What do girls search in guys?

[kelvinf]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder… but only to a certain extent.

In our most primitive nature, we are biologically programmed to be attracted to healthy, fit figures.

Not saying at all that looks are all that matter (they’re not) but it won’t hurt to take care of yourself by keeping yourself clean, well groomed, and healthy/fit.

Double standards!!!

 

[Debora123]

Edit: Just know that there are people out there who love someone for who they are, and not because they happen to be the “Fittest” person on the planet.

Oh my goodness, come on! I came no where near saying that or even alluding to it! :nope:

 

[Debora123]

Double standards!!!

How is this a double standard? It applies to both sexes.

 

[Vim71]

Oh my goodness, I came no where near saying this!

Really?

In our most primitive nature, we are biologically programmed to be attracted to healthy, fit figures.

But enough talk, I’m done and I’m not going to derail this topic further. If you want to talk about this more, please PM me. Thank you.

 

[Debora123]

Really?

But enough talk, I’m done and I’m not going to derail this topic further. If you want to talk about this more, please PM me. Thank you.

Are you kidding me??

No dude, I’m not going to let you sit here and make is seem like I said we all love people for their bodies, not for who they are.

If you’re going to quote me, quote the whole thing, will you?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder… but only to a certain extent.

In our most primitive nature, we are biologically programmed to be attracted to healthy, fit figures.

Not saying at all that looks are all that matter (they’re not) but it won’t hurt to take care of yourself by keeping yourself clean, well groomed, and healthy/fit.

Good grief!

Yes, I believe we have primitive tendencies to find certain traits/features attractive and to be drawn towards health and cleanliness, so I said it doesn’t HURT to work on those things. That is partially the advice I’d give to anyone who was trying to attract the opposite gender. I did NOT say looks were some sort of end all be all, and that we only love ppl because of how they look. In fact, I said the opposite.

 

[Kamaduck]

I’m not saying someone needs to look perfect or anything, I’m just saying that I believe there to be a certain criteria we look for when it comes to physical attractiveness… a criteria that comes from primitive instincts. Therefore, it doesn’t hurt to take care of ourselves and our bodies.

I absolutely hate how much our culture emphasizes physical beauty, especially for women- and even I agree with this. It’s just common sense, people are physically attracted to one another, so being physically attractive would help someone find a partner. Doesn’t mean non-beautiful people or unhealthy people aren’t worthy of having partners (I absolutely believe that physical beauty should be a much smaller consideration than, say, intelligence or spiritual health). Nevertheless, being physically attractive is going to help one attract people. I don’t think it guarantees people will be interested in someone, but how can it hurt?

I’m not going to define attractive here, as it is subjective- but just like with other subjective things, certain opinions are going to dominate.

 

[Vim71]

Are you kidding me??

No dude, I’m not going to let you sit here and make is seem like I said we all love people for their bodies, not for who they are.

If you’re going to quote me, quote the whole thing, will you?

Good grief!

Yes, I believe we have primitive tendencies to find certain traits/features attractive and to be drawn towards health and cleanliness, so I said it doesn’t HURT to work on those things. That is partially the advice I’d give to anyone who was trying to attract the opposite gender. I did NOT say looks were some sort of end all be all, and that we only love ppl because of how they look. In fact, I said the opposite.

But your post made it seem like that. You made it seem like someone will only be attracted to you if your fit/healthy. Yes I got the third part of your post was that looks aren’t the end all and be all, but that wasn’t the point, you went on about this “Fit and Healthy”.

Honestly, it sounded like you were demeaning other men/women, and that’s how you came off.

Once again, I’m not trying to offend you, but your post offended me because that’s the way you came off. You made it sound as if women (and men) would only be beautiful if they were “Fit/Healthy”. Those are very subjective terms.

So if you were trying to say something else, you badly miscommunication it to me, and at least one other in this thread.

I’m not trying to start a fight with you, and I’m sorry if I offended you.

Edit: And please, next time respond to me via PM, I do not wish to derail this topic any further, I accidentally just did that without realizing it.

Edit 2: I have taken the initiative to PM you about this instead to keep this topic on topic.

 

[dedo]

I think that the girls are better authorities on what girls look for in guys than any of us guys could ever be.

I agree with Deborah that fitness does play a role, at least at first. Also, I think if a woman sees that the guy wants to work hard to be a good provider then that is also important.

After those initial “first impression” items, it comes down to “does he love me”. That is something we need to prove by our actions and words.

It is interesting that today the sermon was about the parable of the prodigal son. Our priest focused on the father’s love as an example for how all of us should be loving each other (not just fathers). He said that sometimes God’s love is seems “crazy” (his words) by human standards because God will go so much farther than what societal norms accept – and we should do the same.

He cautioned to avoid acting like the “older brother” whose focus was on “control” and placing limits on others, and even on God.

So I would say that a girl will look for the guy that – will take some risks in love, even to the point of seeming to be “crazy”, if it lets her know that she is loved. The priest was not talking about romantic love; however, I think it still applies to the way we all should be loving each other e.g. forget the correcting, and take some risks in the loving.

