Immodesty and the lack of respect for women - two sides of the same coin.

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That was exactly my point…religion and cheaters have no boundaries. I was being a “devil’s advocate” if you may. It wasn’t my beliefs or values being put forth. I didn’t say anyone was “rampant”…there are documentaries about it. It is a fact and it happened in very large numbers…higher than many other social groups. That is why it was analyzed by many sociologists as to why the behaviour happened.

I CAN say that some husbands DO and WILL look elsewhere if their wife gains 40 lbs and starts to look “frumpy”. Is it fair? No, but it’s a fact of life.
Orthodox Jewish couples cannot have relations while a woman is in her period and for 5 days after. That is a couple a weeks a month. Most people believe that the few who engage in going to prostitutes (not always women I might add, which is another story) has to do with this situation, not modesty.
 
i agree 100%. Mother Theresa is an example of inner beauty. She was gorgeous in her heart and actions.

Beautiful women become ugly very quickly if they are not kind and sincere.

I don’t place emphasis on my physical appearance but I DO place emphasis on my entire package…my inner heart, kindness, generousity, physical appearance, intelligence, being a loving wife and mother, helping others in need, being a good friend, loyalty, love for God and others, etc.
I am glad to hear that Serap. You have already demonstrated many times here at the Family Life forum that you have a beautiful spirit and that you love your husband and know his strengths/weaknesses and that you are thankful for your marriage.
And with regards to Mother Teresa, whenever I see her picture, I find myself fascinated. She had such magnetism that comes through even for those of us who only ever got to see her photograph. She is truly beautiful.
 
I am glad you partially agree, but I wonder if you understand the actual reasons why one should not entice one’s husband outside of the context of the marital act and how this is the pivot around which all decisions about simple matters of convenience and organization turn?
Yes, I do understand the reasons. I have studied both Catholic and Orthodox Jewish teachings with regards to these matters. I find both to be very fascinating and illuminating, not to mention very helpful in having a healthy relationship with my husband. See, my point was more that if a couple values spontaneity in their lovemaking (which many do), then any moment might be a possibility. In the morning before the kids get out of bed, or in the afternoon while they are happily engaged in playing toys, or a quickie before dinner, or the middle of the night after an exciting dream. If I want to entice my husband, I should be enticing-looking any time that we are home. I shouldn’t wait until just the right moment happens, and then pull out all the stops. If I did that, we would make love far less often, and we would both suffer from it. Now, if we need to avoid pregnancy, and I am in a fertile time of month, then I must show the poor man some compassion and not parade around in my lingerie! 😛 But if he catches a glimpse of me in the buff or in a ‘compromising’ position and becomes interested at a time when we are not able to have a roll in the hay, that is not wrong or sinful or cruel. We must all deal with mastering our passions, and we can help each other, certainly, but we cannot possibly control the situation to the point that we never arouse our spouse unless we intend to make love.
 
I am glad to hear that Serap. You have already demonstrated many times here at the Family Life forum that you have a beautiful spirit and that you love your husband and know his strengths/weaknesses and that you are thankful for your marriage.
And with regards to Mother Teresa, whenever I see her picture, I find myself fascinated. She had such magnetism that comes through even for those of us who only ever got to see her photograph. She is truly beautiful.
Thanks! The quickest way to flatter me is to tell me I’m a good mother 🙂
 
Orthodox Jewish couples cannot have relations while a woman is in her period and for 5 days after. That is a couple a weeks a month. Most people believe that the few who engage in going to prostitutes (not always women I might add, which is another story) has to do with this situation, not modesty.
I’m practicing NFP and can’t have relations 8 days after my period until after I’ve ovulated and 3 days after that. My husband still doesn’t cheat.

How many NFP couples are out cheating b/c of NFP?

I don’t know what caused a high proportion of Orthodox Jewish men to go to prostitutes relative to the general population of married men. Who knows what the factors are 🤷

Modest dress was only one ingredient in the issues related to the men wandering.
 
Just my experience, but when I was younger and wore short shorts and mini-skirts, I did get grossed out by the looks and comments. (And I’m no supermodel or raving beauty, but I was a reasonably attractive young woman, so it got attention.) One time, a man followed me out of a CVS store and made a comment that scared me. Shorty after that I realized, oh, maybe stuff like this happens because of how I’m dressing? I must admit, I did dress for attention; I wasn’t a practicing Christian then, and I wanted the guys I liked to notice me, not the guys that grossed me out. But there is no way to filter out the unwanted attention from the attention you do want.

