Responses to Unwelcome Comments on Family Size

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funkyhorn:
How’s this one…

"YES! And we’ll do it again and again until my wife (or husband) and I spawn an ARMY OF CATHOLICS and TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!! Muah Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!
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Yea! I’ll have to remember that one. DH and I have a long way to go but we may make a small battalion before we are though. My oldest is definitely General material.

I would pretend that the question was not incredibly rude (most people don’t mean to be rude, I think, they are just being clueless). My response is to smile and say, “oh I don’t know, we love them so much, we’ll probably have a couple more before we’re through”

peace out,
n
 
My mom, of all people, always tells me I shouldn’t have more kids (I only have 2 now!) and I always tell her, “I’ve never met anyone who wishes they hadn’t had the kids they had.”

Also, at my son’s baptism, a priest told me that we have to have at least 3 to be fulfilling Jesus’ command to be fruitful and multiply because if you only have 2 you’re not actually multiplying, they are just replacing the parents. So we definitely have more work to do! 🙂
 
Well, hopefully I can come up with one or two more…

How about, “I’m keeping Social Security afloat for the rest of you!”
or, there’s always one of my favorites (the rest were already taken) which is “You know what they say - when you find something you’re good at, keep doing it!”😃

God bless!
Fiona
 
My mother would put on her most polite smile, look the person in the eye and say:

“I can’t imagine that you would have an interest in such an intimate aspect of my personal life.”

It usually left the other person speechless, blushing and embarassed. But that was when people understood manners and could be embarassed. Nothing seems to embarass some people today.
 
I just recently saw a comment like this on another message board, and was shocked at how vehemently the person thought those with large families were “selfish” because they were only thinking of themselves when they conceived, versus the children they already had. How short sighted!!

When I’ve encountered this question, I’ve always said something along the lines of, “well, there seems to be a shortage of smart, wonderful, great kids these days…we wanted to help balance the scales.” 🙂
 
A person I know (online), she and her husband have 10 children. When she was asked (by a professional colleague of her husbands) if she didn’t think they were being irresponsible for having so many children…she said "I’m not irresponsible, I’m irresistable!"

One of the gals on DCF has a great tag line on this…

Something like 'yes they are all mine, yes I know what causes them, no I’m not crazy, no I’m not running a daycare…yes I AM CATHOLIC!

SV
 
I am one of 13 children. Here is one of my mother’s responses to “Are you having another one?”

“I don’t believe in flushing them down the toilet.”

People were so taken off guard by her honesty they usually did not repsond.
 
I’d like to suggest that you listen to the song

What I Wanted to Say sung by Marie Bellet

Her records are available at mariebellet.com/

Really hits the point for those answering the questions about large families
 
Years ago I read this either in “Dear Abby” or Ann Landers’ column: A woman in her forties, pregnant with a surprise bonus baby, encountered an acquaintance in the grocery store who asked, “Was this baby planned?” The woman replied, “Yes, God planned it”.
 
I usually reply with one of two answers to “How many children ARE you going to have?”

On my weaker days:
“Lots … Have you seen the size of my lawn? … I need MINIONS.”

When I am stronger:
“As many as God will give us naturally … then we are going to adopt another one … or two.”
 
:rotfl:This is so much fun! My dh, a CPA, would love the tax deduction reply, but here’s my favorite to "Don’t you know what causes that yet? My reply is, “No, but the research continues!”

I also like these to “How many are you going to have?”
  1. “We like to think of M. (our youngest & 4th child) as our middle child.” (I got this from someone who would say this about their 8th child!)
  2. “When they keep turning out this great, it would be a shame to stop!”
BTW - I never lost much weight after baby #4, so I occasionally get the “are you pregnant” question. It used to bother me, but now I just smile and say,“No, just practicing…”
 
momof9, karisue, and emmaus- love these!!!

My mother was pregnant with her fifth in a tiny town in LA when she got the “Don’t you know what causes that?” She replied, “Well maybe if y’all would put a bowling alley in this town we’d have something else to do!”

jp2fan
 
I’ll echo the answer to “Don’t you know what causes that?!”–
“Yes, love!”. That rocks!

I’d answer “Are those all yours?” with “NO, they’re all God’s. He gave them to us. Who are we to say no to God?”

Given the chance, I would prefer to give the longer answer that each child represents, and indeed is the embodiment of the love I have for my wife and the sacrificial love she has for me.

It’s all an academic exercise for me right now, I’m getting married in September… …there’s a good chance that we won’t be able to have children. 😦 I tell my fiancee’, when she has worried about this, that I wasn’t looking for what someone could give me, but for someone worthy of giving myself to. I tell her that our love will find a way to be productive, one way or another. I tell her that it is for God to open and close the womb, it is for us to be open to life. That way God is God and we don’t unnecessarily shoulder the burdens that are properly left to God. We can travel so much lighter in this life that way.

mule
 
I have several friends who have received unwelcome comments when they exceeded the expected 2 or 3 children. I know they would love some of the previous responses!

