St. Monica pray for us! Praying for our husbands....

[Lamb_Serenade]

Lets all remember to pray for our missing friends. I think of Diana often and pray she is okay. This post saddened me and I hope she is finding the strength she needs to get through this dark and painful time.

O Christ Jesus,
when all is darkness
and we feel our weakness and helplessness,
give us the sense of Your presence,
Your love, and Your strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
in Your protecting love
and strengthening power,
so that nothing may frighten or worry us,
for, living close to You,
we shall see Your hand,
Your purpose, Your will through all things.
Amen.

Praying for strength, and faith in this very dark and painful time Lord. Be with me, guide me, and hold me close, comforting me with the understanding that this too shall pass.

Ladies, I ask for your prayers, the last few days have felt like purgatory on earth. My dh, and my son, have both fallen victim to the warm weather and the drinking that seems to always come with it. The drinking turns to fighting, yelling and swearing, insults and every kind of emotional abuse. My spirit has been assaulted from both of them the last few days, and I’m having a tough time hanging on. As I write this, for that matter as I do anything, the tears well up in my eyes, and I break down again. I feel like I am betraying God, for I believe he wants me to stay and help, but I just don’t have it in me. I feel like a fool for staying with a man who is so mean and abusive, so selfish and filled with so much anger and hatred. Forgive me Lord, but I ask again - grant me the means to leave this behind. Grant me the courage to walk away and never look back. He is your son Lord, care for him, watch over him, and be there for him, for I cannot. My heart aches, my spirit is broken, and I need time to heal before I can do anybody any good at all.

 

[mom4truth]

My heart and prayers go out to Diana. I, too, think of her often! God, please take care of our dear, dear friend Diana. Protect her and love her like only You can do. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

 

[Belle10]

Hello all!

I wish I was posting here to tell you my DH has had an epiphany and has become a non-drinker, has our master bedroom remodel done (he started it two months ago), and I was moved back and we are living happily ever after.

Well, I’m not here to post that, but I am here to share some of what I have been doing and how things are going.

Two weeks ago, after a discussion that devolved into hurt feelings and angry words, I decided to start praying for my DH in a more overt manner. Every day for nine days I sent an e-mail to my DH which contained the prayer for the Novena to St. Therese’ the Little Flower, a Prayer of Abandonment and a third prayer which I changed a couple of times. Since I ended the Novena, I decided to continue to e-mail him prayers. Today I sent the passage from today’s 1st reading, the Gospel and a passage from Jeremiah which has been very helpful to me. Not sure what I will do tomorrow. I may resend today’s.

As I prepare the e-mail, I say the prayers and then send them to DH. He has never said anything to me about the prayers, but slowly his attitude has been changing. He is choosing to spend more time with us (me and DD). We drove to the mountains on the 4th and spent the day exploring and had a picnic in the pine forest (complete with ants!). When we got home we ALL drove to the fireworks display and watched some of the best fireworks our community has put on in years, AND HE ENJOYED IT!

I, too, have been changing. I am choosing to let go of our discussions sooner instead of getting worked up and angry when he doesn’t respond or doesn’t respond the way I would like him to. I had an urging to be as a mother to him (DH). To guide him and love him as a mother would and I think this change in perspective has helped me to be more patient and understanding. When I think of him as a child in need of a mother he seems more vulnerable and more approachable. It also helps me to get out of conversations when his responses become incoherent (not because he’s drinking but because he’s not making sense).

He is being more loving and concerned for how I’m feeling. Today he was worried that I was grumpy or upset about something and kept asking me if I was okay. He is being more like his old self, more spontaneous with occasional affection. I was a Lector at Mass today and afterward, he told me I looked good. He is coming upstairs every night now to give me a kiss and say good night.

I’m not so deluded to believe he is changing for good, but it seems we are making small steps forward for now. I think he hasn’t drank in about a week now, so maybe he’s moving forward in the right direction.

I keep praying for him for me and for our marriage. I am praying as well for all of you, for the healing and reparation of your marriages and your lives. May our Savior Jesus Christ, bring peace and healing to you.

Hi everyone – I know I haven’t been posting much, but I still read the thread almost daily. Debbie, so happy for the positive news above! Lana, that’s great you’re moved in to your new place. Everyone else, sorry, I’m a bit behind on the thread from the weekend.

I come asking for prayers if you have time. I had to leave DD at home this morning and my MIL was going to be picking her up to take her to her new daycare. :crying: I’m petrified and so upset – all I want is to be home with her, why won’t God help make this happen? DH still has no full-time job, though he has a few contracting jobs lined up, so at least there’ll be a little money coming in. I’m despairing and don’t know what else to do – I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed, and nothing changes. :crying: :crying: :crying:

One happy note: we should be able to find out the gender of our new little one at my doctor’s appointment today.

