Disruptive little ones at Mass

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I agree that it is rude to allow your children to be disruptive at Mass.

There are different scenarios, which require different actions on the part of the parents.

I have no problem with a baby who fusses for a minute, until mom can get the bottle or pacifier out of her bag. Or the toddler who asks in a stage whisper “What is that?” or “I have to go to the bathroom.”

However, an infant who can not be soothed should be removed to the crying room, or foyer. A toddler who is not able to sit quietly and is consistently disruptive perhaps should be left at home.

My husband and I have 2 kids. The older was an angel in church from day 1. Never had a problem, took her every week from birth. She was content to look at books, look around, smile at people. Little Boy, however, was a different story. From the time he discovered he could walk, you couldn’t rein him in. If you tried to curtail his roaming and running, he would scream like a banshee. Even in the vestibule, if you didn’t let him run like a track star, he would scream. So, for a good long time, Little Boy didn’t come to Mass. Hubby and I attended different Masses, alternating who would take Little Girl with us. Every few months, we would give Little Boy a test drive to see if he could behave yet. It took a while, but he did get there.

I am proud that both my kids are well-behaved at Mass now. I don’t think I am the best Mom on the planet, but I feel that if more people cared about others, they would try a bit harder to tach their kids proper behavior at Mass.

And lastly, I agree with all those who say kids aren’t the only ones being disruptive at Mass. My personal pet peeve is a gentleman who often sits behind me. (I can’t move, as I am a lector and Little Girl is an altar server, so we have assigned seating). He says the prayers in a loud BOOMING voice, a least twice as fast as the rest of the congregation. During the Lord’s Prayer, he is done by the time the rest of us are at “Give us this day.” It is the single most annoying and distracting thing I have ever experienced during Mass. He actually makes me lose my place and forget the words of the Nicene Creed!!!
 
Sailor_Kenshin said:
Very little ones are going to fuss and cry (babes in arms, etc.) and there’s not much a parent can do about it.

Older kids? Say from six on up?

You have to wonder why are parents lugging every toy in creation and enough food to feed a multitide. The idea of respect and discipline itself seems to have crashed and burned along with the traditional family unit, and this helps no one.
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Exactly right. Some posters are carrying on as if those who don’t see any need for Mass to be disrupted by bad behaviour are haters of childen.

It’s not that at all.

Firstly, if we lose the holy atmosphere of Mass, we are losing something precious beyond price and it is a loss which will affect us all.

Secondly, nobody is talking about being unkind to parents of children with developmental issues.

And thirdly, those of us who have brought up children in the past just don’t see what the big problem is with controlling them during Mass. It’s not impossible! You start with training them to be respectful wherever they are. I expected my children to behave like little mice in the doctor’s waitingroom, on the bus, in the train, in the cafe because that was what they knew our family did. I told them that if someone turned round to look at them, and it wasn’t to smile and compliment them, then they were doing something wrong.
You then reinforce the fact that even more is expected in church by lowering your voice as you enter, so that they realise that it is a special place, and then continue from there.

It’s this knowledge that it’s quite do-able that makes established parents shake their heads in wonder as to the stick some parents are making for their own back. After all, if you can’t get a three year old and upwards to do what you want, heaven help you when they are teenagers.
 
I’ve gotten to the point that I can ignore the kiddie chatter.

One thing that remains jarring for me is a woman who comes once or twice a month, who speaks the Confetior and the Creed very loudly and about six words ahead of everyone else. It’s as if she is acting as a prompter for those of us who may forget or stumble over some of the words.

I don’t think she has a hearing defficit, which could account for her loud voice, because she says all the other prayers in concert with the rest of us and at a normal level, and I’ve heard her talking after mass in a normal voice.

I can feel myself tense up when I hear her, but I know I must be charitable. I just couldn’t be charitable enough not to mention it here though. 😉
 
I have a question for those who notice disruptive children at Mass. Is it always the same children?

Anyway, after seeing this thread again, I got to thinking. Is it the same children people see week after week that are being disruptive. Or is it different children each week. Maybe it’s even kids who are well behaved most of the time but are having an “off week” at Mass.Their parents, so used to “good” behavior don’t have a plan to handle it. I know when my daughter gets fussy, my mind scrambles to think of how to handle it in Church.

