Wedding Suggestions

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JMJSHJ said:
Quick question for those who have been to a wedding in the last 5-10 years: When you sit down for dinner, do you have arranged seating or just let people decide on their own? I am inclining towards assigned seating as some people that are coming don’t know anyone else but me and I don’t want them sitting by themselves.
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It seems to depend on the number of guests you are having. I have been to events (weddings and non-weddings) where there were between 50-100 guests and no assigned seating. It was sometimes difficult trying to find seats so that you can be next to your spouse or other family. It was easiest when you quickly found seats and put your belongs in the seat, especially when there was a buffet or stations, since you have to leave the table to get your food. If you didn’t put something in your place to reserve it, sometimes, you’d come back to find that you no longer have a seat. lol! So, for me, I prefer assigned seating.
 
This couple’s blog might have some good reception ideas that would suit you and fiance.

younghouselove.com/wedding-album/

Good luck in all your planning. I really cannot offer much personal experience, as my husband and I did an open invite to friends and family, wore clothes that we already owned (well, he owned his suit, I wore his grandmother’s dress), and went to lunch at a local restaurant.
 
I didn’t read ALLLLL the replies, but I am a professional wedding planner and I want to throw in: DON’T DO FAUX FLOWERS. Trust me, they are actually more expensive if you want them to look nice. Just use seasonal flowers and find local floral arrangers who purchase wholesale. You can get the real thing for about the same or sometimes less when you factor in all the ribbon and wire and TIME and FRUSTRATION it takes to make your own bouquets and boutonnieres. I recommend a small hand-tied bouquet for the bride, and boutonniere (very simple, a single bloom) for the groom. You can do beautiful bow corsages for moms and grandmas and have the bridesmaids carry other items. Fans immediately came to mind because of the Asian influence (forgive me, I am not well-versed in the Filipino wedding traditions.) I also love the idea of pinwheels or candles or lanterns. Even a single striking bloom (think large, brightly colored Gerbera daisies) makes a big impact.
When I had my marriage convalidated, it was a weird emotional thing for me. My mother had paid a lot of money (thought not as much as many people) for my husband and I to have a retro outdoor garden wedding of our dreams. It was a perfect wedding and I loved it. When we got convalidated, it felt in a way like it hadn’t been “good enough” and that I had to “re-do” the whole thing. So I wanted the day to feel special and more intimate. I made my own bouquet and that of my best friend, who was my witness. I went to the grocery store and bought a bouquet of daisies and made two hand-tied nosegays, tied with ivory ribbon and mine had pearl-topped pins in it and was slightly larger. I found the smallest one in the bunch and cut it, wrapped it in floral tape and stuck it in the button-hole of Hubbs’ sport-coat. It was simple, but I wouldn’t recommend it if you were making a whole bunch. The flowers looked real and fresh and simple and cost less than $10 total, which would not have been the case if I had bought them fake. I know this because I worked at a large craft store for years.

Feel free to PM me if you want any more ideas. I give them free mainly because I can’t make money trying to charge for them anyway! 😃
 
JMJSHJ said:
Quick question for those who have been to a wedding in the last 5-10 years: When you sit down for dinner, do you have arranged seating or just let people decide on their own? I am inclining towards assigned seating as some people that are coming don’t know anyone else but me and I don’t want them sitting by themselves.
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The reception coordinator at the parish hall we used advised that assigned seating was tedius and unnecessary. We had tables labeled just for grandparents and parents’, but most people ignored even those signs. We had a small number of guests, so this worked out well. I had no complaints and no one seemed to be sitting by themselves.

A friend of ours got married and did have assigned seating. Her wedding was very large, and honestly we didn’t know anyone there. What was nice was that she sat us with other people she knew from our area. It wasn’t like socializing with an aunt of hers who traveled from another state to the wedding. It was like an opportunity to make new friends’.
 
SeaShoreGirl said:
I’m liking the idea of a lunchtime reciption…perhaps in the church hall. But I have my heart set on my first dance with my FH…did anyone who did a not-full-reception have the traditional “dances”?
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My husband and I had a full luncheon reception. We even had a nice meal. The schola fell through, and so we ended up with extra money in the budget. As such, my mom and the Hall’s wedding coordinator talked me into upgrading the meal. They couldn’t talk me into changing it to a later time because I had already sent out the invitations.

