Addiction is a grevious affliction. More than likely, he is torn apart from within for what he has done. Although I am no expert in matters as grave as these, I offer for your consideration the following suggestions:
He should stay at home, although if you need to separate living quarters in the house, that may due. He is still a loving father to your kids.
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Change starts with him:** In order for him to change, he must first admit, openly, that he has done evil, that he has a problem even at present, and that he needs to change.
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Remove all occasions of sin:** If your husband’s vice involves pornography, especially of the online kind, then you must
get rid of the computer, or at least get rid of the internet access. If internet access is indespensible, then install one of those porn filters (e.g.,
www.cybersitter.com,
www.netnanny.com). [A review of their comparative effectiveness is available at
http://internet-filter-review.toptenreviews.com/”]
http://internet-filter-review.toptenreviews.com/.] Install it yourself and don’t tell him the password to change its settings. You can also install an Accountability Program (
www.xxxChurch.com) – Every time a questionable internet site is visited, the program saves its address and later e-mails you with the list of these questionable sites so you know what he’s been up to.
The screening should extend to every potential stimulus. For example, if going out to the movies, check the review of the movie to see if it involves questionable material. Check out
www.FilmRatings.com or the US Conference of Catholic Bishops’ own
www.usccb.org/movies for reviews of movies and television programs.**
Change his work environment: Someone who has pedophilic thoughts, even if not acted upon, would do well to seek work that is apart from children. Perhaps he should only work on the administrative side of things. This is obviously easier said than done, but it is worth serious consideration.
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Get him involved in therapy: Addiction to sex is a true
disease just like alcoholism or drug addiction. To overcome this is very trying for everyone involved, as you well know… and it cannot be done alone. A marriage counselor may help with the symptoms (i.e., how his addiction has hurt your marriage), but it won’t effect a cure since it doesn’t target the root of the problem – namely, his addiction, per se. He needs several aspects of therapy:
- Behavioral modification with a psychiatrist.
- Faith-based guidance from a priest willing to help him through the long, arduous trial that lies ahead.
- Group-based support (like Alcoholics Anonymous) – 12-step programs are very, very successful in helping the willing participant stay away from temptation.
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Code:
Get involved with groups that combat porn addictions. Check out [www.dads.org](http://www.dads.org/) (Christian Fatherhood by St. Joseph's Covenant Keepers). They have a lot of resources for dads suffering with pornography addictions: [dads.org/strugglewithporn.asp](http://www.dads.org/strugglewithporn.asp)
The Sacraments & prayer: If your husband is feeling guilty and worthless, he won’t have the emotional reserve to try for change. Frequent
Confession and Reconciliation can help him, little by little, to feel that there is Hope.
Penitence, through prayer, fasting or good works, may make him feel like he’s erasing some of the stain of sin, through God’s good grace. And through this prayer, he may feel closer to God; and eventually, may feel that God is lending a helping hand, helping him to carry his own cross as he struggles to overcome his addictions. He should attend Mass frequently –
daily – and, once he has gone to Confession, should partake of the Eucharist regularly. The more he makes this a ‘habit’, the more difficult it will be to sin.
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