St. Monica pray for us! Praying for our husbands....

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Happy to meet you, Kayla!
Our 15 yo D says she doesn’t know if she believes in God. She took RCIA when I converted, but wouldn’t be baptized.
I don’t know if this the difficulty for your daughter, but I know that belief in God is a great struggle for me because I naturally question so much. It sounds like a good sign that she was open to attending RCIA. I’ve prayed that God answers any questions that may be keeping her from him, and gives her faith so that she realizes that we humans never do have all the answers, but we don’t really need them either.

Prayers for all of your family!

-Ethel
 
Hello sisters,

I am in a similar situation to many of you out there, my Husband Gael has a very hard heart towards the Church. I was born and raised Catholic, left the practice of the faith when I went to university, and lived a very headonisitc and promiscuis life. I met my husband 10 years ago on a skiing trip to France, we lived together for 2 years and then got married in the Catholic Church. (I told him this was the only way to marry me). He is French of Italian origin, was baptised and even confirmed but never went to Mass as a kid. We live in France, the most athiest country in the world, so the sacraments did not influence him much.

I had a conversion experience in Medjugorie about 5 years ago, and Gael also had a kind of opposite of conversion experience at the same time. As I grew towards the Church, he grew more angry and resentful of religion, the Church and all the crazy people who believe in God, or at least who let their belief in God actually influence their lives.

He mournes the loss of the lovely wife he married, and hates the holier version of me. I guess he kind of had me on a pedastel before this, and feels that I have changed so much, that he does not even particularly like me anymore.

I never preach to him, I try to love him even more and to be a very loving wife, offering massages, cooking his favourite food, always always being the first to reconcile if there is an argument (to the point of being a doormat). The outward signs of my religious beliefs as they affect the marriage are that I do not watch anything pornographic on TV (I will leave the room) have less stomach for anything violent or stupid on TV, continually beg my husband to be open to new life, and I go to mass on Sunday.

He puts huge pressure on me not to go to Mass every Sunday, even to the point where he did not speak to me all day yesterday, and said he would do this every Sunday in the future if I go to Mass. It kind of ruins our family day, we have two precious boys 2 and 4.

He came up with a suggestion for ‘Compromise’ a few months ago whereby I would go to mass on my own once a month, and we would go as a family once a month (with him and the boys), and I would miss mass twice a month. I tried to tell him that this was not up for discussion, though I would dearly love to see him at Mass with my boys, and we did talk to our local priest about this. The priest spoke in metaphors, said that family was No. 1 , and kind of fudged the question about mass attendance. He basically thought that the problem was not enough marital relations (ahem). My French is not that good, so I ended up more confused than ever after that discussion. I clarified the issue about Mass attendance with him last week - Is it my sin to miss Mass under these circumstances? Answer was Yes. I was quite relieved to hear this, and I told DH last night that even though I loved him I was not willing to go to Hell for him.

I pray constantly for his conversion, asking for the intercession of the Little Flower (I live about 70 miles from Liseaux), her parents, Padre Pio 'coz hes Italian and St Monica.

Anyone else been there and wearing the T-shirt? What do ye think of ‘the Compromise’? Is it worth running my marriage to the wall over? (He regularly assures me that he will be out of here once the boys grow up, and no more kids for me either)

Its hard sometimes.

Siobhan
I am so sorry about the struggles you are experiencing in your marriage. It must be very difficult and disheartening for you, and I think all the wives here can relate to what you are going through right now. :console:

As far as the compromise he proposed, would it be possible for you to attend Mass every Sunday, just you and your children, and then invite dh to join you once a month or whenever he would like to attend? Perhaps he might feel more open to you and the kids going as long as he doesn’t feel pressured to go himself?

Keep praying, and ask for the grace and wisdom you need to be the wife and mother God wants you to be, and I will be praying for you too.

~Kathy
 
Oops, the security camera got me before i combed my hair…

My last couple of days has me a bit frazzed. For all of the needed prayers and help we did get, my husband is not very strong conviction wise.

Yes he is working, yes he went to church with us twice, yes he is doing as i ask at home, yes there is more harmony, but we have hit a snag…still the alcohol.

This year has a total of an equal 10 drinking days in January, 5 of which he drove home…

Sooo…drinking every three days on average, driving drunk is about every 6 days. Both are absolutely Unexceptable.

So, while he is getting his act together, and needs positive reinforcement, how is it that you can do this, and not come down on him for the drinking, and drinking and driving?

I have the calm, the order, and this month has me personally so frazzed, i am ready to blow a gasket. I am so close to asking him to leave, and never come back.

