In fairness I think marrying a practicing Catholic is a bare minimum for a many Catholics.
I would rather have stayed single than married a non-catholic.
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I would rather have stayed single than married a non-catholic.
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BoomBoomMancini
Guest
To each his own. As the product of a mixed marriage, I’m glad my dad didn’t have a hard and fast rule.
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Constantin
Guest
My advice:
Do not marry out of love or what it mostly really is, infatuation.
Only marry, if you definitely cannot help it. Not joking here.
“It is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
Do not marry out of love or what it mostly really is, infatuation.
Only marry, if you definitely cannot help it. Not joking here.
“It is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
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BoomBoomMancini
Guest
This is bad advice. Like, real bad. Are you married?
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That’s fair enough. But it’s a legit criteria to want to marry someone who shares your deepest beliefs and worldview.
I mean, I couldn’t have married someone who didn’t believe the full teaching of Christ and His Church. At least now I know that my wife is equally committed to the marriage and to raising our children in the faith.
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LindseyKea
Guest
You might lose some of your single friends.
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ConfusedLucy
Guest
Dont feel like you are being judgy, gold diggy or narrow minded if you consider things like your potential spouses work ethic, attitude to money, maturity or life skills because these are important factors.
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sudy
Guest
It will help if you’re both on the same page, or at least accepting of the differences, regarding the things that matter to you most, or affect you most. Knowing that marriage is lifelong, and your faith, how you handle money, political differences… whatever is important. And showing love and respect for one another, not cramping one another’s personal growth.
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JanetF
Guest
So i got married at age 22 and have been married for 32 years this year.
Something I heard in pre cana class that has stuck with me all these years: You are making a DECISION to love this person for the rest of your life. You may go through times when you don’t like the person very much, certainly will go through disagreements, but you must DECIDE that you will LOVE them for the rest of your life.
Based on my experience, It’s so TRUE!
While I won’t comment on the age when I person should marry because that’s very individual, I will say that it would be wise to wait until after you’ve completed college if that is part of your life plan, plus another year to get on your feet career-wise.
Be very up front with your future spouse about your expectations about finances and future children.
And, don’t go into debt for the wedding, that’s just foolish.
On the lighter side, my advise would also include: separate bathrooms if possible, but at the least separate tubes of toothpaste
One more thing to add: Don’t complain to your parents about your spouse! This can change their impression of him/her negatively in a way that can last for a LOOOOONNNNNNG time. Trust me on this one! Fine someone else to vent too! And when kids come along, the same applies, don’t complain about each other to them, even seemingly harmless comments can negatively affect kiddos.
Something I heard in pre cana class that has stuck with me all these years: You are making a DECISION to love this person for the rest of your life. You may go through times when you don’t like the person very much, certainly will go through disagreements, but you must DECIDE that you will LOVE them for the rest of your life.
Based on my experience, It’s so TRUE!
While I won’t comment on the age when I person should marry because that’s very individual, I will say that it would be wise to wait until after you’ve completed college if that is part of your life plan, plus another year to get on your feet career-wise.
Be very up front with your future spouse about your expectations about finances and future children.
And, don’t go into debt for the wedding, that’s just foolish.
On the lighter side, my advise would also include: separate bathrooms if possible, but at the least separate tubes of toothpaste
One more thing to add: Don’t complain to your parents about your spouse! This can change their impression of him/her negatively in a way that can last for a LOOOOONNNNNNG time. Trust me on this one! Fine someone else to vent too! And when kids come along, the same applies, don’t complain about each other to them, even seemingly harmless comments can negatively affect kiddos.
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mrsdizzyd
Guest
Keep other people out of your marriage issues.
There are only two people who know what is actually going on in your household and the context of what is going on: you and your spouse.
Advice from family and friends has a tendency to be skewed toward what you tell them and colored by their experiences whether they are good, bad, or indifferent.
Work on being able to communicate effectively with your spouse. There may come a time when you need help working through problems. In those cases priests/deacons and therapists are good sounding boards. It is also wise to ask people in successful marriages general advice; you might pick up something useful.
There are only two people who know what is actually going on in your household and the context of what is going on: you and your spouse.
Advice from family and friends has a tendency to be skewed toward what you tell them and colored by their experiences whether they are good, bad, or indifferent.
Work on being able to communicate effectively with your spouse. There may come a time when you need help working through problems. In those cases priests/deacons and therapists are good sounding boards. It is also wise to ask people in successful marriages general advice; you might pick up something useful.
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Constantin
Guest
Yeah, I am married. I do not think this is bad advice. It is just very direct.
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BoomBoomMancini
Guest
I honestly find it creepy when men are obsessed with a woman’s virginity. You can want someone who is on board with Catholic sexual ethics, but fixating on virginity has a creepy “I don’t want my toys to be spoiled” man-child quality to it.
I agree. I can understand desiring it, I don’t get that someone would break up with someone over it.
And really I think it makes little difference in a good catholic marriage.
I wasn’t a virgin when I married. DW was. Yeah, it upset her a bit that I hadn’t always been a good Catholic boy, but she got over it. With every day that passes I show her that she’s my only woman. And that’s what matters in marriage, doing the stuff you need to do every day and constantly trying to be a good husband and be committed to your marriage.
My experience has taught me that the falls you have in life can be valuable teachers and God is quite capable of turning sins into a motive to be saintly.
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BoomBoomMancini
Guest
Neither my wife and I were virgins when we got married. Honestly, never even occurred to me to care. As long as we’re only sleeping with each going forward, the past is the past.
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Mtatum1958
Guest
I had to think about that word a bit, but creepy is a good description. It seems to me that is unhealthy and myopic to put so much emphasis on one aspect of a lifelong commitment that has so many dimensions.
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Ebastill
Guest
I am a young married person, so I don’t really feel qualified to give advice. I just like that this thread exists. XD
Even after a short time you start to gain experience and wisdom.
I have one piece of advice that is probably rarely given to those preparing for marriage.
Don’t expect mind-blowing sex on your wedding night.
I’m not saying that your wedding night will suck, or be horrible or anything like that. But I do think people can enter marriage thinking that they should be good at sex from day 1.
I think many Chastity groups go on about “saving sex” for marriage but they actually say very little about how to approach sex when you’re IN marriage.
The unmentioned expectation is that you’ll just naturally be good.
In reality, it’s a learning curve, and you must be prepared to have a lot of patience at the start, and to communicate openly with your spouse. Like everything in life, it get’s better with time and practice.
Don’t expect mind-blowing sex on your wedding night.
I’m not saying that your wedding night will suck, or be horrible or anything like that. But I do think people can enter marriage thinking that they should be good at sex from day 1.
I think many Chastity groups go on about “saving sex” for marriage but they actually say very little about how to approach sex when you’re IN marriage.
The unmentioned expectation is that you’ll just naturally be good.
In reality, it’s a learning curve, and you must be prepared to have a lot of patience at the start, and to communicate openly with your spouse. Like everything in life, it get’s better with time and practice.
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