Where is a good place to find a Catholic Wife?

[TheAmazingGrace]

Parents are the first teachers of their children, and in many ways the foremost teachers of their children. I’ve never met a person from a divorced household who didn’t suffer in some way, or who didn’t bear a vestige of that pain.

I take issue with the idea that children of divorce are somehow less marriageable. My parents recently separated after years of living through a toxic marriage, but witnessing their failures has given me a better idea of the kind of man I want to marry, and the kind of wife/mother I want to be. Do I wish my parents could have had a happy marriage? Absolutely, but I was nevertheless able to glean valuable insight that probably would’ve passed me by had my family life been 100% hunky-dory.

Bottom line: don’t treat people like damaged goods based on their parents’ choices. If you do, you could be potentially passing up a wonderful spouse/co-parent.

 

[Norseman82]

I’ve never met a person from a divorced household who didn’t suffer in some way, or who didn’t bear a vestige of that pain.

As Christians, are we not supposed to help bear each others’ burdens? It’s one thing if a person’s problems are really unmanageable, but in reality, are all children of divorce a bunch of raging psychos?

A man seeking to marry a woman should definitely look at her family, and vice versa. This is common sense, passed on for generations. Divorce puts children, even adult children, at risk. It doesn’t mean that they necessarily have problems, or that those problems couldn’t be corrected. But it means keep your eyes out.

OK, fine, be vigilant, that applies to anything, though. And part of the correction of those problems may occur due to helping bear the burdens.

Also, if you marry a person from such a family, you will have to teach your children about why grandfather has a new wife, and yet his old wife still comes to family gatherings, and why their mother has two half-brothers, and basically you will have to deal with a different sort of family tree. It isn’t as clear as starting out with a solid tree. Naturally, it’s a blessing to have come from such a tree.

Unless you plan on homeschooling your children in an 8 X 8 shack in rural Montana, you may have to teach your children those things anyway, since many of their classmates, playmates, teammates, etc. may be children of divorce, or children of same-sex “couples”, children of parents who cohabitate, etc. You may even have those situations in your own family that you will have to explain to your children. .

 

[Greenfields]

Hmm I think sitting up front in mass,really praying,perhaps doing the collections or even the readings will get you noticed .I look up to the men who are devout and you can see it in how they conduct themselves in the mass.Prayers for ye.

 

[JamalChristophr]

Novena to Saint Jude??

 

[LadyLillian]

Well. You’re in luck. Lady Lillian has just posted her shortened spouse standards list, to which the last post responder has replied 11 hrs ago. Check it out. If you meet some of the list, it’s worth a try. She is around 20, if I remember correctly.

I never dreamed asking a question on CAF would result in being advertised as a potential mate lol.

 

[LadyLillian]

All daughters are daddy’s little princesses.

No, we aren’t all daddy’s little princesses.

 

[TheAmazingGrace]

No, we aren’t all daddy’s little princesses.

Right. Not to mention it’s a weird thing to take issue with: like, isn’t it a plus for a woman to have a good relationship with her dad?

 

[TheAmazingGrace]

I never dreamed asking a question on CAF would result in being advertised as a potential mate lol.

That’s the internet for ya.

 

[LadyLillian]

isn’t it a plus for a woman to have a good relationship with her dad

I would argue being daddy’s princess isn’t exactly the same thing as just having a good relationship. It generally implies a lot of doting on the father’s part and perhaps reliance on the daughter’s part.

I wouldn’t want to be in such a role (and am not) but I know some girls (and fathers) are into it.

 

[TheAmazingGrace]

I would argue being daddy’s princess isn’t exactly the same thing as just having a good relationship. It generally implies a lot of doting on the father’s part and perhaps reliance on the daughter’s part.

I agree, but ChunkMonk believes that women should be subservient to and dependent on their husbands anyway, so his concern doesn’t stem from wanting women to be able to stand on their own two feet. His comments make me wonder if perhaps some men see their (potential) fathers-in-law as competition, and imagine Oedipal subtext where there is none because father-daughter affection makes them jealous.

 

[TheAmazingGrace]

Lots of ugly men find wives. But not many of the poor ones do, alas.

Not true at all.

 

[Spyridon]

I can vouch for that.

I’m ugly, poor, fat, stupid, and married.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

He’s right that you shouldn’t date a girl who talks about equality and women’s rights. She should understand while it IS a partnership, her husband’s authority in spiritual matters trumps her ideas.

Wouldn’t work for me. My husband is Protestant, so I’m certainly not going to follow his lead on “spiritual matters”. Plus, I don’t think he’s opened a Bible or gone to a service in over 20 years (excluding the few times he goes to Catholic Mass with me). Any religious business in our house is coming from yours truly.

