Should I marry a non-catholic or be single forever?

[AdamP88]

Why is it that so many Catholics believe that non-Catholic Christians don’t/won’t go to church with their family???..like it’s a sure thing (non-Catholic) spouse is going to stay home on Sunday while the wife takes the kids. I don’t get it. It’s such a poor sterotype.

I think you’re personalising this a bit too much. We know there are exceptions but for many Catholics the ideal is that there are two faithful and practicing parents and both are serious about the Catholic faith, not just Christianity in general. It’s great that you’re involved in your kids faith, but even that is weird for some Catholics. I can’t imagine marrying someone and then supporting my kids to grow up in another faith. I would just never be on board with that. Because my faith is such an essential part of my life I couldn’t possibly marry someone of a different faith. That is where we are coming from.

 

[Brett1980]

If he is a Christian I would consider, but if he is not a Christian (whilst this may sound a bit harsh) I would say no. Do not marry a non-Christian man. This is just the general rule though, the decision is always yours. From my experience, relationships have a way of being tested after several years and a difference in values can become a big problem.

 

[AdamP88]

In fact I remember once thinking it strange to see another entire family going to Mass together; it never occurred to me that some families did that.

I think the people who hold this as a dealbreaker see this as something they want to give their kids though. I wouldn’t want my kids to grow up thinking it’s unusual that families go to mass. I want them to be part of a family that goes to mass and that should be their norm. I want them to see other families that go to mass and to see that as something important.

 

[MockSock]

OK, I’ve read this a few times on this site, and seen it a couple time in “youtube” videos.

Why is it that so many Catholics believe that non-Catholic Christians don’t/won’t go to church with their family???..like it’s a sure thing (non-Catholic) spouse is going to stay home on Sunday while the wife takes the kids. I don’t get it. It’s such a poor sterotype.

I grew up with a Protestant mum, she never came to Mass with us (maybe once or twice at Christmas), and she never prayed with us.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s my mum and I love her.

I know this is just one example, but I’m just saying.

 

[TC3033]

I think you’re personalising this a bit too much. We know there are exceptions but for many Catholics the ideal is that there are two faithful and practicing parents and both are serious about the Catholic faith, not just Christianity in general. It’s great that you’re involved in your kids faith, but even that is weird for some Catholics. I can’t imagine marrying someone and then supporting my kids to grow up in another faith. I would just never be on board with that. Because my faith is such an essential part of my life I couldn’t possibly marry someone of a different faith. That is where we are coming from.

I don’t think I’m personalizing this at all, and this honestly doesn’t answer my question. What’s with the stereotype that all non-Catholic spouses will constantly skip church. I don’t get it.

I can’t imagine marrying someone and then supporting my kids to grow up in another faith.

I couldn’t possibly marry someone of a different faith.

And for some of us (both non-Catholic and Catholic alike) we don’t believe that we’re of different faiths, we’re Christians.

With that said, I’m sure that for some…it’s a deal breaker, like the OP. For others it isn’t. The constant stereotyping of the impending doom “mixed”- marriages gets on here, I don’t think, should sit without rebuttal.

 

[TC3033]

I grew up with a Protestant mum, she never came to Mass with us (maybe once or twice at Christmas), and she never prayed with us.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s my mum and I love her.

I know this is just one example, but I’m just saying.

I’m not saying it doesn’t happen…heck, I know Catholic families where this happens.

I’m just wondering why the stereotype that this ALWAYS and WILL happen with “mixed”-marriages. Fr. Mike has a video about mixed marriages that my wife and I have eyerolled at because of all the stereotypes in it.

 

[blackforest]

Here is one example of a vocation for single people. Vocations do not require a vow; often they come simply in the form of a career.

http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/ccscrlife/documents/rc_con_ccscrlife_profile_en.html

One case in point is a pediatrician I know. She has no husband or children but dedicates every fiber of her being to the children she serves.

