“I love my small church because I have grown there in leaps and bounds. I feel like part of the ministry. Everyone knows who I am. I am held accountable. I am encouraged. I have support. I am learning the Word by intensive study.I am being fed. My pastor is a biblical scholar filled with love for his flock.
I never felt these things when I was catholic.”
I think the Catholic Church needs people like you just as your little church needs you.
I understand you better than you think. You see, I have been to many congregations… currently I am going to two Churches in my town… a Pentecostal and a Catholic. I think they called it double-dipping. I learned this word from a fellow named Jeff Cavins who wrote a book named: “I am not being fed” (hehe…looking at your post here) about how he left the Church because he felt the born-again experience that he had had was not shared…
So you and I both know the power of feelings… If it were not for the power of the Lord at a certain time in my life I might have been a pentecostal today, but now I only pray and worship with them. I had a terrible inner struggle for a long time… the Lord had taught me Catholic faith… and yet I felt so comforted in this other congregation… so upliftet with these other brothers whereas the ones closest to me were like strangers. The Lord one day said to me in a very clear way (I am not so used to this kind of His communication) well He said: “you are not in full Communion”…at this point I was exactly receiving the Host and there was no reason to explain: He could have said “love is missing” just as well… and I was shocked… He was not harsh as He spoke… He never is. In that period I was tempted… it was as if there was a fierce battle going on in my soul. I mourned at certain moments: “Lord can you not just let me go there… it feels so good there…” But the Lord with firm love said: “Do not ignore the Truth I have shown you… carry the cross with Me”… and everytime I was at the Holy Mass and I received Jesus in the Sacrament I felt shame that I had even for one moment thought of leaving. The greatness and majesty that was bestowed upon me in all my poverty in those moments… it felt as though the heaven had fallen down upon the earth… and suddenly it did not matter that the priest was boring, that there was no spontaneous praise in the assembly and that the walls were falling apart… There was just bliss in the arms of Jesus… tears in my eyes. Holy Silence. I knew I could not leave Him. Even if many things in a specific parish can disturb me… I cannot leave. And I know that what I suffer I suffer with Christ. Yes indeed, Jesus suffers for the poverty in the Church… he suffers at shepherds that are false and hearts that are cold, He suffers at traitors of His Blood.
A Catholic brother told me: “I went to a charismatic baptist church one night and the music and the atmosphere was great so I decided: I wanna be there. That is where the action is”(As though we can estimate that…) And then I can play music too because my music ministry would be welcome. He had it figured out. But suddenly as he was brushing his teath in the bathroom that night the Lord said: “Stay, and be light to your brothers”. So he stayed… he is today in a cool music ministry within the Church and more dedicated and on fire with Jesus than ever…
Are we hungry? But no human hugs and kisses can take the place of the Lord… no fellowhip in its warmth can stop the longing. We need it all… we are fragile humans… created for love and fellowship… but even more so for fellowship with Him who is fellowship in His divine Essence trice Holy. I think that you have a longing still in your heart, if you have ever understood, if you have ever become truly one with Jesus in His Body and Blood, fullness of Life, promised according to John 6: 20- If you have ever known…
So I recognize your longing… and your pain… and the longing that is in Jesus that you shall be fed both on love of the family and the living bread that has come down from heaven and whom every Christian throughout history untill Luther knew to be the Body and Blood indeed, given to suffer. I have faith for you that, whereas Jesus has seen to your soul and brought you among brothers that you may be fed on milk, He will bring you yet another step when your wounds have healed.
Katarina <><
It was good talking to you. I will have to go to bed now. Good night my dear brother. The Lord bless you <><
But who will learn if he is not taught… who will learn if no one sends someone to teach him. who will hear if no one speaks…