Sudden Death of Moe's 13 Year Old Daughter - Part II

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Hi there,

Thinking about you as always. I’m sure this halloween was so hard for you - as was All souls day. I pray for you so often … honestly I do. I heard on EWTN the other day about how God gives us suffering - and how to those whom much is given, much is expected. And in that instant, I selfishly thought…my God, please dont expect too much from me, because I dont think I could even breathe if anything happened to my baby, let alone live.

And it was at that moment that I thought of you. I thought, she is living what all of us are so afraid to even think of. You wrote in an earlier post that you must seem pathetic. Entirely the opposite, Moe. You are a living testament. Sure, its almost impossible for you to breathe. Sure, its almost impossible for you to get out of bed, and even eat and get dressed and function. But you are doing it. You are doing it in the face of such a horrific tragedy.

I am so glad that I can maybe offer up one billionth of a percent of hope for you to know that you are one of the strongest people I know. Just to be able to breathe, and eat, and just even wake up in the morning. Those are all victories in my eyes, frankly.

They say that to truly despair is a sin. And in the midst of all of this, you are not in despair. You believe in God. You believe your beautiful daughter is in heaven this very moment. You believe you will see her again. None of that is truly despair, and for that you should be commended. I honestly dont know if I could boast that I would be as strong.

I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately (as always) and again, i dont know if any of my words help, I certainly hope that none of them cause extra pain…

…my only wish for you would be for the comfort and peace that only God can bring.

You are always in my most heartfelt prayers…

Vester
 
Belle10 said:
Praying for you and your entire family Moe. :crossrc: :hug1:
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**Thanks so much Belle10 … life is so difficult, especially with the upcoming holidays … I just hope that He can hold us up. But I don’t feel his strength helping me … I don’t and I am ashamed … but I see His work around us - we still get meals delivered and I can’t tell you how that means so much … especially when I am at work all day … I am exhausted coming home and the last thing I want to do is cook.

PLEASE … keep on praying.

Love Moe**
 
vester444 said:
Hi there,

Thinking about you as always. I’m sure this halloween was so hard for you - as was All souls day. I pray for you so often … honestly I do.

**Thank you - once again, Vester444 … I can’t tell you how much it helps us to continue without a very piece of us … when we buried her, we buried a part of ourselves. I know that must sound dramatic … but it is true. Life is no longer what it was … and we always thought it was heaven on earth … **

I heard on EWTN the other day about how God gives us suffering - and how to those whom much is given, much is expected. And in that instant, I selfishly thought…my God, please dont expect too much from me, because I dont think I could even breathe if anything happened to my baby, let alone live.

I can’t tell you how often I have preached that to people … never realizing I had to live what I often spoke of 😦

And it was at that moment that I thought of you. I thought, she is living what all of us are so afraid to even think of.

It is a living NIGHTMARE … day in and day out … 24/7 … never stop thinking and missing her and I truly mean I miss her with every heart-beat.

You wrote in an earlier post that you must seem pathetic. Entirely the opposite, Moe. You are a living testament. Sure, its almost impossible for you to breathe. Sure, its almost impossible for you to get out of bed, and even eat and get dressed and function. But you are doing it. You are doing it in the face of such a horrific tragedy.

I can’t be thought of as some special person … WHAT ELSE AM I TO DO … I have Greg and most especially my Amanda to think of … and I have to live a good life because I HAVE to get to McKayla … and I am quite certain she is in heaven … she was perfection … and I can’t mess anything up here on Earth … although there are days I just don’t want to continue … but I know that I have no choice … and I often yell out in my prayers … My God My God Why Have You forsaken me 😦

I am so glad that I can maybe offer up one billionth of a percent of hope for you to know that you are one of the strongest people I know. Just to be able to breathe, and eat, and just even wake up in the morning. Those are all victories in my eyes, frankly.

It is only trying to exists so I can be re-united with my baby girl … I do thank God that if it had to happen it was when I was over middle age … because I often think …I won’t have to live too long without her – but the fact is … every day that goes by is too long. Every day I wake Up — the first thing I do before heading off to my day is visit her … and I always great her with Good Morning Honey - I miss you … AND IT IS ONE DAY CLOSER TO BEING WITH YOU …

They say that to truly despair is a sin. And in the midst of all of this, you are not in despair. You believe in God. You believe your beautiful daughter is in heaven this very moment. You believe you will see her again. None of that is truly despair, and for that you should be commended. I honestly dont know if I could boast that I would be as strong.

Like me and many other parents - you truly would not have any choice. Especially if you had other children … I need to be here for my Amanda … so she can have some sort of a ‘normal’ life … which she will never have … since she lost her best friend … ever!

