Men - how do you feel about your wife seeing a male physician?

[LJN21]

I know I’ve said this before, but I believe that I am now truly done with this thread trying to rationalize with some of you. When a woman becomes violated, you can’t take it back, and then there’s the life time of dealing with the emotions that follow. You’ll always wonder what you could have done differently, or wished that your wife or daughter had gone to see a female doctor. If yall want to take those chances, then that’s entirely up to you. I find it very interesting that some husbands find it seemingly ok for their wives to be intimately examined by a stranger (a male doctor), and don’t care about it.

Yeah but how many of those vilolations could have been avoided if their parents did their job and told them its not appropriate to disrobe to have her toe examined…

Your “chances” assume that I’d let my daughter just go to a random doctor and she’d not be armed with what she needs to know to protect herself. We don’t use doctors that don’t have a good reputation, our friends and family use the same doctors. If I had to choose a new doctor for myself there would be lots of research, if I was going to a new OB/GYN my husband would be there, regardless of gender. He’s got an uncanny ability to judge character about that sort of thing.

My husband doesn’t care the gender of who I see. His only requirement is that my OB/GYN is able to deliever our childern and baby and I are both still alive at the end.

 

[Marsha_Adams]

Come on now, were not talking about clothing. We’re talking about nudity and exposing one’s private parts to a doctor.

But naked is less provocative than clothed. And the reason people make love in the dark is because private parts are singularly unattractive - not at all erotic. Have you never heard the phrase “butt ugly” or “did you bump uglies with . . .” Those phrases stem from the generally understood fact that private parts are just sad and strange looking.

Now, a scantily clad women, or even a fully clothed woman can be very provocative indeed, so don’t try to separate the two issues. Far more attacks and violations occur outside of the doctor’s office than in it. Truth be told, the vast majority of violations occur in the marriage bed, but that is a different topic.

 

[LJN21]

LJN, I am a father of 3, and I understand the need for prenatal care, and have been around the block as far as dealing with all these type of issues. Yes, when a woman is ready to give birth, you can only be but so choosy. However, I would like to point out that typically women have 9 months to plan, and to try to make the birthing process as “perfect” as possible, for both themselves, and their spouses. It is up to couples to communicate clearly their desires that they want an all female staff. From what I know, most hospitals will try to accommodate this as much as possible.

Yeah they do, in fact one hospital locally the only guy on staff is the anesthialogist, BUT not everyone has that luxury, and it is a luxury. Would you suggest to a woman that’s pregnant with NO competent female doctors (or midwives) with in a reasonable distance to deal with a delivery (my last labor was only 5 hours long) to go with out medical care, use a bad female doctor (that could kill her) or go to a man? Distance does matter. The other part you seem to be forgetting is its only in resent history we have this option. In the not to distant past the it was all men in the medical profession and they didn’t give a care about the woman’s wishes during delivery. Were they sinning since they had no other options?

 

[Homers]

Yeah but how many of those vilolations could have been avoided if their parents did their job and told them its not appropriate to disrobe to have her toe examined…

Your “chances” assume that I’d let my daughter just go to a random doctor and she’d not be armed with what she needs to know to protect herself. We don’t use doctors that don’t have a good reputation, our friends and family use the same doctors. If I had to choose a new doctor for myself there would be lots of research, if I was going to a new OB/GYN my husband would be there, regardless of gender. He’s got an uncanny ability to judge character about that sort of thing.

My husband doesn’t care the gender of who I see. His only requirement is that my OB/GYN is able to deliever our childern and baby and I are both still alive at the end.

I am not sure what age my wife was when she had her incident, and I do care about the gender of any doctor that my wife’s see’s, as this is how much I truly love her. Yes, competency is very important. But why not also have competency and peace of mind, which is the only thing I am saying.

 

[lizaanne]

I am not sure what age my wife was when she had her incident, and I do care about the gender of any doctor that my wife’s see’s, as this is how much I truly love her. Yes, competency is very important. But why not also have competency and peace of mind, which is the only thing I am saying.

I only pray that no woman is your life is ever harmed by a female doctor or medical provider. Because that DOES happen. Where will it leave you then?

~Liza

 

[Homers]

Yeah they do, in fact one hospital locally the only guy on staff is the anesthialogist, BUT not everyone has that luxury, and it is a luxury. Would you suggest to a woman that’s pregnant with NO competent female doctors (or midwives) with in a reasonable distance to deal with a delivery (my last labor was only 5 hours long) to go with out medical care, use a bad female doctor (that could kill her) or go to a man? Distance does matter. The other part you seem to be forgetting is its only in resent history we have this option. In the not to distant past the it was all men in the medical profession and they didn’t give a care about the woman’s wishes during delivery. Were they sinning since they had no other options?

All I can really say to this is that before there were ever any male doctors, there were mid-wives who delivered the babies, while the men stood outside. I realize that perhaps until recent years that the medical industry was perhaps one-sided, but that is greatly changing now.

