five minutes here without getting burnt to the ground with proverbial napalm.

Physical abuse can be the “gun to your head” situation if the man says he’ll kill you if you leave.

But if there is no such threat, I don’t think those women stay because they are bullied into it. They stay because for whatever reason they are broken women who either know no different, who have no self esteem and feel they will not survive on their own, feel it is better for their children or whatever… Sometimes those women stay with abusive men because they don’t want to take a cut in family income. However, without the threat of violence or other kind of harm if they leave, they are not bullied.

Often with abusive men there is such a threat. Really not the same as staying in a relationship with an unattractive, fat (but otherwise harmless) woman.

I mean, I guess if you tell me your girlfriend told you she’d kill you if you left (or would harm you or your family in some other way) and meant it I’d buy that you were bullied. I’d even buy it if she somehow managed to destroy your self esteem and brainwash you into thinking that you could not survive without her.

If you’re just too weak to say that you don’t like someone and stay because of that, well then, you weren’t bullied, you just were either too weak to assert yourself or stayed in the relationship because you derived some benefits from it. I would bet it’s the latter. Only later when you break up with the woman you are like “oh she was horrible and manipulative, and I am a wonderful man who was taken advantage of” yeah right, many divorce cases sound that way, with the spouses coming to demonize and blame the other after the relationship went south.

 

[dulcissima]

I’ve seen men that are that bullied and controlled. I believe that it is little different for a man than a woman. When I was married I: 1) Didn’t want to hurt my husband by leaving him 2) Didn’t know what I would do on my own because I was economically dependent 3) Didn’t want to give up hope 4) Was physically intimidated.

He is talking about a particular “type” of woman who is controlling, has kids with men as a means of control/support, and who is large and intimidating. I’ve seen it happen. I saw my next door neighbor do it to husband #2 and he was totally demoralized, finally went to counseling and could see it for what it was. I don’t think that he is implying that all overweight women are this way, but I do think he has been traumatized by this “type”.

I think the last thing we need to be doing is making him feel guilty for getting away from it. Yes, he should have known better and hopefully next time he will.

 

[chevalier]

[SIGN][/SIGN]

Physical abuse can be the “gun to your head” situation if the man says he’ll kill you if you leave.

How physical is physical?

But if there is no such threat, I don’t think those women stay because they are bullied into it.

Bullying is below downright coercion. Gun to head is downright coercion. Ergo… you get the drill.

They stay because for whatever reason they are broken women who either know no different, who have no self esteem and feel they will not survive on their own, feel it is better for their children or whatever… Sometimes those women stay with abusive men because they don’t want to take a cut in family income.

True and if those impressions are instilled by a manipulative other, that’s bullying.

However, without the threat of violence or other kind of harm if they leave, they are not bullied.

You mean they could resist. That’s not the same as not being bullied.

Often with abusive men there is such a threat. Really not the same as staying in a relationship with an unattractive, fat (but otherwise harmless) woman.

Firstly, unattractive is not harmful. Secondly, in the case at hand we have coming down hard and fast coupled with not taking no for an answer. That is harmful, even if the person in question might be harmless.

I mean, I guess if you tell me your girlfriend told you she’d kill you if you left (or would harm you or your family in some other way)

My girlfriend? Well, Coffee says it’ll kill me if I quit, but she doesn’t mean she’d kill me. She’s just stating the fact I won’t be able to live without her. This surely doesn’t count. I mean come on, she would never harm me!

 

[flyingfish]

True and if those impressions are instilled by a manipulative other, that’s bullying.

Right, I would agree with you. If your girlfriend abuses you to the extent that you become brainwashed and truly believe that you’re worthless and won’t be able to survive without her, then yeah you were bullied.

To achieve this effect without physical violence, there would have to be some severe stuff going on. Probably isolation from family friends, threats, constant put downs, maybe mental illness in the victim in the first place. Even then, it’s just hard to believe that you can induce this kind of an effect by just talking to a person. Maybe you can if it’s a child and you’re the abusive parent, but an adult? I mean, if I was with someone who talked that way to me for 5 minutes that would be the end of the relationship. There would have to be some prior damage for a person to stay through that and become brainwashed rather than leave.