I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately (as always) and again, i dont know if any of my words help, I certainly hope that none of them cause extra pain…

I love hearing from you … you are a cheerleader for me … like Amanda — I tell her she is my number one cheerleader … even when KK was alive … Amanda was always cheering for me … I hope that KK is from the heavenly skys …

…my only wish for you would be for the comfort and peace that only God can bring.

That is my wish as well … but I fear it is too early into my grief and no peace is shining through 😦

You are always in my most heartfelt prayers…

**And I am forever thankful for that … and may God Bless you always …

Loving you from NH**

Vester
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Hi Moe…

Well that touched my heart that you said you love hearing from me 🙂 People cant get me to shut up in real life, so now watch out! You’ve given me reason to blab my nonsense even more to you now!

I understand why you would think you are not special because you are just going through the motions (and I’m sure sometimes barely that.) You know I saw on television this special about people who ACTUALLY die from a broken heart. There is no medical reason for why the heart does this, but in certain cases of people who experience overwhelming grief, their heart simply changes. In one lady her heart actually “sagged” in one section until she finally was able to come to a better place with her grief. She basically “healed” herself by coming to a better place with her sadness, etc. Its amazing.

I can totally understand this. The brief thought of something happening to my child makes me cry - there are times I actually have wept at even the thought of it - so I know I guess Im crazy, but just the thought of it breaks me down.

Thats why I say so many prayers for you Moe. Because while we all know that your beautiful daughter (and boy, was she beautiful!) is in heaven, the pain you must feel is just indescribable. I cant even imagine it. Its beyond an emotion that I can even put into words. I can feel in it every post that you write, and hear it in every word you say. And I know that your words ring true. I know that I would never be the same person if something like that happened to my baby. So I know you are speaking the truth.

You know, I think that at the end of it, when you are with her, all this time will seem like an instant. I dont know why things happen the way that they do - but I have to believe that they happen for a reason or otherwise I would go insane. The alternative is simply unthinkable to me.

I hope I bring one milisecond of comfort to you, and if in all the posts that I’ve written I’ve done that…then I feel like I’ve done something. I wish there was something that I could do. I can only pray for you, and pray…and pray.

I absolutely in my heart believe that you miss her with every heartbeat. I believe that down to my soul.

You are right, you dont have a choice, you simply have to go on - as unbearable as it seems. You do have another daughter, and that should bring you some peace. I cant imagine - if I lost my daughter, so far she is an only child. You know that your other daughter and your husband need you to be with them. And you are such an example to her, Moe. Just the fact that you havent given in to complete despair and utter hopelessness has shown her so much. You are such a good mommy.

I know you were posting earlier about the holidays. You know I saw a ton of Christmas stuff up at the stores already this weekend. Maybe you should get away this year with your daughter and husband and just get away and not even really hang around for the holidays? Do something totally different, like a small family get away (I wont say “vacation” because I know you dont feel like a big party time vacation right now I"m sure!!!)

I’m still praying for you Moe, and so are all of us. We really are all here for you. I think about you so often…

Vester
 
MGEISING said:
Lissa - thanks - how is everything going on your end.

Loving you,

Moe
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We are doing all right. My biggest worry is that my grown children have not come into the one true Church. I pray to St. Monica every day for their conversion.
Otherwise, just working and getting ready for the holidays.
I am still praying for you and your family.
Loveses and hugses,
Lissa
 
vester444 said:
Hi Moe…

Well that touched my heart that you said you love hearing from me 🙂 People cant get me to shut up in real life, so now watch out! You’ve given me reason to blab my nonsense even more to you now!

Not me - I love it when people step out of their own world and try and make sense of this horrible tradgedy that we live every waking minute of every waking day … it is a life sentence 😦

I understand why you would think you are not special because you are just going through the motions (and I’m sure sometimes barely that.) You know I saw on television this special about people who ACTUALLY die from a broken heart. There is no medical reason for why the heart does this, but in certain cases of people who experience overwhelming grief, their heart simply changes. In one lady her heart actually “sagged” in one section until she finally was able to come to a better place with her grief. She basically “healed” herself by coming to a better place with her sadness, etc. Its amazing.

**I can understand why some people do die of a broken heart. I remember - the love of my life who I was suppose to marry - broke off our engagement - which was fine since he cheated on me … and I thought - I shall never recover … my heart shall never heal.

Well - thanks be to God I met Greg and my heart put back the pieces and … well … compared to my first broken heart - losing my beautiful baby can’t even compare … I can’t even imagine that she isn’t with us physcially … I see her everywhere … I hear her sometimes in Amanda … and I LITERALLY ACHE FOR HER … and I know some people might perhaps think that is an exaggeration - but it isn’t … I truly ache all the time for her.**

I can totally understand this. The brief thought of something happening to my child makes me cry - there are times I actually have wept at even the thought of it - so I know I guess Im crazy, but just the thought of it breaks me down.