I asked a friend of mine who works for a radio station if he could do DJ for us on simple equipment. He agreed and then up and arranged for a friend of his who DJ’s wedding to come to our wedding and DJ our wedding for free (not to mention they all drove 5 hours to our wedding). So we had music throughout the reception, and the guy had a screen and projector. Throughout the wedding, he took pictures and they were projected onto the screen. He also played some music videos. We had our first dance. Since both our parents’ have been happily married so long, we had songs for just them to dance to. We had a father/daughter dance.

We ended the dance early as people started leaving fairly early. In the end, we were out by 4pm.
 
This has probably already been covered, but consider a morning wedding. Our wedding was at 10 am, so we had a very simple brunch as a reception. Our reception venue agreed to charge us only for the bottles of wine that were opened, and not that many people are drinking at noon, so we didn’t spend much on drinks. My husband and I hate to dance, so that removed the need for a DJ or band, etc.

I have to say, I find it rather rude to invite a smaller number of people just so that you can have a splashier reception. That’s not to say that you can’t legitimately cull long-lost friends or family, but it seems to me that it’s more polite to invite who you want and then figure out what you can afford to serve to that group.

Also, we hired a receptionist for the wedding only, not the reception.
 
JMJSHJ said:
Quick question for those who have been to a wedding in the last 5-10 years: When you sit down for dinner, do you have arranged seating or just let people decide on their own? I am inclining towards assigned seating as some people that are coming don’t know anyone else but me and I don’t want them sitting by themselves.
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For the amount of guests you’re inviting, I’d recommend assigning table numbers. Even though it can be a nightmare to arrange, in the end everyone appreciated where I put them and no one was scrambling to find a seat with their family or friends. If you’re having friends come who don’t know anyone, this is a good way to make them feel more comfortable- at my wedding a few of my friends actually got to know each other and made plans to get together later!

It all really goes by so fast- so my advice would be to put the most effort into the ceremony itself. People might like the food and cake, or like the table arrangements, or think the dress is pretty, which is all fun, but what made me the most happy was people telling me that it was a beautiful ceremony. Spend some time choosing the readings and music, involve your families, and make the ceremony and your sacramental marriage the highlight of the day. I was surprised that people even cried at our wedding, and so happy that they were all there that anything good that happened after the ceremony was just a bonus. After all the worrying I did over the details, if I could do one thing over it would be to relax a little!
 
JMJSHJ,
I am Filipina as is my hubby so we had traditional Catholic ceremony with Filipino traditions (very common here in NE Fla and we budgeted $5,000 for our wedding. Prices have gone up since 2001 but we had a vow renewal last year, and you can have a lovely wedding on a budget, here’s how we did it and some suggestions have already been made.
  1. We had 75 guests for a 10:00 am wedding at our parish (register at the church, saves money on the fee), lunchtime reception at a beachside restaurant (beautiful beach view, try restaurants, non-traditional reception locations for deals or your church hall - saw you’re using Knights of Columbus facility, that’ll save you $$);
  2. Champagne punch for all and cash bar - restaurant was inside a hotel so guests saved on hotel stay and hotel provided everything for 1 small price per head - lunch buffet, champagne toast, appetizers, servers, basic decor and we paid extra for alcohol - if hall allows you, buy your alcohol at Sams Club or discount store
  3. Go to bridal fairs, events that may get you discounts with wedding vendors, register to win freebies, you never know!
  4. My mother made all our flowers and church decor - if no one is crafty, try ebay or etsy.com - silk made flowers are great option - if bride wants fresh flowers, have her splurge on her fresh flower bouquet, silk flowers for everyone else!
  5. We made our own wedding invitations and just hired 1 piano player for entire church ceremony, he also sang beautifully but he was the parish church director!
  6. Honeymoon - we did a Royal Caribbean cruise (deals are great on Travelocity, recommend Celebrity, Carnival, Disney, or Norwegian) cruises are great, food and entertainment paid for, how about renting a Marriott Vacation Club villa esp if you don’t mind cooking your own food once in a while, Villas by Linda Smith in Jamaica, Sandals resorts can have steep discounts if you honeymoon “off season” or Cheapcaribbean.com (they’re legit, serious deals here, featured on Today show).
  7. Some groceries do fantastic wedding cakes - Publix is what many ppl use in Florida, we found a local baker in a grocery shop in Sanibel who did an amazing delicious 2 layer vow renewal cake for under $100 - or keep you cake design simple as wedding cakes are also based on hrs of labor
  8. Photographer gave us discount from a wedding fair - we also used a friend how happened to dabble in professional photography for our vow renewal, her pics are better than some professional photogs
    Good luck! Maria
 
Forgot to mention we had a Filipino DJ who saved us serious dough ($175 for 4 hours!) and we had a dance floor so we did all the traditional nighttime reception stuff - pics came out great b/c sun was shining so lighting was perfect for pic taking! DJ let me choose entire song playlist - we knew our guests very well so we knew exactly what would get them dancing and get the kids involved.

