Child not getting married in the church

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Now, loving them apart from attending the wedding would help!
What if you’re no longer in a position to? As in, since you skipped the wedding so I guess that means you don’t want to be part of any other life events or my “boyfriend/girlfriend” as you call my husband/wife.
 
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Well what is your arguement?

You dont care if they reconcile with the Church. And your supposed Catholic family doesnt either!

Go figure…
 
I’d wonder why they’re going if they can’t be happy for me on my big day
Exactly. In my case I think going would have been worse for the relatiinship.

I let my sister know I still loved her by sending her a text wishing both of them every happiness on the day.
 
Then they wouldnt have a good relationship with me or the Church even if I went. They just wanted me to support their rejection of the Church with them.

But I have no fears like you want me to have. I trust my true faith and true love will be seen and felt by them
 
Well what is your arguement?
Over 300+ posts, it hasn’t changed.

By not attending, you run the risk of pushing the persons further out of your life, straining the relationship or even breaking it. If that’s a risk that doesn’t worry you, you’re welcome to have at it.

You don’t have to, because your Church does not have a rule against attending, so I think it’s an strange risk to take when you don’t need to.
I let my sister know I still loved her by sending her a text wishing both of them every happiness on the day.
I would find it odd that you can’t be happy for my wedding day, and why I’m getting something as impersonal as text from my sibling rather than them being there.

You don’t have to make the lack of support and celebration clear…, but hey…that’s your call.
 
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I would find it odd that you can’t be happy for my wedding day
Well you’re entering or not getting out of a state of sin, so I’m not happy about it.
You don’t have to make the lack of support and celebration clear…, but hey…that’s your call.
So I have to go and act happy. Sounds very like you’re the one putting conditions on love.
why I’m getting something as impersonal as text from my sibling rather than them being there.
We still have a relationship.
 
So I have to go and act happy.
No, like I said up thread…don’t go.
Sounds very like you’re the one putting conditions on love.
Please don’t put words in my mouth. Like I said, your call. We could all be there on our brother/sisters day in support of them. You couldn’t…¯_(ツ)_/¯. You didn’t have to skip it, you chose to. There’s no way my inlaws were going to skip their brother or sisters wedding.
We still have a relationship.
Good for you guys. I believe in my situation, the outcome would have been much different.
 
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You don’t have to make the lack of support and celebration clear…
Is this coming from faith, or lack of faith?

If you dont make it clear exactly what you are supporting and what you are not, then they WILL assume you are supporting the validity and approval of marrying outside the Church. This is common sense.

You and your Catholic family dont care if a Catholic marries outside the Church. Or if they ever reconcile with the Church for doing so. You have made this chrystal clear. So your opinion in this topic leans towards placing fear and guilt that refraining from an invalid wedding is harmful and negatively aggressive to the relationship with the couple rejecting the Church.

A good relationship will not be ruined over this!

If the couple breaks friendship over this, it’s because they are placing a very wrong condition on the relationship.

“Come support our wedding, or you are not our friend!”

That means they dont respect you, or your faith convictions, because you are supporting the Catholic faith! And attending under this fear will not help this attitude, but drag you into their own lawlessness.

2 Peter 3:17
You therefore, beloved, knowing this beforehand, beware lest you be carried away with the error of lawless men and lose your own stability.
 
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Is this coming from faith, or lack of faith?

If you dont make it clear exactly what you are supporting and what you are not, then they WILL assume you are supporting the validity and approval of marrying outside the Church. This is common sense.
From my point of view, it comes from your Church not having a rule against attending, and putting your own stipulation upon yourself 🤷‍♂️
So your opinion in this topic leans towards placing fear and guilt that refraining from an invalid wedding is harmful and negatively aggressive to the relationship with the couple rejecting the Church.
It leans toward it being something to think about because I’ve seen it. For some reason you don’t think that’s even a possibility.
A good relationship will not be ruined over this!
Seen it.
If the couple breaks friendship over this, it’s because they are placing a very wrong condition on the relationship.
I’m not going to disagree… I said it’s a consequence that can happen. I’m not sure why you’re not getting that.
Come support our wedding, or you are not our friend!”
Well ya, that’s normally what friends and family do…or at least I think that’s the norm.
That means they dont respect you, or your faith convictions, because you are supporting the Catholic faith!
That, to them, can also mean that you are personally choosing not to attend the wedding as you are not happy for them, won’t be there on one of their biggest of days…and honestly that they don’t mean that much.

Is it a lock to happen, no…but can it…heck ya.
And attending under this fear will not help this attitude, but drag you into their own lawlessness.
I’d probably ease back on that talk, especially if it’s when you’re talking about how you’re choosing (Catholic Church doesn’t say you can’t) not to attend the wedding.

Unless you think telling them attending their big day is going to “drag you into lawlessness” is going to somehow strengthen the relationship. Personally, I kinda think it helps show why a couple can look to sever ties…but maybe that’s just me.
 
