So far the OP has not come back in. There are many questions to be answered here.
We have been married for 20+ years, and our family is faithfully and actively Catholic. We have five children, with a two in college and youngest in sixth grade.
Tell us more about your family situation. Did you wife have all these children? Adoption? Pg has more bearing on weight increase. Where her PG’s easy? Hard? Any bedrest? She’s a SAHM? Your work schedule, and amout of help you give at home? Any nanny, maid assistance?
When we were married, my wife was 120 lbs., but she has not managed her eating and exercise, and her weight has steadily increased over the years. Currently, she is obese at nearly twice the weight on our wedding day. All the weight has caused her health to suffer, I believe, as she has had pneumonia once, and is frequently catching colds and the flu more than anyone in the family.
How tall is she? Big boned? Small boned? Gains in stomach? Hips? Steady increase? 10 lbs a year of marriage?
As she added weight, snoring became regular, and I could not get a good night’s rest in the same bed. We have not slept in the same bed for five years, which has significantly curtailed our love life.
Sounds like weight induced apnea. This becomes a vicious cycle. GUARANTEED she is not getting adequate oxygen. Meaning she is exhausted regardless the # of hours in bed sleeping. A quick google and anyone can find that regardless of weightloss efforts, the lack of sleep will hinder weightloss. Although I personally believe a good nights sleep is important, I would question the quality of her sleep, in the early years of marriage and child rearing. Can you tell us how this was handled. With 5 children in a guestimated 10 year age range, you easily had lots of sleepless nights with crying children. For me for example, DH can sleep through a crying child, right next to his head as it turns out. Who of the two of you got up for 5 years running with babies, sick and non sleeping? Was this effort shared? Any chance weight gain STARTED in these years, during a very reasonable time of expected exhaustion?
As far as we know, she has no medical issues that would prevent our impair weight loss. Diabetes runs in her family and mine, and she is all too aware of the health issues associated with the disease. So far, no signs of it in her health.
As far as you know? Does this mean a full physical has been had? Diabetes in your family if of no significance as I’m sure you’re not blood related. If she’s had a complete physical, and has NO signs, this means she’s not showing as a pre diabetic? A blood test would tell you that. Yet you mention above the snoring. So she’s done a sleep study? Apnea WOULD be a medical issue that WOULD in fact impair weight loss. Please clarify the depth of medical investigation.
She has tried dieting and exercise, but has never fully committed to managing her weight, and has never succeeded, but not for lack of support.
There’s a reason the diet industry is a multi billion $$ industry. And it’s not because all the diets and programs are good ones. There is so much terrible info out there. What kinds of programs? What do you consider support? Did she consider your support “support” by her words?
She has always been a stay-at-home mom. As the kids are older / away, she has plenty of time for many. We have an eliptical machine in our basement that she almost never uses. We bought a house on a large park, and are only a three minute walk from a fully-equipped YMCA.
Do you feel her “free” time is something she’s ALWAYS had? Or is it newish in the last couple of years. It can be that she’s not adjusting her schedule well. And well, there are still children at home. What DOES her schedule look like? I will speak to an eliptical. I HATE them. They do not allow a full extension of the knee. This is an incredibly painful machine for me. My knees feel as though they will explode within 5 minutes. I don’t think most women FEAR working out like a man as another stated. I think many women feel quite intimidated to work out near men. Especially if they are unfit. Seriously, if your own husband is grossed out with you, what will those that don’t even know you think? There is a common mentality of “I can’t go to a gym UNTIL I’m fit enough to be there.” Sad but true.
We have talked consistently about he weight and health, and have made many “new starts,” all of which have produced no improvement.
Describe these 'starts" What do they involve? I wonder if they are so over the top they are hard to keep up??? common error.
I don’t feel wanted as a husband, and have begun to feel like I represent little more than a steady paycheck to her.
This is where you lose much of the sympathy from most. Do you feel her weight loss is for YOU? Or for her? You’ve def. created between the two of you that all you are there for is money. You don’t share a bed, I assume you still work and are gone during the day. And you “consistently talk about the weight and health”. What part of that is a good relationship. Please share with us where the “good” is. Do you do fun things together? Just you and her?
