It has been over a month, and my DH has been drinking tonight.
Please pray it was a slip…and put him back on the wagon. It was soooo nice not worrying about this for the time frame he was sober.
Lana
Lana,
What you have managed to do with your DH is similar to what I have done with mine, and that is to set up boundaries and detaching yourself from your husbands “illness”. I’m in a little deeper (I think) than you are, and when I set up my boundaries/ultimatum my DH completely quit drinking for about a month and then found an excuse to drink. He promptly “quit” again. He has had “excuses/reasons” to drink since then as well, but they have been isolated and he hasn’t been drunk for probably six or seven months. I know he drinks when he goes out of town and doesn’t have to look in my eyes when he is drinking.
I guess what I’m trying to say for you is don’t give up yet. This could be isolated and just his way of working it out of his system which is what I think my DH is in the process of doing. His dry spells are longer and longer each time and he honestly doesn’t seem to need it so desperately the way he did a year ago. I look at how far he has come with regards to his drinking and he is so far away from that I am thankful to God for the strides he has made.
I pray you don’t end up where I am right now regarding your relationship with your DH. Probably our situation is a direct result of my setting boundaries and giving him an ultimatum. He has totally detached from me. I think it’s kind of “two can play that game” mind set. While what I have done is to protect my sanity and peace of mind when he is drinking, what he is doing is spiteful. He recoils or bristles and jumps when I try to caress or hug him. He hasn’t reached out with ANY sort of affection for almost six months. I also made the decision about six months ago that it was time for me be able to feel like I’m not the only one making an effort at our marriage. I need to feel like I’m needed, wanted and loved. I need to be appreciated and courted the way he appreciated and courted me in the beginning of our marriage. Our “love” relationship has come to be fulfilling all his “needs” (you know what I mean, right?) without fulfilling ANY of mine. He says “that’s the way I show you how much I love you”. Truly, I appreciate that he still finds me attractive that way, but I need more than that. So, I made the decision to wait. That’s when he really decided to put up a tall and wide wall between us. We are exactly like college roommates who happen to sleep in the same bed.
Anyway, I’m strong and determined. It’s time my needs were fulfilled. I’m terribly lonely because of the decision I have made. I have determined in this new year I will find a way to fill that loneliness. I vowed to myself last night I’ll start showing my DD how much I love her. Two nights in a row she asked me “Mom, do you even love me?”. This came after I had a difficult time getting her to bed and nitpicking her behaviors and the condition of her bedroom. I’m not going to clean it for her like I’ve done in the past, but I’ll be there with her and guide her through what needs to be done to get her bedroom clean and the upstairs bathroom, which is the one she uses. I need to relocate the time to get back to the gym and start exercising again. I was on a regular regimen for four years, and totally got of track during the summer. I also need to find an out of house activity that involves other adults. Just haven’t determined what that will be.
So, long story to tell you Lana, hang in there. Stick up for your needs and don’t let your DH steamroll you. Stay strong and keep your prayer life active.
I pray every night for all of us here at the St. M’s thread. We all need ALL the prayers we can get.