I realize this is probably more focused to large families, but I have also been on the receiving end of unwelcomed comments because we have only one child. (Selfishness, not open to life, not fair to make our son an only child, etc.)

So… to those who asked us when we were going to have another, my reply had always been “Whenever God chooses.” It’s a bit different now, but still similar.

If anyone can think of something witty for those who are asked when they will have more, or why they only have one - they’d be welcomed!

MC
 
These are all too funny! :rotfl:

My wife and I have four kids and get those questions every now and then.

I usually answer “NFP works!”
It usually takes a few seconds for it to sink into their heads that I “only” have four kids!

Sometimes I’ll say to my (male) friends, “I was ambushed, but now I sleep on my stomach!” and watch them turn green with envy; and to women that ask me, I say “Yeah, she’s got me trained pretty well, huh?” and watch the look of confusion slowly spread across their faces! 👍

-JohnDeP.
 
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matthew1624:
I’ll have to keep these responses in mind for the next time we’re out in public. My wife and I have been married for almost seven years and we have 6 children. Our last was a set of triplets which are now 8 1/2 months old. One of the latest comments I received was “Are they all yours?!” Have any comebacks on that one?
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First a good comeback could be, “No, we just kidnapped that one from the store on the way here!”

I am glad I signed onto this thread. I have been laughing all the way through. I came from a generation that still had large families. There were seven of us, but many of my friends had larger families. I never could understand why people made such a big deal out of it. First of all, my Mom said that after 2-3 it didn’t matter, you’re already doing the same amount of work, just more joy with more kids. There was always someone to play with. And now that our parents are gone, more family and cousins. When poeple would ask, are there any more of you? We would say, “No we ate the weak ones!”
Sincere congratulations to you large families!!! Truly you’ll be blessed, the teen years are difficult, but when they get in their twenties, it all comes home again, and the grandkids and get to gathers are a blast!! We have four!
 
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aimekuelmc:
If anyone can think of something witty for those who are asked when they will have more, or why they only have one - they’d be welcomed!

MC
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I posted earlier that we have four, let me explain further for aimekuelmc…I have four wonderful step-daughters. My husband and I were unable to have more when we married because of his vasectomy. We had it reversed, but still were unable to conceive. People can be very cruel either way. I had an older woman when discovering these were my step children ask me…“didn’t you want any of your own?” I looked right at her and told her we weren’t able to have any of our own! That shut her up! I don’t think people realize how cruel they can be. During the two years we tried to conceive we had people joke about how much fun we must be having trying to make this baby!! Well anyone who has been through this disappointment of not being able to conceive knows it is no fun at all. I cried more tears in those years than all my like so far. But God has now blessed us with two beautiful grand children, and one in particular we’ve had to nearly raise, so that is our mission too. I don’t ever bring up how many children our kids should have that is between them and God.
 
Nana Rose:
People can be very cruel either way. I had an older woman when discovering these were my step children ask me…“didn’t you want any of your own?” I looked right at her and told her we weren’t able to have any of our own! That shut her up! I don’t think people realize how cruel they can be.
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… Well anyone who has been through this disappointment of not being able to conceive knows it is no fun at all. I cried more tears in those years than all my like so far.

I’m so sorry you also went through the tears and disappointment.

So many times I have wished we could have more children.

We spent the first five years of our marriage hoping for a child. And after finally conceiving, we thought more might come. Unfortunately that is not to be.

I know many do not intend to be cruel. And I truly don’t mind people asking if our son is the only one, or if we have others. It is natural curiosity to ask about someone’s family.

But when they venture past simple curiosity to judgment - “You should have more so he won’t be lonely” - then I have a problem. Some are also seen as judgmental in the tone of voice they use in asking. (I’m sure the same goes for those with large families)

MC
 
I am new to this website and am enjoying the topic of ‘responses to rude comments on family size’.
My daughter and her husband have five children and the oldest is six.
They hear these comments ALL the time. And of course people say things to my husband and I as well. We’ll try to remember some of these comebacks to use.
We try to keep in mind that it really is different and hopefully most people are curious.
I am from a family of eight kids in ten years. So I’m sure my mom and dad experienced the same type of comments.
As far as the forum I especially liked the ladys response of “I can’t imagine why you’d be interested in so personal an area of my life.”
KellyEr
 
My wife and I are expecting our fifth child. I have been asked, “Are you going to get fixed?” My response “Clearly, nothing is broken.” has gotten laughs and thoughful pauses.

I think I somehow got the response from Janet Smith’s “Contraception, Why not?”

I haven’t minded the strangers comments on my family size. I chalk it up to living the gospel.
 
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