Should I marry a non-catholic or be single forever?

[jeannetherese]

All due respect, that woman died in 1914. She was probably in an arranged marriage. Her marriage, given the era, was probably an economic proposition.

In the 19th century, women had to get married to someone .

That’s quite a bit of assuming. The article does not make your case.

 

[DivineMercy01]

Completing a degree does equal education (if you make the most of it) education just doesn’t always equal college. I’m an educator! I would know.

You end up thinking you’ve been exposed to a diversity of opinions and beliefs, so you never actually do experience any diversity.

I’m not sure what you’re implying here. If this is in response to my comment that I think you’re trying to get a rise out of me, consider this is a Catholic forum. Most Catholics I know would not consider this polyamorous-until-you’re-married lifestyle you seem to be advocating for.

I don’t know of any church documents on the subject, but most Catholic speakers and authors seem to think dating is for marriage. Marriage is definitely taught by the church to be monogamous, so it would make sense that a courtship, leading to marriage, be monogamous.

 

[DivineMercy01]

Can you clarify what you mean? The article does state that she lived in the 1800s. Historically, women could not live on their own at that time and therefore had to get married to survive. If I was in that position, I would marry just anyone.

My point is that this is the year 2020. I am a single woman who can live on her own and if I have to do that, I will. I am not in a position where I need to get married in order to have someone support me.

 

[jeannetherese]

Sure!
The article give information about her education and class background.
Not every 19th century woman had a vocation to marriage-and the option of joining a religious order or becoming a sister did exist, as did single women living alone or with family.
And, not every woman in the 19th century was married-for various reasons. And, not every 19th century marriage was arranged.
I might be misreading your response; it appeared that you were questioning her motivations, and that you were not drawing from specifics in her life to support this.
I wondered if you read the article?

 

[DivineMercy01]

You raise some fair points. Marriage was not her only choice for survival.

Women are still economically disadvantaged, it is just far more realistic for women to live independently today than it was even 70 years ago.

 

[DivineMercy01]

Sorry, but the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship rules haven’t been dogmatized yet,

If they weren’t having sex then there would be no need to play at marriage until actually married.

So are you saying even during engagement, it’s okay to date multiple people?

Even if you exclude engagement and only consider courtship, your logic is flawed for two reasons:

1. Matthew 7:12: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. How would you feel if you were dating someone, believed you were exclusive, and found out they were dating other people? How would you feel if you were pouring your whole heart and soul into someone who was pouring hers into someone else?
2. The Catechism: IV. THE EFFECTS OF THE SACRAMENT OF MATRIMONY****1638 “From a valid marriage arises a bond between the spouses which by its very nature is perpetual and exclusive;” How do you expect to enter into an exclusive marriage without having an exclusive courtship? If someone is acting a certain way during your courtship, that person will act that way during your marriage.

 

[AdamP88]

Not to nitpick, but if a Catholic man gets totally wasted, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t “defend the church’s teachings.” It just means he’s flawed and he sinned. He should go to confession and practice moderation in the future. We all sin. It doesn’t make us less Catholic. If your standard is “never sins”, well…yikes.

Allowing yourself to drink more than you can handle might be a minor error the first few times, but once you know where the limit is, there’s no excuse really. A lot of Catholics seem to excuse drunkenness or make out that it isn’t too serious. I’m not saying you’re doing that, but it is something I’ve seen. I’ve never been drunk in my life. It’s not difficult.

 

[AdamP88]

Sorry, but the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship rules haven’t been dogmatized yet, so you’ll have to appeal to a different authority than Catholic teaching for why it’s wrong to date multiple people.

You’re just trolling.

 

[DivineMercy01]

Engagement is as old as marriage, and so reasonably has similar rules (not the same, but similar) to marriage. Modern dating is not that old.

Modern dating? Again, this is a Catholic forum. Please don’t make an argument for “Modern Dating” as the secular world defines it (i.e. I can sleep with who I want when I want no strings attached). The practicing Catholics in the room don’t have time for that.

At what point does the Catechism end and your interpretation begin?

