Where are all the children?

[Usige]

When getting three or four babies from a car to the grocery store in order to pick up a loaf of bread starts to look like one of those logic puzzles where you are trying to get a fox, a chicken, and a bag of grain across the river in one boat, I think, objectively speaking that constitutes a “hassle”. Whether that “hassle” is worth it or not is up to the individual. I don’t think its fair to characterize parents who aren’t up to that particular challenge as “selfish”, which is the word you used, anymore than it’s fair to call those who are up to it “outliers” or “insane”, which were not words used by the previous poster.

My apologies that you must have missed that I have 7 children, five of whom are 8 or under and the oldest two have autism spectrum challenges. Your hassle must be subjective, because my wife has figured it out and deals with it daily while also homeschooling. Heck, even I was able to figure it out. It’s called adaptability. Yes you have to change how you do things (my wife laughed at the thought of “running to the store for a handful of items”), but we are talking about inconvenience not impossibly. It is not an objective fact since it is all about the attitude we approach things with. I never consider the challenges of a large family a hassle.

There are plenty of people on this thread with large families, and I notice it is people with smaller familes that talk about the difficulties of large families, not those of us with 6, 8 10+ kids.

As for selfish, I never said not being up to the challenge is selfish. I merely object to people stating that it’s nearly impossible to raise more than 2 kids on a single income or that it’s a logistics nightmare to raise more than 3. That is simply not the case as I know dozens of people that live on 1 income and are raising “hordes” of kids. Some are well off, but many others are not.

I have a problem when people lay out their own difficulties as insurmountable challenges that apply to everyone else. It reinforces as truth what many of us are proof is not the case.

 

[bitterhope]

My apologies that you must have missed that I have 7 children, five of whom are 8 or under and the oldest two have autism spectrum challenges. Your hassle must be subjective, because my wife has figured it out and deals with it daily while also homeschooling. Heck, even I was able to figure it out. It’s called adaptability. Yes you have to change how you do things (my wife laughed at the thought of “running to the store for a handful of items”), but we are talking about inconvenience not impossibly. It is not an objective fact since it is all about the attitude we approach things with. I never consider the challenges of a large family a hassle.

There are plenty of people on this thread with large families, and I notice it is people with smaller familes that talk about the difficulties of large families, not those of us with 6, 8 10+ kids.

As for selfish, I never said not being up to the challenge is selfish. I merely object to people stating that it’s nearly impossible to raise more than 2 kids on a single income or that it’s a logistics nightmare to raise more than 3. That is simply not the case as I know dozens of people that live on 1 income and are raising “hordes” of kids. Some are well off, but many others are not.

I have a problem when people lay out their own difficulties as insurmountable challenges that apply to everyone else. It reinforces as truth what many of us are proof is not the case.

Very well said. It’s never been a hassle to mother my family. I’ve learned to deal with multiple kids in a hospital waiting room while another child has surgery. I’ve learned to avoid problems rather than always trying to fix things once they go wrong. I’ve learned to make do when there isn’t enough of something–especially when it’s missing ingredients at dinner time. It’s called life. It’s what we were made to deal with. God has been hanging this to people for thousands of years. It is His blessings in the most beautiful way. It’s His way of readying us for heaven. It’s not a job or a hassle. It’s simply patenting and living family life.

 

[Sarcelle]

You have to understand that I’m in Canada, where in response to Humanae Vitae the Bishops issued the “Winnipeg Statement.” This document has never been revoked and many priests still follow what it said.

Oh okay. I understand now. Did not see your location until you pointed it out.

Thanks.

 

[Sarcelle]

My apologies that you must have missed that I have 7 children, five of whom are 8 or under and the oldest two have autism spectrum challenges. Your hassle must be subjective, because my wife has figured it out and deals with it daily while also homeschooling. Heck, even I was able to figure it out. It’s called adaptability. Yes you have to change how you do things (my wife laughed at the thought of “running to the store for a handful of items”), but we are talking about inconvenience not impossibly. It is not an objective fact since it is all about the attitude we approach things with. I never consider the challenges of a large family a hassle.

