Re: Youth Director is an Unwed Mother

[rayne89]

My friends daughter is a senior in highschool. A couple months into the school it had come to light that she was pregnant by her long time boyfriend. This girl is an excellent student, and talented dancer and a all around sweet girl who used very poor judgement which she will now deal ith for the rest of her life.

She was also teaching preschool children dance at the dance studio she attended. She stepped down from her position before it became apparent she was pregnant. She knew a 17 year old pregnant dance teacher was not an appropriate role model for preschoolers.

Now how does a 17 year old know this and an adult woman who teaches youth about the faith not know this? I think at the very least she should have let the pastor know long before it was obvious and left it up to the decision of the pastor if he thought it was appropriate or not. This woman obviously has shown poor judgement in more than one area of her life. I think since she did not volunteer to step aside she needs to be asked to do so.

I am totally for supporting those who choose life. But good judgement and descretion needs to be used. By not stepping forward with the information of her pregnancy she gives the impression she sees no problem with sex outside of marriage. And also it’s none of anyone’s business what she choses to do. Which would be true if she was not in charge of teaching youth faith.

 

[rayne89]

My friends daughter is a senior in highschool. A couple months into the school it had come to light that she was pregnant by her long time boyfriend. This girl is an excellent student, and talented dancer and a all around sweet girl who used very poor judgement which she will now deal ith for the rest of her life.

She was also teaching preschool children dance at the dance studio she attended. She stepped down from her position before it became apparent she was pregnant. She knew a 17 year old pregnant dance teacher was not an appropriate role model for preschoolers.

Now how does a 17 year old know this and an adult woman who teaches youth about the faith not know this? I think at the very least she should have let the pastor know long before it was obvious and left it up to the decision of the pastor if he thought it was appropriate or not. This woman obviously has shown poor judgement in more than one area of her life. I think since she did not volunteer to step aside she needs to be asked to do so.

I am totally for supporting those who choose life. But good judgement and descretion needs to be used. By not stepping forward with the information of her pregnancy she gives the impression she sees no problem with sex outside of marriage. And also it’s none of anyone’s business what she choses to do. Which would be true if she was not in charge of teaching youth faith.

 

[rayne89]

My friends daughter is a senior in highschool. A couple months into the school it had come to light that she was pregnant by her long time boyfriend. This girl is an excellent student, and talented dancer and a all around sweet girl who used very poor judgement which she will now deal ith for the rest of her life.

She was also teaching preschool children dance at the dance studio she attended. She stepped down from her position before it became apparent she was pregnant. She knew a 17 year old pregnant dance teacher was not an appropriate role model for preschoolers.

Now how does a 17 year old know this and an adult woman who teaches youth about the faith not know this? I think at the very least she should have let the pastor know long before it was obvious and left it up to the decision of the pastor if he thought it was appropriate or not. This woman obviously has shown poor judgement in more than one area of her life. I think since she did not volunteer to step aside she needs to be asked to do so.

I am totally for supporting those who choose life. But good judgement and descretion needs to be used. By not stepping forward with the information of her pregnancy she gives the impression she sees no problem with sex outside of marriage. And also it’s none of anyone’s business what she choses to do. Which would be true if she was not in charge of teaching youth faith.

 

[Pong]

It bugs me that the rape thing gets thrown out there everytime a pro-abortion person wants to justify themselves.

It bugs me that seemingly every thread becomes about abortion. There are other issues at hand.

 

[Pong]

It bugs me that the rape thing gets thrown out there everytime a pro-abortion person wants to justify themselves.

It bugs me that seemingly every thread becomes about abortion. There are other issues at hand.

 

[Pong]

It bugs me that the rape thing gets thrown out there everytime a pro-abortion person wants to justify themselves.

It bugs me that seemingly every thread becomes about abortion. There are other issues at hand.

 

[carol_marie]

What’s up with the posts X 3 ?

 

[maryjk]

Maryjk,

Please read all past posts… You will see that there are 2 discussions…one is the practical for the situation, the other is regarding a hypothetical situation with certain assumptions made.

and yes, this girl was “caught” (in the hypothetical situation)…its not a matter of gossip, its a real situation.

Gee what an idea, read all the posts. :doh2:

Well, I have and was answering Carol Marie’s question, what if it was a priest in a situation.

Problem is I don’t agree with you that the woman should be put out of her job one month before the end of school for what people think may have happened.

Unless he seems, in other matters, to not follow the teaching of the Church, I would trust in my Priest.