Nevertheless we have had very, very few discussions about “equality and women’s rights” over the 30+ years we’ve known each other. It simply wasn’t necessary, as he never treated me in a way where I would need to be bringing this up.

 

[fin]

If the OP followed all the dating advice here, he won’t find anyone.

As a female I find the double standard off putting. If you are a guy who desires a virgin, ans would not date anyone who was sexually active you are considered judgmental. Oh but if you are female who wants a chaste man, didn’t sleep around and all that stuff, that is perfectly fine. Ironically, people who say that others are uncharitable are they themselves saying uncharitable things, like calling certain people ugly or stupid. I wonder why

 

[TheAmazingGrace]

Oh but if you are female who wants a chaste man, didn’t sleep around and all that stuff, that is perfectly fine.

Plenty of single ladies here would love to have a relationship with a man who’s currently chaste, but I haven’t seen any clamoring specifically for men who are virgins. Speaking as a woman, it’s not something I particularly worry about: as long as you’re free of disease, faithful, and haven’t committed any crimes, then your sexual history is between you and God.

 

[fin]

Wanting to be with someone who did not sleep around is not a sin whether you are a man or a woman. Just tired of people judginf others about wanting a virgin. If they want to let them be. If I want a man who has not been around is not a bad thing. It is normal. The end.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

People are free to want what they want. The issue here, however, is that the man in question is seeking a wife and is having trouble meeting anyone. He is also 29 years old. At that age, with the pool of available candidates getting pretty narrow and with many people having had some experiences in life that might not have all been moral or positive, if he limits himself too far he may have even greater difficulty finding someone to meet or marry and may miss out on some good candidates who made mistakes in the past but have mended their ways.

 

[Xantippe]

All daughters are daddy’s little princesses.I know all mine are and always will be.

There is that.

Anytime a girl has a really close, loving relationship with her dad, she is going to be (to some extent) daddy’s little princess, even if nobody uses that term. In my case, daddy’s little princess did a lot of helping daddy with cattle, fencing, hay, etc. and the road to my dad’s heart was shining at school and living up to his expectations. (My teen daughter has this, too.) When I was a kid, my dad and I were a sort of mutual admiration society. I can quibble today about some elements of my dad’s approach (like, why did it always have to be things HE was interested in?), but that sort of relationship is very important for helping girls to thrive and to keep them on the straight and narrow. It also means (and this is bad news for some of the single guys), that a girl who grows up like that has a built-in measuring stick for evaluating other men. It means that young woman with this background almost automatically have higher standards.

So, yes, that is bad news for guys whose qualifications for marriage are: a) biologically male b) Catholic and c) can fog a mirror.

I have to say that it’s really weird to want a) a woman from an intact, traditional family but b) to also resent her having a close, loving relationship with her dad.

 

[Xantippe]

better to be a divorced family instead of being stuck in an abusive marriage which society won’t let you out of. Learn to be less judgmental of situations that you could never possibly understand. know your place

Yeah. There’s a branch of my family that seems (based on multiple accusations) to have an intergenerational incest problem. The family was technically intact (grandpa married to grandma until death and mom and dad still married), but there was an entire family of children in the next generation whose lives have been one disaster after another disaster.

A divorce is more a symptom than the actual disease, and intact families can still have the disease without having the divorce.

 

[Xantippe]

As a female I find the double standard off putting. If you are a guy who desires a virgin, ans would not date anyone who was sexually active you are considered judgmental. Oh but if you are female who wants a chaste man, didn’t sleep around and all that stuff, that is perfectly fine. Ironically, people who say that others are uncharitable are they themselves saying uncharitable things, like calling certain people ugly or stupid. I wonder why

Note that the following two things are not equivalent:

–“a guy who desires a virgin, ans would not date anyone who was sexually active” (wants a female virgin)
–"“female who wants a chaste man, didn’t sleep around and all that stuff” (wants a chaste man without a promiscuous past, not necessarily a virgin)

While one occasional bumps into a CAF posting from a young woman who is sick about the fact that her boyfriend or fiance has been with other women before her, I think it’s clearly the case that there are far more male CAF virgin-hunters than there are female CAF virgin-hunters, and that the male ones often have a substantial “past.” They tend to have “science” and the Red Pill on their side, but it boils down to, I screwed around, but I deserve a virgin bride.

It’s purportedly about reducing divorce risk, but then they do stuff like wanting a very young woman, which is a notorious divorce risk in the social science world. Another thing those guys do is talking smack about college for women, which is also highly correlated with lasting marriages.