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angel12
Guest
Let’s just hope the father isn’t as cavalier about destroying his relationship with his daughter as you are.
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Dr_Meinheimer
Guest
I’d say she destroyed the relationship when she, as a (presumably) Catholic woman, agreed to marry a man ten years her senior of a different faith without even mentioning his existence to her family.
Having said that, we need a lot more details before offering drastic advice, and as such, prudence is your best friend here until you know more. How did they meet? Is he a legal citizen? Is she free to marry in the Church via dispensation? Is he practicing his faith or very casual?
Having said that, we need a lot more details before offering drastic advice, and as such, prudence is your best friend here until you know more. How did they meet? Is he a legal citizen? Is she free to marry in the Church via dispensation? Is he practicing his faith or very casual?
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rcwitness
Guest
Ironically, when a failed marriage is evaluated (for nullity!), questions like, “Did you ignore family members advice?” Are asked
Yet some seem to want to say the Church doesn’t require paternal blessings.
Honor your mother and father!
Yet some seem to want to say the Church doesn’t require paternal blessings.
Honor your mother and father!
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Legend
Guest
Note: This father, after making a mostly threatening and judgment al post about his daughter (who seems to hardly speak to him)and her fiancée , has chosen not to follow up on his post. Maybe disagreement, speculation, and general lack of charity is what he was going for, all along?
There are numerous ‘red flags’ here. But, I choose not to address them, until I hear from this concerned dad, once again.
There are numerous ‘red flags’ here. But, I choose not to address them, until I hear from this concerned dad, once again.
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rcwitness
Guest
Honor you parents, does not mean neglect their wisdom
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angel12
Guest
We don’t know that, because we don’t know even the tiniest little shred of her side of this.I’d say she destroyed the relationship when she, as a (presumably) Catholic woman, agreed to marry a man ten years her senior of a different faith without even mention his existence to her family.
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Dr_Meinheimer
Guest
No, but we don’t know that his actions will destroy the relationship either. One is based on limited information of the future, and the others based on limited information of the present.
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rcwitness
Guest
Having a right to dishonor your parents?
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rcwitness
Guest
Actually it is a dishonor to not introduce him earlier than engagement.She’s not dishonouring anyone. She’s marrying the man she wants. It may be an ill advised marriage, Ever though we have no evidence for this, but it is her right.
If parents were able to prevent children from marrying who they choose … well that’s a actually pretty scary possibility.
Im not saying a parent has the ultimate authority to determine if their child will Marry someone or not. Lots of factors come into play.
But a daughter or son should at least respect their parents to introduce them and try to help a good relationship to be established. Also, they should respect their parents counsel.
Its doesn’t mean they must follow every advice, but respect them, and try to help them get to know their bf/gf
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angel12
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We don’t know enough to accuse her of that.Having a right to dishonor your parents?
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rcwitness
Guest
We know she didn’t introduce until engagement. That isnt too cool.
But I’m not trying to encourage animosity for the OP. Only recognize what wasn’t too cool.
But I’m not trying to encourage animosity for the OP. Only recognize what wasn’t too cool.
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angel12
Guest
No, usually not. But without knowing her reasons, it’s hard to say. Maybe she’s taken leave of her senses, or maybe there’s more to it.We know she didn’t introduce until engagement. That isnt too cool.
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otrrl
Guest
back at you littlelady. I asked a question, you jumped to the conclusion that I was sinning by rash judgment. Sometimes these topics are very personal, and we out here don’t know all the details. So, if the subject comes up, as it did, I just threw out the question as a part of the conversation that had not yet been explored. Would that issue of immigration be irrelevant here? Is that what you’re saying? (see, I’m ending with an open-ended question as I did before)
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ImNewHere
Guest
Okay, this is my first post to this site, but I felt I might be able to offer some unique help as I am also a 19 year old Catholic girl, and I felt some responses were more intent with being riled up about what they interpret as religious bias than addressing the issue.
Frankly, I am seeing warning signs all over this relationship. The most pressing issue by far is that he is a 29 year old man – 10 years her senior! This might not be such an issue if it was, say, a 30 and 40 year old, but the fact is she, although legally an adult and undoubtedly a capable individual, is still a teenager. She is not biologically developed, which makes it very disturbing that a full adult is going after someone barely of legal age, and seems INCREDIBLY predatory (another warning sign in that regard being that this relationship has been kept from you and has moved so fast). Additionally, she is lacking in life experience which means she needs guidance.
The best solution here, before anything else, is to take time to cool down and then sit down and talk with her as a rational individual, and treat her as such too. Ask her about this relationship – why does she like him? How does he act around her? Why has it moved so fast and been so secret?
Share your concerns in a way that will not make her feel defensive. I have rarely come across interpersonal problems that sincere conversation couldn’t at least help. Be honest, and honestly listen to what she has to say. Tell her you’re worried about how this could turn out, and why it makes you uneasy. Don’t try to force her into anything, as that will close all doors fast.
ASK her to at least wait a little longer, preferably for at least a year or through a university degree. If he is the kind of man I suspect, he will not be happy about having to wait. Assuming she agrees to wait, if the relationship lasts those extra years and you get to know the situation more, I think all parties will be able to make a more informed decision and you can hopefully respectfully intervene. If he doesn’t hang around, which I think is far more likely – frankly, you have your answer to his character and your problem is solved.
