Possible contraception in family

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It can be hard to convince one’s son of love and concern by approaching him and then accusing his wife to his face of taking the pill behind his back.

Love and concern is no excuse for putting him on the spot and making him choose between his mother and wife when baseless accusations are made.

It’s not only imprudent but unjust. Actually going around making baseless accusations against someone to another is the definition of calumny.
 
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rcwitness said:
It’s not just anyone else. It’s a parent.

And the son can convey that its private.

How is that hurtful?
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You seem to fail to realize that not all parent/ adult child relationships are the same. They can be vastly different. I understand maybe you have a good relationship with your parents. Why on earth would you assume everyone is in the same boat? Given OP’s post, I would say she is probably a pretty difficult mother to deal with. You seem to not “get” that a large segment of the average population would find this too personal.
 
LoveMyKids said:
She has no health issues, as far as I know
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Key here is “as far as you know” I was married 11 years prior to having my only child. My mother in law used to make comments that I felt were entirely inappropriate for her to make. It was NONE OF HER BUSINESS. If I wanted her to know about issues I would have told her.

Pray, but butt out!
 
rcwitness said:
Do you realize a necessary requirement for PUBLIC Christian Marriage, is to be open to life?

So asking your son if he is open to life in his marriage is not wrong or invasive in itself. It can be an act of love and concern.

How one responds to their reply determines whether they are respecting, being prudent, and or edifying.
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You know @RCWitness, I would suggest that you may wish to consider doing some research on establishing normal and healthy boundaries when it comes to human, interpersonal relationships. I think you missed a few steps.
 
Ya know, for all you know this son would be fine with answering his mother’s question about their plans to have kids. After all, he promised to be open to life in his marriage.
 
But he also might not, so why risk it? This sort of manipulation and interference caused a lot of problems in my marriage! My MIL was a huge gossip and the entire town would have know all of my problems if I had shared with her. My husband was aware of this and agreed with my wishes to not discuss our personal business with her.
 
Now you are assuming she qill have sinful intentions. I’m saying there can be innocent concern and healthy communication.
 
No assumptions from me, I’m just advising her not to risk her relationship for her son in asking a question that is none of her business, and providing an example of how her interference can lead to problems.
 
However if you go by what the OP said, she has her suspicions of the daughter in law secretly taking birth control pills.

No amount of good intentions can erase the fact that baseless accusations have been made.
 
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And you have the right to say “we would like to keep that private, because you have abused our trust in the past”
 
Well, I dont agree with making that accusation. This we agree on for sure
 
Not quite the same as the OP, but within the same overstepping their bounds it seems in regards to my mother, step-dad and I.

When my wife and I separated, I had to move back in with my parents. There was no choice. This was till I got back on my feet. Didn’t have a job that could support me and the coming second child support order.

My parents demanded that I get a vasectomy in order to stay with them until I got back on my feet. Their reasoning is that I have seven kids and I don’t need to have any more. Whether I got married again or not. They wouldn’t take no for an answer. I relented because I didn’t want to be out on the streets and the shelters here are disease ridden. So I got the vasectomy.

I don’t know any parent that should demand that off their child. Yet mine did. They way over stepped their bounds!
 
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Definitely different! Definitely offensive and invasive. Asking “do you plan to have kids?” Is a whole different thing.

That’s abusive!
 
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rcwitness said:
Now you are assuming she qill have sinful intentions
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But the very question to the son is based on her assumption of his or his wife’s sinful intentions. As you pointed out, they entered into a public marriage that is, by definition, open to life. Therefore, the OP should assume her son and his wife meant their vows. She has no business questioning him further at this point.
 
But asking a question is not assuming. It’s actually aimed at resolving any worries or fears.

I would welcome this question if my mother is troubled for understandable reasons.

The question can be answered, “we have our reasons, but would like to keep it private”

But it could be something that opens healthy communication.
 
Well, given the original post, plus a not understandable expectation of a baby within a year, I think the average couple would not welcome this question.

Obviously, no one can stop someone from asking a question. But the OP asked for advice – if her aim is to destroy her relationship with her son and daughter-in-law, then by all means, she should ask away.
However, if that’s not her actual purpose, she should follow the basic mother-in-law advice of keeping her mouth shut.
 
How would asking that question destroy the relationship? That’s what puzzles me.
 
That you are puzzled is a little perturbing. Most people get that this is an intrusive, highly personal, and potentially hurtful question. And most of all, that it is absolutely, positively none of the OP’s business.
 
“Do you plan to have kids?”
  1. Intrusive. Because it’s none of her business.
  2. Highly personal.
  3. Potentially hurtful. Because they may have been trying for a year, had miscarriages, are struggling with infertility - and this is a topic of grief to them.
And again – none of her business.
 
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