I am just wondering if, in most cases, each week it’s one of those few “bad” days… but it’s a different family each time. To someone not watching, if there are a lot of families in the Parish, it could feel like each week “kids” in general are “disruptive” when the truth is it’s just a family having a rare “bad moment.”

Also, I am curious. People who remember having good kids at Mass… where they always well behaved every single Mass? I am asking not to be mean, but because I think we might tend to forget things in time. If our children are good most of the time, we remember them being good “all” of the time and those few bad times get “lost” in our memories.
 
mellowcalico said:
I have a question for those who notice disruptive children at Mass. Is it always the same children?

Anyway, after seeing this thread again, I got to thinking. Is it the same children people see week after week that are being disruptive. Or is it different children each week. Maybe it’s even kids who are well behaved most of the time but are having an “off week” at Mass.Their parents, so used to “good” behavior don’t have a plan to handle it. I know when my daughter gets fussy, my mind scrambles to think of how to handle it in Church.

I am just wondering if, in most cases, each week it’s one of those few “bad” days… but it’s a different family each time. To someone not watching, if there are a lot of families in the Parish, it could feel like each week “kids” in general are “disruptive” when the truth is it’s just a family having a rare “bad moment.”

Also, I am curious. People who remember having good kids at Mass… where they always well behaved every single Mass? I am asking not to be mean, but because I think we might tend to forget things in time. If our children are good most of the time, we remember them being good “all” of the time and those few bad times get “lost” in our memories.
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PattiDay said:
I’ve gotten to the point that I can ignore the kiddie chatter.

One thing that remains jarring for me is a woman who comes once or twice a month, who speaks the Confetior and the Creed very loudly and about six words ahead of everyone else. It’s as if she is acting as a prompter for those of us who may forget or stumble over some of the words.

I don’t think she has a hearing defficit, which could account for her loud voice, because she says all the other prayers in concert with the rest of us and at a normal level, and I’ve heard her talking after mass in a normal voice.

I can feel myself tense up when I hear her, but I know I must be charitable. I just couldn’t be charitable enough not to mention it here though. 😉
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Ha ha, there’s one of those at my church too. Says the words ahead of everyone else, like she’s the smartest!

As for kids, if they are screaming at the top of their lungs, yes please take them outside until they calm down, otherwise, I love having little ones in church. I love to see the whole spectrum of life, from the babies down to the very elderly. It’s beautiful.

Lots of Christian churches don’t allow kids in the service, they take them out to Sunday school. I’d rather have them in church, even if they are a little disruptive sometimes.🙂
 
mellowcalico said:
I have a question for those who notice disruptive children at Mass. Is it always the same children?

Anyway, after seeing this thread again, I got to thinking. Is it the same children people see week after week that are being disruptive. Or is it different children each week. Maybe it’s even kids who are well behaved most of the time but are having an “off week” at Mass.Their parents, so used to “good” behavior don’t have a plan to handle it. I know when my daughter gets fussy, my mind scrambles to think of how to handle it in Church.

I am just wondering if, in most cases, each week it’s one of those few “bad” days… but it’s a different family each time. To someone not watching, if there are a lot of families in the Parish, it could feel like each week “kids” in general are “disruptive” when the truth is it’s just a family having a rare “bad moment.”

**In my experience it’s the same children, one whose toy alway seems to be a metal car or some other hard object which he bangs and scrapes on the pew, and two brothers who are probably four and five, who periodically hear a word they know and shout it out (like Alleluia, which is charming the first time, but not when they won’t stop). **

Also, I am curious. People who remember having good kids at Mass… where they always well behaved every single Mass? I am asking not to be mean, but because I think we might tend to forget things in time. If our children are good most of the time, we remember them being good “all” of the time and those few bad times get “lost” in our memories.
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I’m sure there is that tendency to see our own children as better behaved than other people’s children.
 
Sailor_Kenshin said:
Very little ones are going to fuss and cry (babes in arms, etc.) and there’s not much a parent can do about it.