This is why i hate to ever hope, or ever count on anyone.
I simply always put out, and get crapped on…

I am sure if you took my blood pressure right now, it would be high…next is the damn chest pains, then the yelling and arguing in front of the kids, then the fight, then the explosion…yep, i know the cycles…

I am ready to call it quits sooooooo badly!

Lana
 
Lana,
You’ve been through and hell and back. I don’t know how you do it. I don’t think I could live that way. But you are hanging in there. At this point, I think advice from your priest would be helpful. It’s not right to have to live with his alcoholism that puts so much strain/tension/heartache on the you and the kids; let alone safety reasons. While he has improved in some areas, it seems, he still has a ways to go. I will pray that the Holy Spirit will guide you, enlighten you and enlighten HIM - DH! Getting ready to pray my rosary - you’ll be in it!

Much love,
 
Tempting…hmmmm…

Do they still do home visits and/or excercisms?

Sorry for the sarcasm…it is actually a good sign.
At least for my husbands safety, that is!

Lana
 
Dear St. Monica,
troubled wife and mother,
many sorrows pierced your heart during your lifetime.
Yet, you never despaired or lost faith.
With confidence, persistence, and profound faith,
you prayed daily for the conversion
of your beloved husband, Patricius,
and your beloved son, Augustine;
your prayers were answered.
Grant me that same fortitude, patience,
and trust in the Lord.
Intercede for me, dear St. Monica,
that God may favorably hear my plea for

(For the conversion of our husbands.)

and grant me the grace to accept His Will in all things,
through Jesus Christ, our Lord,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, forever and ever.

Amen.
 
Everytime I really begin to take my prayer life seriously…I mean praying regularly and going beyond the bare minimum of Sunday Mass etc…My husband becomes a very angry person.

A little history… WE were not married catholic. Five years into our marriage we both went through RCIA. A few years later I started really taking my faith to a deeper level. Prayer- daily Mass -regular confession. I really became a different person. I had healed from childhood abuses and a teenage life that no mother would want her daughter to go through. During this deep conversion my husband was traveling a lot. He was home only 1 week per month on average. While he was away I changed from a life with no direction to one that had direction and was trying to grow in virtue and placed order in my life like never before. ( Orderliness was never a natural tendancy for my husband or I ) It was not something he really liked, especially because I began to sense to difference between holy sex and plain sex. There was such division between us that he thought I was having an affair.

With hind sight, I can see that I should have talked to him about what I was going through. I must have seemed very selfish to him.
Little by little I gave up my devotions and have really just been going through the motions of the Catholic life without the intimate relationship that Christ wants from us. After ten years of this I decided to really put my all into my prayer lilfe like before…only now he is angry again. The other day I was talking about a new ministry about Social Justice in our parish and that I was interested. He began talking about how the Catholic church was going to have to change the teaching on birth control for there to be any social justice. ( we are the parents to 7 beautiful children and we live on a very modest income in a not so great neighborhood and we homeschool.) ANd as he spoke he became angrier and was slamming things throwing things around in anger. He is tired of working all the time and sees no other purpose to his life. He is depressed. I don’t wany to be that way. I think if he focused on God things would change for him, but he will not listen.

It is frustrating. Being the mother of 7 is hard. Especially when all the signs from the world are flashing that you must be some dumb idiot to follow the church that far. It is even harder when your husband seems to be feeling the same way.

He is a great guy. Great father. Except that he does not really aspire to learn what the church teaches about virtue and that our dignity is not iin this life but the next. Basicly I think he regrets having so many kids.

Any help???
 
Don’t know if someone mentioned this already as I didn’t read all the posts, but I have a suggestion for you. Get a copy of the book “The Secret Diary of Elizabeth Leseur” (The woman whose goodness changed her husband from atheist to priest). It was an excellent book and I think you will find it very inspiring. I bought mine on Amazon, so you might look it up there. Hope this helps and God bless!
 
Hi, ladies!

I haven’t posted on this thread in several months because I thought things were going well. For those who don’t know my story, I am revert to the Church (about 3 years ago) who is married to a non-practicing protestant. Back in the spring we had some struggles when I finally came to accept the Church’s teachings on ABC - and had to try to convince him of this.

Well, we went through a tough time, but things got better. We used NFP for about 6 months. I was wanting to have another baby, but not pressuring or nagging him at all. On his own, he agreed. It happened a little sooner than we thought, but he’s happy about it.

He started coming to mass with me. I basically stopped asking him and told him he was always welcome and that I would like him to come but, again, I was not going to keep nagging. So, he did this on his own. I would even see him following along in the missalette with the readings. He gives me time alone every night to pray (to St. Monica, for him, everyday!). We recently moved and he seemed to be taking interest in choosing a new parish for us. I thought he was taking some baby steps toward Christ.