I realized there was a typo on my last post. You can now clearly see that the end quote has been added. My own “interpretation” is that marriage is exclusive. My own knowledge is that a nonexclusive courtship would not be a good way to discern an exclusive marriage.

I’m saying the whole “dating exclusively but not engaged” is a result of loose sexual morals and wouldn’t exist in the same form if people were being chaste.

I disagree wholeheartedly and I don’t know where this is coming from. Where are all the women who would be ok with dating non-exclusively and having full knowledge of that? Better yet, where are all the adults who have time to date more than one person? I’ve never met one.

All due respect, are you so insecure about your ability to keep one potential spouse around that you feel you need to have more than one?

 

[DivineMercy01]

What is the difference between going on 2 dates a week with one girl and one date a week with 2 girls?

^I think I said in an earlier post that it’s okay to go on multiple dates with different people when you are simply getting to know each other.

You’re talking to a Catholic

I’ll take your word for it.

You really think people would be dating someone exclusively for 2, 3, 5 years with no engagement or marriage prospects if they weren’t having sex?

It depends on their age and phase of life. I personally could not date someone for years. I would expect an engagement or a breakup after 9 months tops of dating chastely, unless he had a serious reason for delaying engagement. However, I know people who have dated 3, 5, even 6 years and not had sex.

Take sexual activity out of the equation and I can promise that most adults (not teens) wouldn’t see the problem with dating multiple people. Also relationships that aren’t engagements or marriages would not be such a hyper-serious issue.

I guess we just have to agree to disagree on this one. As a woman, I can tell you a non-sexual relationship can take an emotional toll and requires emotional investment.

 

[DivineMercy01]

Lmao at you thinking I could get one woman to date me, much less have multiple women wanting to date me. This has nothing to do with me personally.

You’re implying it is laughable to think a woman could date you? You seem like such a blast to be around with your advocating for polyamory and arguing about minute hypotheticals.

 

[AdamP88]

I’m saying the whole “dating exclusively but not engaged” is a result of loose sexual morals and wouldn’t exist in the same form if people were being chaste.

Firstly, I don’t think it’s a result of loose sexual morals, it’s more to do with an increased amount of individual freedom in these areas. People in the modern world have to look for their own partner and this is the way people have ended up doing it.

I’m not sure that’s an altogether bad thing.

The Overton Window sure has done a number on the last few generations.

Nothing to do with the Overton Window. You come on making provocative statements without fully explaining yourself then what do you expect.

I specifically called out modern dating as a byproduct of the sexual revolution

It’s not though. The “hook-up” culture is certainly from the sexual revolution but the modern “format” of dating has been around for much longer than that.

What is the difference between going on 2 dates a week with one girl and one date a week with 2 girls?

Kinda with you on this to a point. If you’re on a dating website or something I see nothing particularly wrong with organising two dates with different women in a week. No promise of exclusivity has been made yet. Not personally the way I would go but fair enough.

You really think people would be dating someone exclusively for 2, 3, 5 years with no engagement or marriage prospects if they weren’t having sex?

Who was talking about long-term dating, except you?

I think we’re all in agreement that once you are serious about marriage, the best thing is to date with that purpose, which means discerning quickly if a person is not suitable, and moving on if that is the case. And if they are suitable, not dragging out the dating or engagement.

Take sexual activity out of the equation and I can promise that most adults (not teens) wouldn’t see the problem with dating multiple people. Also relationships that aren’t engagements or marriages would not be such a hyper-serious issue.

I don’t really agree with this. If you’re dating for marriage, then it is a serious issue. It takes a bit of time in an exclusive relationship to actually figure out of you want to marry the person.
They should be as serious as they are. You can be in an exclusive relationship without being engaged, but the understanding is that you can walk away during this time. Even in engagement you can walk.

I kinda see where you’re coming from, but I think that society just isn’t geared in that way anymore, even for Catholics. And again, I’m not sure that’s an entirely bad thing.

 

[sorrowful1]

Considering a Non-Catholic man “unsuitable” would be unfair. Each of us humans have the right to follow our faith/belief. Like others have suggested, I’d say, be such an “exemplary” Catholic to the man you love that he will change. We can’t force other to change simply because our faith doesn’t assimilate. Besides, does the Bible state that Catholics and Non-Catholics CANNOT get married?

