Contraception and Catholic couples

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SarahSmile:
I am sad that there are so many Catholics out there that use contraception, and the worst part about it is that many priests don’t preach to their congragation about the sin behind it and in depth.:banghead:
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Dear Sarah,
I join you in the head pounding. :banghead: I was a convert who married a cradle Catholic from a large family. I assumed we would always be open to life because we were Catholic. I learned to never assume anything.http://forums.catholic-questions.org/images/icons/icon9.gif
Now, at age 54, I spend much of my time praying for giving on line support to open-to-life Catholic homeschooling moms. I have learned so much from them, and I am so grateful that so many younger Catholic families are embracing this way of life.http://forums.catholic-questions.org/images/icons/icon14.gif
Love in Our Lady,
Joanie H.http://forums.catholic-questions.org/images/icons/icon7.gif
 
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johnnyjoe:
Indeed, I must have misunderstood your point. It is beyond my understanding why a couple teaching NFP would make the analogy that NFP was contraception, or even equate it as equal. If this couple taught for CCL, please do us a favor and write the central office, or send me an email. This is too important of an issue to have Teaching Couples mislead the couples the Holy Spirit sends our way.

I think it interesting how the “NFP” name illicits such broad and interesting responses. This is a fairly safe place to chat about NFP, and yet it still brings out the sharpness in people. As a teacher, I see the process as only and simply information gathering. What that information means to a couple has many factors that come into play, but the fact remains that as long as family size and the decision to have children is held hostage to the dominant “contraceptive” cultural mindset, few, if any couples have a chance to have the Holy Spirit enrich and guide thier marriage.

I see all the other issues that arise with the use of NFP as subsequent to adopting the practice. Where the apologetic rubber meets the road, if you will. Yet if we cannot get couples to even consider NFP as viable, they are not even on the right track to hear the will of God for their families.
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This was many, many years ago. I had a conversation then with a friend who had arranged for the instructors about the whole experience since I was so upset. (She was training to be an instructor.) Her reply was people come into the class with wanting to use contraception, wanting to control their family size, so you show how much they are the same to get them off the pill.

Since our teaching couple presented it this way and she was learning it this way, I think this problem is pretty prevalent. I also think it is why this conversation stirs up so many emotional responses. When NFP is taught separately from the theology of the body, those who are not educated in Church teaching are left confused and mentally equate NFP as approved birth control. They may then never accept NFP, because why bother. Or they may see NFP as immoral and decide to allow God to be in control and use nothing. These 2 attitudes are the result of poor instruction. The theology of the body is the key to understanding the sacrament of marriage and the beauty of NFP.
 
In the parish I belonged to when I was raising my family, we were taught that contraception was OK as long as your conscience said it was OK, the “primacy of conscience” argument. My husband, an atheist and ex-Catholic wanted a small family, I had to convince him to try for a third child.

When we moved to another state and I joined a new parish, our young assistant priest gave a homily on contraception and stated that it was wrong and not permitted for Catholics. I was pretty shocked but respected the priest for not being afraid to stand up for the truth. So I started using NFP. Sometimes I slipped up because I was really afraid of my husband’s reaction if I conceived.

Looking back now, I wish I had never used artificial contraception, and that I and my husband had been open to more children. It is difficult while you are raising them but they are truly a blessing. Wisdom and hindsight are such wonderful things, but if I knew then what I know now I would have been a much more faithful Catholic.
 
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familyof8:
Her reply was people come into the class with wanting to use contraception, wanting to control their family size, so you show how much they are the same to get them off the pill.

Since our teaching couple presented it this way and she was learning it this way, I think this problem is pretty prevalent. I also think it is why this conversation stirs up so many emotional responses. When NFP is taught separately from the theology of the body, those who are not educated in Church teaching are left confused and mentally equate NFP as approved birth control. They may then never accept NFP, because why bother. Or they may see NFP as immoral and decide to allow God to be in control and use nothing. These 2 attitudes are the result of poor instruction. The theology of the body is the key to understanding the sacrament of marriage and the beauty of NFP.
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Now that was our situation back in the 80s…NFP was taught as a viable alternative to the standard contraceptive methods, and yes, my husband and I did go into the workshop looking for ways to ‘control/space’ our children.

Reading some of the posts here about the ‘theology of the body’ in regards to NFP - that is all new to me (20 years into my marriage). I don’t recall anything being mentioned about the theology back then and now I wish there had been more talk about that there, in the engagement encounter stuff and definitely at the pulpit.

I do wish the priests would use homily time to teach the Catechism as well as inspire us for the day’s readings. We have to get the education somewhere and most people don’t sign up for the seminars/Bible Studies/clubs etc. Yet they do sit in church at least one hour a week. sigh

I just think of how re-energized I’ve been toward Catholocism since discovering Relevant Radio and this forum…imagine if a couple of homilies directed parishioners to listen to the station an hour a day or to watch ETWN for a particular program a week (as a teaser)…i think those parishioners would get their sparks rekindled as well.
 