Healing on the Sabbath even though that was technically against the rules, spending time with tax collectors, forgiving sins because someone showed great love…
These are examples of Jesus setting aside a Mosaic law in order to fulfill a higher law! Someone choosing to Marry outside the Church is (normally) NOT in a situation where they are unable to follow this law in order to fulfill a higher law.
And if that doesn’t work, then what? You can’t force someone to be Catholic when they don’t want to be. Even God doesn’t do that. And if they don’t want to be Catholic, they are going to continue to lead their life in other aspects of life. I talked about this in post #309. Please reread it.
I’m not trying to force anyone. Just dont place a condition that I have to attend or I will no longer be your friend. Try to understand that I do not want to support and celebrate a ceremony which I feel is rejecting God’s grace.
 
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These are examples of Jesus setting aside a Mosaic law in order to fulfill a higher law! Someone choosing to Marry outside the Church is (normally) NOT in a situation where they are unable to follow this law in order to fulfill a higher law.
Jesus demonstrated a situation where loving someone is more important than a rule. Letter of the law vs. spirit of the law.

Hypothetical situations:

A. Couple marries in the Church, marriage is valid. Husband is grumpy all the time and mistreats his wife. He often looks at pornography and fantasizes about other women. Wife ignores her husband because she’s overly obsessed with her career. They have children who are emotionally neglected because both parents are either distracted by porn or their career.

B. Couple marries in an invalid civil ceremony. Couple loves each other and is faithful to one another. Their love for each other is selfless and they make sacrifices for the good of each other. They give their children the love and attention the children deserve.

Now, I’m not saying that every valid marriage in the Church is like hypothetical A, nor am I saying that every invalid marriage outside the Church is like hypothetical B. Plenty of Church marriages are like B and plenty of invalid marriages are like A. But in these two hypotheticals, which one is Jesus going to like more? If you say A…I’m not sure what else to tell you.
 
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Jesus is going to offer His help to each of those couples. He wont support either of their wrongs.

Couple “A”
You have weaknesses! Will you attain salvation, and with His help open yourself to His healing? Will you help each other in the grace given you? Your domestic Church will rise up within you, when you submit to Christ, your head!

Couple “B”
Why do you refuse to marry in your priesthood of Jesus? You received His Baptism, Reconciliation, Confirmation, and Eucharist! Now you dont want Him because you are happy with the woman and man He gave you?
 
Tell me why couple “B” doesnt want Holy Communion? What will they say? What is the higher law which says they dont need His Eucharist?
 
Tell me why couple “B” doesnt want Holy Communion?
Because they don’t want to be Catholic. They likely don’t believe it is really Jesus. But their marriage is still a good marriage, encompassing many things that are pleasing to God.
What will they say?
Um…that they don’t believe it’s really Jesus. :woman_shrugging:t2: If that’s the case, they shouldn’t receive the Eucharist. But their marriage is still a good marriage, encompassing many things that are pleasing to God.
What is the higher law which says they dont need His Eucharist?
Who says they don’t need the Eucharist? They do! But if they don’t believe it’s really Jesus and don’t want to be Catholic they shouldn’t be receiving it. But their marriage is still a loving marriage, encompassing many things that are pleasing to God.
 
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Over and over you miss the point. Really…can you not see that there’s a difference in the letter of the law and the spirit of the law. This “higher law” you’re talking about is love.

Couple A meets the requirements of the law but doesn’t have love.

Couple B doesn’t meet the requirements of the law but does have love.

I really don’t know what else I can say about this. If you can’t understand it… I think there really isn’t anything else to talk about here.

1 Corinthians 13. It speaks volumes.
 
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So Couple “B” isnt talking to me, but couple “A” is?

Does couple “B” not like me?

They think I’m a devil? Because I didnt support their wedding?

Does couple “A” believe its Jesus? Are they striving to receive? Do they confess and support each other to receive in good conscience?

If they do, Jesus will be pleased with them.
 
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So Couple “B” isnt talking to me, but couple “A” is?

Does couple “B” not like me?

They think I’m a devil? Because I didnt support their wedding?

Does couple “A” believe its Jesus? Are they striving to receive? Do they confess and support each other to receive in good conscience?

If they do, Jesus will be pleased with them.
And you continue to miss the point. Muting this thread now.
 
No, I’m just not interested in judging either hypothetical couple. Especially if it’s my daughter. I will pray for her and help her to believe in the goodness of His Eucharist.

I wont lie to her. My attending the wedding wont help her believe the Eucharist is His Body and Blood. But I’m striving to believe and receive with a clean heart.

I pray my children will see that. That my heart is on Him, and His Eucharist strengthens me.
 
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How are you going to address or introduce my spouse? As your invalid daughter in-law? The lady my son lives with?
I guess it would be, “This is my daughter’s partner.”

Or boyfriend/girlfriend

Or lover
 
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