There are plenty of people on this thread with large families, and I notice it is people with smaller familes that talk about the difficulties of large families, not those of us with 6, 8 10+ kids.

As for selfish, I never said not being up to the challenge is selfish. I merely object to people stating that it’s nearly impossible to raise more than 2 kids on a single income or that it’s a logistics nightmare to raise more than 3. That is simply not the case as I know dozens of people that live on 1 income and are raising “hordes” of kids. Some are well off, but many others are not.

I have a problem when people lay out their own difficulties as insurmountable challenges that apply to everyone else. It reinforces as truth what many of us are proof is not the case.

Just because you can handle a large family does not mean everyone can. There seems to be a picture of what a real Catholic family looks like with a large number of kids with a stay at home homeschooling wife and a large organic garden in the backyard. Okay, so I threw that part of the organic garden in. Anyway, when people talk about the hassle of raising a large brood, they are talking about the themselves. I talked to my grandparents and aunts and uncles who have both raised about eight to a dozen kids each. They were honest about the difficulties but also honest about the blessings.

Again, just because you find it doable does not mean everyone should.

 

[Phemie]

Anyway, when people talk about the hassle of raising a large brood, they are talking about the themselves. I talked to my grandparents and aunts and uncles who have both raised about eight to a dozen kids each. They were honest about the difficulties but **also honest about the blessings.
**
Again, just because you find it doable does not mean everyone should.

Unlike, say, my maternal grandmother who, when asked by the younger kids if they could get a dog, said, “Don’t bring home anything that I can kill, I’ve got enough that I can’t.”

 

[Sarcelle]

Unlike, say, my maternal grandmother who, when asked by the younger kids if they could get a dog, said, “Don’t bring home anything that I can kill, I’ve got enough that I can’t.”

 

[Allegra]

My apologies that you must have missed that I have 7 children, five of whom are 8 or under and the oldest two have autism spectrum challenges. Your hassle must be subjective, because my wife has figured it out and deals with it daily while also homeschooling. Heck, even I was able to figure it out. It’s called adaptability. Yes you have to change how you do things (my wife laughed at the thought of “running to the store for a handful of items”), but we are talking about inconvenience not impossibly. It is not an objective fact since it is all about the attitude we approach things with. I never consider the challenges of a large family a hassle.

There are plenty of people on this thread with large families, and I notice it is people with smaller familes that talk about the difficulties of large families, not those of us with 6, 8 10+ kids.

As for selfish, I never said not being up to the challenge is selfish. I merely object to people stating that it’s nearly impossible to raise more than 2 kids on a single income or that it’s a logistics nightmare to raise more than 3. That is simply not the case as I know dozens of people that live on 1 income and are raising “hordes” of kids. Some are well off, but many others are not.

I have a problem when people lay out their own difficulties as insurmountable challenges that apply to everyone else. It reinforces as truth what many of us are proof is not the case.

The fact that your wife laughs at the idea of even attempting to go to the store for a few things with her kids pretty much proves that it is a hassle to do so. On the other hand, so is running out of bread. Something doesn’t have to be completely impossible before it’s not in one’s best interest to attempt.

I actually see all sorts of parents talking about difficulties of raising lots of kids, or even a couple kids. There’s plenty of women posting in the family forums about difficulty they are having with just one kid! Actually, the trend that I notice more is that the posters who express difficulty tend to be female while those who say it’s no big deal are usually male. Just sayin.

 

[bitterhope]

The fact that your wife laughs at the idea of even attempting to go to the store for a few things with her kids pretty much proves that it is a hassle to do so. On the other hand, so is running out of bread. Something doesn’t have to be completely impossible before it’s not in one’s best interest to attempt.