Mary3:

My last choice is that CCD is over in 3 weeks, and we’re done till September. One poster noted that there may be secret agendas in progress to transition her to another place. We wait and see what happens regarding her continued employment in this role, and weigh the decision about whether to return after the summer.

That would have been me. You are talking to everyone here about this issue. It would take one phone call to your priest. Tell him you are concerned about how it looks to have an unwed, pregnant youth minister. He will either tell you that is it none of your business or he will tell you how it has been taken care of.

One option is that she is leaving at the end of the school year. If she is employed rather than a volunteer, and she did not sign a morals contract, I doubt that the parish wants the law suit. If the contract is by the year, it may just be a “wait it out” solution.

And if she is an employee and has medical coverage through the parish, I don’t blame her for not stepping down. Yes, she should be concerned about the children that she is teaching, but she should also be concerned about her child.

 

[carol_marie]

It would take one phone call to your priest. Tell him you are concerned about how it looks to have an unwed, pregnant youth minister. He will either tell you that is it none of your business or he will tell you how it has been taken care of.

.

OK - I’m going with this one. Forget about talking to her directly (although I am the sort of person who doesn’t like to involve others - but rather, I like to go right to the source) But I think this is good advice. Voice concerns to Priest - if he said it was none of my business - I’d pull my kids because while the youth leader may not be any of my business - my kids are.

I stand by my opinion that she should step down - but if she didn’t, and the Priest didn’t make her for reasons unknown to me, short of lighting torches & storming the castle (lol!) - there isn’t anything more that can be done. Bringing all sorts of attention to the situation would only cause more scandal to those who may have otherwise been oblivous.

 

[rayne89]

Apparently there was some problem last night. I didn’t think my post went through at all. I finally gave up. I even went back to check and there was no post but it’s here three times this morning.

 

[seekerz]

To me, an appropriate role model is one who can show young people that one can fall and rise and continue to serve Jesus in the Church. Too many people leave the Church out of shame when they fall to premarital sex or drugs or whatever; almost like they felt they couldn’t be ever again be as ‘good’ as the rest of us.

Maybe if they had learned as children that nothing can separate them from the love of God or Church community they’d still be with us. The case of the Youth Director apart, too many unwed pregnant mothers get treated like second class citizens in Churches (not just Catholic ones).

Let’s not kid ourselves, teenagers, whether we accept it or not are already well aware of just about everything to do with sex and depending on their ages, may already have had to make the big decision to yield or not to yield. Maybe what they really need are lessons in forgiveness and redemption. Premarital sex already has enough natural consequences, not the least of which are the challenges of single parenthood, why should we impose even more?

The father of the prodigal son could easily have accepted his proposal to return as a hired servant and that logically is probably more than he deserved. What a scandal to take him back as a son, what an example for other young sons!

The penance and subsequent fate for those guilty of premarital sex, should be determined by their confessors - not by the general congregation.

 

[cathyt]

Mary3 your children are blessed to have you. I’m sure that you will be talking to them about all of this and I hope that, as you have suggested, the youth director does too.

Also, are you still plannning to talk to your pastor about this? I would strongly suggest that you do. As far as removing her from the postion, if he chose to do that, he would more than likely have the legal right to do it. At least in my diocese all parish and diocesan staff is hired “at will” meanning that employment can be terminated at any time for any or no reason by either the employee or employer. I know that’s not neccesarily what you’re advocating for.

Still I would let the pastor know your thoughts and concerns and prayers for him and for the young woman in this situation. I’m sure it is a very stressful situation for him as you noted and I think it would be helpful to him to know that you relate to and appreciate the weight of what is going on right now.

And, I think we all need to continue to hold this young woman, her baby, the father, the teens, and the parish in our prayers.

God bless you!!!

 

[gmarie21]

To me, an appropriate role model is one who can show young people that one can fall and rise and continue to serve Jesus in the Church. Too many people leave the Church out of shame when they fall to premarital sex or drugs or whatever; almost like they felt they couldn’t be ever again be as ‘good’ as the rest of us.

Maybe if they had learned as children that nothing can separate them from the love of God or Church community they’d still be with us. The case of the Youth Director apart, too many unwed pregnant mothers get treated like second class citizens in Churches (not just Catholic ones).

Let’s not kid ourselves, teenagers, whether we accept it or not are already well aware of just about everything to do with sex and depending on their ages, may already have had to make the big decision to yield or not to yield. Maybe what they really need are lessons in forgiveness and redemption. Premarital sex already has enough natural consequences, not the least of which are the challenges of single parenthood, why should we impose even more?

