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SacredHeartBassist
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Yeah, I’m not even dating anyone right now. I’m not even close to marriage.
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alice24
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but they are not there after your marriage. You own nothing just for yourself then, so, there´s nothing to give back or deserve back in such a case.
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dochawk
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in a community property state, a spouse has no legal claim upon property the other spouse owned before marriage, saves for a fractional claim if marital income was used to maintain or improve the Seoaratwe Property.]
hawk, esq.
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EricF
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This discussion has drifted way into the weeds away from the original question.
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alice24
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Maybe, but since this could be the real core of future problems with dating, its not bad to discuss it, don´t you think?
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SacredHeartBassist
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it’s been three years since 1L property class. You’re right. whoops.
But community property states do split up everything 50/50 regardless of what you came into the marriage with
But community property states do split up everything 50/50 regardless of what you came into the marriage with
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EricF
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Whatever y’all want. It was just an observation. I’ve been married 28 years, we didn’t meet via website. The whole concept is foreign and fascinating to me.
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SacredHeartBassist
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people don’t socialize the way they did 28 years ago
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alice24
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well it depends. It has, in my eyes, a huge influence in which job you are or if your religion is a minority. If I already lived in the area I do now, I maybe would have needed online dating. In my case, it was the average “friends of friends at university” and exactly the same as with my parents.
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Hello_All
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catholicmatch has national singles day conference in aug this year .you may check it out.
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LittleFlower
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@Xanthippe_Voorhees has done a great job breaking down concerns I also had. But this one also springs out, what is she has mild anxiety? Also, by saying that, you seem unprepared for the fact that a lot of women battle postnatal depression.
IMHO you are not ready for marriage, and I would actually suggest counselling / therapy for your trust issues, and many other things you have raised in this thread.
Marriage is 100 percent in. There are no opt outs. You said you would have a pre-nup where it is better for her to stay married to you then to seek divorce. That’s financial abuse, and just abusive.
It sounds like you do not want an equal. And that is really sad.
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
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I’m talking invalid marriage not invalid prenup.
I trust cannon lawyers more than one priest.
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SacredHeartBassist
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the prenup would be written so that for the first few years it would be more advantageous for her to stay married than get divorced but if she was with me for 20+ years if she divorced me she’d then receive more than she would had she just divorced me without the prenup.
I think it’s smart to do that. If you think that’s financial abuse, you need help. It’s not like i’d be keeping her married against her will. She’d just agree to receive less if we divorce soon.
I wouldn’t date a woman who had mental problems. Been there, done that. No thanks. Plenty of women won’t date a man with health problems, so this isn’t any different.
And by the way, anxiety or depression after birth is completely natural. But I’m not interested in dating a pregnant woman or a woman who just had a baby either. If I were married and my wife had depression or anxiety after birth, well ok–but I’m not going to start off a relationship with a woman who is already messed up in the mental health department. The last time I did that a bunch of my stuff got broken
I think it’s smart to do that. If you think that’s financial abuse, you need help. It’s not like i’d be keeping her married against her will. She’d just agree to receive less if we divorce soon.
I wouldn’t date a woman who had mental problems. Been there, done that. No thanks. Plenty of women won’t date a man with health problems, so this isn’t any different.
And by the way, anxiety or depression after birth is completely natural. But I’m not interested in dating a pregnant woman or a woman who just had a baby either. If I were married and my wife had depression or anxiety after birth, well ok–but I’m not going to start off a relationship with a woman who is already messed up in the mental health department. The last time I did that a bunch of my stuff got broken
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SacredHeartBassist
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I don’t think prenups invalidate catholic marriages unless they’re made in anticipation of divorce. I don’t want to ever get divorced. If I had a prenup it would serve the purpose of rewarding a marriage that doesn’t end in divorce
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LittleFlower
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That is financial abuse.
By saying you have to stay 20 years with me, or I will put you through financial hell—yes abusive. If she argues as much, and lists all the things like “I can’t go into his man cave, or he get’s angry, I can’t touch his musical instrument, etc.” you will find yourself having a very interesting divorce where the prenup goes out the window, like it often does.
And you do need therapy.
What about a woman who would suddenly get mental health issues, like postnatal depression, after children? Is that a grounds for divorce? It would be the mother of your child! Anxiety and depression are not normal after birth, baby blues maybe but not those two which are a completely different type of experience.
Also in a CATHOLIC forum, we are debating divorce and prenups? Pray tell, this is surely a sign you are not ready for marriage.
My husband and I never once talked about that. You will find that many couples here prior to marriage never discussed the dissolution of their love and marriage.