Any parent can easily put themselves in our shoes … because we worry all the time for our kids … and like many have said we are living parents worst nightmare … but you can wake up after realizing you were only dreaming … I wake up praying I was dreaming 😦

Thats why I say so many prayers for you Moe.

Thank you so much Vester … I know they are helping because I don’t want to get out of bed every day - but I do … and it is only by the grace of God … go I – go WE!

Because while we all know that your beautiful daughter (and boy, was she beautiful!) is in heaven, the pain you must feel is just indescribable. I cant even imagine it. Its beyond an emotion that I can even put into words. I can feel in it every post that you write, and hear it in every word you say. And I know that your words ring true. I know that I would never be the same person if something like that happened to my baby. So I know you are speaking the truth.

That is what so tragic … we prayed every night and thank God we were back together again and gave us safe traveling mercies … we knew we had a special family - so many people would tell us how special we were … we aren’t really we just LOVED our kids … we prayed for our kids … we had to have help to have kids - I was told that I couldn’t have children … Amanda was a triplet and KK was a twin … and I lost all of the babies except Amanda and KK and I thought that was the cross I would have to bare the rest of my life ---- I just can’t even imagine why all of this is happening … I really can’t … I have no choice to accept it … but I don’t think it is fair.

You know, I think that at the end of it, when you are with her, all this time will seem like an instant. I dont know why things happen the way that they do - but I have to believe that they happen for a reason or otherwise I would go insane. The alternative is simply unthinkable to me.

**I read from the Saints that our time on earth is a Nano Second compared to Eternity … but for now … it seems like eternity with her gone … it is hell on earth for us. **

I hope I bring one milisecond of comfort to you, and if in all the posts that I’ve written I’ve done that…then I feel like I’ve done something. I wish there was something that I could do. I can only pray for you, and pray…and pray.
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PART II FROM LAST POST

You, as well as everyone who has contacted me on CAF have been a blessing … I do not know what or where I would be without all the prayers, love, contacts, sacrifices that so many of my friends at CAF have been carrying out for our family … life is so very sad … and with the holidays coming … the waves of sadness just keep mounting … we did get through Halloween … one of KK’s favoirte Holidays … as sad as it was - we made it through … and it is because of people like you that we were able to do it - through prayer …

I absolutely in my heart believe that you miss her with every heartbeat. I believe that down to my soul.

WITH EVERY HEART BEAT … I CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE IN MY WAKING HOUR … IT IS TORTURE 😦

You are right, you dont have a choice, you simply have to go on - as unbearable as it seems. You do have another daughter, and that should bring you some peace. I cant imagine - if I lost my daughter, so far she is an only child. You know that your other daughter and your husband need you to be with them. And you are such an example to her, Moe. Just the fact that you havent given in to complete despair and utter hopelessness has shown her so much. You are such a good mommy.

I LOVE BEING A MOMMY … we live on a small farm and Greg went to get hay from a farmer not too far down the road. When he saw Greg shortly after McKayla passed away, he said to Greg … there are no words … but … I can say - that the worst thing other than what happened was not to have her at all … what a profound statement … because for 13 years we lived in heaven with our family … and now we are forced to live this journey - why - I have no idea … but we did have her and it was wonderful.

I know you were posting earlier about the holidays. You know I saw a ton of Christmas stuff up at the stores already this weekend. Maybe you should get away this year with your daughter and husband and just get away and not even really hang around for the holidays? Do something totally different, like a small family get away (I wont say “vacation” because I know you dont feel like a big party time vacation right now I"m sure!!!)

We are still wondering what to do — the problem … not that it is a problem - is we have every year for many years have about 30 people come for a sit down dinner … most friends who have no family around … I don’t know what to do … I do want to stay her … I dont’ want to go away … I need to be close to where we have made magical Christmas for over 13 years … and they were magical … and we shall never have them back 😦

I’m still praying for you Moe, and so are all of us. We really are all here for you. I think about you so often…

**I know and God Bless you and your family and all my CAF family. THANK YOU FROM THE VERY BOTTOM OF MY HEART … **

Loving you from NH … a mom that misses her daughter terribly … PLEASE KEEP PRAYING

Vester
 
RWMorris said:
We are doing all right. My biggest worry is that my grown children have not come into the one true Church. I pray to St. Monica every day for their conversion.

**And I shall as well … call upon McKayla Lissa … and ask to intercede for you … but we must remember it is in God’s time … and not ours … I am too praying for my husband to cross the Tiber … he was so close to going to RCIA and then our tradgedy 😦 with KK … I continue to pray - but I also know it is only through the conversion of heart by the Holy Spirit … **

Otherwise, just working and getting ready for the holidays.

Oh good …

I am still praying for you and your family.

We need them my friend and please continue … if you wouldn’t mind ;(
Loveses and hugses,

Love, Huggles and xoxoxoxo to you and yours …
Lissa
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Still thinking and praying for you, Moe. I wish there was something more I could do. But I just want you to know that you and your pain are never forgotten.

