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TC3033
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With all due respect, it’s absurd to for you to think the only way to raise fully Catholic children if only one spouse is Catholic…and to say the Catholic spouse would be doing the lifting “Alone”.
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PennyinCanada
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Hi there. Scrolling along and see this big pencil! What’s that about? And can I have a big pencil? lol
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PennyinCanada
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I found people bug you when you’re single, when are you going to find ‘the one’. Then you date someone for a month and the next thing is when are you getting married? You get engaged, when’s the wedding? A month after your wedding they ask how long are you going to wait for kids.
Don’t feel pressure because someone comments. Have a humorous reply ready, smile, and tell them Thank you since you seem to think I’m a great catch! Then change the subject.
Don’t feel pressure because someone comments. Have a humorous reply ready, smile, and tell them Thank you since you seem to think I’m a great catch! Then change the subject.
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adamhovey1988
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I am a 32 year-old man, I am in no rush to get married, and I know women that are older than I am that are not married either. Don’t get me wrong, I want to get married and have kids, but if I worry so much about that right now, I’m not going to be able to do a lot of other things in life. There are a lot of things you need to take into consideration before that is something you worry about. What if your spouse dies before you do? And I ask this out of legitimate concern, because my dad died when I was nine and my mom was in her 30s. Would you be able to handle that? Would you be ready for that? Now, whether or not you marry a Catholic, it’s definitely preferable, but it’s not impossible that you don’t. My dad was a Lutheran, and he was one of the most moral upstanding people I knew. and not too long afterwards, my mother rushed into marriage with someone she barely knew. Although, part of that was my paternal grandmother’s urging, rest in peace Grandma Doris but that was not bright. These are only things I’ve seen from personal experience, trust me there’s a lot more you need to ask yourself
It’s not the only way. But it is the best way.
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TC3033
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Eh, disagree. It depends on the people too.
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That’s fair enough. But I would discern between what you think God wants and what you want. I’m not saying it’s wrong to want to be married to a faithful Catholic. That was one of my dealbreakers for a spouse too. But it’s also ok to say “I do not want to marry a non-Catholic”.
I think it’s great that you’ve done all this discerning but you also have to remember that all discernment is done in community. You can’t discern to be a priest or religious if the superior discerns it’s not for you. As a spiritual director said to me once “I can discern that this isn’t for you, but I can’t discern that it is”. In the case of marriage, discernment only truly happens with another person in a relationship. You can’t say “marriage is my vocation” until you say I do. The same is true of all vocations. People forget this when thinking of marriage and it leads to statements like “I know marriage is my vocation”, which unfortunately sometimes leads to disappointment if the person doesn’t get married.
I agree with you that single life is not, technically, a vocation, but it is what some people end up being.
If I were you, I would stick to my resolution to only marry a faithful Catholic. If it’s something you feel strongly about you would be unhappy to drop it. In my own opinion, I would have stayed single rather than married someone not faithful to the Church.
This is something I see quite often on these threads. Young women who are, for whatever reason, afraid of online dating. I’m not sure why this is, maybe it’s to do with meeting strangers off the internet, but I feel that probably more men are actually actively on Catholic dating sites looking for a spouse, so it is a possibility. In my opinion, you can’t complain about not having met someone if you’re not prepared to be open to all the possibilities. Lots of people meet online. I met my wife online. On this website, totally not expecting to meet a wife at all. It’s quite normal in this day and age, and should also be safe with sensible precautions.
You can disagree if you like but the Church has always preferred Catholics to marry other Catholics. There are very good reasons for that. Realising that while dating and making it a priority is something many young Catholics do and I think it’s a very sensible thing.
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TheLittleLady
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Catholic is binary. Either one is a Catholic or they are not Catholic. There are no degrees of Catholic, no one “partially” Catholic.
I myself have said it is not the norm in my experiences, however, my expeirnece is anecdotal. I know mixed marriages that have worked well, when the non-Catholic or even non-Christian spouse has assisted the Catholic spouse in keeping their promises.
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TC3033
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And I can look at my own position to disagree. Just attending catechism classes I can tell I’m better at raising Catholic kids than a majority of the dads there. That is why I would say it’s going to depend on the people as well.
