The Air Force has stealth craft with cloaking technology. I know,
because I’ve never seen or heard them! So they work!
I see and hear UFOs all the time. A UFO is an
Unidentified
Flying
Object. So when I see movement out of the corner of my eye and hear a bang off the outside[sup]1[/sup] of my third-floor window, I know it was done by a
Flying
Object that is (so far)
Unidentified. I see it fall to the ground, but I’m not sure what it is, so it’s now an Unidentified Grounded Object (UGO). A few months later, I go out in the back yard of the building (my apartment overlooks there), and lo and behold, I see the object – I identify it as a Frisbee – making it an
Identified
Grounded
Object (IGO). It’s just been lying here ignored on the grass for a few months. I pick it up, give it a toss – it’s now an
Identified
Flying
Object (IFO) – but where it lay, the grass has gone flat and brown:
A BABY CROP CIRCLE!!!
Then I saw them: the Men In Black!! I screamed, I was so frightened!! (For the record, not as frightened as Fathers Alvarez and Mallory, who were doing visitations.) I ran away as fast as I could. I tripped over a garden gnome, knocking it over – and there on the bottom: MADE IN ZURICH! :bigyikes: So I run screaming into my apartment and put my protection on my head (no, not a tinfoil hat – you’d like that, wouldn’t you?

Aluminum *amplifies *radio waves – no, there’s something better, and scientifically proven!![sup]2[/sup]) but then the TV tells me that Elvis is dead but Paul isn’t…so I tried playing
Dark Side of the Moon synched up with
The Wizard of Oz…except I only have
The Wiz, and that’s on Beta…and I don’t have any Pink Floyd, so I synched it up with my 45 of Barry Sadler’s “Ballad of the Green Berets”,[sup]3[/sup] but I had to play it on 17 rpm so it wouldn’t run out so fast…and I was going crazy so I thought “I need a drink to calm down” so I decided to have a grasshopper (my favourite drink) but I didn’t have any creme de cacao or creme de menthe so I used Coffee-mate and Scope…I’m not any calmer :whacky: …so I decided I’m not going to let the aliens get their grubby mitts on me and do on of them “probes” they’re so fond of giving you in the caboose, so I’m going to hole up here in my apartment with the locks locked and the blinds drawn and the lights off. I won’t leave at all…except for my doctor’s appointment tomorrow, something called a “colonoscopy”…
[sup]1[/sup] If it’s inside the window, it’s probably my cat.
[sup]2[/sup]
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[sup]3[/sup] It was either that or Bobby Goldsboro.