When I got more serious about God, and also got sick of the kinds of guys I was attracting, I decided to dress a bit more modestly. I’m not talking ankle-length skirts, but I got rid of the short shorts and mini-skirts over time. Sure enough, most of the gross comments and leers stopped. I still got glances, but friendly looks and smiles, not the creepy leers and comments about body parts.

I guess my point is, if you are a young woman who wears short shorts and short skirts, at least try dressing differently and see what happens? I still managed to attract a great husband when I got rid of the really short /low-cut stuff. I know that as a young woman, I was quite naive and insecure, so I felt like I had to dress that way. At that time, I would have posted on here saying something like, “I don’t understand it…my shorts aren’t Daisy Dukes, why does this keep happening? Sure I wear mini-skirts, but with tights, that makes it ok, right? Why do middle-aged married men keep hitting on me? Why did that maintenance guy make that scary comment?”

Then I realized, what those guys say is not right, however, I can’t change them–what I can change is how I dress. Have any of the women here complaining about the looks and comments done an experiment and not worn short shorts or short skirts for a while? It may be something to try. (And I’m not judging, I wore stuff like that too, but not anymore.)

Regarding dressing attractively for one’s husband…great idea, however, many celebrity husbands still cheat on their gorgeous actress/model wives, so it’s no guarantee.
 
Re the Orthodox Jewish guys…do we have a ratio on married/vs single HIV infection? Are there any stats on HIV in the NY community that anyone can post?

I actually find it refreshing that both spouses dress modestly, not just the wife, and they are open to life.

Also, it’s important to not confuse “Orthodox” with “Hasidim” not all Orthodox Jews look or dress like Hasidim…

But…that’s a whole other topic.🙂
 
Re the Orthodox Jewish guys…do we have a ratio on married/vs single HIV infection? Are there any stats on HIV in the NY community that anyone can post?

I actually find it refreshing that both spouses dress modestly, not just the wife, and they are open to life.

Also, it’s important to not confuse “Orthodox” with “Hasidim” not all Orthodox Jews look or dress like Hasidim…

But…that’s a whole other topic.🙂
I don’t have any stats. I watched a documentary about 10 years ago or maybe longer. I just remembered it b/c I thought it was interesting. It may have been the Hasidic Jews; I can’t remember.

My husband also dresses fashionable, but modest. I get comments from women that he’s very “cute”. He’s a good lookin’ fella.
 
The TV is on, and I see this movie trailer for a children’s animated movie from Disney, entitled the The Girl Fairie or something like that. It’s about small girls (below 10 years of age), and a fairie girl dressed in a strapless, extra short dress. Isn’t this creepy? :confused: 😦

Now, my nephew and niece are grown up, but I know I wouldn’t take them to see this movie, or buy the DVD, if they were still children.

I don’t understand what’s going on. During my childhood, girls were not dressed like this. I get really upset when in church, there comes a woman (with husband and 2 children!) and sits in front of me, wearing a spaghetti strap dress, her shoulders and back exposed, and then she turns around and she forces you to close your eyes, because the dress is extra low cut and shows lots of cleavage without her even leaning forward, but she leans forward forcing you to see everything you never want to see. :mad: Then, there’s this other woman, wearing something that looks every bit like nighttime sexy lingerie, to be meant for the bedroom, not for the Holy Mass! And yet another woman in front of me, with her husband, with this shoulder-baring dress… I found myself cursing and swearing as the Mass started and these people came in and sat in front of me, and then I just looked to the ground, right in front of me, clinched my jaw (not to utter any swearwords) and didn’t turn to anyone, and didn’t greet anyone at the sign of peace, because I was still crazy mad and about to explode with anger! :mad: :mad: :mad: I just kneeled down, and bowed my head, not looking either left or right, or to anyone in front of me, during the sign of peace. This is my experience at church, during Holy Mass. 😦

The dress code is posted in the church. Cover your shoulders, your knees, and what’s in between. What the @#$%^& are these people doing in church, dressed like that?
 
But to return to little girls… this stuff is now everywhere, even in children’s cartoons. You see it in the Girl Fairie, and this is how some parents dress their children, even when attending church.

This is worse than pornography. At least with pornography, people will not bring Playboy magazines to church, and Disney does not make pornograhic cartoons (not yet). But I have seen my fair share of X-rated dresses at church, including on brides and bridesmaids. If you are going to risk a nipple slip every time you lean forward, you shouldn’t be wearing that dress to church. :mad: And the next thing is apparently dressing little girls like this, and killing their sense of modesty. 😦
 
And yet another of the nearly infinite sound moral reasons to give up TV period.

