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gracepoole
Guest
And we’re back to what’s “fair” to you and not your kids.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
There are many, many single parents who put their kids first, do not seek romantic relationships until the children are grown.
Remaining without romantic involvement does not mean loneliness. That is secular thinking!!! You have your parish family, your kids, your workmates, people are only lonely when they cut themselves off from their community.
Remaining without romantic involvement does not mean loneliness. That is secular thinking!!! You have your parish family, your kids, your workmates, people are only lonely when they cut themselves off from their community.
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lonegreywolf20
Guest
That’s right because if their father isn’t happy, then they will not be happy either, but none of you will understand that.
You may as well just end the discussion about me in a relationship now because my mind will not be changing.
You may as well just end the discussion about me in a relationship now because my mind will not be changing.
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lonegreywolf20
Guest
I will be over 60 years old when my last child is grown.
At that point I may as well not have any relationships ever again. That is not going to happen.
At that point I may as well not have any relationships ever again. That is not going to happen.
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gracepoole
Guest
Your happiness isn’t dependent on having a relationship with a woman. Do you think Catholics who are single not by choice are always unhappy? If you impeded your children’s happiness because you weren’t in a relationship with a woman, you’d be a pretty crappy parent.That’s right because if their father isn’t happy, then they will not be happy either, but none of you will understand that.
You may as well just end the discussion about me in a relationship now because my mind will not be changing.
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lonegreywolf20
Guest
As I said, you wouldn’t understand.
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gracepoole
Guest
The only justification you’ve offered for exposing your children to this number of non-parental partners is your own happiness, which of course is not dependent on exposing them to non-parental partners. What’s there to understand?
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lonegreywolf20
Guest
My children are not unhappy. Now, drop it!
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Elizabeth3
Guest
Ladies,
It sounds like this man made some really bad decisions in his past but is going to Mass, is going beyond his court ordered obligations, has confessed his sins and consulted a priest about his spiritual life. It’s one thing to advise him to consider not dating until his children are grown or to think about a vasectomy reversal, it’s another to argue to this extent about it. Even the Church does not require this of him. Browbeating him about his choices isn’t very charitable. The advice about remarriage after divorce when there are kids involved is to be very, very cautious and to discern carefully. It’s not that someone has to wait until the kids are grown.
OP, if you come back to read any more, here is a great site with good advice from a lot of top Catholic experts. About dating after annulment, it says
"DON’T start dating or bringing dates home too soon (and never, ever before you have an annulment!). Don’t try to replace a parent and blend families without very slow, extremely careful, and proper preparation. No civil divorce and Church annulment yet? No dating. You don’t have the fullness of the “gift-of-self” to give anyone right now. Don’t be selfish. Kids will bond with new people and when the new person leaves,too, the cycle of rejection and “divorce” will go deeper and bring more damage. Focus on your recovery and theirs for at least a year or maybe even much longer. "
http://www.catholicsdivorce.com/
It sounds like this man made some really bad decisions in his past but is going to Mass, is going beyond his court ordered obligations, has confessed his sins and consulted a priest about his spiritual life. It’s one thing to advise him to consider not dating until his children are grown or to think about a vasectomy reversal, it’s another to argue to this extent about it. Even the Church does not require this of him. Browbeating him about his choices isn’t very charitable. The advice about remarriage after divorce when there are kids involved is to be very, very cautious and to discern carefully. It’s not that someone has to wait until the kids are grown.
OP, if you come back to read any more, here is a great site with good advice from a lot of top Catholic experts. About dating after annulment, it says
"DON’T start dating or bringing dates home too soon (and never, ever before you have an annulment!). Don’t try to replace a parent and blend families without very slow, extremely careful, and proper preparation. No civil divorce and Church annulment yet? No dating. You don’t have the fullness of the “gift-of-self” to give anyone right now. Don’t be selfish. Kids will bond with new people and when the new person leaves,too, the cycle of rejection and “divorce” will go deeper and bring more damage. Focus on your recovery and theirs for at least a year or maybe even much longer. "
http://www.catholicsdivorce.com/
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lonegreywolf20
Guest
In the spirit of truthfulness and I think I did say this at some point in the thread, I am not currently going to Mass even though I want to and have a dispensation from the priest because my ex-wife doesn’t want our kids in the Catholic church and since I have them during Saturday vigil and Sunday Mass times, that keeps me from attending mass.
She has final say on religious upbringing and I will not go against the court order in that regard.
Everything else you have said is true.
She has final say on religious upbringing and I will not go against the court order in that regard.
Everything else you have said is true.
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Elizabeth3
Guest
Thank you for that clarification. I do remember now that you said that and it’s admirable that you sought the dispensation rather than just deciding not to attend on your own so that it would not be a case of mortal sin for refusing to go to Mass.
One little thing I could recommend is that you do try once in awhile to go to a weekday Mass or perhaps Holy Days of Obligation when they land during the week, if you are able. We all need strength and grace from the Eucharist.