 

[Debora123]

But your post made it seem like that. You made it seem like someone will only be attracted to you if your fit/healthy. Yes I got the third part of your post was that looks aren’t the end all and be all, but that wasn’t the point, you went on about this “Fit and Healthy”.

Honestly, it sounded like you were demeaning other men/women, and that’s how you came off.

Once again, I’m not trying to offend you, but your post offended me because that’s the way you came off. You made it sound as if women (and men) would only be beautiful if they were “Fit/Healthy”. Those are very subjective terms.

So if you were trying to say something else, you badly miscommunication it to me, and at least one other in this thread.

I’m not trying to start a fight with you, and I’m sorry if I offended you.

Edit: And please, next time respond to me via PM, I do not wish to derail this topic any further, I accidentally just did that without realizing it.

Edit 2: I have taken the initiative to PM you about this instead to keep this topic on topic.

Sorry if you found my post so confusing. But you are way off the mark. The poster above you seems to have gotten it just fine.

 

[Debora123]

I absolutely hate how much our culture emphasizes physical beauty, especially for women- and even I agree with this. It’s just common sense, people are physically attracted to one another, so being physically attractive would help someone find a partner. Doesn’t mean non-beautiful people or unhealthy people aren’t worthy of having partners (I absolutely believe that physical beauty should be a much smaller consideration than, say, intelligence or spiritual health). Nevertheless, being physically attractive is going to help one attract people. I don’t think it guarantees people will be interested in someone, but how can it hurt?

I’m not going to define attractive here, as it is subjective- but just like with other subjective things, certain opinions are going to dominate.

Yes, thank you.

 

[Debora123]

I think that the girls are better authorities on what girls look for in guys than any of us guys could ever be.

I agree with Deborah that fitness does play a role, at least at first. Also, I think if a woman sees that the guy wants to work hard to be a good provider then that is also important.

After those initial “first impression” items, it comes down to “does he love me”. That is something we need to prove by our actions and words.

It is interesting that today the sermon was about the parable of the prodigal son. Our priest focused on the father’s love as an example for how all of us should be loving each other (not just fathers). He said that sometimes God’s love is seems “crazy” (his words) by human standards because God will go so much farther than what societal norms accept – and we should do the same.

He cautioned to avoid acting like the “older brother” whose focus was on “control” and placing limits on others, and even on God.

So I would say that a girl will look for the guy that – will take some risks in love, even to the point of seeming to be “crazy”, if it lets her know that she is loved. The priest was not talking about romantic love; however, I think it still applies to the way we all should be loving each other e.g. forget the correcting, and take some risks in the loving.

Agree with this 100%.

 

[Vim71]

Sorry if you found my post so confusing. But you are way off the mark. The poster above you seems to have gotten it just fine.

Whatever.

 

[Greg_N]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder… but only to a certain extent.

In our most primitive nature, we are biologically programmed to be attracted to healthy, fit figures.

Not saying at all that looks are all that matter (they’re not) but it won’t hurt to take care of yourself by keeping yourself clean, well groomed, and healthy/fit.

Okay… what is this?!? I’m agreeing with Debora!?

What have I become? haha .

I love beauty! and yes, you are absolutely right!
Beauty is a divine culmination of matter and form, the aesthetic appeal we have to beauty is intrinsic of our very nature; it induces our every action and how we interact with the corporeal world.
That is not to deny the subjective nature to the art of attraction itself, but we exhibit this only insofar as we maintain a standard by which to determine these inclinations. In other words; you cannot have the subjective, without the objective, and to deny the objective nature of beauty would be (in a way) to deny the essence of reality itself - “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.” - Genesis 1:31

As a male, I realize that the lady is the most beautiful being that can possibly be said to systematically exist in my tangible reality, and I thank God for that.
Don’t cut it short.

I absolutely hate how much our culture emphasizes physical beauty, especially for women

I take that a person’s soul is to be identified with the form of their body. When we disregard the soul, we no longer seem to identify it with the body, thus the body becomes objectified, a mere piece of meat; no holds barred. The result is what we now see brandished on every music video and magazine cover. Ignoring the soul, we glorify the flesh over and above that for what it was intended, and it turns beauty into something which it is not.

Ya feel me?

Anyway, back to the topic…

I think it’s safe to say, that if you can make a girl laugh, and have enough money that you can spoil her a little (and raise a family), you’re pretty much set.

 

[Debora123]

I love beauty! and yes, you are absolutely right!
Beauty is a divine culmination of matter and form, the aesthetic appeal we have to beauty is intrinsic of our very nature; it induces our every action and how we interact with the corporeal world.
That is not to deny the subjective nature to the art of attraction itself, but we exhibit this only insofar as we maintain a standard by which to determine these inclinations. In other words; you cannot have the subjective, without the objective, and to deny the objective nature of beauty would be (in a way) to deny the essence of reality itself - “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.” - Genesis 1:31

Yes.

It’s very interesting stuff, actually. Subconsciously and instinctively, when we think someone is physically attractive, what we’re really thinking is that this person has good genes and would provide us with good offspring. Therefore, certain criteria for beauty are more or less universal because they subconsciously symbolize fertility and heath. …Good genes for bringing in the strongest, and healthiest children.