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krazykatlady:
Looking back now, I wish I had never used artificial contraception, and that I and my husband had been open to more children. It is difficult while you are raising them but they are truly a blessing. Wisdom and hindsight are such wonderful things, but if I knew then what I know now I would have been a much more faithful Catholic.
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:amen:
 
Considering the Worldwide Catholic population I would say an overwhelming majority do not practive contraception.

In the developed world, it unfortunately that many choose to contracept, many of whom have been deceived by their society into thinking that there is nothing wrong with it. 😦
 
Being that the pill and other forms are not 100 percent effective, how can it shut God out? There are lots of ‘pill babies’ out there. It seems that if God wants you to have a child, you will, regardless of if you contracept or not.

I am against ABC, but this is an issue I struggle with.
 
My husband and I, unfortunately, used contraception for the first few years of our marriage. We were married by a Justice of the Peace and when we had our marriage blessed by the Church I confessed for having used contraception in the past and the priest (in his 70’s) told me that he feels that contraception should be a decision made by the couple and that using it is OK if both agree on it! I was totally confused that a priest would be telling me that it’s OK for me to use contraception as long as my husband and I both agreed on it!

I did not follow his “advice” and we use NFP, but I can only imagine how confusing that kind of advice would be for a young couple in the Church getting married.
 
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ppcpilot:
Being that the pill and other forms are not 100 percent effective, how can it shut God out? There are lots of ‘pill babies’ out there. It seems that if God wants you to have a child, you will, regardless of if you contracept or not.

I am against ABC, but this is an issue I struggle with.
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It seems to me that if you use the pill you are defying God. You are forcing him to do a small miricle to get you pregnant; I see it as testing the Lord your God. Not something you want to do. In your marriage you promise to give yourself: faithfully, fruitfully, freely, fully. When you take the pill you now say, “I will not give myself fully or fruitfully” Since God works through your marriage, (giving you grace) you are turning away from your marriage vows and thus turning away from God.

Hopefully I’m not just making this more complicated for you, sometimes what I mean to say gets caught up in all the words! 🙂

John
 
One thing to remember about contraception is that by practicing it one is, in effect, lying to his/her spouse. How so?
Well, when you marry, you and your spouse become one. Whatever is his is hers; whatever hers is his. This includes your fertility. When you contracept you withhold your fertility from your spouse. You are, in effect, lying because you are not giving your spouse everything that is yours.
I heard a bishop from St. Augustine put it this way. Suppose you had so wonderful news to tell your wife when you came home. She says, “Wait a minute.” She gets cotton and puts it in her ears and then places her hands over her ears and says “OK now what is it you want to tell me?” She then proceeds to hum while you’re trying to tell her. Imagine how the husband would feel? (The same example could be used reversing the roles.)
You do the same thing when you contracept.

The Peace of the Risen Lord be with you all!
 
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johnnyjoe:
Indeed, I must have misunderstood your point. It is beyond my understanding why a couple teaching NFP would make the analogy that NFP was contraception, or even equate it as equal.
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I have not taken the class, only read about NFP, we are rather new converts to Catholicism and were not using contraception as we began our journey into the RCC, and my wife is pregnant now, so I got natual “immunity” so to speak 😉 Anyhow, from my reading it does indeed appear that NFP is a form of birth control or contraception, albiet natural. Contraception is merely an act to prevent impregnation or conception. Abstaining during fertile times (phase II?) is an act that prevents impregnation. If I am wrong, please let me know… but this is how I understand it.

Brandon
 
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johnnyjoe:
Contraception is not defined by its success rate, it is defined by the barrier it places between the couple.
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Actually, contraception is defined as any act taken to prevent impregnantion or conception. This would logically include the act of abstaining. no??

Brandon
 
Actually, contraception is defined as any act taken to prevent impregnantion or conception. This would logically include the act of abstaining. no??

Brandon

Brandon,

Yes. It appears you have “hit the nail on the head”, so to speak. The act of abstaining is contraceptive if the abstaining is dictated by one spouse over the other only for the purpose of refusing the marriage act to the other spouse because of the fear of a birth. However, if both spouses agree to abstain from sex because of the desire not to concieve, that is not contraceptive. That is the responsible communication of anxiety to one another and mutual support of one another in putting this anxiety aside for a while. Married people must deal with the fears and limitations they have in life. To assert that all abstaining is contraceptive would be to presuppose the institution of marriage is a breeding directive. This was never the plan. We must give ourselves totally to our spouse while we pattern our lives according to the will of the Creator. This requires prayer. It also requires honest communication between the man and wife. Our problem is that we are sinners, and selfish. We know what we should do, we just rarely do it because we are corrupt. The Church is here to guide us undeserving creatures away from coruption to sanctification by God. That is why she faithfully upholds these teachings that are so difficult for us to follow. I hope I have shed some light on why the Church supports NFP.
 