Last night, he confided something that came as a complete shock. He basically told me that the deeper I get in my spiritual life and involvement in the Church, the more solidly he is driven away from it (religion in general).😦 He told me that he is agnostic (he never told me this before) and the more he thinks about it the more “far-fetched” God’s existence seems to him. :confused: He doesn’t want to miss out on enjoying this life in case there is no afterlife; and apparently, my life as a practicing Catholic is now not enjoyable. I asked what he thought I was missing out on (by “wasting” my time praying, reading, going to Church, etc) and he said “I don’t know”. Honestly, when I’m doing these things, he’s usually watching TV.

I am crushed. I have been praying so hard for him. Trying to live as a holy Christian wife without shoving anything down his throat so that he would see Christ in me. I keep telling myself that this is just the devil working in him. Maybe he was starting to move toward God and the devil is putting these doubts in his head?? I feel a little better after catching up and reading some of the posts here about letting the Holy Spirit do the work on his heart that I cannot do.

I just need some prayers and some words of encouragement wouldn’t hurt either!
 
Cat,
I agree. Let the Holy Spirit work on him. A person has to have the disposition to receive the graces from the Holy Spirit. Maybe his time is not now, but will be when he is receptive. Keep praying for him - that will allow the Holy Spirit to do his job. AND - the devil probably is causing trouble between the two of you. So, hang in there! I’ll be praying for you during my rosaries.

Blessings,
 
Thanks be to God for a very tender moment w/ DH last night . . . I suggested he take DS (2.5 yo) to the park and maybe a slushy @ Sonic (the weather has been unusually nice). DH slumps his shoulders and says in that bratty teenager-y tone, ‘I don’t want to. I just don’t feel like it.’ But he came around and they were gone for well over 1.5 hrs! It was nice to put the baby down for his nap and have some quiet time to myself.

Later that evening DH gave me a hug and said ‘Thank You.’ I had an idea what he was thanking me for, but I asked anyway, ‘thank you for what?’ ‘For suggesting the park this afternoon - DS had a really good time, and so did I.’ My heart just soared.
 
Catt -

I listened to Chris and Linda Padgett’s testimony recently called “Not Ready for Marriage: A Couple’s Return to Chastity.” Chris confessed that when Linda started delving into and practicing her faith, he KNEW in his heart that HE was supposed to be doing this too, but he was too ashamed for all of his sins. But he KNEW he was supposed to be doing/being better.

I am a revert and I will listen to any testimony/theology lesson on tape that our parish offers, I will read any book I can get my hands on and digest, I LOVE watching ETWN . . .the whole enchilada. I am teaching my toddler to say morning and nighttime prayers, and on and on. DH did not grow up w/ faith in his family, at least, not that it was lived out at home, and certainly not by his father, so this is all system overload for him.

Also, I think the thing is that our husbands see our love and our unquenchable thirst for truth in our faith and they may be a bit jealous or ashamed. We can’t seem to get enough of this stuff and so maybe they feel left out b/c they haven’t accepted the grace and gift of faith yet. Also, perhaps his conscious is getting at him b/c he knows what he does or doesn’t do is wrong on some level and we don’t like other people (or the Church) telling us what to do.

Just a few thoughts to help you maybe understand what he may be going thru. It’s hard, and I struggle w/ this too, but just think about how you’d feel if he started being super-zealous about some non-Christian faith or some other Christian denomination and he was bombarding your home and media intake w/ material on this faith. I tell my husband, I’m not sure if I could be as gracious w/ you or go along w/ you if you chose another faith - as gracious as you have been w/ me. He is kind enough to go w/ us to mass on Sundays (I have compromised to go on Saturday nights) mainly to help w/ the kids, but he also recites all of the prayers and responses and sings the hymns. I know that just making that small sacrifice to get up in the mornings when he’d rather sleep in and being there in Jesus’ presence in the sacrament, even if he doesn’t participate in the sacrament, God is bestowing graces upon him.

What does Fr.Corapi say, grace is received to the degree that the receiver is open to receiving it. Remember that faith is a gift and some people will reject it, even if only for a time. Persevere!!!
 
I ordered my copy of The Secret Diary of Elizabeth Lesure today and I can’t wait to start reading it.

I know she is not a saint yet, but is in the process. I am glad to have such an example to learn from. Most saints or spiritual writings are from a priest or nun and although they are great to read, I feel this will be just the example I am looking for as a wife struggling to bring about Christ’s Kingdom in my home.
 
