What exactly does this whole submission to the husband thing mean?

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Deacon Harold Burke-Sivers says his wife will 100% say that he is the head of the household, but that she’s the boss!

The video @(name removed by moderator) posted is very good.
 
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After 47 years I know we love each other with all our hearts but we each still do things that put ourselves first and sometimes drive the other one crazy.
Just now I snapped at him because I am exhausted and he just told me 3 things I need to get done.
Neither of us is perfect and that ideal relationship is not here yet.
 
BCathB said:
What is the opinion of the Church today about the submission of the wife to the husband, topic of which st. Paul spoke about?
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The Joy of a Good Wife
Sirach 26:1 Happy is the husband of a good wife;
the number of his days will be doubled.
2 A loyal wife brings joy to her husband,
and he will complete his years in peace.
3 A good wife is a great blessing;
she will be granted among the blessings of the man who fears the Lord.
4 Whether rich or poor, his heart is content,
and at all times his face is cheerful

The Worst of Evils: A Wicked Wife

5 Of three things my heart is frightened,
and of a fourth I am in great fear:
Slander in the city, the gathering of a mob,
and false accusation—all these are worse than death.
6 But it is heartache and sorrow when a wife is jealous of a rival,
and a tongue-lashing makes it known to all.
7 A bad wife is a chafing yoke;
taking hold of her is like grasping a scorpion.
8 A drunken wife arouses great anger;
she cannot hide her shame.
9 The haughty stare betrays an unchaste wife;
her eyelids give her away.

10 Keep strict watch over a headstrong daughter,
or else, when she finds liberty, she will make use of it.
11 Be on guard against her impudent eye,
and do not be surprised if she sins against you.
12 As a thirsty traveler opens his mouth
and drinks from any water near him,
so she will sit in front of every tent peg
and open her quiver to the arrow.
The Blessing of a Good Wife
13 A wife’s charm delights her husband,
and her skill puts flesh on his bones.
14 A silent wife is a gift from the Lord,
and nothing is so precious as her self-discipline.
15 A modest wife adds charm to charm,
and no scales can weigh the value of her chastity.
16 Like the sun rising in the heights of the Lord,
so is the beauty of a good wife in her well-ordered home.
17 Like the shining lamp on the holy lampstand,
so is a beautiful face on a stately figure.
18 Like golden pillars on silver bases,
so are shapely legs and steadfast feet.
 
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If the husband loves his wife in the way St. Paul wants him to, and the wife likewise respects her husband to the degree St Paul requires, there shouldn’t be much need for submission by anybody.

Anywho, search button, people!
 
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But in a few words, how should a man love his wife? And a wife his man?
 
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Deeply, sacrificially, and always thinking of what Jesus would want them to do.
 
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In my house we have a rule…I make all the major decisions and my wife makes all the little ones…because of this rule, I haven’t had to make a decision in 7 years.
 
jrgmercado said:
In my house we have a rule…I make all the major decisions and my wife makes all the little ones…because of this rule, I haven’t had to make a decision in 7 years.
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Dad always said that he let mom make all the small decisions, like what to eat, where to live, and what to do with our time. He made the big decisions, like whether to go to war with China.
 
It’s all about maintaining Peace through the divinely established line of authority: God the Father, our Lord Jesus Christ, Husband, Wife, the Angels.

Jesus asked the Father to take this cup from Him so He wouldn’t have to go through the passion and death on a cross, but ultimately surrendered saying “Your Will be done” and was obedient even to death on a cross. Likewise, husbands out of love allow their wife to make known her petitions, but ultimately make all final decisions. When any dispute arises, the wife’s obedience to her husband’s will over her own not keeps familial peace, but it also mimics Jesus Christ’s own obedience to the Father. As a wife, I can also say, although I’m not able to explain it, obedience to your husband is actually very freeing.
 
Lea101 said:
Like this for example, is it necessary to have a leader? In a relationship of two people? Two people at odds will lead to a breakdown, but I don’t know if that means that one should always have to be the leader. We don’t have that in friendships, for instance.
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In a household, it does make sense for each spouse to have their own designated areas of expertise.

For example, if my husband told me that we need such and such a piece of electronics or that the car or the house needed something, I would instantly believe him.

I also handle probably 95% of our school communications and 90% of grocery shopping (I’m somehow much faster at grocery shopping–I have a mental map of where everything is, which my husband does not).

Divvying up responsibilities requires relationship experience (we initially started out with me doing bills but then my husband took it over), but we find that things go much more smoothly if one person has ownership of a particular domain. We also do a monthly budget meeting every month.
 
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Wife.of.Gabriel said:
Likewise, husbands out of love allow their wife to make known her petitions, but ultimately make all final decisions. When any dispute arises, the wife’s obedience to her husband’s will over her own not keeps familial peace, but it also mimics Jesus Christ’s own obedience to the Father.
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Does the “final decision” theology actually match up with Casti Connubii?

"26. Domestic society being confirmed, therefore, by this bond of love, there should flourish in it that “order of love,” as St. Augustine calls it. This order includes both the primacy of the husband with regard to the wife and children, the ready subjection of the wife and her willing obedience, which the Apostle commends in these words: “Let women be subject to their husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, and Christ is the head of the Church.”[29]

“27. This subjection, however, does not deny or take away the liberty which fully belongs to the woman both in view of her dignity as a human person, and in view of her most noble office as wife and mother and companion; nor does it bid her obey her husband’s every request if not in harmony with right reason or with the dignity due to wife; nor, in fine, does it imply that the wife should be put on a level with those persons who in law are called minors, to whom it is not customary to allow free exercise of their rights on account of their lack of mature judgment, or of their ignorance of human affairs.”

https://w2.vatican.va/content/pius-...ents/hf_p-xi_enc_19301231_casti-connubii.html
 
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I’m not familiar with the document you’re quoting from, but I see no conflict whatsoever between the parts you’ve quoted and surrendering your will in obedience to your husband.
 
Lea101 said:
Like this for example, is it necessary to have a leader?
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Leader is the wrong word and doesn’t apply !!

The “submission issue” is taken out of it’s sociological context. The couple are a couple placed amid (in) society (and even as a single unit placed within extended family). Submission (mutual, as @Xantippe and @Vico pointed out) is, foremost, a sociological/wisdom mechanism of defense.

I’ve seen more than my share of evil in this life. Only by enumerating evil emanating from the exterior of the couple does submission gain it’s full social dimension. And submission of the spouses is mutual, the differential part @Vico highlighted, and @Xantippe broadened, gives the indispensable larger context. The gender differential in submission is mostly (A NEED) derived by different pressures society differently applies to woman and man. Any woman thinking she stands to gain from disobeying her husband by allying with forces exterior to the couple is setting the marriage on a path to perdition.

@Tis_Bearself @Sarcelle, so here you have it my beloved sisters in Christ. The sad sordid thruth about society everybody would prefer not to mentioned because it isn’t socially correct to state such truths. It’s much more socially correct (and socially endorsed) to take sides against the spouse.
 
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My husband never expected me to “obey” him and vice versa. We did expect each other to act with reasonably good judgment and communicate with each other constantly.

If my husband had been looking for an obeisant wife, he probably could have found one, but he didn’t want that.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
My husband never expected me to “obey” him and vice versa. We did expect each other to act with reasonably good judgment and communicate with each other constantly.

If my husband had been looking for an obeisant wife, he probably could have found one, but he didn’t want that.
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My wife thought the “wives, submit to your husbands” bit was really important during our courtship. Now that I’m testing the waters of the Tiber, it’s suddenly no longer such great advice.
 
Well, the way I heard it explained was that the line HAS to be taken in context with the rest of the passage.

Wives are told to be submissive to their husbands. Submission means to be obedient to and help him with his God-given mission. So what is the mission of the husband? If you ask me, they have the harder job. They are told to love their wife as Christ loves the church. Christ loves the church no matter what sins she commits against him. No matter the betrayal, the sin, the infidelity…He loves no matter what and never forsakes one who comes back in repentance.

So a wife is commanded to help her husband love her as Christ loves all of us. This means not purposefully doing things to undermine that love - infidelity, nagging, etc. It’s really just about being a decent human being to the person who is supposed to love you no matter what.

Again, I really think the men have the harder job. 😉
 
Delphinus said:
So what is the mission of the husband? If you ask me, they have the harder job. They are told to love their wife as Christ loves the church. Christ loves the church no matter what sins she commits against him. No matter the betrayal, the sin, the infidelity…He loves no matter what and never forsakes one who comes back in repentance.
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The wife (or anyone really) is instructed to do all of those things as well, especially in her vows.
 
I guess it’s because you said that the husband makes all the final decisions, while the wife just has to ‘petition’…like a child tbh.
 
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