And yes, we’re Filipino so we even had karoake, cheesy line dancing, limbo contest, the whole bit. Was a blast - ppl talked about how fun it was for years - important thing is that you relax and have fun! You just can’t please everyone in weddings.
 
I was able to have a wedding for a little under 10,000 dollars. I saved money through finding deals online on flower girl dresses, invitations, and favors. We used a freelance photographer who would usually take pictures of sports events but he also did a few weddings. His pictures were great and we were allowed to have all of them on a cd. We did use real flowers only for the bouquets and boutonnieres and corsages. The bridesmaid dresses were thankfully on sale (the last three at Davids) so we were able to save some money there. My centerpieces were hand made to fit the theme. We ended up having our reception at Dave and Busters. They had special packages that usually were used for corporate events. They didn’t charge anything extra for the fact that it was a wedding. It also helped that we had a morning ceremony and a lunch reception. I did get my wedding dress at the local bridal shop but that was fine and I did get my cake from a local baker. We even were able to have a dj, a fully sung Latin Mass with choir, organist, violinist, and cellist (they all did it as their gift to us so it was free). The church usually cost 1,000 to use but father was kind enough to give us a 50% discount since we are parishioners there.

There are ways to have a beautiful, classy wedding without killing your bank. You just have to hunt and find the bargains. In the end, it is the first day of your lives together. Yes, its a special day but in the end, its your marriage that matters, the vows you take before God, Holy Mother Church, and family/friends. So, whatever you choose to do, make it special but don’t forget why you are doing this and God bless you :).
 
#1 - rent a “public” space such as a historical society great room or library meeting room or a community college space (these can be quite nicely-furnished)

#2 - have a dessert-only reception, or have sandwiches and salads plus cake

#3 - serve just one type of alcoholic beverage, such as inexpensive sparkling wine or punch (rather than having a cash bar, which is 😦 )

#4 - DON’T try to save money by catering it yourself! you will spend inordinate amounts of money on the ingredients and time/stress on your sanity

#5 - rather than a DJ or ipod (which can be stressful - who is in charge of the ipod??), have local high school/college music students play at the reception (strings are nice)
 
NSFrame said:
#4 - DON’T try to save money by catering it yourself! you will spend inordinate amounts of money on the ingredients and time/stress on your sanity
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Agreed.

Although I did attend a wedding reception in college where the couple asked everyone to bring a dish to pass in lieu of a gift. This was eons ago, but if I remember right they put a salad/main dish/desert request in with the invitation. The reception was in a park near campus, and it worked because we were all laid back, nearly broke college students. What I do remember is eating some killer Thai and Malaysian food there. 🙂

Luna
 
Wedding Cake

We are looking at wedding cakes and want to know some things. They can get pricey but we aren’t going to pay that much for it and we AREN’T going to cut the cake for the 100 guests!! However I do remember that the weddings I would attend they give a pre wrapped small piece of cake and that is something we would like to do. I noticed that some places will make special cupcakes for the guests.

Did any of you ever do that or what did you do? How many guests did you have at your wedding?
 
JMJSHJ said:
Wedding Cake

We are looking at wedding cakes and want to know some things. They can get pricey but we aren’t going to pay that much for it and we AREN’T going to cut the cake for the 100 guests!! However I do remember that the weddings I would attend they give a pre wrapped small piece of cake and that is something we would like to do. I noticed that some places will make special cupcakes for the guests.

Did any of you ever do that or what did you do? How many guests did you have at your wedding?
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Our hall cut our cake for free. There where about 125 people at my wedding. We had a “show” cake and a sheet cake.

My brother did a cupcake display with 3 different kinds of cupcakes. (They had less guests but I really couldn’t give you an accurate number)
 
JMJSHJ said:
Wedding Cake

We are looking at wedding cakes and want to know some things. They can get pricey but we aren’t going to pay that much for it and we AREN’T going to cut the cake for the 100 guests!! However I do remember that the weddings I would attend they give a pre wrapped small piece of cake and that is something we would like to do. I noticed that some places will make special cupcakes for the guests.