 

[catholicmomof5]

I write to you ladies as both your loving Catholic sister and a trained professional in dealing with addiction to substances. I continue to pray for each of you as I follow this thread.

I was wondering as I read this if any of you attend Alanon? Codependency is a very real set of thoughts, feelings and behaviors that develop in loved ones of people who are using substances. Codependency takes on a life of its own and does not go away just because a spouse or loved one quits using. In other words, just because they get better, does not mean we know how to quit playing the role we have become accustomed too.

I know, I did this in my first marriage. I am sorry to say I have been married before (a non-sacramental marriage that ended in divorce and a paperwork annulment). At the time I was not well catechised (sp?) and very young. My 1st husband was addicted to gambling, alcohol and other women and not necessarily in that order. I was not aware of St. Monica and her effort and ability to bring to conversion her husband and son through prayer. I did not get the advice of a healthy Catholic therapist about how to handle this situation (although I did seek this out. The therapist ended up divorced herself several years later).

I am now married to a totallly different man in terms of his behaviors and faith. If I play the “if I knew then what I knew now” game what would I do? I would continue to pray for my husband’s conversion and if it became a situation in which I was not safe physically or mentally I would separate myself from him physically, but I would not seek out a divorce. I would continue to hope and pray for a conversion, but I would not divorce him. I would do this too if my husband now suddenly lost his mind and did something that could not safely be tolerated in the same house. (I don’t expect this to ever happen). I say this just because before I never would have thought that was an option. After my children were raised, I may even seek out an order that would allow me to join in my married state. There are orders like that. I would devote myself to my vocation and our heavenly Father. Now if I could safely be in the home with my husband as some of you ladies are doing, I would do so and pray from that closer angle if you will. I would do as you all are doing. I would also seek out a competent professional who was Catholic to help me set proper boundaries as to not enable my husband and or child.

I don’t know if this will be well received, but I hope to have not offended anyone. Please, feel free to ask me questions if you want. PM’s are fine. Thank you for listening.

Jennifer, Consecreted daughter of Mary’s Immaculate Heart, Wife of Brent, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Alcohol and Drug Counselor, Mother of Five

 

[New_Mom_Katie]

My goodness, this thread has been going on for a long time and I just found it!

Well hello, ladies. My name is Katie and let me tell you that i can relate SO MUCH to what many of you are going through. My husband Kevin is a ‘lazy protestant’ so not only is he not Catholic but he doesn’t even actively practice his own ‘faith’ either. I am very patient and have always allowed my husband to do his own thing.

But now we are having a baby and I worry so much! I worry it will be so hard to raise my children strongly in the faith if he is not moving towards the same goal.

So I am going to continue praying for him and draw from all of you for support!

 

[MonicaRose]

Hi Everyone,

I’m praying for all of you!!

No updates for me except that I feel much the same as you, Belle, I’m growing weary lately:banghead:…I will pray especially tonight for all of us to be graced with St. Monica’s patience and trust!!

:hug1:

 

[mom4truth]

Wow! This has been a really yucky night. Dh just doesn’t get how to talk to the kids. My son said: “it’s sad when you don’t even know your own father”. Now that really stinks. I’m praying very hard for dh to come to his senses. Maybe the Holy Spirit needs to drop a heavy dose of humility on him. Please pray for me and my dh and kids. God bless us and have mercy on us.

 

[HalfOfAWhole]

Hi mom4truth, Rammy, and all of you lovely women. I haven’t been posting lately, I’ve been so beaten, but my prayer to St. Therese of the Little Flower, on Father’s Day, provided me with some true peace and comfort. I must go back into court tomorrow, the judge is supposed to rule on whether me and my son will be allowed to buy out the wife, and hopefully with the money she has stolen from my son’s inheritance, and get back into our home. I have been preapproved for the mortgage buyout, and I had a home appaiser at the house today to present the numbers to the judge. There’s so much to worry about that I won’t go in to right now, but I’m praying that the judge sees what is right, as everyone else does, and rules in our favor. This woman, my wife, has done so many sinful things, virtually the worst things known to man without going to jail. I guess she has a good vindictive lawyer, she actually has written a book on witchcraft, can you believe it? And my wife, the phoney Catholic, still living a life of luxury without paying a dime of her own money, and has actually bought her 16 & 17 yr. old sons each a SUV with my son’s inheritance money, I would say about $15K each. She also paid off about $30K of her credit card debt with my son’s money, remember she lied to me about having ANY debt when we got married. I was married under false pretense, maybe enough for annullment? Anyway, I’d thought I’d vent a bit. Sorry I can’t provide any of you with any useful words, but I keep you in my prayers.

