Strong Desire to Attend Mass, But Not Catholic

[Susan_Calvin]

Oh I forgot to tell you all that I am meeting with the priest tomorrow. I called him on the telephone yesterday and made an appointment to see him at his office. I’m also going to mass in the morning. It is my day off from work. I’m nervous but I’m hoping for the best. I will come on here sometime tomorrow and let all of you know how it went.

Thank you all for the support and advice. I still wish to answer each of your posts and the private messages I have received also… its taking a few days though as I’m very busy on a work project currently and can’t afford to spend much time online. I will answer though… I very much appreciate everyone’s support in this and thank you all again!

 

[CSUNGerrie]

Oh I forgot to tell you all that I am meeting with the priest tomorrow. I called him on the telephone yesterday and made an appointment to see him at his office. I’m also going to mass in the morning. It is my day off from work. I’m nervous but I’m hoping for the best. I will come on here sometime tomorrow and let all of you know how it went.

Thank you all for the support and advice. I still wish to answer each of your posts and the private messages I have received also… its taking a few days though as I’m very busy on a work project currently and can’t afford to spend much time online. I will answer though… I very much appreciate everyone’s support in this and thank you all again!

I am so excited for you! Thank you for keeping us posted on this I am sure I speak for everyone else when i say that I would like to hear how your meeting goes.

God Bless You! I am going to continue to pray for you.

 

[grandfather]

Oh I forgot to tell you all that I am meeting with the priest tomorrow. I called him on the telephone yesterday and made an appointment to see him at his office. I’m also going to mass in the morning. It is my day off from work. I’m nervous but I’m hoping for the best. I will come on here sometime tomorrow and let all of you know how it went.

Thank you all for the support and advice. I still wish to answer each of your posts and the private messages I have received also… its taking a few days though as I’m very busy on a work project currently and can’t afford to spend much time online. I will answer though… I very much appreciate everyone’s support in this and thank you all again!

Susan,

Why do you think those Missionaries of Charity did what they did? Why did they choose that life? Why did that priest help you get in school? It is certainly true that in addition to helping you they also called on God to bless you. Why do you remember them as you do?

We all share something, a common trait that kind of unites us. God made us all with a common purpose. God made you to love and be loved. The missionaries loved you. You were touched by love there. You encountered love there. God is love. He made your soul out of nothing to be loved by Him. The missionaries were His instruments to bring you His love. Love is a magnet. It draws us. Those missionaries enfolded you in their hearts and prayers. They pled for you, that God would draw you to Himself and give you His grace, His gifts. Now it is happening.

But what will that mean to you? What will being a Catholic mean as it is applied to your life? It means that you will change. A person does not become Catholic for the sake of being Catholic as if that were an end in itself. Faith and the love of God changes us. As the missionaries were intsruments of love in your life that is also what will happen to you, what you will become also. It is your turn to touch others with what you are given. Their religion compelled them to do what they did and live as they lived, impacting others as they did. If you embrace their religion it will also do something similar to you.

None of us can know the specifics of what is in our future. Life is full of surprises isn’t it? What God has in store for you will be surprising. God bless you.

 

[losh14]

So, I am asking you, as Catholics, what do you think? Is my friend right? Should I avoid the Church or should I try mass and see what happens? I know a bit about the teachings of the Church; to be perfectly honest, some aspects are appealing to me and others are not. I worry I would be attending for the wrong reasons, as my friend suggests. I also do not want to be unintentionally disrespectful to the church, with being an agnostic. Though, lately I feel open to changing my beliefs.

Thank you in advance for any and all responses.

I think you should do both, start therapy that will help you confront and work through underlying issues, and start attending Mass. Humans have spiritual as well as emotional needs that need to be fulfilled, and a therapist can attend to one while the Church can attend to another.

Even if you just go and sit and observe the Mass, perhaps it will help to find a feeling of community, of reverence, of awe, or even of the presence of the Sacred. You should try to feed that part of you that gives you this desire.

 

[luminoushope]

I apologize if this is not the correct forum for this post. I looked through each forum and this one seemed to best fit with my situation. Sorry for the length also, I tried to be brief but I felt I needed to explain myself a bit.

I am a professional woman in my early 30s, Jewish by birth though I was never religious nor connected with the Jewish community. I consider myself an agnostic.

…

Two months ago I started a position in a new city. One of the first things I noticed in my neighborhood was a Catholic church very near my apartment. The church bells ring every day at regular intervals and can be heard from my balcony. I drive by the church on my way to work. A sign outside says there is daily mass at 7 am.