I can’t say how I’ve seen it simply **transform **people’s lives spiritually and morally for the better. And how people stuck in ruts and not making spiritual progress, suddenly found that without it, they could move forwards in their spiritual lives.
 
And yet another of the nearly infinite sound moral reasons to give up TV period.

I can’t say how I’ve seen it simply **transform **people’s lives spiritually and morally for the better. And how people stuck in ruts and not making spiritual progress, suddenly found that without it, they could move forwards in their spiritual lives.
Yup. My family completely dropped watching TV after Katrina. 🙂
 
i’m concerned that she feels she has to dress more like a low-morals girl-for-hire of her husband will never be interested in her and having intimacy with her – doesn’t that sound off to anyone else? yes, we should dress attractively (clean, correct sized, not scuzzy), be neat and washed, have our hair combed and in a style you both like, brush our teeth, smile, smell nice (soap, shampoo, maybe perfume if you like it), but dressing in revealing clothing all the time is saying he will only be attracted to you if you are turning him on with the sight of your skin showing or the sexy clothing you parade around in in front of your children and any other man who happens to see you. doesn’t your husband want to keep that aspect of you to himself? don’t you want only him thinking of your body and wanting to make love to you? but more importantly – what happens as you age and the sight of you revealing all all the time is no longer such a constant turn on? aren’t you giving him leave to then not want you but want the next revealingly dressed attract woman? just because you want to be available to your husband sexually whenever you too get the chance (and, believe me, i’m all for quickies any time it works) doesn’t mean you should dress immodestly before everyone. yes, it gets hard to ever dress ‘just for him’ with young children (ask me, i have 6 children, co-slept with them all for a time as they were young, on call 24/7 for their needs and fears, etc), but you are sending a message about how to dress to your children, confusing to your boys too as they age and see more of you than they need to be confronted with, and sending a message that ‘daddy’s love of mommy depends on how sexy she is dressed’. this really bothers me.
 
i’m concerned that she feels she has to dress more like a low-morals girl-for-hire of her husband will never be interested in her and having intimacy with her – doesn’t that sound off to anyone else? yes, we should dress attractively (clean, correct sized, not scuzzy), be neat and washed, have our hair combed and in a style you both like, brush our teeth, smile, smell nice (soap, shampoo, maybe perfume if you like it), but dressing in revealing clothing all the time is saying he will only be attracted to you if you are turning him on with the sight of your skin showing or the sexy clothing you parade around in in front of your children and any other man who happens to see you. doesn’t your husband want to keep that aspect of you to himself? don’t you want only him thinking of your body and wanting to make love to you? but more importantly – what happens as you age and the sight of you revealing all all the time is no longer such a constant turn on? aren’t you giving him leave to then not want you but want the next revealingly dressed attract woman? just because you want to be available to your husband sexually whenever you too get the chance (and, believe me, i’m all for quickies any time it works) doesn’t mean you should dress immodestly before everyone. yes, it gets hard to ever dress ‘just for him’ with young children (ask me, i have 6 children, co-slept with them all for a time as they were young, on call 24/7 for their needs and fears, etc), but you are sending a message about how to dress to your children, confusing to your boys too as they age and see more of you than they need to be confronted with, and sending a message that ‘daddy’s love of mommy depends on how sexy she is dressed’. this really bothers me.
I agree. I however don’t see anything wrong with a slim fitting outfit as long as it’s not a second skin.

I am way more aware of how I dress now that my daughter is with me.

I did however, wear a strapless dress to church on a very hot day. It was an empire dress so it did not show any of my body and went all the way to my ankles. It also did not show any cleavage. I don’t think my dress would have caused anyone to lust after me.
 
I agree. I however don’t see anything wrong with a slim fitting outfit as long as it’s not a second skin.

I am way more aware of how I dress now that my daughter is with me.

I did however, wear a strapless dress to church on a very hot day. It was an empire dress so it did not show any of my body and went all the way to my ankles. It also did not show any cleavage. I don’t think my dress would have caused anyone to lust after me.
I can understand your reasoning, but is heat really that much of a concern? After all, I can’t think of any appropriate clothing for a man that wouldn’t at least be short sleeved and up to the neck. So why are women allowed to show more skin?
 
I can understand your reasoning, but is heat really that much of a concern? After all, I can’t think of any appropriate clothing for a man that wouldn’t at least be short sleeved and up to the neck. So why are women allowed to show more skin?
Very good point. It’s not even modest for men.
 