Did any of you ever do that or what did you do? How many guests did you have at your wedding?
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We had 160 guests, most of whom were family. When I got married, the cupcake thing was pretty popular, so it was pricey. It may not be so much now. With the caterer we hired, the wedding cake was included in our price,for all the food and beverages. We could have upgraded if we wanted to, but I tried to keep the cost down for my parents who paid for the reception. It wasn’t that important to pay for extras on the cake. We kept it to a very simple design and used a buttercream icing instead of a fondant, which was an upgrade.

What you could do with the wedding cake is do what I think someone suggested on here… get a small, simple wedding cake, then use a sheet cake for the guests. You could save money that way. I’ve found sheet cakes are less.
 
Utilize people you know! You’ll be surprised what you end up getting at a great discount, or free!

My caterer - family friend - he gave us a big discount. Not to mention he was instrumental in finding us a new hall 3 weeks before the wedding when we lost our original reception site.

Florist - I grew up in a very small town, this florist has been there forever, attended the same church I did, was friends with my parents, etc. - nice discount.

Musicians - I was a music major in college - my 2 vocalists were friends (one also played violin); organist an old teacher. All did it for free; we gave them nice gifts.

Wedding cake - my aunt took up the hobby of making fun/fancy cakes years before I married. She did both my bridal shower and wedding cakes - free.

Our biggest expenses were our catering and our pictures. I splurged on the pictures and don’t regret it for a minute. There was no official cost to use the church (parish I grew up), but we did give the priest something (almost 11 years later, I honestly don’t recall the amount).

My dh & I paid for our wedding; wouldn’t take anything from our parents. Only thing I let mine get away with was half the cost of my gown/veil. I was getting the death glare from my mother in the bridal shop, and it was easier to compromise and let her pay half. LOL She (and my father) still weren’t thrilled (they were aiming to get away w/ paying the full cost, but I wasn’t letting that happen), but happier than not paying anything.

Anyway - that leads to the honeymoon - since we took on all wedding costs, and the parents were less than thrilled that we weren’t taking offered money, we gave them a suggestion - split the cost of our honeymoon as their gift to us. They were thrilled! We already knew where we were going, details/costs, all they had to do was put money down and pay it off before we left.

I know you mentioned that parents aren’t here, but you might find as you go through all this that there is a relative or very close family friend who will want to step up and fill that void, and be a huge help with things, be it monetary or otherwise.
 
JMJSHJ said:
Wedding Cake

We are looking at wedding cakes and want to know some things. They can get pricey but we aren’t going to pay that much for it and we AREN’T going to cut the cake for the 100 guests!! However I do remember that the weddings I would attend they give a pre wrapped small piece of cake and that is something we would like to do. I noticed that some places will make special cupcakes for the guests.

Did any of you ever do that or what did you do? How many guests did you have at your wedding?
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At our wedding, the cake and the cake cutting were included in the price per person. I have to say, even though it might have been a little more expensive than planning everything separately, it wasn’t that much more and was completely worth it to have most things included. Our cake was gorgeous, too.

If you already have your hall picked out though, and everything is a separate charge, I think having a sheet cake is probably the best way to go- cheaper than cupcakes, too. I have a friend who did that at his wedding, and really no one even paid attention, and the cake was good. I had no idea that he got his cake from a grocery store until he told me later!
 
Update:

We are switching caterer’s as we found one for the same price with better food selection and actual experience in wedding catering that our first caterer lacked. Also the new caterer can provide cake for over 100 people all prepared and cut for a fraction of the price that we have been quoted.

Now next thing I want to talk about is music for the Wedding Mass. We have selected the intro and finale music of classical pieces and I have asked a friend to sing Ave Maria (Schubert’s version). I thought that Offertory would be best for it. However that leads Communion and the signing of the documents as open.

What are your favorite wedding hymns and if possible is there a youtube link for them?
 
We did the Ave Maria at the beginning, for the mother-of-the-bride entrance (she was escorted by my brother). This is traditional in my area (Central Mass.).

For the Offeratory, we did Prayer of St Francis (Make me a channel of your peace…), one of my absolute favorites. Very appropriate for a wedding.

For Communion, we had “You Are Mine”, which was something I only vaguely knew but the organist (who plays many weddings at the parish) suggested. It was nice.
 
JMJSHJ said:
Update:

We are switching caterer’s as we found one for the same price with better food selection and actual experience in wedding catering that our first caterer lacked. Also the new caterer can provide cake for over 100 people all prepared and cut for a fraction of the price that we have been quoted.