• The lone guy on this thread

 

[Lamb_Serenade]

I write to you ladies as both your loving Catholic sister and a trained professional in dealing with addiction to substances. I continue to pray for each of you as I follow this thread.

I was wondering as I read this if any of you attend Alanon? Codependency is a very real set of thoughts, feelings and behaviors that develop in loved ones of people who are using substances. Codependency takes on a life of its own and does not go away just because a spouse or loved one quits using. In other words, just because they get better, does not mean we know how to quit playing the role we have become accustomed too.

cmof5, thanks for your concern. It’s nice to have a professional to ask questions and give advice.

To answer your question, yes, I tried AlAnon, and hated it. I was very uncomfortable and just knew it wasn’t the right thing for me. I am under the Spiritual Direction of our parish priest and he is helping me spiritually deal with my circumstances. For me, that is the place I need the most help with. When my soul is being cared for, the rest of me feels much better.

I think my post about becoming like a mother to my DH may have prompted you concern about co-dependency. Actually for me, it’s a way to detach and not be so hostile and angry. Additionally, it puts his behavior into sharp perspective in that he is acting like a child throwing a tantrum because his mom has taken away the 5 pound bag of candy he has had his face buried in. Asking him to quit drinking is causing him to throw a grown man version of a tantrum. I’m not “mothering” him. I’m acting as a “parent” which for me hold different definitions in this case.

I would also seek out a competent professional who was Catholic to help me set proper boundaries as to not enable my husband and or child.

I went to five sessions with a licensed counselor to do just that. She was Catholic, so she understood my spiritual working with the priest. They were good sessions and she helped me to properly communicate with DH when he had spiraled dangerously down and was drinking very heavily. She helped me to deal with some of my emotional hurt and fear as well. Only went to five because that was all DH’s work would pay for. Couldn’t justify me going when we were also paying for DH full time counseling at the time. Would have been a monumental bill to deal with. SD with my priest has actually done more good for me in the long run.

I don’t know if this will be well received, but I hope to have not offended anyone. Please, feel free to ask me questions if you want. PM’s are fine. Thank you for listening.

Not at all offended and take it as it was given; with love, compassion and genuine concern, so no worries here (at least from me…I can’t speak for the others)
I may take you up on this offer sometime

 

[BeeSweet]

Prayer to Saint Joseph for all sick husbands to find help.

O glorious St. Joseph,
friend of the Sacred Heart of Jesus,
thou whose power renders impossible things possible,
come to our aid in our present trouble and distress.
Take these important and difficult affairs
which we recommend to your protection,
that they may end happily.

O dear St. Joseph,
all our confidence is in you.
Let it not be said that we have invoked you in vain,
and since you are so powerful with Jesus and Mary,
show that your goodness equals power.

Amen.

St. Joseph, friend of the Sacred Heart of Jesus,
pray for us and for all who invoke your aid.

St. Joseph, friend of the Sacred Heart of Jesus,
pray for us and for all who invoke your aid.

St. Joseph, friend of the Sacred Heart of Jesus,
pray for us and for all who invoke your aid.

 

[BeeSweet]

**PRAYER TO ST. MONICA

Dear St. Monica,
troubled wife and mother,
many sorrows pierced your heart during your lifetime.
Yet, you never despaired or lost faith.
With confidence, persistence, and profound faith,
you prayed daily for the conversion
of your beloved husband, Patricius,
and your beloved son, Augustine;
your prayers were answered.
Grant me that same fortitude, patience,
and trust in the Lord.
Intercede for me, dear St. Monica,
that God may favorably hear my plea for

the conversion of my husband, healing and salvation of our marriage, and the strong faith of our son, the conversion of all sinners in our families and of the spouses being prayed for here by CAF members,**

and grant me the grace to accept His Will in all things,
through Jesus Christ, our Lord,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, forever and ever.

Amen.

Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of our death.
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of our death.
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of our death.

Jesus, I trust in You!
Jesus, I trust in You!
Jesus, I trust in You!

 

[Rammy]

Whew…i had to take notes… …otherwise i would have surely left someone out. First off, again our resedent Prayer Poster has kept us all in her heart, and for this we thank BeeSweet!!!

