Transsexual pronoun dilemma

[Bruised_Reed]

I just ignored it in an attempt to mind my own buisness.

This was your cue to do your own research. I get it though. I didn’t research ALS until my mom was actually diagnosed with it. I wasn’t going to get upset over something that wasn’t happening.

You do know that many faith traditions teach that just being gay, lesbian, trans, what-have-you, is a sin. And that a lot of people, both Christians and non, think sin = bad person. Talking about another’s sin is really dicey and there is a lot of room for being judgmental or just looking like it.

I think she has surrounded herself in a box of friends that act like a cult, if someone disagrees, they are banished.

This is your perception and it may not be the reality at all. Was he like this before?

I know from my own personal experiences that depression and anxiety is no joke. (For a while I experienced a decent amount of textbook derealization.) I’m not trying to get pity or empathy for that, just saying that I understand how dark life can get.

Let’s consider how badly most people deal with people living with depression or anxiety. I find most really unhelpful. Even other people who live with depression and anxiety have been very dismissive of mine upon my disclosure.

I think it’s because I’ve just upset a very tiny part of their worldview and now they have to adjust. I’ve gotten everything from, “how can you be depressed you have ____.” “Are you sure it’s depression and not _______?” And people seem particularly offended if I share that I take medication: “Why can’t you just pet your cat?”

Depression and anxiety are very common and yet, people don’t react to others who are living with them very well at all. And you and your friend are navigating a disclosure that isn’t well understood. I said it before (unless I edited it out) you don’t need to make a decision that you are locked into.

You have said he’s “out” but is he actively transitioning or still working through it? I’m not clear on that. When is the last time you two talked? How urgent it this?

 

[CRV]

This has to be a very quick reply - sorry.

It is an organic organ - yes. It can be injured yes. Injuries can affect people - yes ie a stroke for example.

I do not accept the because people are ssa that they cannot control their sexual urges and remain chaste. They can, the same as the rest of us, determine that the Church teaches all sexual activity outside of a marriage between one woman and one man to be gravely immoral . As I’ve quoted above - they are to remain chaste as others can and do. It is not an impossibility.

 

[JMMJ]

Maybe I missed something. How did this conversation go down the rabbit hole of sexual activity? I just thought it was about someone who transitioned. I don’t think OP mentioned anything about sexual activity?

The purpose of my post was to just point out that some people think “mental health” is something different from general health. It is no different than heart health, or digestive health, or osteo–health, etc.

Of course I don’t disagree with you that most everyone decides what they do with their sexual urges. There are some who are mentally ill and cannot, but I don’t believe LGBTQ is in that group (as I don’t believe members of that group do, either.)

 

[TheLittleLady]

I do pity her

This likely comes through to your friend. No one wants to be the object of pity, and friends respect each other. Pity is not compatible with respect.

 

[IdaCatholic]

I never understand these dilemmas. i address people politely and properly. I do not use derogatory terms , And if someone has a title I use it if they wish. If someone wan’ts to be addressed in a certain way so much that they will make an issue out of it that is on them. I won’t call a coworker “Your Majesty”

I would call someone by their legal name. If the address of them is important to them they can change it legally. I will comply with that as much as I would comply with a last name change on a marriage.

As for pronouns. In this day and age people misuse grammar constantly. I couldn’t care less. I say “dude” to my own wife. LOL

How often do you use a pronoun to a person’s face anyway?

 

[CRV]

Maybe I missed something. How did this conversation go down the rabbit hole of sexual activity? I just thought it was about someone who transitioned. I don’t think OP mentioned anything about sexual activity?

The purpose of my post was to just point out that some people think “mental health” is something different from general health. It is no different than heart health, or digestive health, or osteo–health, etc.

Of course I don’t disagree with you that most everyone decides what they do with their sexual urges. There are some who are mentally ill and cannot, but I don’t believe LGBTQ is in that group (as I don’t believe members of that group do, either.)

My apologies for misunderstanding.

My thinking was along the lines of a ‘justification’ in that the cause of ssa stems from a mal-functioning of the brain due to a organic cause, whereas I don’t believe it is - I think it is psychological - as in thoughts/feelings/desires and not physical as in a trauma to the brain organ itself.

I understood my earlier discussion with others heading in the direction, in that there is a physical cause therefore making them not culpable - for the desires I dare say they aren’t - not being deliberately willed, but they are if acting upon them whether that be in thought or deed just the same as anyone else.

There are some who are mentally ill and cannot, but I don’t believe LGBTQ is in that group

Agreed.

I do agree with you in that mental health is very important for all people just as it is for overall general physical health.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

If a kid is questioning their sexuality, how does it do them any good to have parents and peers condemn them? Pushing down feelings and hiding them is not at all healthy. If I child is questioning, they need a safe place to do it, where they’re not being encouraged to any sort of sexual sin, and at the same time, don’t feel pressured to “act straight”.

Just give them a safe space.

I agree with this. But your post suggested that it wasn’t hard anymore. I was rather surprised to see this from you. I find most posts from you kind of dismissive of people struggling with this.

At the same time, we now have an environment where kids are being openly pushed and encouraged to identify as LGBT . Again, how is this helpful?

I invest some effort in knowing what it going on in the LGBTQ community and no one is being pushed into it other than some peer pressure thing that also happens with hetero sex, drugs etc. Most of what I see that some think of as encouragement is about visibility and representation.