I actually see all sorts of parents talking about difficulties of raising lots of kids, or even a couple kids. There’s plenty of women posting in the family forums about difficulty they are having with just one kid! Actually, the trend that I notice more is that the posters who express difficulty tend to be female while those who say it’s no big deal are usually male. Just sayin.

Why do you think it’s easier for men? Why would that be? I’m a woman that really sees this as no big deal. And you know, my husband is gone a lot. And I’ve noticed the women that complain about the difficulties the most are those with smaller families with husbands home nearly every night. Usually the ones with larger families have figured it out enough that they no longer feel the need to complain about running out of bread. You either go get more or you make do without it. It’s really not a big deal. It wasn’t that long ago that it wasn’t even possible to hop on over to the store at a moments notice to pick up a couple things because at least where I grew up, the stores were closed on Sunday and also closed by 8 PM–6PM on Saturday. So you made do with what you had. That’s the whole reason so many recipes were invented. A mom had to cook but had a limited amount of ingredients in her pantry. She got creative and her family passed the recipe on to the next generation.

I don’t understand why anyone would think men have an easier time. Most of the time they don’t complain because honestly it changes nothing. Plus it sounds really awful to whine, especially for men to whine. But they’ve got it harder in many ways than most of us, especially those of us blessed enough to be home raising our children full time while they are supporting the entire household themselves. They miss so many things we are able to enjoy. They are under constant pressure to be a good dad, good husband, and sole provider. The pressure of needing to advance at work and be sure that their employment is secure combined with home responsibilities that include making sure their wife is happy and satisfied is beyond stressful. But you are correct, normally they don’t complain like women do. They don’t have the easier path. They just tend to accept it better. They realize that’s the whole purpose of life. We raise little saints for heaven because this world is fleeting. Nothing here lasts. It’s all temporary.

Of course not all couples have children and not everyone marries. I think in many ways those people have it much harder. They often speak of aching for what I am so lucky to have. Often they would give anything for the chance to load up 4 kids under 5 or whatever and run to the store for milk or have to make do without it. They must accept that God had a different path for them in life.

 

[Usige]

Why do you think it’s easier for men? Why would that be? I’m a woman that really sees this as no big deal. And you know, my husband is gone a lot. And I’ve noticed the women that complain about the difficulties the most are those with smaller families with husbands home nearly every night. Usually the ones with larger families have figured it out enough that they no longer feel the need to complain about running out of bread. You either go get more or you make do without it. It’s really not a big deal. It wasn’t that long ago that it wasn’t even possible to hop on over to the store at a moments notice to pick up a couple things because at least where I grew up, the stores were closed on Sunday and also closed by 8 PM–6PM on Saturday. So you made do with what you had. That’s the whole reason so many recipes were invented. A mom had to cook but had a limited amount of ingredients in her pantry. She got creative and her family passed the recipe on to the next generation.

I don’t understand why anyone would think men have an easier time. Most of the time they don’t complain because honestly it changes nothing. Plus it sounds really awful to whine, especially for men to whine. But they’ve got it harder in many ways than most of us, especially those of us blessed enough to be home raising our children full time while they are supporting the entire household themselves. They miss so many things we are able to enjoy. They are under constant pressure to be a good dad, good husband, and sole provider. The pressure of needing to advance at work and be sure that their employment is secure combined with home responsibilities that include making sure their wife is happy and satisfied is beyond stressful. But you are correct, normally they don’t complain like women do. They don’t have the easier path. They just tend to accept it better. They realize that’s the whole purpose of life. We raise little saints for heaven because this world is fleeting. Nothing here lasts. It’s all temporary.

Of course not all couples have children and not everyone marries. I think in many ways those people have it much harder. They often speak of aching for what I am so lucky to have. Often they would give anything for the chance to load up 4 kids under 5 or whatever and run to the store for milk or have to make do without it. They must accept that God had a different path for them in life.