This just doesn’t seem like what the other guy whom this happened to described. He just complained about how he’s such a wonderfully loyal man that he stayed with a 250 pound woman to rescue her . Allegedly he was bullied, but he didn’t describe any situation where he was threatened and abused.

Sounds like another guy wanting to see himself as a great person and his ex as a terrible, manipulative woman.

 

[Angels_Unaware]

[Secondly, in the case at hand we have coming down hard and fast coupled with not taking no for an answer.

I think it would be interesting to hear this story from the woman’s perspective to find out just how pushy she was and just how overweight she really is and just how much she was pursued or not pursued. I also would be interested in knowing exactly how long this relationship has been going on.

It might be the more she said the “M” word, the fatter she became.

Not to say it isn’t exactly as this man has presented it. It might be exactly as he says.
[/quote]

 

[whatevergirl]

The vast majority of middle aged men aren’t good enough to secure a Trophy Wife.

Only very wealthy and powerful middle aged men are able to attract beautiful young women. For most middle aged men (and I daresay every single middle aged man on this forum) this is just something they wish they could have, but in reality will never attain.

They can dream of young, beautiful women all they want. But unless they are millionaires or otherwise powerful men (being reasonably successful isn’t good enough, there are plenty of reasonably successful men who are also young and attractive), they are going to have to be single or date relatively unattractive middle aged women.

Facts of life.

*flyingfish…there are plenty of beautiful young women who marry men who are not wealthy…not sure where you got the idea that only wealthy, middle aged men are marrying beautiful women. I have heard of trophy wives, etc…but, men who are looking for a Barbie doll with no morals, wouldn’t be someone a beautiful CATHOLIC girl should be interested in, regardless. But, there are beautiful women out there who are not shallow and who are good Catholics. Your post implies that if the men on here are not dripping with cash, they mind as well forget about finding a good looking woman…I don’t understand your comment, I guess. Not all beautiful women are trophy wives, and not all beautiful women are looking for a sugar daddy.

 

[flyingfish]

flyingfish…there are plenty of beautiful young women who marry men who are not wealthy…not sure where you got the idea that only wealthy, middle aged men are marrying beautiful women. I have heard of trophy wives, etc…but, men who are looking for a Barbie doll with no morals, wouldn’t be someone a beautiful CATHOLIC girl should be interested in, regardless. But, there are beautiful women out there who are not shallow and who are good Catholics. Your post implies that if the men on here are not dripping with cash, they mind as well forget about finding a good looking woman…I don’t understand your comment, I guess. Not all beautiful women are trophy wives, and not all beautiful women are looking for a sugar daddy.

I think you misunderstood what I meant to say.

I meant to say that out of all the middle aged men who dream of marrying young and gorgeous women (and there’s no denying that they dream of this), only middle aged men who are truly exceptional (like extremely wealthy, or have very high status) would have a chance because young and gorgeous women can pretty much get their top choice of available men.

If you have many examples of gorgeous women in their 20’s with average guys 20 or more years older, I’d be surprised. I’ve never seen it.

I did not say that young and beautiful women would prefer middle aged but wealthy and powerful men. My guess is that they prefer young, attractive, successful, wealthy, high status, good Catholic (if the woman is Catholic), kind, … list goes on.

I do still hold that chances are that most (and most likely all) middle aged men on this forum who are wishing for a young and beautiful woman will never find such a woman, because unless they are incredibly exceptional she has no reason whatsoever to choose them over more attractive younger men (younger as in in her age group) who would all be competing for her.

There are huge negative factors attached to a significantly older man, namely that he will get old and sick while she is still strong, and die while she still has plenty of good years left. Not to mention that middle aged men are not attractive, and single middle aged men are usually single for a reason. He’d have to offer some pretty amazing things that younger men don’t have.