The father of the prodigal son could easily have accepted his proposal to return as a hired servant and that logically is probably more than he deserved. What a scandal to take him back as a son, what an example for other young sons!

The penance and subsequent fate for those guilty of premarital sex, should be determined by their confessors - not by the general congregation.

I 100% agree about everything you have said. And I 100% agree that you are correct in your assesment of how those of us who fall horribly feel rejected, judged, and unwelcomed. However, I have overcome all three with the love and compassion of a few good priests. MANY don’t go back to the Church immediately or even soon after their horrible sin simply because they feel unworthy AND judged by EVERYONE ELSE.

I wonder, how many who believe in firing this woman immediately have ever felt the consequences of a mortal sin? Have they ever been rejected by those who claim themselves to be “pro-life” when pregnant and unmarried? If not, then they have NO idea how the consequences truly are to a fallen sinner. As a single mom, I still pay, and will always pay for my sin even though I have been forgiven. I have learned from my sin but I am well aware of those who are “pro-life” and still judge me and my situation within the Church.

If this leader is like I was, I’m sure she’s stepping down at the end of the year. Give it the three weeks and then see what happens (go on your diocese website if you feel uncomfortable talking to your priest, see if her position is available).

 

[litllulu]

To me, an appropriate role model is one who can show young people that one can fall and rise and continue to serve Jesus in the Church. Too many people leave the Church out of shame when they fall to premarital sex or drugs or whatever; almost like they felt they couldn’t be ever again be as ‘good’ as the rest of us.

Maybe if they had learned as children that nothing can separate them from the love of God or Church community they’d still be with us. The case of the Youth Director apart, too many unwed pregnant mothers get treated like second class citizens in Churches (not just Catholic ones).

Let’s not kid ourselves, teenagers, whether we accept it or not are already well aware of just about everything to do with sex and depending on their ages, may already have had to make the big decision to yield or not to yield. Maybe what they really need are lessons in forgiveness and redemption. Premarital sex already has enough natural consequences, not the least of which are the challenges of single parenthood, why should we impose even more?

The father of the prodigal son could easily have accepted his proposal to return as a hired servant and that logically is probably more than he deserved. What a scandal to take him back as a son, what an example for other young sons!

The penance and subsequent fate for those guilty of premarital sex, should be determined by their confessors - not by the general congregation.

That is a beautiful statement. Concerning the Prodigal son a priest on EWTN said that the “good” son was worse because of his sin in his heart, jealousy, resentment, pride. The prodigals son realised he sinned. Sins of the flesh are not as bad as sins of the heart, those no one see!

That was Fr. Leo Clifford, so if you don’t like it send HIM a letter!

The good son was worse for thinking he was so much better than the prodigal son! Much like what you guys are doing! Slaughter the fatted cow for the woman when she repents!

 

[JLSacred]

I’m glad that we heard, again, from the OP. It sounds as if everything will be taken care of after this session is over. Maybe the girl is planning to get married? I agree with the idea of a friendly phone call to the parish priest, saying that it looks as if the youth group leader is pregnant, and that you, as a parent, are concerned and alarmed at this fact. I’m sure others are concerned as well, I personally see no harm in discussing this with other parents.

 

[carol_marie]

The good son was worse for thinking he was so much better than the prodigal son! **Much like what you guys are doing! **Slaughter the fatted cow for the woman when she repents!

OK, I’m back to :banghead: NO ONE said we were better than this woman. It was stated over & over & over & over again that we are ALL SINNERS. She is - I am - you are - we are no different. This had nothing to do with where she stood before God.

This was about the teenagers she was in charge of - teenagers who pay alot more attention to what you do - rather than what you say. Our concern was that they are BOMBARDED with messages that EVERYONE has sex - that the Catholic Church’s “rules” are old & outdated and no one actually follows them. It was our fear that the pregnant out of wedlock youth leader would only drive home this point.

We’ve said that the church should NOT abandon her - we should pray for her, help her in any way that we can. But she shouldn’t be a ROLE MODEL for impressionable teenagers.

Oh brother. Nevermind.

 

[JLSacred]

OK, I’m back to :banghead: NO ONE said we were better than this woman. It was stated over & over & over & over again that we are ALL SINNERS. She is - I am - you are - we are no different. This had nothing to do with where she stood before God.

This was about the teenagers she was in charge of - teenagers who pay alot more attention to what you do - rather than what you say. Our concern was that they are BOMBARDED with messages that EVERYONE has sex - that the Catholic Church’s “rules” are old & outdated and no one actually follows them. It was our fear that the pregnant out of wedlock youth leader would only drive home this point.