Thank you for saying this more charitably then I would have when someone presumes to know my wife of 21 years better than I do.

Since I am just a uninformed male it is time for me to step out of this conversation. I have children and a wife who are much more worth my time anyways.

Pax tecum.

 

[jmjZelie]

I think that PCWife was saying that the attitude of the world toward large families is that they are a “horde” and that parents of large families get a lot of “hassle” from the world, while just trying to go about our business.

I could be wrong. But her post did not sound offensive to me because I thought she was expressing sympathy for the challenges of living in the modern world that is totally not designed with the large family in mind, while also saying that many parents cannot make it work, logistically or philosophically, in their circumstances. Sometimes, the barriers in the world are just so huge that good Catholic parents cannot find a way to make a larger family work, even if they want to. Allegra’s point about the car seat and sedan size is a very good point.

I say this as a mother of a large family (relatively speaking, at five born kids) and who hopes that I might be able to have another baby at some point in the not too distant future, God willing. It IS hard. Our culture and its infrastructure is not designed with us large families in mind. We are looking at just choosing to caravan as a family if we go somewhere all together, if we have another baby, because even though I could fit all the children and myself and a new baby, there is no way I could also fit my husband when he joins us for an outing. And I really really really don’t want to have to pay the crazy ridiculous price to get a huge passenger van until we have saved up the entire amount in advance.

So it can be a hassle in the world, even though it can also be great fun and sheer joy. In our home, we don’t feel like a big family. We are just us! But outside of our neighborhood, boy are we a sight to those who aren’t used to seeing such a large brood! Some of you parents of large families here at CAF have figured out the logistics faster than I have, and can handle the challenges with grace and composure. But not all of us can be quite so graceful about it. Temperaments of family members and health concerns factor in too, to make things more or less challenging. Also presence or absence of support systems. So I think it is fair to acknowledge that raising a large family can be very hard.

Usige and bitterhope: I love to read your posts describing your perspectives of large family life; however, I want to mention that there are some of us who are trying very hard to make it work and yet we still struggle. Not everyone can meet their challenges with such equanimity as you and your spouses demonstrate. God has given you both and your spouses tremendous graces. Pray for the rest of us please, who are battling to figure out how to do it.

 

[jmjZelie]

Thank you for saying this more charitably then I would have when someone presumes to know my wife of 21 years better than I do.

Since I am just a uninformed male it is time for me to step out of this conversation. I have children and a wife who are much more worth my time anyways.

Pax tecum.

I, for one, have always appreciated your posts. But I wish I could talk to your wife, to be honest! She sounds like a brilliant, capable woman.

I am so much in the trenches now. We have moved so often and we have no support. I have had to reinvent the wheel every time we move or have a new baby or have a child going through a new stage.

I feel pushed to my limit. I do not feel the calm or equanimity that you describe, nor the patient trust that bitterhope describes. But I am trying to get there!

If I post new threads in the future with questions about large family logistics and philosophy, i sincerely hope you will contribute.

 

[Xantippe]

The fact that your wife laughs at the idea of even attempting to go to the store for a few things with her kids pretty much proves that it is a hassle to do so. On the other hand, so is running out of bread. Something doesn’t have to be completely impossible before it’s not in one’s best interest to attempt.

I actually see all sorts of parents talking about difficulties of raising lots of kids, or even a couple kids. There’s plenty of women posting in the family forums about difficulty they are having with just one kid! Actually, the trend that I notice more is that the posters who express difficulty tend to be female while those who say it’s no big deal are usually male. Just sayin.

Those are all very interesting points.

With your last point, I think there is an optical illusion caused by the fact that when daddy is home, mommy is usually home as well, whereas the reverse isn’t necessarily true. Hence daddy may wind up with rather unrealistic ideas of what mommy’s day is like, because he’s unable to observe what things are like for her when he isn’t there.