To you it may be sensible… For us it’s a great thing having a Dad (me) who is active in the religious upbringing of the kids as well as being knowledgeable vs. a Dad who’s luke warm (dare I say non-practicing) that has little or nothing to do with the kids’ religious upbringing. I’d even say in some cases don’t even know what’s going on 1/2 the time. But hey, they’re Catholic so it’s better.
I’m not comparing a dad of a different religion to a lukewarm Catholic dad. I specifically said marrying a “faithful Catholic”. That was my dealbreaker and my wife’s. And I can see why it is an idea that is making a comeback. I would encourage my kids to do the same.
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TC3033
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OK, that’s different. You’re moving the goalposts from your initial reply to me.
For us, I don’t see that happening.
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jeannetherese
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Actually, there is a vowed vocation.
Vatican publishes norms on consecrated virgins
Almost 50 years after the Church published the new Rite of Consecrated Virginity, the Vatican has issued an instruction on the state of life, its discipline, and the responsibilities of diocesan bishops toward the vocation of consecrated virgins.
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PennyinCanada
Guest
I think that you might be underestimating how powerful it is to have a dad that kneels with his children and prays, a man that lines up to go to confession, a man that goes up for communion in a respectful and powerful way. A man that will do the sign of the cross. Perhaps too, underestimating the impact of a dad that won’t go to church on Sunday while mom tries to explain why it’s important to go. The kids look at dad with raised eyebrows and it won’t be long for them to figure out that dad does not do these things and he hasn’t been taken out by a lightning bolt. The demand of ‘I want to stay home with dad’ is very likely going to happen.
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TC3033
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A non-Catholic Christian can’t?
I can take my kids to communion. I’ve done it before when my wife couldn’t. They don’t bat an eye than I don’t receive. They’ve grown up with it.
I think non-Catholics can do this too.
OK, I’ve read this a few times on this site, and seen it a couple time in “youtube” videos.
Why is it that so many Catholics believe that non-Catholic Christians don’t/won’t go to church with their family???..like it’s a sure thing (non-Catholic) spouse is going to stay home on Sunday while the wife takes the kids. I don’t get it. It’s such a poor sterotype.
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jeannetherese
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For me, this would be the concern: My children, watching their parent reject the body, blood, soul and divinity of Our Lord, Jesus Christ.
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TC3033
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Well, I guess that would be you.
For us, it hasn’t (and don’t foresee it) to be an issue.
You know, I was the child in that situation, with a Catholic mother and a father who believed in God but who wasn’t Catholic and didn’t go to church at all.
Dad didn’t pray Catholic prayers with Mom and me. Dad didn’t go to confession or communion or even go to Mass with Mom and me.
I never really thought that that was unusual. In fact I remember once thinking it strange to see another entire family going to Mass together; it never occurred to me that some families did that.
And, in my case, Mom and I worked around that. When I asked Mom why Dad didn’t go to Catholic Mass with us, Mom explained that he was “brought up differently” and that was that.
We were able to work around that because Dad left the religious instruction to Mom. Dad was a “go along, get along” person who didn’t have close ties to any church and was just glad that I was getting a religious upbringing of some kind.
Of course, that’s just my experience; that’s not everyone, and if having a Catholic spouse is a deal-breaker for some people, I fully respect that.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Wow. I promise you, my non-Catholic family and friends are not rejecting, they are respecting our Catholic beliefs and refrain out of that respect.
Would your kids think you were rejecting Christ if you did not receive some Sunday? Maybe I am a super dinner, but, as he grew up my son saw me sometimes refrain from communion. Before his own conversion, my husband refrained every Mass.
What it did was raise a child who did not feel pressure to receive Everytime and who is not embarrassed if he is not properly disposed.
Would your kids think you were rejecting Christ if you did not receive some Sunday? Maybe I am a super dinner, but, as he grew up my son saw me sometimes refrain from communion. Before his own conversion, my husband refrained every Mass.
What it did was raise a child who did not feel pressure to receive Everytime and who is not embarrassed if he is not properly disposed.
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