We’ve said that the church should NOT abandon her - we should pray for her, help her in any way that we can. But she shouldn’t be a ROLE MODEL for impressionable teenagers.

Oh brother. Nevermind.

Exactly, I wish posters would stop making assumptions. We’re calling for her resignation from this particular post, not that she be tarred a feathered, and run out of town. She’s not qualified to be a youth leader anymore. Yes, we understand that we’re all sinners. It’s just we want a role model for our children whose credentials include more than not getting an abortion when she gets knocked up by her boyfriend.

 

[litllulu]

To me, an appropriate role model is one who can show young people that one can fall and rise and continue to serve Jesus in the Church. Too many people leave the Church out of shame when they fall to premarital sex or drugs or whatever; almost like they felt they couldn’t be ever again be as ‘good’ as the rest of us.

Maybe if they had learned as children that nothing can separate them from the love of God or Church community they’d still be with us. The case of the Youth Director apart, too many unwed pregnant mothers get treated like second class citizens in Churches (not just Catholic ones).

Let’s not kid ourselves, teenagers, whether we accept it or not are already well aware of just about everything to do with sex and depending on their ages, may already have had to make the big decision to yield or not to yield. Maybe what they really need are lessons in forgiveness and redemption. Premarital sex already has enough natural consequences, not the least of which are the challenges of single parenthood, why should we impose even more?

The father of the prodigal son could easily have accepted his proposal to return as a hired servant and that logically is probably more than he deserved. What a scandal to take him back as a son, what an example for other young sons!

The penance and subsequent fate for those guilty of premarital sex, should be determined by their confessors - not by the general congregation.

OK, I’m back to :banghead: NO ONE said we were better than this woman. It was stated over & over & over & over again that we are ALL SINNERS. She is - I am - you are - we are no different. This had nothing to do with where she stood before God.

This was about the teenagers she was in charge of - teenagers who pay alot more attention to what you do - rather than what you say. Our concern was that they are BOMBARDED with messages that EVERYONE has sex - that the Catholic Church’s “rules” are old & outdated and no one actually follows them. It was our fear that the pregnant out of wedlock youth leader would only drive home this point.

We’ve said that the church should NOT abandon her - we should pray for her, help her in any way that we can. But she shouldn’t be a ROLE MODEL for impressionable teenagers.

Oh brother. Nevermind.

So are you going to find someone who does not sin? Or are you going to find someone who says that they do not sin, but really do? Not one of us is good enough to fullfill a perfect role. God forbid you find someone who is living the Catholic life you speak of, but has a skeleton in their closet that everyone finds out about. That would be no different. We can’t treat the unborn child like a scarlet letter. This will only lead to more ABC and more abortions. This would be a great teaching moment. Let’s show the youth that if they become with child, they can bring it to their parents, to their church, and they will be not treated like a spreading disease! Chances are a vast majority will engage in Premarital sex, and many will become pregnant before they are married. That is just a fact of life. And what will they remember? They will remember the woman who was forced to resign, they will remember the fury of their parents, of the priest towards that woman! NOT GOOD.

 

[PennitentMan]

Our concern was that they are BOMBARDED with messages that EVERYONE has sex - that the Catholic Church’s “rules” are old & outdated and no one actually follows them. It was our fear that the pregnant out of wedlock youth leader would only drive home this point.

She has probably confessed her sin. She is among the impressioonable teens to give them first hand experience. She should stay and talk about it. She is in a very good situation to talk about the errors of this. She can also explain to them the great pro-life stance she is taking.

What if she silently had an abortion to cover this up??

But if she is removed? Her parish will exclaim in very loud words that the situation is so very scandalous and that message will be interpreted by teens to not get pregnant…by any means…this will result in ABC and abortions, rather than to take responsibility for her actions.

She is in a great position to testify and tell them good and bad about this.

 

[PennitentMan]

So are you going to find someone who does not sin? Or are you going to find someone who says that they do not sin, but really do? Not one of us is good enough to fullfill a perfect role. God forbid you find someone who is living the Catholic life you speak of, but has a skeleton in their closet that everyone finds out about. That would be no different. We can’t treat the unborn child like a scarlet letter. This will only lead to more ABC and more abortions. This would be a great teaching moment. Let’s show the youth that if they become with child, they can bring it to their parents, to their church, and they will be not treated like a spreading disease! Chances are a vast majority will engage in Premarital sex, and many will become pregnant before they are married. That is just a fact of life. And what will they remember? They will remember the woman who was forced to resign, they will remember the fury of their parents, of the priest towards that woman! NOT GOOD.

Well said!!