 

[Xantippe]

Why do you think it’s easier for men? Why would that be? I’m a woman that really sees this as no big deal. And you know, my husband is gone a lot. And I’ve noticed the women that complain about the difficulties the most are those with smaller families with husbands home nearly every night. Usually the ones with larger families have figured it out enough that they no longer feel the need to complain about running out of bread. You either go get more or you make do without it. It’s really not a big deal. It wasn’t that long ago that it wasn’t even possible to hop on over to the store at a moments notice to pick up a couple things because at least where I grew up, the stores were closed on Sunday and also closed by 8 PM–6PM on Saturday. So you made do with what you had. That’s the whole reason so many recipes were invented. A mom had to cook but had a limited amount of ingredients in her pantry. She got creative and her family passed the recipe on to the next generation.

I don’t understand why anyone would think men have an easier time. Most of the time they don’t complain because honestly it changes nothing. Plus it sounds really awful to whine, especially for men to whine. But they’ve got it harder in many ways than most of us, especially those of us blessed enough to be home raising our children full time while they are supporting the entire household themselves. They miss so many things we are able to enjoy. They are under constant pressure to be a good dad, good husband, and sole provider. The pressure of needing to advance at work and be sure that their employment is secure combined with home responsibilities that include making sure their wife is happy and satisfied is beyond stressful. But you are correct, normally they don’t complain like women do. They don’t have the easier path. They just tend to accept it better. They realize that’s the whole purpose of life. We raise little saints for heaven because this world is fleeting. Nothing here lasts. It’s all temporary.

Of course not all couples have children and not everyone marries. I think in many ways those people have it much harder. They often speak of aching for what I am so lucky to have. Often they would give anything for the chance to load up 4 kids under 5 or whatever and run to the store for milk or have to make do without it. They must accept that God had a different path for them in life.

Men (as a rule) do have it easier…with children.

1. As I mentioned to Allegra, mommy is often home when daddy is home, so many daddies who think parenting is no big deal think so because mommy is around to do the heavy lifting.
2. They don’t lactate.
3. They don’t get pregnant.
4. Children may behave better for daddy because they see him less. (Although the opposite might be true in a SAHD family.) It’s unfortunately the case that children treat mommy worst and daddy, grandma, or teachers better. (I’m not making this up–this is a commonly observed phenomenon.)

Interestingly, being around more can destroy the magic. My husband was in the past year having much better luck with Baby Girl than I was, but the more time he spent with her, the less cooperative she was with him.

 

[Burt_Macklin]

The fact that your wife laughs at the idea of even attempting to go to the store for a few things with her kids pretty much proves that it is a hassle to do so. On the other hand, so is running out of bread. Something doesn’t have to be completely impossible before it’s not in one’s best interest to attempt.

I actually see all sorts of parents talking about difficulties of raising lots of kids, or even a couple kids. There’s plenty of women posting in the family forums about difficulty they are having with just one kid! Actually, the trend that I notice more is that the posters who express difficulty tend to be female while those who say it’s no big deal are usually male. Just sayin.

We order all our grains in bulk to avoid bringing our savage horde out in public. We buy meat by the side for the same reason. The only thing that we go to the store for is produce, and as soon as Amazon comes out with a delivery service for that we will be signing up. If we do go to the store I find that we raise such a din that most people clear the aisles when we move their way. I used to be embarrassed but then I stopped caring and it didn´t cause any more stress. It’s simple mind over matter. When you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

 

[misspriss]

I personally don’t have a large family (yet). But I see the struggle. I bought a small minivan after my first child was born, and it only fits two rear facing carseats legally, with cargo space. If we were to have another child before my youngest is old enough to forward face (a solid 5 if he can make it on the height/weight limit), we would not be able to fit either the carseat or groceries/cargo/stroller, etc. I had a minor wreck (with the garage door) which has caused major cosmetic damage and we are underwater on it so we could never trade it in, we had to file chapter 7 this past year so we won’t be buying any more cars in the future anyway.