I did however, wear a strapless dress to church on a very hot day. It was an empire dress so it did not show any of my body and went all the way to my ankles.
I also had a dress just like this a couple of years ago. I recently gave it to Goodwill, because the baby weight never came off before this pregnancy and I didn’t want that gorgeous frock taunting me every time I entered my closet. 😉 And although it was strapless, as is yours, it was, by far the most modest dress that I have ever found. It covered everything from the clavicles to the ankles. That being said, my own personal preferences led me to always pair it with a crocheted elbow length summer shrug. It didn’t actually come with the dress, but suited it very well. But I have seen other women without a shrug in a similar dress, and the dress literally screams “I am a lady!”. So while a description of your dress might cause some raised eyebrows, I suspect that it actually wouldn’t cause that much of a stir in real life (other than people who just love shoulders). 😃

Edited to add: the dress being described here is very much like the frocks worn by heroines in Jane Austen films. Their summer frocks were lawn, cotton, or linen, with cap sleeves (the tiniest possible sleeve that can still be called a sleeve). Many of the women who love modest dresses love the Jane Austen look, because it is very flattering and forgiving. Women can look ladylike and pretty, without showing too much skin. Anyway, I think that is what Serap was describing. It certainly was the case for my similar dress.
 
I can understand your reasoning, but is heat really that much of a concern? After all, I can’t think of any appropriate clothing for a man that wouldn’t at least be short sleeved and up to the neck. So why are women allowed to show more skin?
Actually, I got a compliment from a man saying that I looked very classy and he was sincere.
 
I also had a dress just like this a couple of years ago. I recently gave it to Goodwill, because the baby weight never came off before this pregnancy and I didn’t want that gorgeous frock taunting me every time I entered my closet. 😉 And although it was strapless, as is yours, it was, by far the most modest dress that I have ever found. It covered everything from the clavicles to the ankles. That being said, my own personal preferences led me to always pair it with a crocheted elbow length summer shrug. It didn’t actually come with the dress, but suited it very well. But I have seen other women without a shrug in a similar dress, and the dress literally screams “I am a lady!”. So while a description of your dress might cause some raised eyebrows, I suspect that it actually wouldn’t cause that much of a stir in real life (other than people who just love shoulders). 😃

Edited to add: the dress being described here is very much like the frocks worn by heroines in Jane Austen films. Their summer frocks were lawn, cotton, or linen, with cap sleeves (the tiniest possible sleeve that can still be called a sleeve). Many of the women who love modest dresses love the Jane Austen look, because it is very flattering and forgiving. Women can look ladylike and pretty, without showing too much skin. Anyway, I think that is what Serap was describing. It certainly was the case for my similar dress.
Yes, the dress is exactly as you described. It’s very lady like.
 
I can’t think of any appropriate clothing for a man that wouldn’t at least be short sleeved and up to the neck. So why are women allowed to show more skin?
The point is, women (or men) aren’t allowed to wear stuff that bares their shoulders, backs, or is above the knees, when attending church, but they do it anyway. Regarding men, just you wait. I have seen stuff… :eek: Again, I’m talking about attending church in A-shirts, sleeveless muscle shirts, short shorts, by men. Inside the church. 😦 I’m not talking about the outside. Frankly, I don’t care what goes on in the outside. I now live in Sodom and Gomorrah (also called Miami Beach). (do you know, what it means, to miss New Orleans… flushed out by Katrina… I guess, mate, I often was in your neighborhood, in southern MS 😃 beaches, state parks, De Soto National Forest, Bogue Chitto, Pearl River… :p)

Normally, I also don’t care about TV. I watch little TV, and I turn it off, or switch channels, if there’s something offensive there. But this just irked me, because it was about children. We are supposed to be protecting children, but here we are now, with Disney poisoning pre-teenage children’s souls. :mad:

On another note, there are more photomodel girls where I live than I could count. There’s some sort of upscale spa in the building where my apartment is, and these girls are around all the time. I feel sorry for them, seeing them wearing those “dresses” that are really just shirts and barely cover their underwear. They are all stunningly beautiful, walking Barbie dolls, and in a way stunningly insecure. I look to their faces, and that’s what I often see. Insecurity. They are about the age of my niece, and I know it would break my heart to see my niece dressed like that. It breaks my heart to see these girls dressed the way they are. I feel like approaching them, and telling them, “Little sister, you are precious. There’s more to you than your body. Jesus came into this world, and died for you. That’s how precious you are.”
 
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