Annulment newlywed

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This man needs to be confronted by the wife in front of the priest, and the priest tell him that marriage IS about sex, and it’s not just his world.
 
Right. But we should advise the OP to speak together with the pastor.

Why is the pastor telling the wife to tell her husband to talk to someone else?

This pastor should be addressing matters of faith and morals to the husband HIMSELF!
 
Apply Catholic Teaching to the situation.

What else is his job?

Do you not see how these situations do not get confronted and delt with in the parish?

Instead, we go right to secular procedure.

Our churches are getting weaker and weaker to help these situations. People turn to law suits instead.
 
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To get an annulment, a divorce has to be filed. That is a lawsuit, no?
 
Maybe. But that is for another professional.

The priest should relate the faith appropriately.

And a Church sanctioned separation should occur before going secular.
 
Cecilia_Dympna said:
No one has suggested divorce
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The counselor wants the OP to speak with the priest about an annulment.

The couple needs to speak together with the priest, and the priest needs to listen to the issues relate the Catholic faith when possible, and then maybe support a separation with terms.
 
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gracepoole said:
This may be unpopular but if I were you, this is how I’d handle it.
  • Sit down with husband and explain that while you love him, you do not plan to live the rest of your life deprived of marital intimacy and it’s unacceptable for him to expect this of you.
  • Explain that you are unsure of the obstacle at the root of this issue but you must see that he’s taking specific steps to identify and resolve the problem.
  • This means he must 1) see a physician to rule out any health-related issues that could cause a loss of sexual desire, 2) see a marriage & family therapist as a couple, 3) meet together with a priest.
  • If any or all of these steps are not taken within the next two weeks, you’re packing a bag and moving back home with your parents. You will be staying with them until he successfully proves that he has undertaken each of these steps.
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Excellent advice I think. He hasn’t made moves to change when you asked him. So it may be time to take more drastic action.
gracepoole said:
You don’t need to tell your parents the specific problem you’re experiencing in your marriage. But you must demonstrate to your husband that this is a serious situation that can lead to the destruction of your family if he doesn’t step up. Refusal to work to find a solution is unacceptable. You deserve to be with a loving spouse who fulfills his marital obligations. Don’t worry about an annulment now. Focus on being firm and making your expectations and requirements of him absolutely clear.
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Again, excellent advice. You may be afraid to take these actions but as long as he thinks that you’re not prepared to actually take action then his incentive to change is low. I personally think it would be better to act than to continue being miserable.
 
She doesn’t have to be miserable to work on things with this man. We are called to suffer for righteousness by the Apostle.

If this man has completely rejected what Christian marriage means, then she will find her annulment.

But the next step is a parish sanctioned separation with the pastor explaining his fault regarding the Catholic faith
 
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rcwitness said:
But the next step is a parish sanctioned separation with the pastor explaining his fault regarding the Catholic faith
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No the next step is moving home for a couple of weeks to see if that “scares” some sense into him. If not then she should consider an official separation.
 
I definitely agree with you.

I’m not sure if it will be effective since her husband has parents that live apart from each other, yet remain married. It may be considered “normal” to him.

My heart bleeds for the OP. I’m so sorry your husband is not meeting basic standards and expectations as a husband. Being pregnant just makes the situation more difficult.

If it was me? I’d consider separation and coming to terms with the fact that I will be living married life as a single person.

Personally, I’m not a fan of the Church’s position for annulments…but that is a completely different argument for another day.

This is also why I think chaste requirements before marriage can absolutely backfire in a really negative way.
 
I’m also in the camp that their is something very, very wrong here. Some very serious psychological problems that cannot just be addressed by a pastor or a monthly visit with a therapist.

A good pastor would recognize that there is a very serious problem here. I see massive issues with masculinity and his relationship with his parents…particularly his mother.

He may be completely incapable of married life
 
KCmedtech said:
I’m not sure if it will be effective since her husband has parents that live apart from each other, yet remain married. It may be considered “normal” to him.
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True, but my own parents lived separately. I never considered that normal.
If he did think that was normal, then it’s possible that you’d have grounds for annulment based on the fact that he simply doesn’t understand the Catholic view of marriage.
 
Yes, but from your posts…you have a very clear view of marriage and what the expectations are, for both you and your wife.

He definitely does not. Just the idea of not sharing any kind of intimacy for months points more in the direction of it be reasonable to live separately but married.

Like I said…I’m not a fan of annulments…for a whole host of reasons…so I refuse to give it consideration. It’s not my place to do so.
 
Are you referring to a church based separation or a secular law separation (with “big guns”)?
 
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Why not allow the faith based separation to impact first?

A secular separation is when one is not in right standing with the Church and rejects the faith outright.

Dont blend Church and State to the point of the faithful being influenced by secular mindsets.
 
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