One little thing I could recommend is that you do try once in awhile to go to a weekday Mass or perhaps Holy Days of Obligation when they land during the week, if you are able. We all need strength and grace from the Eucharist.
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lonegreywolf20
Guest
Again, I would love too, but when I don’t have my kids I am working. My job has me starting usually around 5am-6am and I generally work 14-16 hours and have to be back in the next day at the same time.
I work 3 days a week and have the kids 4 days per week roughly. I do not have them now because it was hand off day. I drop my daughter off at school around 8:30am and now my ex-wife meets me at the school to pickup my son from me.
I thank you though for your reasonable responses.
I work 3 days a week and have the kids 4 days per week roughly. I do not have them now because it was hand off day. I drop my daughter off at school around 8:30am and now my ex-wife meets me at the school to pickup my son from me.
I thank you though for your reasonable responses.
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Elizabeth3
Guest
You’re doing your best. Just keep reassessing your situation as things go along in case this changes. Sometimes we can just get in the rut of doing (or not doing something) out of habit and not even realize when the opportunity has presented itself again or maybe even rarely, when we could have taken advantage of it.
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gracepoole
Guest
Were you ever married – to either ex-wife – in the Catholic Church?
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lonegreywolf20
Guest
I was not married to my ex-wife in the Catholic church, no. She was my only marriage. I have a lack of form.
My ex-girlfriend didn’t want to get married and we were together for 10 years.
My ex-girlfriend didn’t want to get married and we were together for 10 years.
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gracepoole
Guest
You aren’t interested in making any different choices in your life, which is what I’d expect. But for the sake of anyone reading this thread who hasn’t yet gone down the path you’ve chosen, I pray it illuminates for them the need to remain faithful to Church teachings.
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lonegreywolf20
Guest
I was a lapsed catholic when I met my ex-girlfriend and ex-wife.
I have made many changes in my life, such as being pickier about who I date for a relationship and who I am going to allow around my children as far as what I control in my life and not their mother’s lives.
As someone else said and you conveniently ignored, I am not required to wait till my children are grown in order to date and remarry per the church, that is purely your and a few others’ opinions that I do.
I have chosen a different path, a different path in not going for the first person that comes along like I used to, yet, I would not expect you to recognize that because you are just a stranger on the internet and not someone who is close to me, who sees how I have changed for the better.
I have made many changes in my life, such as being pickier about who I date for a relationship and who I am going to allow around my children as far as what I control in my life and not their mother’s lives.
As someone else said and you conveniently ignored, I am not required to wait till my children are grown in order to date and remarry per the church, that is purely your and a few others’ opinions that I do.
I have chosen a different path, a different path in not going for the first person that comes along like I used to, yet, I would not expect you to recognize that because you are just a stranger on the internet and not someone who is close to me, who sees how I have changed for the better.
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gracepoole
Guest
I understand that it’s much easier to assume I’ve ignored what you’ve said. I haven’t. I’m aware of Church teaching. You are not required to wait until your children are grown to date again. This still doesn’t mean it’s wise. Hopefully the collective choices you’ve made and the resulting consequences can stand as a warning to others.
(BTW, I’m not sure why you keep dismissing comments because they come from “strangers on the internet” when you posted here and asked for feedback on making your ex-wife mad at you. Apparently strangers on the internet are savvy when it comes to agreeing with your position on that issue but not on any other. Interesting.)
(BTW, I’m not sure why you keep dismissing comments because they come from “strangers on the internet” when you posted here and asked for feedback on making your ex-wife mad at you. Apparently strangers on the internet are savvy when it comes to agreeing with your position on that issue but not on any other. Interesting.)
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lonegreywolf20
Guest
Because there are somethings that strangers on the internet can indeed help with, but when it comes to my relationship with my girlfriend, my past and how I arrived where I have, no, that is not much help you can give because you do not know who I was and and who I am now and how I got to this point where I am.
There are fine little details of my life that you do not know, nor do I expect you to know. So, as an adult who gets to discern for himself what is good advice that is actually helpful based on the problem at hand where you have all the details, and advice that isn’t good because you do not have all the information needed to form an informed opinion in regards to my individual situation, I can say no to.
There are fine little details of my life that you do not know, nor do I expect you to know. So, as an adult who gets to discern for himself what is good advice that is actually helpful based on the problem at hand where you have all the details, and advice that isn’t good because you do not have all the information needed to form an informed opinion in regards to my individual situation, I can say no to.
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gracepoole
Guest
Of course you can say no. Recognize, though, that you haven’t really accepted any opinions here on any topic that haven’t lined up with your own.Because there are somethings that strangers on the internet can indeed help with, but when it comes to my relationship with my girlfriend, my past and how I arrived where I have, no, that is not much help you can give because you do not know who I was and and who I am now and how I got to this point where I am.
There are fine little details of my life that you do not know, nor do I expect you to know. So, as an adult who gets to discern for himself what is good advice that is actually helpful based on the problem at hand where you have all the details, and advice that isn’t good because you do not have all the information needed to form an informed opinion in regards to my individual situation, I can say no to.
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