M
MonicaRose
Guest
Kayla,
I will add you to my prayers as well!!
I will add you to my prayers as well!!
I donât know if this the difficulty for your daughter, but I know that belief in God is a great struggle for me because I naturally question so much. It sounds like a good sign that she was open to attending RCIA. Iâve prayed that God answers any questions that may be keeping her from him, and gives her faith so that she realizes that we humans never do have all the answers, but we donât really need them either.Our 15 yo D says she doesnât know if she believes in God. She took RCIA when I converted, but wouldnât be baptized.
I am so sorry about the struggles you are experiencing in your marriage. It must be very difficult and disheartening for you, and I think all the wives here can relate to what you are going through right now. :console:Hello sisters,
I am in a similar situation to many of you out there, my Husband Gael has a very hard heart towards the Church. I was born and raised Catholic, left the practice of the faith when I went to university, and lived a very headonisitc and promiscuis life. I met my husband 10 years ago on a skiing trip to France, we lived together for 2 years and then got married in the Catholic Church. (I told him this was the only way to marry me). He is French of Italian origin, was baptised and even confirmed but never went to Mass as a kid. We live in France, the most athiest country in the world, so the sacraments did not influence him much.
I had a conversion experience in Medjugorie about 5 years ago, and Gael also had a kind of opposite of conversion experience at the same time. As I grew towards the Church, he grew more angry and resentful of religion, the Church and all the crazy people who believe in God, or at least who let their belief in God actually influence their lives.
He mournes the loss of the lovely wife he married, and hates the holier version of me. I guess he kind of had me on a pedastel before this, and feels that I have changed so much, that he does not even particularly like me anymore.
I never preach to him, I try to love him even more and to be a very loving wife, offering massages, cooking his favourite food, always always being the first to reconcile if there is an argument (to the point of being a doormat). The outward signs of my religious beliefs as they affect the marriage are that I do not watch anything pornographic on TV (I will leave the room) have less stomach for anything violent or stupid on TV, continually beg my husband to be open to new life, and I go to mass on Sunday.
He puts huge pressure on me not to go to Mass every Sunday, even to the point where he did not speak to me all day yesterday, and said he would do this every Sunday in the future if I go to Mass. It kind of ruins our family day, we have two precious boys 2 and 4.
He came up with a suggestion for âCompromiseâ a few months ago whereby I would go to mass on my own once a month, and we would go as a family once a month (with him and the boys), and I would miss mass twice a month. I tried to tell him that this was not up for discussion, though I would dearly love to see him at Mass with my boys, and we did talk to our local priest about this. The priest spoke in metaphors, said that family was No. 1 , and kind of fudged the question about mass attendance. He basically thought that the problem was not enough marital relations (ahem). My French is not that good, so I ended up more confused than ever after that discussion. I clarified the issue about Mass attendance with him last week - Is it my sin to miss Mass under these circumstances? Answer was Yes. I was quite relieved to hear this, and I told DH last night that even though I loved him I was not willing to go to Hell for him.
I pray constantly for his conversion, asking for the intercession of the Little Flower (I live about 70 miles from Liseaux), her parents, Padre Pio 'coz hes Italian and St Monica.
Anyone else been there and wearing the T-shirt? What do ye think of âthe Compromiseâ? Is it worth running my marriage to the wall over? (He regularly assures me that he will be out of here once the boys grow up, and no more kids for me either)
Its hard sometimes.
Siobhan
Dr. John Gottmanâs marriage research might be useful in this case. Heâs written some great books that really helped DH and I during the last year. We were in a situation where DH had pulled out of the relationship (what Dr. Gottman refers to as âstonewallingâ, one of four behaviors that kills a marriage), leaving me to earn the income and do most of the housework. Mind you, DH is a good man - but he was acting like a lazy jerk for a while. He wasnât talking with me, and he was on the verge of neglecting our children in his laziness.I donât think itâs an abusive situation, I think thereâs just a lot of abandonment. I feel really uncomfortable reaching out to her myself. I stick out like a sore thumb here b/c of my faith, I just wish I could mail her a good book or other material based around the idea where sometimes one spouse is carrying the weight of the marriage and family all by themselves and to persevere.