I have mental health issues and I’m currently struggling most days to care for 2 under 3, if we had more I’d probably need to hire some kind of daily assistance. We are financially strapped (even AFTER the chapter 7, since we decided to keep the house and car). I have a difficult time taking both children with me to shop or to go my mass, if my (non-catholic) husband can’t come to mass with me, I don’t take both kids.

I honestly don’t see how all the mothers of so many more do it, you ladies (and their husbands) have my deepest admiration. Perhaps it’s my mental health stuff (yes, I’m getting treatment), I am really just not capable of more right now.

If we were to have more children, we’d need more carseats, more beds (we currently cosleep all in one bed, 4 is my limit), a bigger car (to hold the carseats, keep it all legal!), and considering we are fighting shut off notices right now…(yet we make too much money for any state assistance programs!)…I’m having a rough day today. But I see where people get this attitude. I really don’t feel mentally capable of handling any more right now. It’s tough.

 

[Xantippe]

I personally don’t have a large family (yet). But I see the struggle. I bought a small minivan after my first child was born, and it only fits two rear facing carseats legally, with cargo space. If we were to have another child before my youngest is old enough to forward face (a solid 5 if he can make it on the height/weight limit), we would not be able to fit either the carseat or groceries/cargo/stroller, etc. I had a minor wreck (with the garage door) which has caused major cosmetic damage and we are underwater on it so we could never trade it in, we had to file chapter 7 this past year so we won’t be buying any more cars in the future anyway.

I have mental health issues and I’m currently struggling most days to care for 2 under 3, if we had more I’d probably need to hire some kind of daily assistance. We are financially strapped (even AFTER the chapter 7, since we decided to keep the house and car). I have a difficult time taking both children with me to shop or to go my mass, if my (non-catholic) husband can’t come to mass with me, I don’t take both kids.

I honestly don’t see how all the mothers of so many more do it, you ladies (and their husbands) have my deepest admiration. Perhaps it’s my mental health stuff (yes, I’m getting treatment), I am really just not capable of more right now.

If we were to have more children, we’d need more carseats, more beds (we currently cosleep all in one bed, 4 is my limit), a bigger car (to hold the carseats, keep it all legal!), and considering we are fighting shut off notices right now…(yet we make too much money for any state assistance programs!)…I’m having a rough day today. But I see where people get this attitude. I really don’t feel mentally capable of handling any more right now. It’s tough.

I think there are probably way more people like you than like a previous poster’s father-of-one-with-a-sportscar.

I will try to find time to talk more about that later.

 

[Allegra]

Why do you think it’s easier for men? Why would that be? I’m a woman that really sees this as no big deal. And you know, my husband is gone a lot. And I’ve noticed the women that complain about the difficulties the most are those with smaller families with husbands home nearly every night. Usually the ones with larger families have figured it out enough that they no longer feel the need to complain about running out of bread. You either go get more or you make do without it. It’s really not a big deal. It wasn’t that long ago that it wasn’t even possible to hop on over to the store at a moments notice to pick up a couple things because at least where I grew up, the stores were closed on Sunday and also closed by 8 PM–6PM on Saturday. So you made do with what you had. That’s the whole reason so many recipes were invented. A mom had to cook but had a limited amount of ingredients in her pantry. She got creative and her family passed the recipe on to the next generation.

I don’t understand why anyone would think men have an easier time. Most of the time they don’t complain because honestly it changes nothing. Plus it sounds really awful to whine, especially for men to whine. But they’ve got it harder in many ways than most of us, especially those of us blessed enough to be home raising our children full time while they are supporting the entire household themselves. They miss so many things we are able to enjoy. They are under constant pressure to be a good dad, good husband, and sole provider. The pressure of needing to advance at work and be sure that their employment is secure combined with home responsibilities that include making sure their wife is happy and satisfied is beyond stressful. But you are correct, normally they don’t complain like women do. They don’t have the easier path. They just tend to accept it better. They realize that’s the whole purpose of life. We raise little saints for heaven because this world is fleeting. Nothing here lasts. It’s all temporary.

