Is the silent treatment acceptable? (Womanly opinions welcome...I can't really read women's minds)

[Belgarion]

whatevergirl: I agree with you, and I understand! (Man…too many posts to reply to one-on-one!!

Darn. I’m getting old.

LOL

And the subject was…

When? With him?..er…what?

Thanks, but I still remember. I might have been more world-wise, but I was more of a dolt for sure.

…Still not sure about that…LOL

Kinda.

That’s what everyone says about ME…I’m “kinda” a bad thing…

Yes, but that means we’ve got to consider it, not that we can escape into relativism.

Yeah, both sides need to be considered. But as long as they’re rooted in the facts! Ideas that are disproved don’t merit consideration, however. For instance, if someone says she’s s mermaid, I’m going to have to discount that is being part of “the other hand…”

Conformism, inaertia, lack of knowledge of a different way, are some possible ideas.

Maybe. But why do I go along with my parent’s wishes even if its unfair? because I try to be respectful…and fail often…but you know what I mean…

I’m constantly being bugged by some little thing inside my mind wondering whether he’s really nuts about control or whether I’m mistaken about him for some reason.

I’m guessing its a mix of both.
You’re mistaken about him in general, but not when it comes to his courting rules…which as completely nuts…

To us or to her father?

To everyone!
I don’t believe in behaving one way with one person, and not with another. If I DO treat someone better than my own parents, I let them know that I can be a pain sometimes, and I try to work on it.

What ARE her family rules?

Get a pen…lol
Well, at this particular point, they don’t want us alone together. No phone conversations (I’ll bet if she answered the phone while at home, it’d be no problem…but conversation would be a problem with them) No holding hands, no tight hugging (you know the kind) obviously no kissing and all that (Something I wouldn’t do anyways…I’m odd when it comes to kissing, since I don’t do it)
Um, he told me to (two years ago) to not talk to her about it (HA!)
And he actually told me to not talk to ANYONE about it, because apparently its no one else’s business, and these kinds of things shouldn’t be “out there”…(…kinda broke that one…oops…)
There may be more, but I’m drawing a blank ATM. sorry!!!

Ours was clear, no one on one dating til age 17.

Yeah, my rules were similar, but went from 16 to 18 just in time for me! lol

This whole thing could be solved in about 20 minutes. Get someone else to call her on her business line. Heck - ask your mom if you need to.

cries
I am not sure if she has her own business line.
Plus…my mom is a distributor just like SHE is!! lol
My mom jokingly said “She’s my competition now!”

You take the phone. Have something written out ahead of time so you don’t say the wrong thing. Keep it on the short side. If she doesn’t have a definite reply for you, ask her when she will.

The above problem comes into play. Plus…dude…phone? really? I’d rather be able to look deeply into her eyes so I can be a little more persuasive…plus, its more personal. But hey, if it came down to it, I would call her. So your point is valid, just a little hard to pull off.

Call today.

gosh, I wish I could. You have no idea.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

She isn’t allowed to have friends except the ones her sisters have either?

There are none so blind as those who refuse to see.

Or maybe he’s a stellar dad and he sees something about you that is beginning to appear in your posts and he doesn’t want you around his daughter and so he’s “taking the fall.”

 

[jazzbaby1]

She wouldn’t look extremely sad when I stop talking to her. And speaking of which, the silent treatment I’m giving her is a mature form.

There is no such thing as a mature form of “the silent treatment.” The silent treatment is a passive aggressive punishment. What right do you have to punish her?

 

[kage_ar]

Get a pen…lol
Well, at this particular point, they don’t want us alone together. No phone conversations (I’ll bet if she answered the phone while at home, it’d be no problem…but conversation would be a problem with them) No holding hands, no tight hugging (you know the kind) obviously no kissing and all that (Something I wouldn’t do anyways…I’m odd when it comes to kissing, since I don’t do it)
Um, he told me to (two years ago) to not talk to her about it (HA!)
And he actually told me to not talk to ANYONE about it, because apparently its no one else’s business, and these kinds of things shouldn’t be “out there”…(…kinda broke that one…oops…)
There may be more, but I’m drawing a blank ATM. sorry!!!