I can’t wait to meet you and KK in Heaven. 🙂 We’ll have a party, OK?
 
masondoggy said:
Still thinking and praying for you, Moe. I wish there was something more I could do. But I just want you to know that you and your pain are never forgotten.

I can’t wait to meet you and KK in Heaven. 🙂 We’ll have a party, OK?
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**Prayerfully we are ‘one day closer’ … and I long to hear the words … Welcome home my good and faithful servant!

Party - On when that happens … all our sorrows will be turned into joy! **
 
MGEISING said:
Prayerfully we are ‘one day closer’ … and I long to hear the words … Welcome home my good and faithful servant!

**Party - On when that happens … all our sorrows will be turned into joy! **
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Yes, they certainly will. 😉
 
**PLEASE KEEP US IN YOUR PRAYERS AS WE FACE THE FIRST THANKSGIVING WITHOUT OUR BEAUTIFUL GIRL.

I AM SO DESPERATELY SAD AND THE PAIN IS JUST UNMEASURABLE … I MISS HER SO VERY MUCH AND THE ACHE CONTINUES … ALMOST LIKE WHEN PEOPLE GET A PART OF THEIR BODY AMPUTATED … THEY STILL FEEL THE LIMB THERE AND IT ACHES …

I HAVE ALSO UPDATED HER SITE

mckaylageisinger.virtual-memorials.com/main.php?action=view&mem_id=8668&page_no=1**

mckaylageisinger.virtual-memorials.com/main.php?action=view&mem_id=8668&page_no=5

mckaylageisinger.virtual-memorials.com/main.php?action=view&mem_id=8668&page_no=6

mckaylageisinger.virtual-memorials.com/main.php?action=view&mem_id=8668&page_no=7

:grouphug:
 
Moe,

You are always in our prayers, and even more so during this very difficult time. I have heard that the first year is always the worst (not that the other years are immediately joyful or anything) but its sooooo hard because its the 1st everything…1st thanksgiving etc. So just know that while this is so difficult, it WILL pass. I promise, Thursday will come and go, and you will still be with us, and we will all still be praying for you. Just take it breath by breath, moment by moment, and dont look further than that…

Have you made any plans for Thanksgiving? How is your other daughter doing?

I was thinking the other day about you and how it must be so hard to be strong for your other daughter, but at the same time it is your other daughter that gives you so much hope and joy in this world…I hope that is the case. You must all be suffering so much together as a family.

I give thanks this Thanksgiving for any moment that you may have that is not completely saturated with heartache. If that moment can happen, that is what I will be thankful for. Just one moment of rest for you and your family from this heartbreaking tragedy that still consumes your heart and soul.

I also give thanks that you are brave enough to come here to find support and comfort - a comfort that I know that we all hope to be able to give you - but that only God can provide.

You are in my thoughts everpresent Moe - even when I dont post on this board, I think of you so often.

Please private message me anytime you need to.

Here’s hoping to a quick week that is short lived for you so that you can move past it.

Vester
 
Hi Moe,
As Vester said, It is going to be better one day. In the meantime, I, too, think of you all the time and pray for you every day. I have been thinking about you a lot as you come to your first Thanksgiving without McKayla. My mother died two years ago today–a few days before Thanksgiving. That year the holidays were so sad–as they had been when Patrick died a few weeks before Christmas, and as they were the year Dad died on December 20th. Wow, the whole season is full of sad memories for us… The last time I saw Patrick was Thanksgiving. So I understand what you are going through. Lean on Jesus–His grace is sufficient for you. Just keep clinging to the blessed hope that we have of seeing Jesus and our loved ones again one day. I’ll give you a hug, too, when we get to Heaven. Until then, I’m praying for you extra as you go thru the next few days and weeks.

The new pages on the memorial are wonderful. You are so faithful to keep up her place. I went to see Patrick’s a couple of days ago. There is a black granite bench–it was filthy. I was so mad. They have cleaned it before but this time they said I had to clean it. I don’t know how I’m going to do that. But you have inspired me.

Love,
Alison
 
Thinking of you and your family this Thanksgiving day, Moe. I know you must be feeling sad and empty today, but I hope and pray Jesus will give your family some of His peace today.

Hang in there. There will one day be happy celebrations in Heaven. This is only temporary.
 
Hi Moe,
You are in my prayers EVERY day I never forget you, I was thinking and praying for you today!

Love you.
 
Just wanted to say hi. You’ve been on my mind a lot, especially this week. I wish everyday didn’t have to be so hard but God’s going to make everything right again. He keeps his promises.
Lots of love and prayers headed your way.
 
Moe,

Just wanted you to know that the last few days I couldnt get to a computer, but I have been praying for you. Let us know how you are doing…we are all here for you.

Vester
 
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