Marriage Advice for the Young

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Don’t approach marriage with a, “What can this do to fulfill me?” attitude or with a, “This person is lucky to get me and therefore ought to treat me very well” attitude.
 
I have a few pieces of advice.
  1. Learn about love languages.
  2. Learn a fertility awareness method before you get married (and learn about them if you are a man). It will take a lot of stress off if you are already confident in FAM before you need to space children
  3. This last advice isn’t mine, but came from my grandma who was married 50+ years before my grandpa died. Learn how to do what your spouse does, even if you prefer traditional gender roles. Learn the finances, learn how to cook, etc. None of us know how long we have on this Earth; I’m sure it is difficult enough to lose a spouse without the learning curve of learning a new skill in the process.
I also agree with a lot of the other advice already mentioned. Keep the good advice coming!
 
It also points toward problems with self-confidence and self-esteem on the part of the guy/groom-to-be. To wit, I might not compare favorably to the one who was before me.
 
AdamP88 said:
I would rather have stayed single than married a non-catholic.
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Adam,

That may be your plan what if God has a different idea? I would have liked to marry a Catholic girl all other things being equal, but they are not equal. Love has its own way and sometimes you have to have faith.
I have a wonderful marriage of 54 years, My children all are practicing Catholics and I learned a great deal about faith from my protestant wife. 🤟
 
Tis_Bearself said:
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SacredHeartBassist:
What do you say to Catholics that say it’s better to marry early because traditionally that’s how Catholics did it in order to have bigger families
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My mom’s entire family was about as traditionally Catholic as you can get without a prescription, and they believed that you got married to the person who was right for you and that you shouldn’t be in a big hurry about it and that God would send you the number of children you were supposed to have. All of my mom’s siblings got married, some ended up having large families and some didn’t because they or spouse had health issues. Mom and her two sisters had careers too although they all stopped working when they got married (I think my aunt went back to work later in life). I was not brought up with the idea that the Catholic Church expected you to have a whole bunch of kids. I frankly hear a lot more about that from the “trads” of today than I ever did growing up in an area where most of the families who had more than 2 kids were having difficulty paying the bills.
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Whoa whoa whoa. Was the idea then, that most (all) Catholics just ignored the no ABC rule?
 
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AdamP88 said:
In reality, it’s a learning curve, and you must be prepared to have a lot of patience at the start, and to communicate openly with your spouse. Like everything in life, it get’s better with time and practice.
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Very profound! If you have the guts you should talk to as many people as you can who have been married a long time. As a couple and yes about sex and everything else.
 
Look for any signs of mental illness. I know the priest will take you aside in marriage prep and ask you that, but probably most people are still infatuated and don’t see what may be lurking there. Problems with anxiety / depression / OCD etc. Just because the person has never been treated for any mental illness, doesn’t mean there is no mental illness.
I suspect there are a lot of people who are blindsided with this, and it didn’t occur to them that they may have to live with it. For decades.
According to stats, 18% of Americans experience mental illness in any given year.
 
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A lot of families weren’t that fertile to be honest. Medical help for those wanting to conceive wasn’t as developed as it is today.

Also, there wasn’t the big push from society to have sex every minute. If a couple had certain medical conditions, like a man had heart trouble, he was advised by his doctor to abstain.

And some of the men had jobs such as military where they simply weren’t home a lot.
The most kids in one of my aunts/uncles family was 10 (this was also a couple who got married very young because they were “in trouble”).
The least was 0, in a family where the man was in the military, was gone a lot, had health problems and died in his 40s.

My mother didn’t get pregnant for 2 years after she was married, and I know she wasn’t using anything and her and Dad wanted a baby. She always told me they don’t just come along on demand and that she would have welcomed however many they had.

I was never taught that being a good Catholic meant you had X number of kids. I was taught that you don’t use birth control and that you shouldn’t get married unless/until you were ready to have kids. As far as I know this is still the Church teaching and I see no problem with it.
 
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Thanks for the clarification - - all your points make good sense.

I on the other hand was not raised Catholic, but my mom had no hesitation in preaching that “Catholics have to have a lot of kids so all those people will send their money to the Vatican” (makes perfect sense, right? :roll_eyes:)

We had Catholic neighbors who were in the local newspaper because they had about 21 children, about 18 of whom survived to adulthood. (This was in the late 1960s / early 70s).

Sorry to derail - -
 
My advice, don’t… be happy…!

Otherwise, be sure you know the person…well.
 
Refer to my other threads.

Tongue in cheek, but in the midst of something.
 
Honestly, no one wants or needs to check your other threads to decipher what you are trying to say. Just say it.
 
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