If she is forbidden to be alone with you, arrange a double date, after Mass or at the next Church event, ask her “I would like for you to go to dinner and a movie with Joe and Sally and me on Saturday. We will pick you up at 7 PM, see the 7:20 show of Star Trek and then go to Darn Good Pies for pizza after. I will see you home by 11 PM.”

 

[Belgarion]

She isn’t allowed to have friends except the ones her sisters have either?

That’s not what I said at all. Stop twisting my words. I just said that she might not even have any friends that her sisters don’t have. Its NOT because of her father. That’s like me being friends with one of my sisters friends, and whenever they come over, we BOTH spend time with them.

There are none so blind as those who refuse to see.

You seem to give a good example of that.

Or maybe he’s a stellar dad and he sees something about you that is beginning to appear in your posts and he doesn’t want you around his daughter and so he’s “taking the fall.”

Right, because that makes sense. If that were the case, he would say “Go away, I don’t want you around her”
Plus, you can see what you want in my posts. I don’t need your approval of my personality, in or out of arguments.

There is no such thing as a mature form of “the silent treatment.” The silent treatment is a passive aggressive punishment. What right do you have to punish her?

What right does HE have to punish ME?
He doesn’t have one. But there’s a difference between what I’m doing, and what he’s doing.
I’m willing to stop.

If she is forbidden to be alone with you, arrange a double date, after Mass or at the next Church event, ask her “I would like for you to go to dinner and a movie with Joe and Sally and me on Saturday. We will pick you up at 7 PM, see the 7:20 show of Star Trek and then go to Darn Good Pies for pizza after. I will see you home by 11 PM.”

Yeah, I think that’s another thing I was too stupid to put down. Dates aren’t necessarily good either. Its INCREDIBLY stupid, you don’t need to convince me of that. But perhaps I’ll ask anyways.

 

[whatevergirl]

If she is forbidden to be alone with you, arrange a double date, after Mass or at the next Church event, ask her “I would like for you to go to dinner and a movie with Joe and Sally and me on Saturday. We will pick you up at 7 PM, see the 7:20 show of Star Trek and then go to Darn Good Pies for pizza after. I will see you home by 11 PM.”

Darn Good Pies…

 

[happymommy]

Darn Good Pies…

I thought that was pretty funny too!

I wish I had the strength to stay off this thread, I missed a few days and had to read pages and pages to get caught up with…NOTHING:whacky::hypno:

Oh, how I wish I could get the time back!!

Okay, my dear OP!! I think you are a great guy!!! But really, this is just getting silly! I can tell you that there was nothing on this earth that would have kept me from my beloved! I feel that if she really wanted to be with you, she would make that known to her parents. I think she likes you trying so hard, must be a great ego boost to see a guy go to so much trouble for her and wait for 2 years, for what? A chance to maybe go to her house?! Really, I would let it go! I don’t think he is ever going to let you in and what happens if after these 2 years of trying and waiting, you do get to know her better and you don’t really like each other!! Why waste more time. If it is meant to be, it will happen. Have you tried praying and then LISTENING for what God wants you to do. Maybe this is His little way of saying…pick someone else!!!

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Belgarion,
I didn’t twist your words. I framed them in exactly the way I wanted and you fell into the trap and divulged one more gaping area of ignorance about this girl you’ve been pining for for 2 years. You don’t even know if she has any friends.

You don’t know much about her at all other than she smiles at you at church.

You’ve gotten 13 pages of attention out of this train wreck and managed to make no progress at all except to get increasingly annoyed and snippy at adults who are looking at this with non-rose-colored glasses.

Maybe the dad saw this side of you somewhere. And your relentlessness might scare him.

People tell you all of this is very abnormal and you make jokes about it. You tell us you are too. Maybe pops noticed that too.

Fine. Go marry her and someday come back here and lament how abnormal she is and ignore our advice what to do then.

Bye-bye.

 

[Belgarion]

Darn Good Pies…

…lol…I didn’t notice that…lol

I thought that was pretty funny too!

I wish I had the strength to stay off this thread, I missed a few days and had to read pages and pages to get caught up with…NOTHING:whacky::hypno:

Oh, how I wish I could get the time back!!