Most kids, in the absence of propaganda, and given other things to think about besides our current day sexual frenzy, will wind up pair-bonding with a member of the opposite sex.

That sexual frenzy? More young people are waiting to have sex than before. People are talking about sex more which is a good thing. Remember how Catholics are accused of being obsessed with sex?

 

[Elf01]

In similar situations, I call the person by their preferred name. While some names are more “masculine”, others more “feminine” the simple fact is that names aren’t sexual or gender-specific by nature. A name is just a name. So if you friend wants to be called Ace, then fine call her Ace. Calling her Ace doesn’t make her a man.

And a name seen as masculine in one culture can be seen as feminine in another.

 

[poche]

My how times have changed. I remember the gender confusion felt by George Wallace when he was running for president. A heckler would call out to him about the Vietnam war or something like that. George would call back, “I love you too honey, ooooooooops I thought you were one of the girls what with all that long hair.”

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

. I find most posts from you kind of dismissive of people struggling with this.

Yeah, well, it’s because I used to be a True Believer in the whole narrative of “kid struggling with their sexuality against a cold, cruel world full of bullying”.

And then I started working in schools and the truth is the exact opposite—identifying as LGBT catapults you into a protected class where nobody dares to ask questions because anybody who expresses anything less than “hooray!” WILL find themselves in a boatload of trouble.

Being lied to ticks me off.

However, I’m willing to concede that the above narrative was true several decades ago…

 

[Thorolfr]

The notion that no LGBT youth struggle with their sexuality or are subjected to bullying anymore isn’t true. I’m sure that it varies considerably depending on where a young person lives and what kind of family they come from. It would be almost as difficult now as it was 40 years ago for an LGBT young person to grow up in an extremely conservative and religious family. I have family members of my own who are Baptist fundamentalists and have shielded their kids from the surrounding culture. There are also places where bullying still occurs. The US is hardly a homogeneous country and I’m sure that for someone to grow up gay in a big city in California would be quite different from doing so in a small rural town in a red state.

 

[meltzerboy2]

I was wondering the same thing. It seems to me that visiting someone’s house is a big thing and means she does not really want to cut off contact completely.

 

[TheLittleLady]

And then I started working in schools and the truth is the exact opposite—identifying as LGBT catapults you into a protected class where nobody dares to ask questions because anybody who expresses anything less than “hooray!” WILL find themselves in a boatload of trouble.

You must live in a unique part of the world.

The bullying, shunning, violence toward LGBTQ teens in this part of the world is shameful.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

You must live in a unique part of the world.

Just the US.

And I stand by my statement. Because it’s what I saw.

It’s not what I was told. It’s not even what I believed was going on because TV insists on a different narrative.

But it’s what I saw. And continue to see.

Other folks are free to believe whatever they like.

 

[Cabeelibob]

There is no doubt a celebration from some people when someone comes out or says that they are gay. But if you are disrespectful of LGBT people in anyway, you can be expelled for that at least at my university and my university will virtue signal and make a huge deal about a little incident.

My high school was far more consistent with Catholic doctrine in that if you disrespect really anyone, you can be expelled. LGBT people were not seen as more or less important. My university kinda sees them as a people who need special protection. Heaven forbid they actually defend religious people.

I digress, even so this is not particularly relevant. This is about names and pronouns. (If I were to try to get it back on topic.) But please feel free to discuss as you please. I enjoy the different views.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

You’ll understand that because of the nature of the internet I’m not about to leave bread crumb trails of my identity or location.

 

[1cthlctrth]

I think it’s child abuse the way they’re telling kids they can make life-altering (with health risks) sex-change decisions at such a young age before puberty.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

You may give your testimony.

And I will give mine.

 

[TheLittleLady]

You have seen something different than what I have seen.

Just one example, I have seen a 15 year old who was shunned by the youth group, shunned at school and kicked out by their parents because they dared to say that they were having confusing thoughts. Cut hair short and stopped wearing skirts, there was no way to have afforded any meds or surgery even if that was the desire.

Thank heavens another parish family had compassion and allowed the teen to move in with them, finish high school, and the teen did not reject the Faith. When this young person came back for a visit this summer, I saw them at Mass and the smile and “thank you for not turning your back on me” was humbling.

There is another adult who is transitioning. They have also been shunned by 99% of the parishioners.

I live in a fly over state, so, that may be the difference in acceptance. Do you work closely with teens in a parish? Maybe that parish has had some leadership who has helped that youth group grow into loving people even when they are different, that is a real blessing.

The number of gay Catholics who are very quiet for fear of being shunned by their parish is not trivial around here.

 

[TheLittleLady]

While we hear media accounts of sensational things, in general, hormonal treatment is out of range financially for most. Surgical procedures:

WPATH guidelines state that the patient should be of legal age for medical procedure consent and have lived continuously for 12 months in their identified gender (3). The Endocrine Society guidelines advise that surgical procedures should be done when a person is at least 18 years old

Transgender and Gender Nonconforming Adolescent Care: Psychosocial and Medical Considerations

Transgender individuals display incongruence between their assigned birth sex and their current gender identity, and may identify as male, female or elsewhere on the gender spectrum. Gender nonconformity describes an individual whose gender identity, ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Gender dysphoria in adolescence: current perspectives

Increasing numbers of adolescents are seeking treatment at gender identity services in Western countries. An increasingly accepted treatment model that includes puberty suppression with gonadotropin-releasing hormone analogs starting during the early ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov