When did RCC start charging to use the Church for marriage?

[kage_ar]

The prevailing thoughts on the forum seems to be it’s okay to charge for the church because “bridezillas” are making it their “big day.” Wouldn’t it be more Christian to try to educate “bridezilla” in the beauty of the sacrament she is about to partake in & the meaning behind it. To guide her with Christian love instead of winking and nodding at her self aggrandizement and charging her for it?

Sadly, most parents did not talk about these things. Teaching about Catholic marrriage and what a Catholic wedding IS should have been done from the time that little girl was in diapers. In 99 cases out of 100, the young woman has formed her idea of “getting married” from TV, movies and magazines.

Even the best Parish staff and Priest cannot undo decades of pop culture brainwashing.

 

[Phemie]

Sadly, most parents did not talk about these things. Teaching about Catholic marrriage and what a Catholic wedding IS should have been done from the time that little girl was in diapers. In 99 cases out of 100, the young woman has formed her idea of “getting married” from TV, movies and magazines.

Even the best Parish staff and Priest cannot undo decades of pop culture brainwashing.

Hard for the parents to talk about it when they don’t have a clue either. Wasn’t it only last year that we read about the parents who parish shopped until they found a church that didn’t require the bride & groom to enter as part of the entrance procession as described in the Rite and who were shocked to find out exactly what is called for in the Marriage Rite.

 

[Phemie]

Actually there are. The funeral directors are the guys who make the big bucks. You can usually see their smiling faces on the back of the church bulletin on Sunday. You don’t notice 'em til you need 'em.

But funeral directors, at least the ones I’ve dealt with, ask how things are going to go, they don’t try to dictate. They try hard to work hand in hand with the priests.

 

[Guitar]

The prevailing thoughts on the forum seems to be it’s okay to charge for the church because “bridezillas” are making it their “big day.” Wouldn’t it be more Christian to try to educate “bridezilla” in the beauty of the sacrament she is about to partake in & the meaning behind it. To guide her with Christian love instead of winking and nodding at her self aggrandizement and charging her for it?

Be my guest and try, Turtle. And if you are successful, tell us what you used and send me a case of it and a bill. Cheque’ll be in the mail next day. I bet Agapewolf and PaxGA will want a bottle or three as well.

Don’t you think we all wear ourselves out doing our best to do just that? Even if it were just for selfish motives, never mind Christian love, it would make sense to do so as an educated wedding couple makes our own lives easier.

I’ve tried (over about 20 years) and will continue to do so. (And by the way, please don’t assume the blunt way we might call a spade a **** shovel here is the way we speak to couples about these matters - it isn’t.) Sometimes people get it are and very grateful for the help and advice. Most of the time it falls on deaf ears.

I think you are getting the wrong end of the stick here.

Some of the work and most of the aggravation is in dealing with Bridezilla specifics (and Groomzilla, let’s be fair, it isn’t usually the bride drinking stubbies in the church foyer from 30 mins beforehand) but Bridezilla or no, the church still has to be opened/closed/airconditioned/cleaned for the rehearsal and ceremony, the lights turned on, the furniture arranged and put back, paperwork processed, the couple interviewed and given books with the readings and prayers to be chosen, pre-marriage courses booked and conducted yada yada yada - even for an angelically-behaved couple. This still costs the parish time, money and effort.

Bridezilla doesn’t always take up more time or consumables on the day, she just takes ten years off everyone’s life. (Although some do want extra rehearsals and earlier access for the wedding planner’s full scale bump in and bump out and so forth.)

Even in the case of the churches I mentioned that take non-refundable deposits on booking, they do not charge Bridezilla any more than they would a reasonable couple (the deposit is basically the church fee that every couple pays anyway if they can afford it), they just administer it in a way that discourages couples from mistreating the parish.

Assuming that Brideszilla is only Bridezilla because no one has tried to explain the meaning of the sacrament in Christian love is waaaaaaay off the mark.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

How about some clarification:

Wedding planner: above description …vendor machine with the blackberry. Bad.

Church wedding coordinator to keep everything in line. Good

Well, yeh, of course. Did you not see “certainly not all” as the clarifier? A wedding planner who at least has respect for the parish rules and regs, or even better is a practicing Catholic who wants things to be lovely AND sacred, is worth her weight in gold.

The ones who think they can get the bride and groom to do a number of “ceremonies” that aren’t even Catholic and swath the place in lime fabric to boot, all for the sake of a buck, bad- with or without Blackberries.

The prevailing thoughts on the forum seems to be it’s okay to charge for the church because “bridezillas” are making it their “big day.” Wouldn’t it be more Christian to try to educate “bridezilla” in the beauty of the sacrament she is about to partake in & the meaning behind it. To guide her with Christian love instead of winking and nodding at her self aggrandizement and charging her for it?

They do try. Some are more teachable than others.

And that still does not cover the bills for a/c, electricity, clean-up, etc.

 

[guanophore]

you are not being charged for the sacrament, if you choose to use the church, with all the overhead involved in opening it, heat, light, a/c, maintenance etc. for a few hours for rehearsal and wedding, who do you think should pay for it?

Isn’t it required to have a Catholic wedding in the Church?

 

[bilop]

Same here in my neck of the woods. Having a baptism outside of mass just doen’t make sense.

I don’t get this. I’ve only been to one baptism during a Mass. It was a zoo. The whole congregation left their seats to go to the font. Very irreverent. Maybe it was just the parish, there were lots of abuses.

I’ve always seen baptism being done where the family goes to the Church on a Saturday afternoon, the Priest does the baptism, it takes like 20 mins, and you go out to lunch. Once, I saw it done for three babies in one ceremony, but not in a Mass.

God Bless

 

[bilop]

Isn’t it required to have a Catholic wedding in the Church?

Usually. It can also be done in the parish office, or at a side chapel for a simple private ceremony, like a validation of an improper marriage.

God Bless

 

[Phemie]

I don’t get this. I’ve only been to one baptism during a Mass. It was a zoo. The whole congregation left their seats to go to the font. Very irreverent. Maybe it was just the parish, there were lots of abuses.

I’ve always seen baptism being done where the family goes to the Church on a Saturday afternoon, the Priest does the baptism, it takes like 20 mins, and you go out to lunch. Once, I saw it done for three babies in one ceremony, but not in a Mass.

God Bless

Considering the importance of Baptism I’m glad that everyone gets to witness this sacrament on a regular basis. Our Baptisms during Mass are not zoos (that’s the children’s Christmas Eve Mass). If the children are there they go up to the font to watch but everyone else remains in the pews. The parents can feel the full support of the community behind them as they bring their children to the Faith. The community should be there to welcome this newest member into its midst.

 

[Jean_Anthony]

The thread is going off topic. Please stick to the topic and take side discussions to new or existing threads. Thank you all.

 

[sacredcello]

At my parish, it costs $3,000 for non-parishioners to get married and $2,000 for parishioners. That’s just for the use of the building. There is also a presider’s fee, and of course, the musicians will be paid an additional $1,000 (give or take, depending on how many).

I’m not looking forward to explaining this to my non-Catholic fiance and family, but that is the fact.

In addition, there are also required bouquets of flowers that must be purchased. It is in the contract agreement between the parish and the couple.

One couple who is getting married this Saturday and was hoping to have the flowers already there from Easter is being charged a $400 fee to have the flowers “refreshed” for their wedding, even though the flowers would presumably need to be “refreshed” for the 4:00 Saturday Mass.

I’m not complaining, as this is a large historical church that I am speaking about. It just happens to be my regular parish, and I’m wondering how in the world I’m going to be able to cough it up, since my parents are not Catholic, and would find such an expense to be outrageous. We could do something in the side chapel, but I was hoping to have a Mass during our ceremony.

 

[puzzleannie]

Isn’t it required to have a Catholic wedding in the Church?

yes and myself and other posters have noted several times that it is possible to marry in the church building before, after or during a regular scheduled Mass without cost. The fee comes to cover expenses of opening, heating, cooling, cleaning etc. the building outside of regular hours, usually for at least 2 hrs counting the rehearsal and wedding itself.

 

[sacredcello]

yes and myself and other posters have noted several times that it is possible to marry in the church building before, after or during a regular scheduled Mass without cost. The fee comes to cover expenses of opening, heating, cooling, cleaning etc. the building outside of regular hours, usually for at least 2 hrs counting the rehearsal and wedding itself.

I will be sure to ask my pastor about this when we meet with him, but I seriously doubt that they will allow us to have our wedding, say at 3:00 (before the 4:00 Saturday Mass) in order for us to have the $2,000 fee waived. Firstly, because they have confessions in the church at 3:00. This parish is super strict about rules and regulations.

 

[ALLGIRLS]

These kinds of threads make me appreciate my parish even more. When I got married, I had been an active parishioner for 6 years. I tithed, was a lector, Sunday school teacher, and small faith sharing group coordinator, and always volunteered at the various picnics and festivals. My daughter (I had a baby when I was 17) was a server (yes, I know how some feel about female altar servers, but that’s not what this thread is about, so lets not go there right now). Basically, the priests and parish staff knew me by name. I was charged NOTHING for using the church. There was a “suggested” stipend ($50, I think) for Father to witness the marriage. We paid for the organist (she was the regular church organist, but we paid HER, not the church. We could have brought in our own musicans if we wanted to), and gave the servers $20 a piece (both were friends of my daughter) for their time. We paid for our marriage prep classes, but that check went to the archdiocese, not our parish (and the classes weren’t even held at our parish, but at another close by). I don’t know if this was because I was such an active parishioner, or if all parishioners are treated this way (my parish is huge, and there are normally weddings every weekend, except during lent, so I’m thinking they probably don’t even allow nonparishioners to use the church for weddings). I do know our church is open everyday at 6:00 a.m. (daily masses are at 6:30 and 8:00), and the doors aren’t locked again until 9:00 p.m. (we’re in a very safe area), so there’s no need for anyone to unlock the doors then lock them again, or turn on and off the ac or heat and lights for weddings and rehearsals, that could be part of it, as well. The church was already decorated for fall, and a friend just got there a little early and placed bows on the 1st 3 pews on either side, then removed them when the wedding was over . That was the extent of our decorations. The church doesn’t have a “brides room”, so we all got dressed at home. I’m sure all that stuff contributes to the cost (as others have pointed out).

I just can’t believe how blessed I am to be where I am. But like others have pointed out, if the couple and/or their parents really are strapped for cash (which would be indicated by a very small, simple wedding) I’m sure the pastor would lower or waive the fee (provided they are parishioners), to do otherwise would encourage the couple to marry invalidly outside the Church, imo (fwiw, my dh and I paid for our wedding ourselves, except for the rehearsal dinner, which his parents paid for. We were 30 and 33, and the whole thing-dress, tux, flowers, photographer, reception, dj, etc. was about $5000. It can be done. We could have done w/o the reception w/ the open bar, but dh insisted on it, and the cost would have been about $2500. There are other things we could have cut if we’d had to. You don’t have to live together b/f marriage or go into debt to have a nice wedding. For Catholics, it should be about the MARRIAGE, not just the wedding).

In Christ,

Ellen

 

[Phemie]

I remember paying something 32 years ago and today our small parish charges $150 (that includes private marriage preparation with the priest) none of which goes to the priest. The couple is free to give him something if they wish. If the couple wants music they find their own musicians.

 

[ForMary]

My sister is getting married and all of the churches she has checked into are charging between $150 & $1000 for the use of the Church, even if you are a member. When did this start? When my other sisters got married 10 years ago & 15 years ago, the church was free. Of course, you paid the musician & the priest but you didn’t have to pay to use the Church. This seems inherently wrong–You don’t have to pay to use the Church for any other sacrament–or are they charging for funerals now too?

Some (especially older more ornate) churches in the area in which I live have for years and years, regardless of membership (or length of membership). And much more than a $1,000!

My parish does not charge; although I am unsure if that is true for non-members.

They do it because they can.

If someone is willing to shell out that kind of money to get the background in their wedding pictures (which is the usual reason for choosing one of those churches) then why not donate to the church. We’ll call it maintenance fees for preservation…what the heck.

 

[sacredcello]

Some (especially older more ornate) churches in the area in which I live have for years and years, regardless of membership (or length of membership). And much more than a $1,000!

My parish does not charge; although I am unsure if that is true for non-members.

They do it because they can.

If someone is willing to shell out that kind of money to get the background in their wedding pictures (which is the usual reason for choosing one of those churches) then why not donate to the church. We’ll call it maintenance fees for preservation…what the heck.

In my case, the church, which is one of the Old Missions, happens to be the parish where I attend Mass regularly, have sung in the choir for six years, lectored and done hospitality and contributed my tithe. It’s not a “destination” wedding for me, though I am sure that it is for some people. $2,000 to rent the church is rather steep for my budget. I can see spending it and then not having a reception afterward in order to save money. But my parents tell me that I “must” have something for the guests who have traveled and will want to visit, even if it’s just light snacks like a vegetable platter. This would involve renting a space in order to have a place to serve these “light” refreshments since my living quarters is a tiny studio apartment.

Perhaps we will look into getting married during the Saturday vigil. Gosh, I wonder what they will charge for that? And, now I wonder if there is also a cost to get baptized and confirmed at this parish (not including an honorarium to the priest)?

I’ll report back after we meet with our pastor.

 

[stbruno]

money.cnn.com/2005/05/20/pf/weddings/

The average cost of a wedding in the US taken in a survey in 2005 was $30,000. Now, I know that this is not for all weddings…just the average wedding.

If a church costs $150-$1000 that just seems like a drop in the bucket. And frankly if you are tithing an average wedding…well 1/10 of $30,000 is $3,000. And I don’t think that’s what any church is requesting.

I know at our parish, if a couple is struggling but wishes to receive the sacrament of marriage…fees are either waived or put on a sliding scale. But just to be clear…sacraments are free…but a parish cannot support itself on good intentions only. Most couples that marry at our parish, do not actively practice their faith here because they relocate soon after their wedding.
Pray on it…ask the Lord to lead you to the reason you want a Catholic wedding. If it is to receive the graces you will be blessed…if it’s only because the church has an aisle and good picture taking, then pray some more.
You will be in my prayers.

 

[puzzleannie]

I will be sure to ask my pastor about this when we meet with him, but I seriously doubt that they will allow us to have our wedding, say at 3:00 (before the 4:00 Saturday Mass) in order for us to have the $2,000 fee waived. Firstly, because they have confessions in the church at 3:00. This parish is super strict about rules and regulations.

so do it during or right after Mass, much more convenient for you and all involved. we are speaking of a simple ceremony without all the flowers, bridesmaids, music and other hooplah of a big wedding.

 

[dixieagle]

In my case, the church, which is one of the Old Missions, happens to be the parish where I attend Mass regularly, have sung in the choir for six years, lectored and done hospitality and contributed my tithe. It’s not a “destination” wedding for me, though I am sure that it is for some people. $2,000 to rent the church is rather steep for my budget. I can see spending it and then not having a reception afterward in order to save money. But my parents tell me that I “must” have something for the guests who have traveled and will want to visit, even if it’s just light snacks like a vegetable platter. This would involve renting a space in order to have a place to serve these “light” refreshments since my living quarters is a tiny studio apartment.

Perhaps we will look into getting married during the Saturday vigil. Gosh, I wonder what they will charge for that? And, now I wonder if there is also a cost to get baptized and confirmed at this parish (not including an honorarium to the priest)?

I’ll report back after we meet with our pastor.

While I can certainly understand some sort of fee to cover the costs of opening the church, heating, cooling, cleaning, etc., $2000 for a parishioner seems steep to me.

Our daughter is getting married in our local Cathedral, rather than our home parish, and I am perfectly glad to pay the $1100, which includes their wedding coordinator to keep things on track for the ceremony and the wonderful organist. I find that quite reasonable, and I would find a significant fee for a non-parishioner to use your historic church reasonable, as well. But several thousand for a parishioner? That just doesn’t sit well with me…(now I know all about “bridezillas” who use a church for backdrop, make a mess, etc. This is clearly different.)