…LOL!
My time wasting is rubbing off…
But since I know you don’t have time, I’ll repeat myself (again ) on some points that your bring up.

Okay, my dear OP!! I think you are a great guy!!!

Why thank you!

But really, this is just getting silly! I can tell you that there was nothing on this earth that would have kept me from my beloved! I feel that if she really wanted to be with you, she would make that known to her parents.

Yeah, that’s true, but for all I know she could have dont just that.

I think she likes you trying so hard, must be a great ego boost to see a guy go to so much trouble for her and wait for 2 years, for what? A chance to maybe go to her house?!

LOL
Yeah pretty much!
No, I’ve gone over to her house and spent time with her…alone…for a brief time…lol
We played air hockey…or ping-pong…forget which…lol
However, that’d be torture,(The ego boost thing) and even though I doubt that that is the case, I would be willing to find out.

Really, I would let it go! I don’t think he is ever going to let you in

No, just like the ego boost thing, if there was a lack of interest or a lack of a chance at all of doing something, he would tell me. Believe me, he’s the kind of guy (I’ve been his friend since before I liked her) that is straightforward about some things, and not about others. That’s one of those things that I trust him to tell me.

and what happens if after these 2 years of trying and waiting, you do get to know her better and you don’t really like each other!! Why waste more time.

I understand this, actually. This is a point that my family and I have been making in our discussions with each other, and with them. Though, according to one of the older, married kids…Its not wasting time, if you accomplish a lot during that period of time. I don’t necessarily agree with that, but I have to mention that other side at least.

If it is meant to be, it will happen. Have you tried praying and then LISTENING for what God wants you to do. Maybe this is His little way of saying…pick someone else!!!

TOTALLY!
Like I said, I got strange dreams etc, and didn’t care for her…But after I tried to get to know her because of the dreams, I found out that she was amazing. But of course it was ONLY a dream, so I can’t trust that completely.

But I pray constantly about it. And I’ve gone to the Adoration Chapel to listen about it. I’ve experienced some strange happenings there, too!! I talked to my mother about those things, and I was skeptical about thinking that God was talking to me. My mom told me to trust it.

And if God has been saying anything to me at all (I still remain a little skeptical) it “Don’t give up.”

 

[whatevergirl]

Belgarion,
I didn’t twist your words. I framed them in exactly the way I wanted and you fell into the trap and divulged one more gaping area of ignorance about this girl you’ve been pining for for 2 years. You don’t even know if she has any friends.

You don’t know much about her at all other than she smiles at you at church.

You’ve gotten 13 pages of attention out of this train wreck and managed to make no progress at all except to get increasingly annoyed and snippy at adults who are looking at this with non-rose-colored glasses.

Maybe the dad saw this side of you somewhere. And your relentlessness might scare him.

People tell you all of this is very abnormal and you make jokes about it. You tell us you are too. Maybe pops noticed that too.

Fine. Go marry her and someday come back here and lament how abnormal she is and ignore our advice what to do then.

Bye-bye.

wait, she only smiles at you at church belgarion? :ehh:

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I’m sure he’ll come back and say that isn’t true at all, that I’m twisting more words.

But everytime he writes about how much or little he knows or doesn’t know her or how much contact or little contact he has or hasn’t had with her the story changes, shifts, the bubble moves.

If he was a puppy, I’d pick him up by the scruff of his neck and shake him. Gaah!

He’s been at this since he was 17.

 

[Belgarion]

OK, the gloves are off.

Belgarion,
I didn’t twist your words. I framed them in exactly the way I wanted

Same thing.

and you fell into the trap and divulged one more gaping area of ignorance about this girl you’ve been pining for for 2 years. You don’t even know if she has any friends.

Nope. Yet again, you’re wrong. Let’s go back in time, shall we?

Belgarion:

I just said that she might not even have any friends that her sisters don’t have. Its NOT because of her father. That’s like me being friends with one of my sisters friends, and whenever they come over, we BOTH spend time with them.

So there you go. Explain that away.

You don’t know much about her at all other than she smiles at you at church.