But we’re not here to debate about the value of single Catholics. As for your personal circumstances, we cannot have faith without patience. As eager as you seem for answers, your life will unfold in front of you the way it’s supposed to, if you pray for God’s will to be done. Just beware - it may not be your will. I was the opposite of you, vehemently against marrying young. Then my husband-to-be came along . . . Oops.

 

[AdamP88]

Actually, there is a vowed vocation.

That’s not the same as being single. You’re not “single”, you’re “a consecrated virgin”.

 

[jeannetherese]

Wow. I promise you, my non-Catholic family and friends are not rejecting, they are respecting our Catholic beliefs and refrain out of that respect.

Would your kids think you were rejecting Christ if you did not receive some Sunday? Maybe I am a super dinner, but, as he grew up my son saw me sometimes refrain from communion. Before his own conversion, my husband refrained every Mass.

What it did was raise a child who did not feel pressure to receive Everytime and who is not embarrassed if he is not properly disposed.

Recognition of the Real Presence and one’s unworthiness to receive when not properly disposed is different from attending Mass with a Catholic spouse out of respect for the spouse and his or her beliefs (but not sharing those beliefs oneself)
The belief may be acknowledged as a belief, but it is not acknowledged as a truth. Were it acknowledged as a truth, the spouse would be seeking the Eucharist as well.
The children are being presented with a rejection of the reality of the Real Presence by a parent and role model.

 

[ThomasMT]

With all due respect, it’s absurd to for you to think the only way to raise fully Catholic children if only one spouse is Catholic…and to say the Catholic spouse would be doing the lifting “Alone”.

You are not a Catholic. In fact, you rarely seem to miss an opportunity to interject your secular views when it comes to these types of threads. In this regard, such a view is irrelevant, IMO. The OP is and she claims to be a devout, faithful one at that. The person that I replied to also claims to be Catholic, hence my reply… to her.

With you, such a discussion would obviously be moot… with all due respect.

 

[TC3033]

In fact, you rarely seem to miss an opportunity to interject your secular views when it comes to these types of threads.

Sir, with all do respect, how has my view been secular?

In this regard, such a view is irrelevant, IMO.

Which I said to the OP, it may be a deal beaker to her, but constant put downs and sterotyping of “mixed” marriages isn’t helpful and I will reply to…the same as others up thread who are also in “mixed” marriages.

The person that I replied to also claims to be Catholic, hence my reply… to her.

It’s an open message board, I would recommend if you want replies to be private and receive no other reviews or feedback I may recommend utilizing the private messaging function.

With you, such a discussion would obviously be moot… with all due respect.

Would it be moot because I have a lot of experience since I’ve been in a “mixed” relationship for over 20 years, or because I don’t necessarily share your “doom and gloom” viewpoint of “mixed” relationships?..respectfully.

 

[mdgspencer]

The only thing I can say is that you should pray much.
As I would expect you have much contradictory advice. But the one thing you can do is clear, pray.

 

[tomo_pomo]

Thank you, did you tell these to you vocational director and he or she agreed?

 

[AdamP88]

What’s with the stereotype that all non-Catholic spouses will constantly skip church. I don’t get it.

It’s not a “stereotype” it’s just the lived experience of some people.

And for some of us (both non-Catholic and Catholic alike) we don’t believe that we’re of different faiths, we’re Christians.

But that’s an issue too. I’m not just some vague “Christian”. I’m specifically Catholic. And that’s the identity and faith I want my kids to have.

With that said, I’m sure that for some…it’s a deal breaker, like the OP. For others it isn’t. The constant stereotyping of the impending doom “mixed”- marriages gets on here, I don’t think, should sit without rebuttal.

Again, it’s not a stereotype. It’s a preference. And in my opinion, it makes sense. The Church also feels that it makes sense.

 

[AdamP88]

Which I said to the OP, it may be a deal beaker to her, but constant put downs and sterotyping of “mixed” marriages isn’t helpful and I will reply to…the same as others up thread who are also in “mixed” marriages.