For example:

We tend to like clear skin as opposed to acne. (health/cleanliness)
We tend to like a more fit figure as opposed to obese. (health)
In women, we see curvy hips as being attractive. (fertility)
In men, we see toned muscles as being attractive. (good provider)
We like white teeth. (health/cleanliness)
We like youth. (fertility)
We like symmetry in the face (health)

…Those are certain things we consider beautiful.

I’m not saying, for example, that not having crystal white teeth is unhealthy or dirty. A lot of people’s teeth are just naturally yellowed, and they are still perfectly healthy and clean. However, in our subconscious/instinctive minds, we do see certain things as a sign of health/fertility, even if it isn’t always so.

…And I’m sure someone is going to come back and say something like “well in such and such tribe out in the middle of such and such place, they used to consider acne/obesity/old age/etc etc attractive… so your theory is completely wrong!”

And ok, I’m sure it is possible that there could be some exceptions out there, but in the vast majority, this criteria is more or less timeless and universal.

So, for the sake of being on topic… here’s the moral of the story for the OP:

Take good care of yourself. Keep yourself well groomed. Smell nice. Take showers. Brush your teeth. Try to do some sort of physical activity throughout the week. Eat healthy.

Do those things, and at least physically, you’ll be setting yourself up for success. But don’t forget the other stuff too!

 

[Crescentinus]

Sadly, there’s this case of overemphasis in the dating scene. It would be more rational if these emphases are balanced.

That said, I have seen many women pick men who are less than desirable and then whine over that choice when they could have picked better men!

 

[Vim71]

We tend to like clear skin as opposed to acne. (health/cleanliness)
We tend to like a more fit figure as opposed to obese. (health)
In women, we see curvy hips as being attractive. (fertility)
In men, we see toned muscles as being attractive. (good provider)
We like white teeth. (health/cleanliness)
We like youth. (fertility)
We like symmetry in the face (health)

…Those are certain things we consider beautiful.

Hmm, well not me, so when you say “we”, you actually me “select people”. And I know this goes true for both sexes, and I know people that don’t care about any of the things you posted above. Please, stop generalizing everyone. Not everyone follows your stupid list, I sure don’t.

I have no clue where you got this information from, but it is a load of rubbish. If you source is the documentary you listed earlier (Sex Appeal), then Can’t you form your own views? Or do you just like to be a parrot of what some poorly researched documentary tells you? FYI I have seen it, and laughed through it all because it’s the biggest joke about attraction ever.

You claim that “We tend to like a more fit figure as opposed to obese.” Really? Please explain to me why there are many obese men, and why there are women who not slim that are married, or are in relationships?

Quit generalizing, everyone is unique, despite what you say.

Finally:

…And I’m sure someone is going to come back and say something like “well in such and such tribe out in the middle of such and such place, they used to consider acne/obesity/old age/etc etc attractive… so your theory is completely wrong!”

Which nullifies your video, and your original point. Way to contradict yourself. “We want people who are like this”, but “Oh but there were people who didn’t didn’t follow the list that we successful”. Which means, there are people who obviously don’t care.

Besides, God decides who you are with, not some “Subconsciously and instinctively” rubbish.

 

[kelvinf]

How is this a double standard? It applies to both sexes.

Definitely double standards. You have spoken a lot about physical attraction – “things we consider beautiful”, “primitive instincts”, “traits/features”…

In retrospect, you have said that it is offensive(!) for guys to consider some of these “traits/features”… Just think a little bit to recall and p(name removed by moderator)oint what exactly I am talking about.

 

[Debora123]

Definitely double standards. You have spoken a lot about physical attraction – “things we consider beautiful”, “primitive instincts”, “traits/features”…

In retrospect, you have said that it is offensive(!) for guys to consider some of these “traits/features”… Just think a little bit to recall and p(name removed by moderator)oint what exactly I am talking about.

Yeah, I have 0 idea what you’re talking about.

I’ve always been a huge supporter of taking care of oneself, and of not pretending physical attraction doesn’t play a role.

Perhaps you are referring to a thread where one poster kept referring to small chested women as “flat chested” and saying they look like men. Yeah, I thought that was an offensive thing to say. That would be like me going around and saying that bigger women look like whales. It is offensive and untrue. Not sure how this has anything to do with what I’ve been writing here, or how it’s a “double standard” of any sorts.

 

[Crescentinus]

I’ve always been a huge supporter of taking care of oneself, and of not pretending physical attraction doesn’t play a role.

I agree with you there.
Hence, it is sad when that priority (that of taking care of oneself) is distorted into the hunt for most good-looking date-able person alive at the expense of other priorities such as personality.

 

[Crescentinus]

Perhaps you are referring to a thread where one poster kept referring to small chested women as “flat chested” and saying they look like men. Yeah, I thought that was an offensive thing to say. That would be like me saying that bigger women look like whales. Not sure how this has anything to do with what I’ve been writing here.

I knew that I’m the person being referred here.
Again, I apologize for that.