Catholic dating websites. Ummmm

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

I think you’re reading into what I said rather than what I said. All of what you mentioned are valid reasons to sell property or to sacrifice in order to take care of my family.

But I didn’t respond to that to begin with. I had a problem with my hypothetical wife needlessly investing money in order to double it. I’m fiscally conservative. Some of my family lost over 100k in the stock market during the last crash. I’m against investing needlessly.

Be fiscally conservative all you want, but the issue here is that you need to recognize it is no longer “your” (singular) money.

It not being singularly yours dosn’t mean it’s used foolishly. It simply means that you don’t get the ultimate veto because you brought the property into the marriage. There are many, many reasons in family life that money is needed besides investing. You do need to be prepared for “ours”.

 

[SacredHeartBassist]

Don’t you think in most marriages the wife has her own bathroom and the husband has his own man cave? What’s wrong with that?

 

[joyful]

There’s nothing wrong with using the sites but they are probably very limited, as most passionate Catholic men/women are living their lives and praying about their spouse/vocation than spending too much time on dating sites. People meet others in hundreds of ways: work, school, ministry, mutual friends, events, conferences, retreats, etc…It’s all about being open to getting to know others and having an active social life with people who share what is most important to you(hopefully your faith). Of course it’s important not to approach everyone you meet as a potential date but be willing to be friends with everyone and take interest in their lives. Praying and patience is the most important thing above all though. Sometimes people say novenas and the answer is “no” or “not yet”. You might feel like you’re ready for marriage but maybe your future spouse is not, or maybe you are not, only God knows the answer to whether or not you are ready for the marriage/person ahead of you. Trust that God knows what is best for you and in hindsight you’ll be glad you did. (Speaking as a single person still working on trusting God )

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Don’t you think in most marriages the wife has her own bathroom and the husband has his own man cave? What’s wrong with that?

I think it’s exactly those marriages that contribute to the divorce rate.

There are no places in my home that I do not feel free to go in at any point in the day, whenever I want. Same with my husband. We do not have any tools or musical instruments or machines that the other cannot use. Am I more likely to use the sewing machine than he is? Yes, but he can use it whenever he wants. Is he more likely to use the table saw? Of course, but I can use it any time. If we need alone time, we respect eachother…but nothing in the house is “his” or “mine”…except for our clothes really. And even then, I’ve grabbed his coat in a pinch.

We’re not “twins” and we rarely end up on top of each other needing to do stuff. We respect each other deeply. We have different interests that don’t often cross but when they do, there’s really nothing “ours” about it.

 

[SacredHeartBassist]

Okay, well I disagree. I think it’s important for partners in relationships and marriages to do their own thing sometimes rather than always do everything together or always be with each other. frankly husbands and wives that are that close kind of freak me out lol.

anyway I think you’re going too far. having your own stuff is natural. if i were married my wife could use whatever i had but just not my 4k ukulele lol

just kidding lol.

but in all seriousness if we got divorced i’d argue in court that my uke/my property before the marriage wasn’t marital property. besides, i don’t live in a community property state in regards to marital property

and i wouldn’t marry without a prenuptual agreement either. I’ve already talked to a priest about it and he said in my situation it’s understandable to get one if i were to marry, but that since i’m not currently dating i don’t have to worry about it right now

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Doing your own thing and having your own stuff is different. It is not my sewing machine. It is not my husband’s table saw. It is all ours.
Again, we don’t do things together all that much when it comes to projects we are working on. If he is tired and wants to rest alone in the bedroom after the kids are in bed, I hang out downstairs. But something being “mine” is not a thing.

You can’t say “she can use whatever but not X” that’s not marriage. You can ask that she gets lessons, washes her hands, whatever but you can’t just forbid her from touching things.

 

[SacredHeartBassist]

I’m not some kind of heartless tyrant of a man, lol. I wouldn’t forbid my hypothetical future wife from touching my ukulele. I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence. It sounds so funny reading it aloud.

It’s more like, she can use my ukulele but it’s still mine lol

Just like if she had something that meant a lot to her and was very expensive or was something from her childhood it would be hers.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

I’m not some kind of heartless tyrant of a man, lol. I wouldn’t forbid my hypothetical future wife from touching my ukulele. I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence. It sounds so funny reading it aloud.

Perhaps you aren’t, but you really have to realize there is no place for “mine” in marriage–especally once you have children.

It’s more like, she can use my ukulele but it’s still mine lol

But it’s not “yours” (singular). It is just as much hers. She should respect it’s history, but it’s not just yours. That’s a very basic element of marriage.

Marriage is a forsaking of yourself for the other.

 

[SacredHeartBassist]

Well Florida law disagrees. Unsure about canon law. I’d be more inclined to wholeheartedly accept your position if you show me in canon law that a husband/wife couldn’t own personal property apart from their spouse in marriage.