I can’t explain the how or why, but I feel extremely drawn to attend mass. This has gone on for several weeks now. During Easter week I was very conflicted and agitated, I had trouble eating and sleeping, which is very unusual for me. All sorts of good memories of the sisters and the priest have come flooding back, things I haven’t thought of for years. I’m suddenly feeling a tremendous amount of gratitude for everything they did for me, and guilt at not keeping in touch with them. I’m considering writing them all to thank them and let them know I am well.

…

So, I am asking you, as Catholics, what do you think? Is my friend right? Should I avoid the Church or should I try mass and see what happens? I know a bit about the teachings of the Church; to be perfectly honest, some aspects are appealing to me and others are not. I worry I would be attending for the wrong reasons, as my friend suggests. I also do not want to be unintentionally disrespectful to the church, with being an agnostic. Though, lately I feel open to changing my beliefs.

Thank you in advance for any and all responses.

Dear Susan,

God is calling you. He is calling your heart and your soul. He called you through the Sisters who helped you, when you learned that this is what Catholics do. Run to Him! Don’t look to the right or the left. Just look straight ahead. My arms are around you and I think we have enough in common that I can relate to you.

Your friendship is valuable, of course, but your friend can only give you what she has, and your heart is seeking something different. A friendship should survive such difference. My husband of 25 years and I attend two different churches, since I started at the Catholic church in December. Our friendshp and marriage are strong. There is religious freedom in this marriage.

I am not even a Catholic yet, but that’s only because I have to go through an annulment of my first marriage. I am from a secular Jewish family and became a Christian at probably the age you are now. At the time I was single and a paraprofessional. I am now 59 and a homemaker, not completely my choice, I had to quit work for health reasons. Though I never reached the professional level you have, I know what it is to be a single originally-Jewish woman in her thirties.

While attending “Jesus movement” churches with my husband, I circled the Catholic church for almost 15 years. There were many things that attracted me. Mostly those things were experiential rather than intellectual, though I was raised to believe that the intellect was god. They ranged from the unbroken history of the Church, to the humility, devotion and love of my Catholic friends, to the fact that the Catholic Church was the only local church that observed Good Friday…I could go on and on, and probably will, but simply, I am the fourth person in less than two years from my former evangelical church, to go over to the Catholic church. The other three were praying earnestly for me, and finally one of them sent me her testimony on MySpace. I was riveted. From that moment I decided I must go to the Catholic Church. Ironically, I felt like Martin Luther: “Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me.” He did, and He will help you. I am sorry for the difficulty you experienced during Easter week, but it signals the strength of God’s love towards you at the time of His Passion.

Finally, you will never find the perfect church, or perfect parishioners. I don’t know of any Catholic, even a priest, that agrees with each and every aspect of the church. That’s not the way this world is. But don’t let that stop you from answering God’s call. You will find untold peace and happiness.

I hope this is helpful. Please feel free to send me a private message if you like, by clicking on my underlined username at the top left. You will be in my prayers. I don’t even know you but I love you with the love of Jesus Christ. That’s Catholicism for you!

Luminous Hope (this name expresses how I feel about becoming Catholic)

 

[luminoushope]

From that moment I decided I must go to the Catholic Church. Ironically, I felt like Martin Luther: “Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me.” He did, and He will help you.

I was in a bit of a hurry when I wrote my previous post. I had only read your initial post, nothing else, and hastily assumed that I was the first one to answer!

Just to clarify, what I meant above is that God helped me. What help he gave to Martin Luther is between Him and Herr Luther.

In fact, one of the things I’ve learned in the Catholic Church is that there are many things that just aren’t my call. One the other hand, the emphasis on love, sacrifice and the acceptance of suffering are unspeakably welcome after 27 years in “other” churches.

Also, I don’t believe there is contradiction between Catholicism and science, at least not the kind of science that actually goes by the scientific method. Not that I’m any scientist. Catholics aren’t even afraid of psychology the way my former Protestant denomination is. The Church is big enough and tall enough to be able to deal with all kinds of people and institutions. That is why it is called “Catholic”.

I was just astounded to read how you met your parish priest. I am so happy for you. When I had been to mass a few times, I literally ran up to our parish priest, and said, Dickens-like, “Please, sir, I want to be a Catholic, because I want to be closer to Jesus.” I’m not sure what he thought at the time but he has proved to be just wonderful. He has been teaching me weekly in lieu of RCIA, the formal class for aspiring Catholics. I have yet to shock or even surprise him.