Yet again, let’s go back in time. And its definitely not that she may “never want to see” me again. If that were true, I’d be ignored. I wouldn’t get smiles and glances during choir practice. I would get no blushes, no long periods of eye-contact (Seriously…THAT was awesome…She’s looks at me, smiling from across the choir-loft, I look back, and smile as well. I was thinking “Ok, she’s going to look away now”…She still smiled at me…“Any second now…”…nope…Finally I broke off eye contact, with my face turning beet-red)
Oh, and her dad would say “go away” if she suddenly lost interest.

Let’s also add to that, since you don’t want to take my word for it on here. I’ve been TOLD by a family member that she proclaimed, confidently, “I like Ryan [my last name here]”

Now, its not your fault that you didn’t know that, but my forum quote above was enough to refute your ridiculous claim that I don’t know much about her at all other than that she smiles at me in church.

Of course, I also know her favorite types of food. I know her hobbies, her favorite color, and all that jazz as well IF you meant that I just don’t know anything about her.

You’ve gotten 13 pages of attention out of this train wreck and managed to make no progress at all except to get increasingly annoyed and snippy at adults who are looking at this with non-rose-colored glasses.

No progress?..In your eyes, maybe. But then again, you’re ignoring the letter.
Yeah, I usually get “snippy” at people who ignore reality, and claim they’re unbiased in this situation. you know who’s unbiased? Chev and whatevergirl. No you.

Maybe the dad saw this side of you somewhere. And your relentlessness might scare him.

Ha. What side of me? The side that gets annoyed when people write complete nonsense?
Personally, I don’t care what you think of me. I don’t care what HE thinks of me. I make no effort to hide who I am and my habits, be it good or bad. She sees me for who I am, and if she loves that, then what you (or he) sees, makes no difference to me.

People tell you all of this is very abnormal and you make jokes about it. You tell us you are too. Maybe pops noticed that too.

Wow, bringing up the jokes again? Are you THAT desperate? Please, the next time you want to make an argument, stop reusing old points.

Seriously, I’m not normal. I don’t want to be normal. Because normal guys aren’t that emotional. I am. Its a double-edged sword, but at least I enjoy chick-flicks.
And even if he noticed that I’m abnormal, that would make him like me more, not less.

Fine. Go marry her and someday come back here and lament how abnormal she is and ignore our advice what to do then.

Am I going to marry her? Maybe, but I have to get to know her first. Your point is absolutely invalid, since I won’t blindly rush into marriage like some moron.
Your thintelligent view is that I’m an idiot. Ok, think what you want. But know that right now, I’m asking to date her (and for the games to stop, but even YOu must get that) not marry her. Without dating.courtship, a marriage will go down the path that you predict.

Bye-bye.

Its about time.
But if you ARE to come back, bring a better argument. Your last one wasn’t much of a challenge.

 

[Belgarion]

wait, she only smiles at you at church belgarion? :ehh:

Nope. She smiles at me everywhere we see each other.
But of course, that’s mostly at church
EDIT: But to prevent further argument…The other places include: Her house, my house, the fair.
Oh, I one more thing I just remembered! I was invited to go to Los Angeles with her and her family (Accompanied by my mom)
So if my mom hadn’t miscarried around that time, that list would have included everywhere from Eugene, OR to Los Angeles, CA…ALL ALONG I-5

I’m sure he’ll come back and say that isn’t true at all, that I’m twisting more words.

An oracle!!
…oh wait…You just have an extensive knowledge of your own argumentative devices.

But everytime he writes about how much or little he knows or doesn’t know her or how much contact or little contact he has or hasn’t had with her the story changes, shifts, the bubble moves.

Hmm. example?
Truth is truth. Reality is reality. If you want to deny it, then find another bubble.

If he was a puppy, I’d pick him up by the scruff of his neck and shake him. Gaah!

And if I was a puppy, I’d run away lest I be turned into a “spotted puppy-coat”.

He’s been at this since he was 17.

I’m sorry for not being the typical teenager.

 

[Jay53]

II wish I had the strength to stay off this thread, I missed a few days and had to read pages and pages to get caught up with…NOTHING:whacky::hypno:

Oh, how I wish I could get the time back!!