Actually, contraception is defined as any act taken to prevent impregnantion or conception. This would logically include the act of abstaining. no??

Brandon

Brandon,

Yes. It appears you have “hit the nail on the head”, so to speak. The act of abstaining is contraceptive if the abstaining is dictated by one spouse over the other only for the purpose of refusing the marriage act to the other spouse because of the fear of a birth. However, if both spouses agree to abstain from sex because of the desire not to concieve, that is not contraceptive. That is the responsible communication of anxiety to one another and mutual support of one another in putting this anxiety aside for a while. Married people must deal with the fears and limitations they have in life. To assert that all abstaining is contraceptive would be to presuppose the institution of marriage is a breeding directive. This was never the plan. We must give ourselves totally to our spouse while we pattern our lives according to the will of the Creator. This requires prayer. It also requires honest communication between the man and wife. Our problem is that we are sinners, and selfish. We know what we should do, we just rarely do it because we are corrupt. The Church is here to guide us undeserving creatures away from coruption to sanctification by God. That is why she faithfully upholds these teachings that are so difficult for us to follow. I hope I have shed some light on why the Church supports NFP.
 
My fiancee and I recently had a talk with a friend of ours from church. She mentioned that if we wanted to take more vacations when we’re older that wouldn’t be a problem because we could always use contraception. She obviously noticed our shocked expressions and so she replied, ’ what? you don’t actually live by the church’s suggestions do you?’ I just thought it was kinda funny, and sad at the same time.

Just thought I’d throw something out there.

God Bless!
 
My sad experience of Catholics and contraception is that most Catholics don’t want an informed conscience. They might have to change their way of life. No one in my young wives group wanted to hear a talk by the NFP Group from a neighbouring parish. Local promoters of the marriage programme do not live in obedience to the Church’s teachings on contraception.

We have much to pray for and much to pray against.
 
I’m struggling with this issue right now. Dh and I practice NFP and I’m currently pregnant with our sixth child. There are few, if any, people in our current parish that practice NFP. I am lucky enough to be a part of a homeschooling group that practices NFP. I’m currently torn, however, as I’m very, very ill during pregnancy and it’s getting harder the more kids I have and the older I get. I wonder if this is really God’s plan for me? Anyway, if I was at all weak in my faith I wouldn’t practice NFP because I would be afraid to. I think that’s where alot of people stand. Fear and weak faith.
 
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DaveD:
Yes. It appears you have “hit the nail on the head”, so to speak. The act of abstaining is contraceptive if the abstaining is dictated by one spouse over the other only for the purpose of refusing the marriage act to the other spouse because of the fear of a birth. However, if both spouses agree to abstain from sex because of the desire not to concieve, that is not contraceptive.
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Dave,
What you saying does not make sense… the definition is "deliberate prevention of conception or impregnation ". Whether the act of abstention is done by one or both partners in the marriage, it is still a “deliberate prevention of conception or impregnation”

The idea that it is only contraception if one of the spouses dictates it over the other seems to be a fallacious argument and seems to only serve to try to deny that any abstention to prevent pregnancy is contraception.

Respectfully,
Brandon
 
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DaveD:
I hope I have shed some light on why the Church supports NFP.
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Dave,

I do appreciate your response, but the entire concept to me seems very superficial. To say on one side that we are to be natural and turn our lives over to God and let him control how many children we have etc. seems in direct opposition to NFP. IF one really trusts God with their entire lives and children, then why practice anything? Why take a class to learn how to evaluate your physical signs so we know when to abstain, how is that letting God control it? By practicing NFP, we are still trying to control it, we are just trying to do it without physical barriers or drugs, which is good but still trying to wrestle a little of that control away from nature.

I do not agree with the pill or other methods that cause possible abortion, but realistically, one has a better chance of getting pregnant using a barrier method, than they do by “abstaining” during the fertile phase. It seems to me that if we really want to be open to life, there is a higher chance of life with various barrier methods.

How can the we say that we want everyone to be open to life, then teach them how to increase their chances of preventing it… why not let God decide?

I am sorry if this seems disrespectful, but of all Catholic doctrines, parts of this one make no sense to me… It would make much more sense to me if the Church said… just dont use any method or anything at all, just have relations and let God decide when your going to get pregnant or not.

Brandon
 
There is a show taped from EWTN’s Living His Life Abundantly called The Contraception Deception and in it they discuss that it is 5% of Catholics in the U.S that use NFP. And out of the 95% of Catholic couples who contracept, 30% are sterilized. You can find this on www.lhla.org It is a very good and informative segment. It is, however, for a specific age group, this was brought up in the beginning of the show.

Another really good place to venture into is a catholic moms message board under www.catholicmom.com or more directly to the NFP section of it:
p205.ezboard.com/fcatholicmomcommunityfrm63

Let me warn you, even though this is a very public message board, some of the women here post some very personal and very real aspects of their life, whether they contracept or they use NFP. Again, it is very informative and very educational for women and for men.
 
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