Should I forgive someone for something they did to hurt me even if they aren’t sorry for it?

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Forgiveness isn’t strictly one sided or unconditional, no matter how willing the injured party is to forgive. Not saying it’s a bad thing to not hold a grudge, and we must especially continue to love a person who has injured us. But forgiveness only has real meaning–or at least its full meaning–in an encounter and reconciliation between persons–as a mercy given and received. The Pope of Mercy himself explains:

St. John Paul II, Dives in Misericordia
Christ emphasizes so insistently the need to forgive others that when Peter asked Him how many times he should forgive his neighbor He answered with the symbolic number of "seventy times seven,"131 meaning that he must be able to forgive everyone every time. It is obvious that such a generous requirement of forgiveness does not cancel out the objective requirements of justice. Properly understood, justice constitutes, so to speak, the goal of forgiveness. In no passage of the Gospel message does forgiveness, or mercy as its source, mean indulgence towards evil, towards scandals, towards injury or insult. In any case, reparation for evil and scandal, compensation for injury, and satisfaction for insult are conditions for forgiveness.

Thus the fundamental structure of justice always enters into the sphere of mercy. Mercy, however, has the power to confer on justice a new content, which is expressed most simply and fully in forgiveness. Forgiveness, in fact, shows that, over and above the process of “compensation” and “truce” which is specific to justice, love is necessary, so that man may affirm himself as man. Fulfillment of the conditions of justice is especially indispensable in order that love may reveal its own nature. In analyzing the parable of the prodigal son, we have already called attention to the fact that he who forgives and he who is forgiven encounter one another at an essential point, namely the dignity or essential value of the person, a point which cannot be lost and the affirmation of which, or its rediscovery, is a source of the greatest joy.132

131.Mt. 18:22.
132.Cf. Lk. 15:32.
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See also Luke 17:3-4.
 
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Marcus_Aurelius1 said:
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Zaccheus:
but God can forgive first.
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Then there is no Hell in your universe.
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God offers mercy and forgiveness to all.
Some reject it. Some refuse to repent.
So yes, there is Hell. Those who reject God’s mercy, who refuse to repent, face Hell.
 
Randomperson said:
Should I? I feel like my conscience says I should but I feel very unfairly treated. Even if I do I don’t know how to actually forgive. I won’t want to be fake about it and say I forgive for the sake of it but I want to mean it but I don’t know if I can and in such a case would it be better not to.
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This might help you…

There are three types of forgiveness: exoneration, forbearance and release. We need clarity on how each come into play.

 
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We must always do our best to forgive, even if someone else is sorry, because God knows how we hurt ourselves if we don’t. Hanging on to anger and resentment is like holding a hot coal in your hand; it only burns you. You can’t function towards peace and stability if you can’t forgive.

Like so many others have said, forgiving is not the same as forgetting. You can forgive someone for a wrong done against you, and still push them out of your life if needed for your health and ability to function.
 
Eric_Hyom said:
Christ prayed on the cross, Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.
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That prayer was answered for those who repented.

And if we look at the context, Jesus is praying for forgiveness.
 
Marcus_Aurelius1 said:
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Zaccheus:
God offers mercy and forgiveness to all.
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But He does not give mercy to all.
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If you hand me a gift and I throw it back into your face, you have still given me the gift. My rejection matters but it doesn’t make your action untrue.

I suspect we disagree over the definition of the word “forgiveness”.
 
Jesus forgave those who crucified him including His betrayer Judas. Judas didn’t believe forgiveness was possible which led to his death. So you forgiving someone isn’t dependent on the other person wanting or believing or appearing your forgiveness.
 
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Forgiving someone is not about the other person its about you - when you forgive it heals you and no ugly resentment is carried with you anymore - its the opposite of what you think its for you not the other person.
 
If God hands out mercy, you’d be espousing universalism.
 
Marcus_Aurelius1 said:
If God hands out mercy, you’d be espousing universalism.
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No. I do not espouse universalism.
God offers mercy to all. But we have to acept the gift or we don’t have it. Those who accept the gift will be saved. Those who reject it and die unrepentent will not be saved.

I am not sure what difference you see between offering mercy to all and ‘handing out’ mercy.
 
Marcus_Aurelius1 said:
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Zaccheus:
God offers mercy to all.
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But He does not forgive all.
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Not all accept His forgivenes.

In any case we cannot tell who will accept our forgiveness and how will not, so it’s our duty to be as forgiveing as we’re capable of being.

Also the choice to forgive or not forgive has an effect on us, which can be more important in some cases than the effect on the offender.

If I forgive, I give up the grudge. I give up the right to be angry or to hate the offender. That affects my spiritual condition and makes it easier for me to accept God’s forgiveness for my own sins.

If I forgive, then God will forgive me.
 
Zaccheus said:
If I forgive, I give up the grudge. I give up the right to be angry or to hate the offender.
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We are commanded not to hate. And anger in itself is not a sin.

You’re imposing psychology onto theology.
 
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