Now next thing I want to talk about is music for the Wedding Mass. We have selected the intro and finale music of classical pieces and I have asked a friend to sing Ave Maria (Schubert’s version). I thought that Offertory would be best for it. However that leads Communion and the signing of the documents as open.

What are your favorite wedding hymns and if possible is there a youtube link for them?
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What kind of liturgical music do you like? In regards to the “Ave Maria”, in my area it is very common to have it done during the Presentation to the Blessed Mother, which usually takes place at the end of the wedding right before the recessional.

This is the music which I am usually asked to do for weddings. I am a classical singer, so my repertoire is more on the classical side, but these are common wedding pieces anyway:
  • Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring (J.S. Bach) - The recording is in German, but it would usually sung in English. It is also a common instrumental entrance piece
    youtube.com/watch?v=J56RFMWharE
  • Laudate Dominum (W.A. Mozart) - The solo version cuts out the choral part, although, that part could be added in if you want the Doxology. Psalm 117. It’s my particular favorite, but I’m biased as it is what we used as a second communion piece at my wedding. 😛
    youtube.com/watch?v=mabt7GI1FuI
This is what a less polished, decent singer would sound like singing it. It can still sound pretty, but I don’t recommend it if you prefer a more polished voice like in the first recording. I personally couldn’t handle hearing the version below, because I’m used to hearing the more polished voice, but that’s just my personal taste.

jennifermccluskey.com/06.html

(Solo part)
Laudate Dominum omnes gentes - Praise the Lord, all ye nations(peoples),
laudate eum omnes populi. - praise him, all ye peoples.
Quoniam confirmata est - For his loving kindness (mercy)
super nos misericordia ejus - has been bestowed upon us,
et veritas Domini manet - and the truth of the Lord endures
in aeternum - for eternity.

(This is the choral part)
Gloria patri et filio - Glory to the Father, Son,
et spiritui sancto - and to the Holy Spirit;
sicut erat in principio - as it was in the beginning,
et nunc et semper - is now, and ever shall be,
et in saecula saeculorum. world without end.

Solo part
Amen. - Amen.
  • Panis Angelicus (C. Franck) - Perfect for communion, but can be done during offertory) For some reason, a lot of editions don’t include the second verse and will just repeat the first verse, so the soloist would have to write it in herself
    youtube.com/watch?v=nzTjY79nGRE
Translation:
The angelic bread
becomes the bread of men;
The heavenly bread
ends all prefigurations:
What wonder!
The Lord is eaten
by a poor and humble servant.
Code: 
Triune God,
We beg of you:
visit us,
just as we worship you.
By your ways,
lead us where we are heading,
to the light in which you dwell.
Amen.
  • You can also do the more simple Lambilotte hymn of “Panis Angelicus”. That can be found in the St. Gregory Hymnal, but other hymnals will have it as well. It’s easy to sing and depending on the congregation, it can be sung by all, although I’ve only done a handful of weddings where the people will actually sing along.
youtube.com/watch?v=JAlnsZhi8bU&feature=related
  • The Call a.k.a. Come My Way, My Truth, My Life (R. Vaughn Williams) I wish I had a better recording of this. This can be sung as a hymn, found in most Catholic hymnals, or as a solo originally set by Vaughn Williams.
youtube.com/watch?v=kiVeLgVC3-o
Where there is love, God is among us:
The love of God has called us here.
Love is not proud, jealous or boastful.
Love bears all things, believes all things,
Love hopes and endures all things.
Patient and kind, gracious, forgiving;
Love takes no delight in wrong or in anger;
Love rejoices only in the truth.
Faith, hope and love:
These last forever.
The greatest of these gift is love.
Ave, verum corpus
natum de Maria Virgine,
Vere passum immolatum
in Cruce pro homine,
Cujus latus perforatum
unda* fluxit (et)* sanguine,
Esto nobis praegustatum
in mortis examine.

Hail,true body
born of the Virgin Mary,
Who truly suffered, sacrificed
on the Cross for man,
Whose pierced side overflowed
with water* and blood,
Be for us a foretaste**
In the test of death.

Hymns:
  • When Love is Found - Same melody as “The Gift of Love”.
    The website of this soloist also has some other decent wedding selections you can listen to, although it looks like it includes music for funerals as well. This hymn can be found in most Catholic hymnals.
jennifermccluskey.com/15.html
Hope that is helpful. I do have much more if you want more recommendations, but I’m just putting down what I’m usually asked to sing. There are many more hymns as well.
 
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