I’m at the point where I’m just skimming the posts trying to find the update!
To the OP: GIVE HER THE LETTER OR CALL HER ALREADY!!!
(You’re killing us here with this! )

 

[Belgarion]

I’m at the point where I’m just skimming the posts trying to find the update!
To the OP: GIVE HER THE LETTER OR CALL HER ALREADY!!!
(You’re killing us here with this! )

My intentions exactly! Maniacal laugh
…just kidding!

It won’t be at least until wednesday night! But if its any earlier, I’ll PM you!!

 

[Jay53]

My intentions exactly! Maniacal laugh
…just kidding!

It won’t be at least until wednesday night! But if its any earlier, I’ll PM you!!

(I like your sense of humor.)

That would be FANTASTIC!!! Thank you! Of course you’re 3 hours behind me so I’ll have to stay up late to find out.

 

[Belgarion]

(I like your sense of humor.)

(Few do…lol j/k)

That would be FANTASTIC!!! Thank you! Of course you’re 3 hours behind me so I’ll have to stay up late to find out.

AWWW! I feel so bad now!! I don’t know if I’ll be given the opportunity on wednesday night! I HOPE it’ll happen!! I don’t want you waiting up for nothing!! I guess that’s all the more reason for me to get it done, huh?

 

[LilyM]

Bel, I both stare and smile at people that I’m not romantically attracted to in any way whatsoever. In fact I both stare and smile at people who I have no desire to get to know any better. I confess that I stare (a bit) at anyone who is good-looking, male or female. Doesn’t mean I’m in the least bit romantically inclined to them or have the least desire to get to know them better.

For that matter I may stare at someone who has a huge zit on the side of their nose or is wearing mismatched shoes or has spinach between their teeth or something. That would be a long look - like a car wreck I wouldn’t be able to help it!

And I smile at anyone I want to be friendly to. Again, doesn’t mean I’m the least bit romantically inclined toward them - or even that I want to get to know them better. I smile at drivers who wave me through pedestrian crossings when they have right of way, for goodness sake!

As for blushing - well, I’m aware that staring is rude, so if I got caught out by the staree I’d certainly blush for my rudeness, just as I would if I got caught pointing at them or laughing at them or poking out my tongue at them or whatever.

She hasn’t said ‘go away’? That’s an example of your solid case for thinking that she likes you? Must mean I’m secretly in love with everyone who looks at me from the postman to my boss to my priest at church! Trust me, there are many people I’m not attracted to romantically who I don’t tell to go away!

 

[Jay53]

AWWW! I feel so bad now!! I don’t know if I’ll be given the opportunity on wednesday night! I HOPE it’ll happen!! I don’t want you waiting up for nothing!! I guess that’s all the more reason for me to get it done, huh?

There’s your incentive! I’m going to be just horribly devastated Weds. night if you don’t do it crying and then I won’t be able to sleep so I’ll be tired the next day for work yawn so I won’t be able to do a good job and then I’ll be so tired Thursday night that I’ll miss Adoration …

So the rest of my week is in your hands … Don’t mess with it!!! :nunchuk:

 

[Belgarion]

Bel, I both stare and smile at people that I’m not romantically attracted to in any way whatsoever. In fact I both stare and smile at people who I have no desire to get to know any better. I confess that I stare (a bit) at anyone who is good-looking, male or female. Doesn’t mean I’m in the least bit romantically inclined to them or have the least desire to get to know them better.

For that matter I may stare at someone who has a huge zit on the side of their nose or is wearing mismatched shoes or has spinach between their teeth or something. That would be a long look - like a car wreck I wouldn’t be able to help it!

And I smile at anyone I want to be friendly to. Again, doesn’t mean I’m the least bit romantically inclined toward them - or even that I want to get to know them better. I smile at drivers who wave me through pedestrian crossings when they have right of way, for goodness sake!

As for blushing - well, I’m aware that staring is rude, so if I got caught out by the staree I’d certainly blush for my rudeness, just as I would if I got caught pointing at them or laughing at them or poking out my tongue at them or whatever.

She hasn’t said ‘go away’? That’s an example of your solid case for thinking that she likes you? Must mean I’m secretly in love with everyone who looks at me from the postman to my boss to my priest at church! Trust me, there are many people I’m not attracted to romantically who I don’t tell to go away!

I can give you an answer in very few words.

Read my recent posts.