Older kids? Say from six on up?

You have to wonder why are parents lugging every toy in creation and enough food to feed a multitide. The idea of respect and discipline itself seems to have crashed and burned along with the traditional family unit, and this helps no one.
Click to expand...
Babies are always babies and some fussing is to be expected. But incessant crying etc. it not acceptable. Last Sunday at mass there was a ~2-3 year old who was really out of sorts. He made a lot of noise for about a minute then the older sister…9-10 took the baby to the gathering are while mom manages the rest of the kids. Bravo to that mom. This was repeated a couple of times but each time the baby started to make a lot of noise the older sister took her out.

His Holiness, Pope St. Pius X wrote the following:
Code: 
 The Holy mass is a prayer itself, even the highest prayer that exists.  It is the Sacrifice, dedicated by our Redeemer at the Cross, and repeated every day on the Altar.  If you wish to hear Mass as it should be heard, you must follow with eye, heart, and mouth all that happens at the Altar.  Further, you must pray with the Priest the holy words said by him in the Name of Christ and which Christ says by him.  You have to associate your heart with the holy feelings which are contained in these words and in this manner you ought to follow all that happens at the Altar.  When acting in this way you have prayed the Holy Mass.
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I think this says it all.

God Bless,

Iowa Mike
 
I’m very sorry that I’ve hit a bad nerve with some people. All I was trying to do was to find out whether I did the right thing in that situation, but it looks like I’ve caused a firestorm. Maybe if I had used a different title for this thread, it may not have hit such a bad nerve…

Again, I’m really sorry if I offended anyone.
 
TBolt1000T said:
I’m very sorry that I’ve hit a bad nerve with some people. All I was trying to do was to find out whether I did the right thing in that situation, but it looks like I’ve caused a firestorm. Maybe if I had used a different title for this thread, it may not have hit such a bad nerve…

Again, I’m really sorry if I offended anyone.
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Are you kidding! This is a wonderful post on a subject that needs airing. Thank you for introducing the topic!

God Bless,

Iowa Mike
 
TBolt1000T said:
I’m very sorry that I’ve hit a bad nerve with some people. All I was trying to do was to find out whether I did the right thing in that situation, but it looks like I’ve caused a firestorm. Maybe if I had used a different title for this thread, it may not have hit such a bad nerve…

Again, I’m really sorry if I offended anyone.
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Nah - this is a great topic, and I think you handled your situation very well.
 
dailey said:
OR…the parents can teach their kids a little respect for Church. Geeze, Its only one hour out of the week, people.
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Amen. You have to wonder how kids managed to stay focused and quiet for that hour back a couple of decades ago. Surely human beings can’t have changed that much since then!
 
Sailor_Kenshin said:
Amen. You have to wonder how kids managed to stay focused and quiet for that hour back a couple of decades ago. Surely human beings can’t have changed that much since then!
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In the 1960’s after the Mass changed to the vernacular, I recall a young family with 4 or 5 small children sitting near the back of the church. The parents had struggled with the little ones throughout the Mass. Finally at the end of Mass the priest gave the translated version of the “Ite Missa Est” saying “Go the Mass has ended.” And the first response that I heard from the father of that family was a loud, “Thanks be to God!”
 
TBolt1000T said:
I’m very sorry that I’ve hit a bad nerve with some people. All I was trying to do was to find out whether I did the right thing in that situation, but it looks like I’ve caused a firestorm. Maybe if I had used a different title for this thread, it may not have hit such a bad nerve…

Again, I’m really sorry if I offended anyone.
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This makes me chuckle…I really appreciated your first post and thought it was an important question to ask…but if you haven’t noticed, almost ANY post on Catholic Answers eventually develops into a firestorm 🙂
 
Iowa_Mike said:
Babies are always babies and some fussing is to be expected. But incessant crying etc. it not acceptable. Last Sunday at mass there was a ~2-3 year old who was really out of sorts. He made a lot of noise for about a minute then the older sister…9-10 took the baby to the gathering are while mom manages the rest of the kids. Bravo to that mom. This was repeated a couple of times but each time the baby started to make a lot of noise the older sister took her out.