 

[LJN21]

I am not sure what age my wife was when she had her incident, and I do care about the gender of any doctor that my wife’s see’s, as this is how much I truly love her. Yes, competency is very important. But why not also have competency and peace of mind, which is the only thing I am saying.

That’s the key for right there. Your wife was hurt by an unprofessional bad doctor, now your on a crusade against male doctors OB/GYN’s. Mind you, your whole “going to a male OB is immodest” wouldn’t have changed someone getting abused by a doctor that’s only supposed to be looking at a toe! You can’t judge the actions of a while community based on the actions of a few bad, one that wasn’t even an OB/GYN. That said, your wife’s comfort is the most important thing, if she can only see a female OB/GYN because of past experiences is one thing. You going on a crusade for “modesty” because something MIGHT happen, against every male OB/GYN out there, regardless of their credentials, reputations, ability, and character is bigoted, sexist and judgemental. It assume every male is a perverted and unable to look at the female body at all with out sexual thoughts, therefore must be avoided.

 

[LJN21]

All I can really say to this is that before there were ever any male doctors, there were mid-wives who delivered the babies, while the men stood outside. I realize that perhaps until recent years that the medical industry was perhaps one-sided, but that is greatly changing now.

You avoided the question.

We can add in another type of doctor to that list too. What if it was a choice between a solidly pro-life, pro-family, NFP-only deeply devoted male OB/GYN (with a background and reputation to prove it) or a pro-choice, feminist (the bra burning radical kind), pill pushing, man hating, lesbian female OB/GYN (with the background and reputation to prove it)?

 

[Homers]

That’s the key for right there. Your wife was hurt by an unprofessional bad doctor, now your on a crusade against male doctors OB/GYN’s. Mind you, your whole “going to a male OB is immodest” wouldn’t have changed someone getting abused by a doctor that’s only supposed to be looking at a toe! You can’t judge the actions of a while community based on the actions of a few bad, one that wasn’t even an OB/GYN. That said, your wife’s comfort is the most important thing, if she can only see a female OB/GYN because of past experiences is one thing. You going on a crusade for “modesty” because something MIGHT happen, against every male OB/GYN out there, regardless of their credentials, reputations, ability, and character is bigoted, sexist and judgemental. It assume every male is a perverted and unable to look at the female body at all with out sexual thoughts, therefore must be avoided.

Nope, sorry, my reservations against male doctors goes much deeper than what my wife had described to me, however, my wife’s incident does underscore the concern. Men are Men. Bigoted, no, judgemental, perhaps.

 

[LJN21]

Nope, sorry, my reservations against male doctors goes much deeper than what my wife had described to me, however, my wife’s incident does underscore the concern. Men are Men. Bigoted, no, judgemental, perhaps.

Ah yes… men are just sexual animals with no ability to control their urges and view all women as objects to be dominated over. How did you avoid the pitfalls of all men or maybe that’s why we’re having this conversations to start with.

 

[Homers]

Ah yes… men are just sexual animals with no ability to control their urges and view all women as objects to be dominated over. How did you avoid the pitfalls of all men or maybe that’s why we’re having this conversations to start with.

All I am saying here is how does a woman really know that she can trust a male doctor. Granted, there may be some very good qualified male doctors out there, but how does a woman really know, and why would she want some strange man (other than her husband), 1.) seeing her that way, and 2.) poking around inside her, and 3.) being in a vunerable position.

 

[LJN21]

All I am saying here is how does a woman really know that she can trust a male doctor.

How do you know you can really trust your female doctor?

Reputation. Its not like a doctor is some mystical unknown until you are butt naked in his doctors office. Its pretty easy to find out if they are professional, have a good bedside manor, competent and not a sleaze bag before you ever book an appointment.

Granted, there may be some very good qualified male doctors out there, but how does a woman really know, and why would she want some strange man (other than her husband), 1.) seeing her that way, and 2.) poking around inside her, and 3.) being in a vunerable position.

What I want is the best medical care. I’m comfortable enough with my self image and my sexuality not to care the gender of who see me “that way”. There is nothing remotely sexual about being halfway naked and your feet up in stirrups. I don’t personally consider it “vulnerable”, I could still kick the snot out of someone that did something inappropriate and then noise factor of me yelling, then the impending law suit, regardless of gender…

 

[Homers]

How do you know you can really trust your female doctor?

Reputation. Its not like a doctor is some mystical unknown until you are butt naked in his doctors office. Its pretty easy to find out if they are professional, have a good bedside manor, competent and not a sleaze bag before you ever book an appointment.

What I want is the best medical care. I’m comfortable enough with my self image and my sexuality not to care the gender of who see me “that way”. There is nothing remotely sexual about being halfway naked and your feet up in stirrups. I don’t personally consider it “vulnerable”, I could still kick the snot out of someone that did something inappropriate and then noise factor of me yelling, then the impending law suit, regardless of gender…

Hmmm…What, a law suit after the fact of being violated? It still doesn’t erase what happened. Then what do you say to your husband, sorry, I shouldn’t have ever seen him. Money from a law suit does not repair a broken heart, feelings, or a marriage.