Of course not all couples have children and not everyone marries. I think in many ways those people have it much harder. They often speak of aching for what I am so lucky to have. Often they would give anything for the chance to load up 4 kids under 5 or whatever and run to the store for milk or have to make do without it. They must accept that God had a different path for them in life.

I think you misunderstood. I didn’t say that men have it easier. I said that men often seem to think that taking care of several very young children is easier than women think it is. I suspect the reason they think it is easier is that they aren’t usually the one doing it, at least on a constant basis. And as another poster pointed out, men are less likely to be alone with all their children at once. If they are home, the wife is usually home too. Even in our home, when I’m planning on leaving the kids with my husband for a few hours, they are usually already in their jammies and fed, or dinner is prepared and just needs to be heated. I basically have as much done for him as possible so that things go smoothly, because he is not used to having to do all those things and I don’t want to come home and have to do extra things that should have already been done in addition to the things I still have to do! (If that makes sense.) In other words, he’s set up for success, so yeah, it probably does seem easy. I KNOW that working a fulltime job to support a family isn’t easy because I do that too, so that isn’t an issue for us.

You are correct that mothers of more children tend to express frustration less and that’s probably due to the mathematical necessity that in order to have ten children, you’ve most likely been parenting at least ten years and more likely closer to twenty. A mother of one or two children often has not been parenting as long and is still learning. I suspect that if you went back in time and spoke to the mother of ten when she was a mother of two, she might complain more. And we all know the grandma ladies whose kids are already all raised to adulthood who like to boast about how they never had any trouble when their kids were little and today’s mothers are just soft.

I agree with your last statement that many non-parents entertain regrets about the road not taken, but then again I think most parents do from time to time as well. It’s not a good habit to get into for anyone, but I don’t think there’s any particular walk of life that’s immune to it.

 

[Allegra]

Thank you for saying this more charitably then I would have when someone presumes to know my wife of 21 years better than I do.

Since I am just a uninformed male it is time for me to step out of this conversation. I have children and a wife who are much more worth my time anyways.

Pax tecum.

Who said I know your wife better? I’m just going off of what YOU said about her reaction to the idea of going out for bread with a carload of little kids.

 

[Allegra]

1. Children may behave better for daddy because they see him less. (Although the opposite might be true in a SAHD family.) It’s unfortunately the case that children treat mommy worst and daddy, grandma, or teachers better. (I’m not making this up–this is a commonly observed phenomenon.)

Interestingly, being around more can destroy the magic. My husband was in the past year having much better luck with Baby Girl than I was, but the more time he spent with her, the less cooperative she was with him.

Totally true. At 12 months, my daughter was embarrassed to throw a temper tantrum in public or around non-immediate family members. And with some notable exceptions, most kids behave better for teachers than at home.

 

[Xantippe]

Even in our home, when I’m planning on leaving the kids with my husband for a few hours, they are usually already in their jammies and fed, or dinner is prepared and just needs to be heated. I basically have as much done for him as possible so that things go smoothly, because he is not used to having to do all those things and I don’t want to come home and have to do extra things that should have already been done in addition to the things I still have to do! (If that makes sense.) In other words, he’s set up for success, so yeah, it probably does seem easy. I KNOW that working a fulltime job to support a family isn’t easy because I do that too, so that isn’t an issue for us.

You are correct that mothers of more children tend to express frustration less and that’s probably due to the mathematical necessity that in order to have ten children, you’ve most likely been parenting at least ten years and more likely closer to twenty. A mother of one or two children often has not been parenting as long and is still learning. I suspect that if you went back in time and spoke to the mother of ten when she was a mother of two, she might complain more.

Yes.