By saying you have to stay 20 years with me, or I will put you through financial hell—yes abusive. If she argues as much, and lists all the things like “I can’t go into his man cave, or he get’s angry, I can’t touch his musical instrument, etc.” you will find yourself having a very interesting divorce where the prenup goes out the window, like it often does.
And you do need therapy.
What about a woman who would suddenly get mental health issues, like postnatal depression, after children? Is that a grounds for divorce? It would be the mother of your child! Anxiety and depression are not normal after birth, baby blues maybe but not those two which are a completely different type of experience.
Also in a CATHOLIC forum, we are debating divorce and prenups? Pray tell, this is surely a sign you are not ready for marriage.
My husband and I never once talked about that. You will find that many couples here prior to marriage never discussed the dissolution of their love and marriage.
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LittleFlower
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They do, though. You can have an opinion but why don’t you speak to your local Catholic marriage tribunal?
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
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Ohh good catch Little Flower.SacredHeartBassist:
@Xanthippe_Voorhees has done a great job breaking down concerns I also had. But this one also springs out, what is she has mild anxiety? Also, by saying that, you seem unprepared for the fact that a lot of women battle postnatal depression.
IMHO you are not ready for marriage, and I would actually suggest counselling / therapy for your trust issues, and many other things you have raised in this thread.
Marriage is 100 percent in. There are no opt outs. You said you would have a pre-nup where it is better for her to stay married to you then to seek divorce. That’s financial abuse, and just abusive.
It sounds like you do not want an equal. And that is really sad.
You’re so right about the mental illness. Major mental illness can develop at any time. Pre-existing conditions can be addressedd on a case-by case basis. There’s a huge difference between mild anxiety and full-blown bipolar.
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SacredHeartBassist
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If you think divorcing someone after 5 years and not getting alimony is financial hell then wow
Telling someone on the internet that they need therapy must feel so good. Do you feel better that you put someone down publicly?
In my experience, mentally ill people (let’s just say someone with severe depression) don’t have the capacity to love fully which would prevent them from giving themselves fully to another person.
Listen, I don’t need to explain myself to you or to anyone else. These are my preferences and what I think about marriage is between me and my future spouse and God and my priest if I share that with him. My dad is mentally ill and I don’t want to ever live with another mentally ill person again
NOW if I were already married I would have to man up and take care of my wife no matter what condition she had. But I wouldn’t continue a relationship with a person who is suicidal or depressed or has crippling anxiety or who cuts themselves or has an addiction.
Telling someone on the internet that they need therapy must feel so good. Do you feel better that you put someone down publicly?
In my experience, mentally ill people (let’s just say someone with severe depression) don’t have the capacity to love fully which would prevent them from giving themselves fully to another person.
Listen, I don’t need to explain myself to you or to anyone else. These are my preferences and what I think about marriage is between me and my future spouse and God and my priest if I share that with him. My dad is mentally ill and I don’t want to ever live with another mentally ill person again
NOW if I were already married I would have to man up and take care of my wife no matter what condition she had. But I wouldn’t continue a relationship with a person who is suicidal or depressed or has crippling anxiety or who cuts themselves or has an addiction.
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SacredHeartBassist
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It’s funny how you guys think it’s okay to not want to date a janitor but as soon as I say I don’t want to date a schizophrenic, I’m the bad guy.
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LittleFlower
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See, for you therapy and mental illness is bad, like the plague. But many people battle it and I would never write about it negatively.
You do need to see someone for your trust and other issues. Period. You would become a better partner for it. And I am not saying this in a negative way.
And yes, if the law says she would be entitled to alimony then she is. You are trying to circumvent things, that ultimately benefit you and if she was smart, she’d take the proposed prenup to her own lawyer, who would nitpick at it. Because no alimony is only beneficial to you. Would you make sure she has her own lawyer look at the prenup? Because if not, it is clear that it is designed to only benefit you.
No one is asking you to have a relationship with someone already battling issues. And you are not the “bad guy” because of it. You just have to realise that mental health issues can appear later in life.
You do need to see someone for your trust and other issues. Period. You would become a better partner for it. And I am not saying this in a negative way.
And yes, if the law says she would be entitled to alimony then she is. You are trying to circumvent things, that ultimately benefit you and if she was smart, she’d take the proposed prenup to her own lawyer, who would nitpick at it. Because no alimony is only beneficial to you. Would you make sure she has her own lawyer look at the prenup? Because if not, it is clear that it is designed to only benefit you.
No one is asking you to have a relationship with someone already battling issues. And you are not the “bad guy” because of it. You just have to realise that mental health issues can appear later in life.
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