Hi ladies,

I just wanted to say hello, I’m praying for all of us, and especially for our husbands.
I don’t have much to report, things at home are much the same, not great, but not terrible…trying to stay excited about the upcoming birth of our son without getting caught up in worries about my marriage!
Thanks to everyone for being here, even when I don’t write in, I always read and it is great to have this support system here.

St. Monica, please pray for us wives, that we might be strong and patient in our vocations as wives and mothers. Help us to remember that everything is not under our control!!!

😃
 
St Monica, please intercede for all the wives who have posted on this thread. Please intercede for the conversion of our husbands, as faithfully as you interceded for your husband and your son. Thank you St Monica.
 
Please remember one of my coworkers in your prayers. I’m not close w/ her, but I overheard her talking to a couple of ladies at the desk next to me and it sounds like she’s contemplating divorce. She got pregnant in high school by her now husband and they have a boy and a girl - DH just got back a year ago from serving overseas.

It broke my heart to hear the other ladies telling her that they’ve seen other women stick it out for the kids and when the kids are gone, they look back and wish they’d have left sooner. Also, siting that the kids suffer from living in a home w/ a broken marriage. I had heard someone on EWTN say one time that kids do better in a home w/ parents who don’t get along than they do a divorced home.

I don’t think it’s an abusive situation, I think there’s just a lot of abandonment. I feel really uncomfortable reaching out to her myself. I stick out like a sore thumb here b/c of my faith, I just wish I could mail her a good book or other material based around the idea where sometimes one spouse is carrying the weight of the marriage and family all by themselves and to persevere.

I’ve also heard this young woman (she’s 30) talk about her 12 yo son having a girlfriend and having to come up w/ an explanation for some explicit lyrics in the music that she buys him. I don’t think there’s any foundation of faith in this family.
 
So, a couple big blessings to report:
  1. My husband has said a few prayers for me, and with me, during the last week. This is really big, since recently he has been refusing to pray with me.
  2. My husband has agreed that if I get a job that earns enough to cover our expenses and then some (if I get a full-time, this will almost certainly be true), then we can start tithing. This is something I have always wanted to do, and something I have been able to offer God in sacrifice while praying for our family’s financial future.
  3. DH recently has decided he will be working on his Network+ certification once I start work, as the first step to trying to switch daily work roles (so I will stay home, and he will work). If he gets this cert, there is a good chance he will be able to earn enough to support the family.
Thank you so much for your prayers! God is working, and my DH is opening up to God’s grace.

Plus he’s been caring for me so I can continue interviewing and job-hunting even while sick - he just came up and gave me a big hug. I am feeling so blessed right now.

I went through a big interview yesterday, and he made me tea and packed my bag with cough medicine, honey, more tea - everything I would need to get through the day without coughing too much. And I think the interview went well. I’ll hear back on Monday or Tuesday if things went well (they’ll need some time to prepare an offer), and might hear back today if they didn’t go well. For today, no news is good news!
 
I don’t think it’s an abusive situation, I think there’s just a lot of abandonment. I feel really uncomfortable reaching out to her myself. I stick out like a sore thumb here b/c of my faith, I just wish I could mail her a good book or other material based around the idea where sometimes one spouse is carrying the weight of the marriage and family all by themselves and to persevere.
Dr. John Gottman’s marriage research might be useful in this case. He’s written some great books that really helped DH and I during the last year. We were in a situation where DH had pulled out of the relationship (what Dr. Gottman refers to as “stonewalling”, one of four behaviors that kills a marriage), leaving me to earn the income and do most of the housework. Mind you, DH is a good man - but he was acting like a lazy jerk for a while. He wasn’t talking with me, and he was on the verge of neglecting our children in his laziness.

The book I read was “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last”. Dr. Gottman has some newer books, and I have heard that they are better. The books support your statements that saving a marriage is usually better than divorce, and the evidence is all secular - so people with weak faith won’t have a stumbling block that they might with a faith-based work.
amazon.com/Why-Marriages-Succeed-Fail-Yours/dp/0684802414

We also received counseling from a Gottman Institute certified counselor. This was great, since DH wasn’t listening to me any more. She was able to confirm that my husband’s behavior was very dangerous for our marriage without making him feel attacked or insecure. He really started working to listen and paticipate more.

I don’t know if this is what your friend needs, but it is worth a try. I was able to borrow a copy from the library, but will probably buy some cheap copies of some of Dr. Gottman’s books off of Amazon once our family has an income - I would love to be able to lend them to friends in similar situations, and also have them available as a resource for us.

Prayers for your friend and her DH,
  • LFL
 
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