I understand she may not agree to wait it out, but I want to stress that attempting to force her won’t lead anywhere good, even if it works. All it will do is show her she can’t trust you with this kind of thing. Hopefully if you explain WHY you want her to wait, and don’t try to end the relationship altogether, she will be able to see the sense in it and agree. If she doesn’t agree, say you want to be more informed about her life in this regard. If she moves ahead with the relationship, she will at least know she can come to you for help and support and you can hopefully help guide her away from future mishaps like this.
My parents have always been very guiding without being controlling to me, and as I result I am very honest and communicative with them. Try to remember that she is likely being manipulated, and that she needs support and not punishment.
There’s a reason your family and friends should meet significant others, and its because you may be blind to warning signs that they will spot!
Frankly, I am seeing warning signs all over this relationship. The most pressing issue by far is that he is a 29 year old man – 10 years her senior! This might not be such an issue if it was, say, a 30 and 40 year old, but the fact is she, although legally an adult and undoubtedly a capable individual, is still a teenager. She is not biologically developed, which makes it very disturbing that a full adult is going after someone barely of legal age, and seems INCREDIBLY predatory (another warning sign in that regard being that this relationship has been kept from you and has moved so fast). Additionally, she is lacking in life experience which means she needs guidance.
The best solution here, before anything else, is to take time to cool down and then sit down and talk with her as a rational individual, and treat her as such too. Ask her about this relationship – why does she like him? How does he act around her? Why has it moved so fast and been so secret?
Share your concerns in a way that will not make her feel defensive. I have rarely come across interpersonal problems that sincere conversation couldn’t at least help. Be honest, and honestly listen to what she has to say. Tell her you’re worried about how this could turn out, and why it makes you uneasy. Don’t try to force her into anything, as that will close all doors fast.
ASK her to at least wait a little longer, preferably for at least a year or through a university degree. If he is the kind of man I suspect, he will not be happy about having to wait. Assuming she agrees to wait, if the relationship lasts those extra years and you get to know the situation more, I think all parties will be able to make a more informed decision and you can hopefully respectfully intervene. If he doesn’t hang around, which I think is far more likely – frankly, you have your answer to his character and your problem is solved.
I understand she may not agree to wait it out, but I want to stress that attempting to force her won’t lead anywhere good, even if it works. All it will do is show her she can’t trust you with this kind of thing. Hopefully if you explain WHY you want her to wait, and don’t try to end the relationship altogether, she will be able to see the sense in it and agree. If she doesn’t agree, say you want to be more informed about her life in this regard. If she moves ahead with the relationship, she will at least know she can come to you for help and support and you can hopefully help guide her away from future mishaps like this.
My parents have always been very guiding without being controlling to me, and as I result I am very honest and communicative with them. Try to remember that she is likely being manipulated, and that she needs support and not punishment.
There’s a reason your family and friends should meet significant others, and its because you may be blind to warning signs that they will spot!
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poche
Guest
This is what happened to my grandmother. She married my grandfather, who was 10 years her senior and he was Catholic while she was not.
some years and four children later, she was received into the Catholic Church.
some years and four children later, she was received into the Catholic Church.
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Roseeurekacross
Guest
Ah just wait till your kids rebel. It’s part of growing up. It’s a phase they should all go through in a healthy phase through to emotional maturity.James. The problem isn’t that your daughter is engaged to a Muslim. The problem is that you raised a woman who at 18 has decided to take an unwise step without (name removed by moderator)ut from you. This indicates a failure on your part. Your relationship with her is not as it should be. So throwing a fit now doesn’t do much. It’s our job to raise faithful educated saints. Funding her life should be stopped immediately and not as a punative measure but as one where you two can try to have a more normal father adult daughter relationship.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
I was responding to the tone of the responses in general, the steady stream of posts that seem to be focused on negative things because of the faith of the prospective groom.
Had the OP stated everything above, except the “and on top of everything else, he is Greek Orthodox”, would anyone have asked about his possible citizenship or immigration status or assumed he is going to hold the young woman against her will in a foreign land?
Had the OP stated everything above, except the “and on top of everything else, he is Greek Orthodox”, would anyone have asked about his possible citizenship or immigration status or assumed he is going to hold the young woman against her will in a foreign land?
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TheLittleLady
Guest
My parents married when she was 18 and he was 25, they had been dating for a year. 4 kids and 55 years later, the age difference has not come up yet.
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rcwitness
Guest
If this young woman is to be married to a non-Christian, she must seek permission from the Bishop.
How much more appropriate would it be to seek her father’s blessing before going to a stranger to ask permission?
The Bishop isnt even the one who will be involved in their life!
I am also guessing she has not sought a dispensation from the Bishop, yet she agreed to Marry this man. That looks like she is not concerned about the faith or her father’s blessing.
How much more appropriate would it be to seek her father’s blessing before going to a stranger to ask permission?
The Bishop isnt even the one who will be involved in their life!
I am also guessing she has not sought a dispensation from the Bishop, yet she agreed to Marry this man. That looks like she is not concerned about the faith or her father’s blessing.
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rcwitness
Guest
I agree that the age difference shouldn’t be problematic.
A non-Christian is much greater of a concern, to me.
St Paul advises to Marry only Christians.
1 Corinthians 7
“A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whomever she wishes, provided that it be in the Lord.”
A non-Christian is much greater of a concern, to me.
St Paul advises to Marry only Christians.
1 Corinthians 7
“A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whomever she wishes, provided that it be in the Lord.”
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