Again nobody is putting down mixed marriages. But the fact is that the Church has always promoted sacramental marriage between two Catholics above all else. That is simply a fact. We are discussing this in the context of someone who recognizes that fact and has clearly stated that is their preference. (The OP)
You are coming at this from a very different angle. The fact that you stated that we are all just “Christians” shows how different your view is from many of the Catholics commenting on this thread. As Catholics, we don’t believe that we are all the same because we’re Christian. Sure, we have stuff in common, but many Christians believe very different things from Catholics.

In any case, this is getting a bit off topic. The OP is probably more interested in answers to her specific question than debate about this matter.

 

[AdamP88]

Catholic is binary. Either one is a Catholic or they are not Catholic. There are no degrees of Catholic, no one “partially” Catholic.

Not quite sure about that. There are plenty of people who are “marginally catholic”. Who accept some teaching and reject others. Or who base their Catholicism on their political preferences (Nancy Pelosi). Sure, they’re all equally Catholic in baptism, but not necessarily in spirit.

 

[twf]

I’m going to reiterate what others have said…if you’re in your 20s, I think its pretty silly to say you would be choosing to be “single forever”. I don’t know what its like where you live, but in my region the average marrying age, last time I checked, was in the early 30s now…people just don’t get married in their 20s anymore. My wife and I are in our early/mid 30s and we have a 4 year old son. I look around our city and we always feel like young parents…so many people aren’t even starting a family until their late 30s or even 40s now. Whatever the case…you have LOTS of time.

Regarding marrying a non-Catholic, I did it…and speaking from experience, there can be major difficulties. I would strongly recommend that you ensure your potential husband is 100% on board with 1) natural family planning / no contraception and 2) baptizing any kids Catholic. If you leave any wiggle room in those discussions up front, as I did, you’re going to face some MAJOR more dilemmas later…

 

[TC3033]

It’s not a “stereotype” it’s just the lived experience of some people.

Sure…some people. In the context being utilized here (an in some videos) it’s made to sound if it’s a sure thing. It’s very much stereotyping, if not an attempt to influence when perpetuating the stereo-type that non-Catholic Christians constantly skip church.

I’m not just some vague “Christian”. I’m specifically Catholic.

I didn’t say that, so please do put words in my mouth.

Again, it’s not a stereotype. It’s a preference. And in my opinion, it makes sense. The Church also feels that it makes sense.

What’s not a stereotype? I would say perpetuating that mixed-marriages are impending doom is stereotyping.

Like I said, sure…individuals can have their preference. Even I said in this thread…multiple times…that a mixed marriage probably isn’t going to work for the OP. But when I read some of the things I do about “mixed”-marriages, specifically when speaking of them in a vacuum where “this” is guranteed to happen or “that”, I’m going to rebut the post.

Again nobody is putting down mixed marriages.

We may be reading different threads then…

clearly stated that is their preference.

And, as I’ve posted multiple time in this thread a “mixed”-marriage probably isn’t for the OP…but I will dispel negatives that are spoken as though it “WILL” happen when it comes to any “mixed”-marriage.

The fact that you stated that we are all just “Christians”

I never said that, again you’re putting words in my mouth. I don’t believe my family is a different faith than me. We’re all Christians. They’re Catholic and I’m not. They have the same feeling about me. I’m sorry you don’t share that.

The OP is probably more interested in answers to her specific question than debate about this matter.

Probably, but I’ll continue to chime in and dispel stereotypes that are spoken as absolutes or comment on my experiences, those aren’t helpful. I’m not the only one that has done that either…

 

[VanitasVanitatum]

Why is it that so many Catholics believe that non-Catholic Christians don’t/won’t go to church with their family???..like it’s a sure thing (non-Catholic) spouse is going to stay home on Sunday while the wife takes the kids. I don’t get it. It’s such a poor sterotype.

Maybe they are thinking of atheists, agnostics, and lukewarms Christians which are more prevalent in youths.

 

[TC3033]

Maybe they are thinking of atheists, agnostics, and lukewarms Christians which are more prevalent in youths.

Ya…no clue.

From the video I’ve seen I don’t think so.