Hello Psyche
I found your reply interesting. I have also wondered how i could ever be a theist. How I could live my life believing in things without evidence. If I lived like that i would have to believe in everything, trolls, santa, thor etc…
If theist believe without evidence (faith), why limit yourself to one invisible being??
Why would living your life based in reality make you suicidal? I rather enjoy it
Well, if you really want to know… it’s kind of long…
When I was a child I went to this Catholic Conference with my family. I remember telling my mom in the car on the way there that I would see a miracle that day. She told me that God doesn’t really work that way and it was unlikely ect,ect,ect…-I was a much bigger believer than everyone else my age that I knew. We get there and in the middle of the conference I walk outside with a friend and see the sun dance. It was beautiful. Pretty soon everyone from the whole building is outside starting at this marvel.
Fast forward to Highschool.
I had a really bad eating disorder in Highschool. Depressed and feeling like the only people that cared was my family and i was doing a huge disservice to them by being alive. Tried killing myself several times but could never do it because in the back of my mind I knew God would hate it if I really went through with it. One night I’d taken lots of pills and went to sleep. There was no reason for me to get up, and I truly did want to die so disputing this would be ridiculous… anyway I woke up and felt compelled to go get my mom. I woke her up and told her what I did. I couldn’t figure out why in the world I would spoil my plan… but I just felt this presence and it couldn’t be ignored…
Later on (different story)
I lost my favorite ring and needed it for graduation. I was going frantic because my aunt and uncle had given it to me and they would want to see me wear it. I looked for months. I finally went to my mom and asked her. She had no idea but said she would pray to St. Jude to help. I dismissed it. Later she asked me to look in the attic (of all places)- and there it was!!! I never take it off to remind me that God helps me even in the smallest of situations if only I would ask him for help.
Fast forward…
My best friend who’s older calls me and tells me she has cancer. Her Doctors tell her it looks malignant and to expect the worst. It’s the worst type there is… she goes in to get one last test with everyone pretty much knowing what to expect but they have to be thorough anyway… I pray like I’ve never prayed before begging God saying if he would take the cancer-make it go away or at least benign, then I would consider being a nun- many people had asked me but I ignored it - A LOT! Next day her results come in and not only has part of the cancer disappeared, but the last part is benign! I later came to the realization God just wanted me to give up control of my life and not fight him. He didn’t necessarily want me to be a nun, just to trust him.
There are more stories like that. You might say these are just coincidence, or medically explainable, or that I’m just crazy. I know what I saw and the real reasons behind it all. Maybe it *I]is * all medically explainable… doesn’t mean God can’t work through science… He made science! But all these things together tell me there’s something more to just living and dying. You don’t have to believe. God will work in ways you don’t expect and in ways most people will ignore and brush off. But I know from experience God’s trying to help us even in the little things (like my ring and countless stories like it).
If He wasn’t there to help me, I know for a fact I’d still be dead. Not only that, but even IF I had survived somehow, I’d still have my eating disorder because I wouldn’t have the strentgh to fight it.
Anyway, you asked I answered. I’ve learned not to doubt in an all powerful-all loving God. I’m now a youth minister for a Catholic Church and can’t BELIEVE the peace I’m surrounded with now!!!
Take it for what you want, but nothing you can say will ever lead me to believe otherwise.