Annulment newlywed

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I am truly sorry. I will keep you in prayer.

I do not think you qualify for an annulment in this circumstance, and I am happy you do not feel like you want that anyway. I also recommend counseling with a priests and a therapist.
 
This may be unpopular but if I were you, this is how I’d handle it.
  • Sit down with husband and explain that while you love him, you do not plan to live the rest of your life deprived of marital intimacy and it’s unacceptable for him to expect this of you.
  • Explain that you are unsure of the obstacle at the root of this issue but you must see that he’s taking specific steps to identify and resolve the problem.
  • This means he must 1) see a physician to rule out any health-related issues that could cause a loss of sexual desire, 2) see a marriage & family therapist as a couple, 3) meet together with a priest.
  • If any or all of these steps are not taken within the next two weeks, you’re packing a bag and moving back home with your parents. You will be staying with them until he successfully proves that he has undertaken each of these steps.
You don’t need to tell your parents the specific problem you’re experiencing in your marriage. But you must demonstrate to your husband that this is a serious situation that can lead to the destruction of your family if he doesn’t step up. Refusal to work to find a solution is unacceptable. You deserve to be with a loving spouse who fulfills his marital obligations. Don’t worry about an annulment now. Focus on being firm and making your expectations and requirements of him absolutely clear.

You will be in my prayers.
 
Thank you so much. Thank you also for laying it out how you did. I will talk to him tonight about this. Thank you for prayers as well.
 
This is very good. Much better than I would have thought of.
 
rcwitness said:
the counselor has told me quite a few times to talk to a priest about an annulment
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Honestly, if it is a catholic counselor who has dealt with various cases and issues that would justifiy to seek an annulment, then I wouldn´t call this garbage. If he notices serious problems that would have made a marriage impossibe when discussed openly, I don´t see this as a fault.
But I do agree they need counseling together.
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First of all, I dont doubt for one second that a tribunal would hand out their decree of nulity for this woman.

But she does not want to divorce this man.

I would attack his spirit of indifference towards sex. Ask him hard questions… get to the bottom of it.

The counselor should require that the husband and wife speak together with the priest. As for the possible invalid Sacrament, that would hopefully be addressed properly if the pastor had strong reason that the husband did not/does not understand or intend to honor Christian Marriage.

This husband needs to speak up and give an account for the anti-marital attitude towards sex.
 
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It’s also quite dangerous for one spouse to speak about an annulment while the other is not present.

Dont hide in shadows.
 
My husband is aware of the situation and knows more than anyone how much this hurts. He doesn’t believe that I am able to get an annulment at all. After we got married he told me that sex is disgusting and that if he didn’t sleep with me for months he wouldn’t even think about it. I talked to him seriously yesterday evening again about this and he ignored every aspect. He said that marriage isn’t about sex and I should just look at the good stuff between us (He is extremely good to me in every other way) He doesn’t understand why I cry about this and thinks that I need to work on things.

The counselor that I talked to knows of these issues and other details that brought up annulment. I stated the first time I went that I wanted things to work out since I love my husband so much. She brought it up the next few times as well pointing to the fact that I can not change this situation and that it has started from the first day of marriage.
 
Jen1 said:
My husband is aware of the situation and knows more than anyone how much this hurts. He doesn’t believe that I am able to get an annulment at all. After we got married he told me that sex is disgusting and that if he didn’t sleep with me for months he wouldn’t even think about it. I talked to him seriously yesterday evening again about this and he ignored every aspect. He said that marriage isn’t about sex and I should just look at the good stuff between us (He is extremely good to me in every other way) He doesn’t understand why I cry about this and thinks that I need to work on things.
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Dear OP, I don´t understand how this statements make sense together?!
 
Just to clarify,
1 Whenever he asks me whats wrong I have come to a point where I tell him that he is wonderful in every way but that he doesn’t want to sleep with me and has no desire for me. He sees me cry now and will ask why and I tell him the same thing.
2. He ignores this because week after week he asks me again what is wrong and I tell him the same thing. He acts very surprised and says that I was in a good mood the entire week. I tell him that I always feel this way but what good is it if I bring it up 24/7 and cry about it in front of him every day.
3. He continues to act surprised that this bothers me so much and we got into an argument last night and he said I had to work on things (after I said he had to work on this issue) and he said that I shouldn’t care so much about it
 
So he´s incredible rude and disrespecting your mood and wellbeing.
Sorry, this is everything but a wonderful character, and yes, I would possibly move out to make my statement serious.
Bu this is just me, dear OP. What I generally would advise is you seeing your priest. Maybe he has some influence on him.
Please, don´t be desperate. You are in my prayers.
 
What bothers me is his total lack of care for your feelings. Every time you talk about it, he turns it around onto you and says it’s you with the problem. That’s not a wonderful husband, who is good in every other way.

He definitely has issues. I don’t know if it’s because he doesn’t see he has a problem or because he doesn’t want to see he has a problem. Either way, the way he’s treating you is a massive red flag.
Jen1 said:
After we got married he told me that sex is disgusting
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This is another massive red flag. He led you on for two years and only told you after you were married that a major part of your marriage was “disgusting” to him.
Jen1 said:
He ignores this because week after week he asks me again what is wrong and I tell him the same thing. He acts very surprised
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I’m really sorry, OP. I just think he doesn’t care enough to change or to work on it. What he said in response to you considering an annulment - that he doesn’t think you’d get one - says it all. He thinks now you’re married, you’re never going to be able to leave him so that’s that, you have to accept the way he’s treating you.

Just keep remembering he is the one with the problem, not you.
 
After we got married I moved several hours away to live with my husband. I called the priest once who married us when things were getting worse and the priest said that in a healthy marriage people should be sleeping together 2-3x a week. I understand this but my husband doesn’t.
I have talked to another priest briefly where I live now and he said that my husband should talk to someone and that I should talk to someone as well to get through this. The counselor has told me to talk to a priest about an annulment but I have not done that and I honestly don’t want to.
 
The bottom line is, are you okay with living life like this. Separate living from your husband for the rest of your life?

There is no guide that as to how many times each week married people have sex. Do not judge by that yardstick. The lack of sex looks to be a symptom of a deeper problem.

If you are not okay with living like this, with your child seeing spouses living separate lives as the example of marriage it is time to do something.
 
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