 

[Angela11]

Well, when I clicked on the priest’s page, guess whose picture was staring back at me!! .

I busted out laughing when I read this! God speaks to us in so many different ways, but your story brings back humorous times when God played His funny little tricks on me to show me truth. He’s a great God with a sense of humor! All Glory be His! Bless you Susan! Hope your meeting with the priest went well.

~Angela

 

[jmcrae]

Yesterday I confided in a close friend regarding recent events. She is an atheist so naturally her response was not a favourable one. She is a psychologist by training, and is of the opinion that I am simply reacting to my recent move - that I am looking to relive some positive aspects of my childhood, the church building nearby is triggering me, and so forth.

While that’s certainly possible, there is no reason you can’t explore the avenues that are being opened up - to say “yes” to the heroic adventure, as Joseph Campbell (who was also an agnostic, as far as I know) would have said.

She’s advised me to avoid the church and see a therapist instead.

If you become a Catholic, you will have little need of therapists, in the future. In any case, from what I hear, we are impervious to psychoanalysis - we have Confession, for that.

So, I am asking you, as Catholics, what do you think?

I think you should follow your impulse and go to Mass.

Don’t go in there expecting anything in particular, because it is going to be totally unlike anything you have ever experienced before. It is also going to take a long time to process the experience, once you start going. What you will find is that, certain things will stand out the first time, and then other things will stand out the second time, and yet more things will stand out the third time, up until seven times, and then after that, you will begin to be able to make sense of it, and you will begin to notice how the different parts of it mesh together.

It’s a lot like learning a new language - it’s pure gibberish at first, and then there comes a point when it becomes sensible, and then as time goes on, you become more and more fluent with it. Don’t force it or push it - just let it happen naturally.

You will notice that at a certain moment in the Mass, they all get up and go to the front of the Church, in a line-up. At this point, you do not go forward when the rest of them are going forward - just remain in your place. (If it’s awkward to remain in your place, simply step out to let people get by. and then go back into your place.)

Apart from that, though, you can copy what the others are doing, or not, as you feel comfortable to do so. No one will look at you or think it odd that you are not going forward - often, Catholics have reasons why they can’t, as well, so this action won’t single you out as being “not Catholic.” You will also most likely not be the only one not going forward.

Welcome!

PS: I love your user name - I was a huge fan of Isaac Asimov when I was a kid. Susan Calvin was one of my favourite characters.

 

[CSUNGerrie]

Susan,

Why do you think those Missionaries of Charity did what they did? Why did they choose that life? Why did that priest help you get in school? It is certainly true that in addition to helping you they also called on God to bless you. Why do you remember them as you do?

We all share something, a common trait that kind of unites us. God made us all with a common purpose. God made you to love and be loved. The missionaries loved you. You were touched by love there. You encountered love there. God is love. He made your soul out of nothing to be loved by Him. The missionaries were His instruments to bring you His love. Love is a magnet. It draws us. Those missionaries enfolded you in their hearts and prayers. They pled for you, that God would draw you to Himself and give you His grace, His gifts. Now it is happening.

But what will that mean to you? What will being a Catholic mean as it is applied to your life? It means that you will change. A person does not become Catholic for the sake of being Catholic as if that were an end in itself. Faith and the love of God changes us. As the missionaries were intsruments of love in your life that is also what will happen to you, what you will become also. It is your turn to touch others with what you are given. Their religion compelled them to do what they did and live as they lived, impacting others as they did. If you embrace their religion it will also do something similar to you.

None of us can know the specifics of what is in our future. Life is full of surprises isn’t it? What God has in store for you will be surprising. God bless you.

AMEN!!!

 

[ez3714]

Hiya Susan!

I’m a little late in discovering this thread, but it’s obvious that your story and mine have the same Author, so I hope you don’t mind if I jump in.

Some of the best advice I’ve gotten recently was on another forum (chnetwork.org/forums) The Coming Home Network. It was a quote from Merton, whose work you and I probably will do a great deal of studying in the future, “Enjoy God and be enjoyed by Him.” That’s really the essence of why we were created in the first place, and a good thing to fall back on when things get too hairy. And I’ll bet my bank account that before this little faith-walk ends, things will get hairy.

I will also venture to say that the “messages” and “coincidences” (I think the accepted name is “God-incidences”) will continue to more you (we) are obedient to them. There will also be a point reached where full and immediate obedience to the messages will not be met with instant positive reinforcement. This is analogous to a Parent praising a child who is learning to walk. A Parent of a 4-year old does not love the child any less; it’s just that the praise and reinforcement is generally less necessary for basic lessons.