 

[TC3033]

Again. I specifically am speaking of “committed Catholics”. If you haven’t got that by now then I dunno.

Words have meanings… If you wants words to have meanings outside of context we should probably make that specification every time.

And again, I think you are either misunderstanding or misrepresenting what was being said.

100% disagree. Poster knew what they mean and this misinterpretation of “mixed” marriages is exactly what they wanted to portray.

Highly unsurprising.

In my experience, the wife’s leads which way the family goes religiously.

agree

 

[DivineMercy01]

Considering a Non-Catholic man “unsuitable” would be unfair. Each of us humans have the right to follow our faith/belief.

I’ve stated my reasons for wanting my marriage to look a certain way. To each her own, but for me, a non-Catholic is, in fact unsuitable.

the Bible state that Catholics and Non-Catholics CANNOT get married?

CANNOT and SHOULD NOT are different. It’s not a question of sin, it’s a question of wisdom.

 

[missj0101]

Wow this is a great topic! I’m kind of in the same situation, I’m also in my early 20’s and I also wanna get married. And I know it has to be with a Catholic man. I’ve tried everything, I’ve tried meeting people at my local church, online dating (both paid and free), I tried dating non-Catholics whom I was attracted to with the intention of converting them, and nothing worked. My mom is Catholic and my dad is Buddhist, my dad converted for her but the truth is they’re not that religious oh and they got divorced 10 years later,but that doesn’t have anything to do with their religion and being Catholic doesn’t make you a better person just like not being Catholic does not make you a bad person. My dad is a much better person than my mom and he’s not the one who asked for the divorce. I’ve had this discussion with my priest a while ago. He wasn’t happy when I told him I was seeing a Jewish guy and trying to convert him. He said they have to do it because they believe in God and in the teachings of our church and not just to make you happy. But if you ever meet someone who loves you unconditionally, don’t push him away if he’s not Catholic. Get to know him before you make any decisions and maybe see a priest together. I personally would not recommend online dating, the best thing to do is still meeting people in person. However, since nothing’s worked for me so far because I’m so picky I realized that I have to let God guide me, and stop trying so hard because that’s obviously not how it works.

My advice is, focus on other things for now, your career, personal growth, family, church, and let nature run its course. I have faith in God and I know He will send us someone great, when the time is right.Sending lots of positive vibes your way and if you ever need to talk to someone who’s going through the same thing, I’m here for you. Xoxo

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

there’s no excuse really.

I’m not saying getting trashed is okay. I’m just saying it’s not a basis to say “well, this one clearly isn’t serious about his faith.” If that were the standard, no one would qualify, since we all fail. If not with alcohol, then with some other vice.

 

[VanitasVanitatum]

Not to nitpick, but if a Catholic man gets totally wasted, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t “defend the church’s teachings.” It just means he’s flawed and he sinned. He should go to confession and practice moderation in the future. We all sin. It doesn’t make us less Catholic. If your standard is “never sins”, well…yikes.

“Never sins” stance doesn’t sound like a reasonable evaluation. Getting drunk can be a big problem and it certainly warrants some looking into.

I’m not saying getting trashed is okay. I’m just saying it’s not a basis to say “well, this one clearly isn’t serious about his faith.” If that were the standard, no one would qualify, since we all fail. If not with alcohol, then with some other vice.

Not all sins are of equal gravity and some are clearly more questionable than others.

 

[DivineMercy01]

Also I’m older than you, so cool it with the “I’m in my 20s now, that makes me an adult and mature”. It’s cringy.

Did I just walk into a schoolyard where the 2nd grader is better than me because I’m in kindergarten?

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

Getting drunk can be a big problem and it certainly warrants some looking into.

I never said otherwise. Someone who gets completely hammered on a regular basis may indeed have a problem, both spiritually and medically. I’m not sure what you’re actually disagreeing with.

All I’m saying is that you can’t go from “this person committed a sin” to “this person isn’t a sincere Catholic” because that would cover all of us. We all mess up sometimes. It doesn’t mean we’re not legitimately trying.