His Holiness, Pope St. Pius X wrote the following:

Quote:
The Holy mass is a prayer itself, even the highest prayer that exists. It is the Sacrifice, dedicated by our Redeemer at the Cross, and repeated every day on the Altar. If you wish to hear Mass as it should be heard, you must follow with eye, heart, and mouth all that happens at the Altar. Further, you must pray with the Priest the holy words said by him in the Name of Christ and which Christ says by him. You have to associate your heart with the holy feelings which are contained in these words and in this manner you ought to follow all that happens at the Altar. When acting in this way you have prayed the Holy Mass.

I think this says it all.

God Bless,

Iowa Mike
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I guess I would have to point out the obvious, if we would truly pray the mass as the Holy Father states here, we wouldn’t be concentrating as much on the parents who do things not quite up to our standards.

But I guess you, I Mike, will not see this post as you have evidently put me on the ignore list, since you dint even acknowledge my apology for reacting as I did.

I believe we are all stating the same argument; just some carry it to an extreme on both sides.

At the risk of sounding like a liberal Catholic, I hope we can all pray the mass together! That is how this Sacrifice should be celebrated.
 
phoooiee said:
Isn’t learning charity part of that?/QUOTE

You seem stuck on the idea that charity is the salve for this entire problem but at the same time you seem to lack charity in your view of people like me who don’t appreciate unruly kids at mass. Charity means being lenient in your judgement of others it does not mean that one must be tolerant of indulgent parents whose kids engage in katzenjammer during the quiet of the mass at the expense of all around them. As has been said by other posters some noise from little children is to be expected and some noise and restlessness from developmentally challenged children and adults is to be expected as well. That’s not what I believe most are complaining about, it is certainly not what I am complaining about. I am complaining about ill-mannered parents who mistakenly believe everyone around them must tolerate or accept in charity the din created by their children as they incessantly whine, or talk, or cry, or climb, or eat, or play games, or ask mommy to read to them, or wrestle with their siblings, or jump up and down, or sing, or crawl around under the pews etc.

I’m betting if junior was doing any of these kind of things in front of the TV while daddy was watching football or mommy was watching her favorite show, or while they are trying to put the baby to sleep or any of a hundred other things, junior would get corrected in a hurry. Junior would be told to stop in no uncertain terms and there would be an immediate punishment if junior didn’t comply on the spot.

The problems isn’t children at mass, it is permissive parents to inflict their bad manners on the rest of us that are the problem. Look around at mass. You will see loads of families with small children that manage quite well. Their kids make little noise and are not permitted to engage in extreme behavior.

God Bless,

Iowa Mike
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Lapey said:
I guess I would have to point out the obvious, if we would truly pray the mass as the Holy Father states here, we wouldn’t be concentrating as much on the parents who do things not quite up to our standards.

But I guess you, I Mike, will not see this post as you have evidently put me on the ignore list, since you dint even acknowledge my apology for reacting as I did.

I believe we are all stating the same argument; just some carry it to an extreme on both sides.

At the risk of sounding like a liberal Catholic, I hope we can all pray the mass together! That is how this Sacrifice should be celebrated.
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I didn’t see your apology but accept any that you made. You are not on my ignore list as I don’t use it. I’m quite comfortable engaging in debate.

I don’t understand why anyone would object to a person wanting peace and quiet to worship God during the Sacrifice made present. That is the reason we go to mass…to worship God. As His Holiness Pope Pius X said “If you wish to hear Mass as it should be heard, you must follow with eye, heart, and mouth all that happens at the Altar.” This is simply impossible to do when being constantly distracted by unruly kids. So it is simply not possible to pray the mass together as you suggest and as His Holiness describes because of the completely unnecessary distractions created when parents don’t mind their children. It is also quite apparent that the offending parents aren’t praying the mass either as they spend much of the mass indulging the behavior.

It is baffling to me that some paint me as the bad guy because I want peace and quite during mass. Well here’s a flash for them, I’m not the bad guy. There’s no excuse for wrecking someone else’s mass experience because you can’t control your own family.

God Bless,

Iowa Mike
 
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