 

[Katie1723]

All I am saying here is how does a woman really know that she can trust a male doctor. Granted, there may be some very good qualified male doctors out there, but how does a woman really know, and why would she want some strange man (other than her husband), 1.) seeing her that way, and 2.) poking around inside her, and 3.) being in a vunerable position.

I remember when I’d go to my GYN (male) for my annual. We had some really intelligent conversations while he was doing his thing. And I worked for the guy!

Seems to me you have some issues with who does what to whom physician wise. Something happen to you? I find your concern just a wee bit over the top.

Kathy

 

[EmBee]

All I am saying here is how does a woman really know that she can trust a male doctor. Granted, there may be some very good qualified male doctors out there, but how does a woman really know, and why would she want some strange man (other than her husband), 1.) seeing her that way, and 2.) poking around inside her, and 3.) being in a vunerable position.

I’m new to this thread and haven’t read all the posts, but, as a 22 year old woman, my male OBGYN is very thorough, approachable and there is always a (female) nurse in the room with him during our exams. I never feel awkward because he is a man. I have had exams with both male & female doctors, and it has not made any difference for me. I am engaged and my fiance doesn’t mind that I have a male doctor - he just wants me to feel comfortable and my doctor to be qualified, both of which are true in my current situation. I have never stopped for a moment to think that I shouldn’t “trust” my male doctor. He is a professional, married with 3 daughters of his own.

–

 

[LJN21]

Hmmm…What, a law suit after the fact of being violated? It still doesn’t erased what happened. Then what do you say to your husband, sorry, I shouldn’t have ever seen him. Money from a law suit does not repair a broken heart, feelings, or a marriage.

There is a fairly major issue with this statement. Its not the victims fault. I would not say I’m sorry for anything, it is the medical professionals fault (regardless of gender) for violating morality!

As far as a broken heart, feelings or marriage… seriously? How am I going to have a broken heart because some jerk tried to hurt me? Again ITS NOT MY FAULT. All those fillings of guilt and hurt and dirtiness are associated with the idea the victim did something wrong. I grew up in a healthy home and have a wonderful marriage and healthy sexuality. Its the aggressors fault, someone elses bad behavior would not brake anything in my life.

Yes I would sue if (regardless of gender) because by bring a lawsuit up you make it public record that would prevent other victims. No it wouldn’t erase what happened, but it would help them lose there licence to practice medicine.

 

[Homers]

There is a fairly major issue with this statement. Its not the victims fault. I would not say I’m sorry for anything, it is the medical professionals fault (regardless of gender) for violating morality!

As far as a broken heart, feelings or marriage… seriously? How am I going to have a broken heart because some jerk tried to hurt me? Again ITS NOT MY FAULT. All those fillings of guilt and hurt and dirtiness are associated with the idea the victim did something wrong. I grew up in a healthy home and have a wonderful marriage and healthy sexuality. Its the aggressors fault, someone elses bad behavior would not brake anything in my life.

Yes I would sue if (regardless of gender) because by bring a lawsuit up you make it public record that that would prevent other victims. No it wouldn’t erase what happened, but it would help them lose there licence to practice medicine.

Your missing my point. I understand, a victim is a victim. However, why would any woman put herself in a position like this, when it can maybe be avoided.

 

[LJN21]

Your missing my point. I understand, a victim is a victim. However, why would any woman put herself in a position like this, when it can maybe be avoided.

I don’t think you do understand.

Your point is exactly the same as “I’m sorry I went to the mall and let that guy rape me”. Probably just about as likely too.

The fact that you place the blame on the woman speak volumes about your attitude toward women.

 

[Homers]

I’m new to this thread and haven’t read all the posts, but, as a 22 year old woman, my male OBGYN is very thorough, approachable and there is always a (female) nurse in the room with him during our exams. I never feel awkward because he is a man. I have had exams with both male & female doctors, and it has not made any difference for me. I am engaged and my fiance doesn’t mind that I have a male doctor - he just wants me to feel comfortable and my doctor to be qualified, both of which are true in my current situation. I have never stopped for a moment to think that I shouldn’t “trust” my male doctor. He is a professional, married with 3 daughters of his own.

–

You should definitely read the entire thread, including the student doctors link, which may seriously change your perspective about male doctors. Even though there might be a female nurse in the room with you, 1.) it still doesn’t make it proper, 2.) the nurse is not there to protect your interest. Also, not all chaperones are viewing the exam from the “foot end” of things, nor are running a “stop watch” to see how long the exam took. Wise up!

 

[Homers]

I don’t think you do understand.

Your point is exactly the same as “I’m sorry I went to the mall and let that guy rape me”. Probably just about as likely too.

The fact that you place the blame on the woman speak volumes about your attitude toward women.

Your taking it too far now, and you know it! Being legitimately raped vs. knowingly and electively submitting to a male gyn exam when it could be avoided are totally different.