It is good that you are being called to Mass, but I can tell you from my own experience that when the Call to Prayer comes, Pay Attention! You will find that as your greatest source of strength in anything you go through…

…I had never heard the Rosary prayed before in my life, and yet got the “instruction” to get the beads and do the prayers. I haven’t missed a day in the past month since then, and the relationship it has helped build with Mother Mary has proved invaluable. Pray always, and never be hesitant about running to Mom.

 

[tinap]

Hello Susan,

I am not Catholic yet, but I really want to be so I guess it is okay for me to say what I think too. I feel like this, if the church is calling you and you really want to go then what is stopping you. There is no harm in going at all. Good luck and God bless.

 

[Susan_Calvin]

Thanks again everyone for the comments. I’m still trying to get caught up with this thread, can’t believe all the responses! I apologize for not being able to return yesterday to report how things went at mass and with the priest. It was quite the day though and I was absolutely exhausted when I got home.

I went to mass early yesterday morning. I sat in the very back row and just observed, as was suggested by a few people here. The interesting thing was, the words of the service were vaguely familiar. I’m thinking I might have been at mass years ago as a child, maybe the sisters took me a couple of times and I’d just forgotten… because it didn’t seem totally new. I wasn’t nervous or afraid either. It was very peaceful and the inside of the building is beautiful… its an older church. I felt quite comfortable, surprisingly. There was an elderly lady at the mass who I’ve seen at the bus stop outside my apartment building on many occasions. I think she actually lives in my building! She smiled at me on the way out after mass. I wasn’t able to go again this morning, but I’m going to try for tomorrow. I enjoyed it and I want to go again.

The meeting with the Father was later in the morning and it went very well. It was a long meeting, we chatted for close to 2 hours. He was very impressed to see me, as he doesn’t normally speak to people on the street. He explained though, that in my case he felt strongly that I needed a friend. He said he was planning to eventually introduce himself, but that I had beat him to the punch. He was quite moved by my story about the sisters. He was very interested in my being Jewish also, he thought I was… I guess I look it.

He encouraged me to continue to come to mass, that I was always welcome. He gave me a book by John Hardon, and said if I like, I can read it and then come see him again and ask questions. I made another appointment to see him in 2 weeks’ time. He also gave me his phone number at the rectory and said I could call him day or night. He really was extremely kind.

So that was all very encouraging for me. I had a number of errands to run so I spent the afternoon doing that. Then I get a call on my cell phone, from my friend, the one I mentioned in my initial post who is an atheist. I probably shouldn’t have, but she asked me how things were going, and she is one of my closest friends (we’ve been friends for 10 years), so I told her I had been to see the priest.

So wow… her reaction was horrible. Really over the top. She was absolutely incensed with me. She threatened to not allow me to see her kids anymore if I continued with this! She has two little boys and I am basically an auntie to them. That really hurt, but I got irritated too. I mean its none of her business what I do, and I haven’t even done anything yet, just searching. I reminded her how the sisters had helped my mother and I when I was a kid. But she was really sarcastic about it and said, “yeah they helped you all right, gave you a bowl of soup with one hand and shook the bible in your face with another… they never got your mother off the streets either… they called the cops on you when you ran away… I suppose you’re going to become a nun now too and go to India…” etc, etc… She called Mother Teresa a "crazy old b*" and told me about a book which exposes the Missionaries of Charity as frauds. Then I said to her, “I’ll talk to you when you are more calm” and hung up. I’m really not good with angry people… I just feel like running away. My mother had schizophrenia and her anger was horrible.

I was stunned. She’s never been that upset with me or that hurtful in the 10 years we’ve known each other. And its puzzling to me also, as she has no Catholic background or experiences that I am aware of, so why she would be taking it so personally is beyond me.

So that upset and exhausted me so I went to bed early. I feel better today but I’m still puzzled by her overreaction. Not sure what’s going to happen to our friendship, but I think I’ll leave her alone for a bit and let her call me if and when she’s ready.

Anyway thank you again everyone. I will write more later.

 

[ez3714]

From the Chaplet of Divine Mercy: “For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.”

Your friend too has been hurt, and is in need of mercy.

 

[Susan_Calvin]

Your friend too has been hurt, and is in need of mercy.

Yes I agree… something is up with her. I do care about her. We really are very close friends so I feel badly. In her “tirade” she mentioned something about abortion and its got me wondering if maybe she had one and never told me about it… who knows though. I’m just waiting for her to calm down and hopefully give me another call.