I’m fully aware that the two become one flesh. But I don’t think the church has said that this means it HAS to be interpreted in such a way where a husband and wife can’t individual own property apart from their spouse.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Well Florida law disagrees. Unsure about canon law. I’d be more inclined to wholeheartedly accept your position if you show me in canon law that a husband/wife couldn’t own personal property apart from their spouse in marriage.

I’m not talking about state law.

Prenups in America, except in rare cases, can show that the marriage was invalid. (prenups in other countries carry different social connotation)

I’m fully aware that the two become one flesh. But I don’t think the church has said that this means it HAS to be interpreted in such a way where a husband and wife can’t individual own property apart from their spouse.

The essential properties of marriage that is insolubility and fidelity.

Here’s a good article. Is it really “laying down your life” to claim things as your own?

When a man and a woman marry, they must be prepared to “lay down their life” for the other, permanently committing themselves to each other and being, faithful to one another. This is for their own well-being and for the good of any children God may send them. So it is with Christ in his love for us.

 

[SacredHeartBassist]

Prenups in America, except in rare cases, can show that the marriage was invalid.

Yeah, but the challenger would have to show that they were pressured into signing the prenup out of duress. I’d be straightforward from the beginning so that such a claim couldn’t be used against me, and I’d also encourage her to get her own attorney so independently advise her for the formation of the prenup so that it would be advantageous for her as well.

I read the article. This is a quote from it:

When a man and a woman marry, they must be prepared to “lay down their life” for the other, permanently committing themselves to each other and being, faithful to one another. This is for their own well-being and for the good of any children God may send them. So it is with Christ in his love for us.

I think I could do that while still retaining some stuff as my own. Not every priest takes a vow of poverty. It’s great that you and your husband don’t own anything apart from one another. But just as not every priest takes a vow of poverty, not every husband and wife needs to either

 

[alice24]

Don’t you think in most marriages the wife has her own bathroom and the husband has his own man cave? What’s wrong with that?

well, I would consider this luxury. It has to work without this, and if not, probems are near. This is the point - no problem with loving your music instruments or making proper investents. But you need to be ok with the thought to give this all for your spouse, as your family would be your center of life to praise god.

 

[alice24]

When a man and a woman marry, they must be prepared to “lay down their life” for the other, permanently committing themselves to each other and being, faithful to one another. This is for their own well-being and for the good of any children God may send them. So it is with Christ in his love for us.

With all respect, this is the wrong direction- If you do this and still have at least some luxury for you, good. But if you prepare to hold something for you and try to give all to your spouse, this could be difficult.

 

[Lara]

I think it’s important for partners in relationships and marriages to do their own thing sometimes rather than always do everything together or always be with each other. frankly husbands and wives that are that close kind of freak me out lol.

Good work. These are exactly the kinds of things you need to think about. That entrepreneur point of mine was just to get you thinking about what sort of involvement you want your wife to have in your financial affairs. It was just an example. I was trying to get you to imagine what sort of woman would be right for you.

I personally would never ever sign a pre-nuptial agreement. That would be a complete turn-off.

So far, you could consider dating a woman who is very busy, very talented or very creative. This type of women doesn’t mind if her husband is off doing his own thing, and isn’t as needy.

 

[SacredHeartBassist]

The type I would draft would benefit my wife into getting more than she would have got if she stays with me rather than divorcing. I just would like to draft one to prevent marrying someone and her leaving me after 7 years and trying to take stuff that I don’t think she would deserve because it was mine before the marriage.

If I marry, I don’t ever want to get divorced. But with how common divorces are, I have to protect my assets.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

The type I would draft would benefit my wife into getting more than she would have got if she stays with me rather than divorcing. I just would like to draft one to prevent marrying someone and her leaving me after 7 years and trying to take stuff that I don’t think she would deserve because it was mine before the marriage.

When a Prenup and Religious Principles Collide

By Cheryl I Foster: Religion does not come into most people’s minds when thinking about a prenuptial agreement. However, religion has become an increasingly important aspect as people contemplate a li

familylawyermagazine.com

You would basically be creating an invalid marriage in the US by getting a prenup in regards to divorce. They are only used validly in cases referring to the death of a spouse and benefits to surviving pre-existing children.

Once you are married it is not “yours” (singular).

If I marry, I don’t ever want to get divorced. But with how common divorces are, I have to protect my assets

Catholocism does not give you that option.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

How about you marry somebody you trust enough not to pull that stuff?

I remember some divorced guy who sat in my cube at work insisting that I absolutely HAD to get a prenup before marrying as it was a terrible idea to marry someone without it. I said I did not think that was necessary (especially since I had known my husband-to-be for 10 years and had some idea how he operated financially, that he paid his bills, etc.)

Never got one. Never needed one.

 

[SacredHeartBassist]

No, I wouldn’t. I know more about prenups than you do. A prenup is invalid if one party didn’t consent to it.

Excuse me, but I’m going to trust my priest and not you.

 

[SacredHeartBassist]

I haven’t ever trusted anyone that much, not even my parents

 

[Tis_Bearself]

You may want to consider working on that before you decide to take the big leap into marriage