 

[tinap]

I am so sorry to hear that your best friend had such a terrible reaction to you talking to the priest and going to mass. Most of my friends and family are objectionable about it as well, but they are not for the most part being mean about it, they just don’t understand like I did not understand at one point in my life. I think it is wonderful that you did go though. I can hardly wait until I can go to mass myself. I don’t have a way to get there right now. Good for you, try not to let her attitude bother you. God Bless.

 

[Susan_Calvin]

I can hardly wait until I can go to mass myself. I don’t have a way to get there right now.

Oh that’s too bad… there is no church near you? I feel really bad for you because I enjoyed going so much. I hope you get to go soon. Thanks for your thoughts on my friend.

 

[jmcrae]

Yes I agree… something is up with her. I do care about her. We really are very close friends so I feel badly. In her “tirade” she mentioned something about abortion and its got me wondering if maybe she had one and never told me about it… who knows though. I’m just waiting for her to calm down and hopefully give me another call.

I remember years ago, before I became Catholic, I was on a forum similar to this one (it no longer exists, that I know of) and a woman came on to the forum just spitting venom about the Catholic Church, tirade after tirade after tirade - no one replied, of course, because what is there to say? Until someone wrote, “All right, sweetheart, enough of this. When did you have your abortion?” And of course she denied it, at first, but then when more people came on to ask, “Why are you so angry?” it eventually came out that she had murdered three of her children by means of abortion.

I hope your friend finds the healing that she needs, whether it’s because of an abortion, or because of something else.

Meanwhile, please keep coming to Mass, and keep learning about our faith - you have begun a wonderful journey! Even if you don’t actually become a Catholic at the end of it, you will still gain many graces from it.

 

[chewchoo]

Yes I agree… something is up with her. I do care about her. We really are very close friends so I feel badly. In her “tirade” she mentioned something about abortion and its got me wondering if maybe she had one and never told me about it… who knows though. I’m just waiting for her to calm down and hopefully give me another call.

sorry to hear about your friend’s reaction.
she is in pain and probably thinks that you are going to judge her.

maybe you can look into project rachel to get some helpful ideas for your friend.
i found a bunch of different websites when i googled it.

 

[Susan_Calvin]

I remember years ago, before I became Catholic, I was on a forum similar to this one (it no longer exists, that I know of) and a woman came on to the forum just spitting venom about the Catholic Church, tirade after tirade after tirade - no one replied, of course, because what is there to say? Until someone wrote, “All right, sweetheart, enough of this. When did you have your abortion?” And of course she denied it, at first, but then when more people came on to ask, “Why are you so angry?” it eventually came out that she had murdered three of her children by means of abortion.

Oh, interesting. Thank you for sharing. I suspect something like that is going on with my friend too. She’s very adamantly pro-choice. I’ve always been sort of “on the fence” about it but leaning towards being pro-life… I never felt it was my right to judge, yet I don’t think its right somehow… Also, being the child of a mentally ill mother, I often think it would have been easy for some social worker or doctor to convince my mother to have aborted ME. In my opinion, I am a prime example of an “unwanted” child, who the pro-choice movement would say should have been aborted “for my own good”…

Meanwhile, please keep coming to Mass, and keep learning about our faith - you have begun a wonderful journey! Even if you don’t actually become a Catholic at the end of it, you will still gain many graces from it.

Thanks, I really enjoyed it, and it feels right to me, at least for now. I am trying to be open about it in any event.

Oh and I see you are from Calgary. I visited Calgary once, its beautiful and a very clean city. Maybe that sounds funny to say “clean”, and I’m sure Calgary has its bad parts too but I am originally from Mott Haven (Bronx, NYC)… big difference! I’m always amazed when I’m in a nice neighbourhood… even when I go “home” to NYC, nice neighbourhoods there still amaze me… I guess you never quite get over where you came from.

 

[Susan_Calvin]

sorry to hear about your friend’s reaction.
she is in pain and probably thinks that you are going to judge her.

maybe you can look into project rachel to get some helpful ideas for your friend.
i found a bunch of different websites when i googled it.

Oh thanks I’ve never heard of it, but I will look it up. I would never judge her, we are very good friends and I’m no angel myself… but she should know this??? We really are very close friends. I’m disappointed if she thinks that. But again, I’m just going to wait a bit and see how it goes, give her some space for now. If she doesn’t contact me for a few days I might send her an email just to let her know there are no hard feelings.