Lambie hun, i am so proud of you to be at the junction in your life where there is nothing to loose, and nothing to fear in YOUR change. So many times we see the need in the ill or the one needing to find God…but sometimes we need to BE Gods representitive before we preach. It seems he is responding, and this has backed off his fears enough to let go a bit. It is not hard when we step back from being a wife, and see him as God does…a sick child in need. God bless your new stage of comfort.

Bell sweetie, i am heart sick for you still not able to be at home with your daughter, and also see her in daycare. I do not mean to put any caregiver down, but some moms feel a deep calling, and it pains them not to be in this role. God hears your pain. Oh to find solution in his time is so very hard to do. Lastly hun, did you find out the gender of the new baby on the way?

C M of 5, i am so glad to have you on board, and it is a far different trick to have the tools, and not be able to help someone. Sometimes it is because they are not ready, do not see, or it is not a possibility in their life yet…so we pray as best we can because we are lost. I know i STILL enable, but not as often. When i am tired, and weak, i simply do not have it in me.But to be able to stand up for oneself is one thing, but to know WHY we are enabeling is another story. We do it out of fear…fear of many things. Life, home life, spiritual life, but mostly because we are givers based in a line of guilt. Not guilt to pay out, or do something…but guilt that enables our self worth meter. Mine was completly busted…The worse i felt about myself, the worse i enabled. But it is in knowing your goals, and dieing to self that we are freed of this guilt, and are able to constructivly do the things nescesary for others in need. A beautiful transformation once a little bit onto the other side, and confidence emerges.

Katie…we are glad to have you here, and yes, we are a very needy bunch of women…needing each other, a suport system, and encouragement we do not find at home or in daily life…so welcome. I do not like to see any woman fear the outcome of her childs safety and growth spiritually. If not united, it definitely will feel devided at times. We need to be together in our marriages, and i will pray for yours as well as my own.

Monica hun, keep your chin up, less the beast find a way into your heart and fill you with dispair. I am praying for you as well.

Mom4truthI wonder how old your son is to be at such a junction in his life where he has admitted the reality so bluntly, as aposed to the usual fantasy of dad returning to a wonderful state soon. I’ll pray for his hurting.

And to the Lone Guy on this thread…i’ve missed hearing your trials. God bless your court event tommorrow. Let Gods voice fall upon the judges ears and the posibility of righting so many painful wrongs done to our gallant father.

whew…i hope i never forgot anyone…and good night my prayerful friends!

Lana

 

[catholicmomof5]

I love being a part of this wonderful group of women (and one man!). I miss out on that kind of interaction in my day to day life. Most of my time is spent with my children, my husband and my clients. I love all of them, but female companionship is a must.
I hope this thread continues as my children begin to try different things. What I haven’t told you guys yet is I am a recovering alcoholic coming from a long line of alcoholics who die from this disease. I lost my Dad in 2005 at the age of 54. My daughter will be 13 this year and she is fascinated (it seems to me) with alcohol. She took a drink of a mimosa when she was a junior brides maid in April at her aunt’s wedding knowing she was strictly forbidden from doing that. I have so much fear that she or one of my boys will begin to use and there will be nothing I can do. You are all in my prayers. I finally got on with my other log in Princz23 and plan to use that instead of CatholicMomof5 so look for me under that name. Love and blessings,
Jennifer

 

[princz23]

Hey I am logging in so I can be sure to get this thread under this name in my e-mail notifications. Jennifer

 

[mom4truth]

Halfofawhole:

You are definitely going through the wringer right now. From what you have posted, it seems that perhaps you would have a chance at an anullment. But of course, I’m no priest, so I don’t KNOW. Anyway, you and your son deserve some peace at this point. I"m going to pray that our Lord will give you both this. I pray that He will give you strength as you endure this sorrowful/angry time. I will pray for your wife, that she will come to realize the hurtful things she has done to the man who loves her so. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. We all have our crosses, and you have a mighty one. God protect you and have mercy on you.

Much love,

 

[Belle10]

First, I’m sorry for not addressing everyone individually, but I just don’t have the energy to. I am praying for all of you this very moment, that God will comfort you and give you peace and hear and answer your prayers. :grouphug:

BeeSweet, my fellow pregnant lady, how are you doing? How’s the baby?

Bell sweetie, i am heart sick for you still not able to be at home with your daughter, and also see her in daycare. I do not mean to put any caregiver down, but some moms feel a deep calling, and it pains them not to be in this role. God hears your pain. Oh to find solution in his time is so very hard to do.

I do feel the calling, and it is so painful to not be with her. :crying: I fear the pain will only get worse when this little one is born. I know God hears me, but why won’t he help us? I’m not asking for millions, just for a job for DH that will replace my job, you know? I wish God would let me know what the plan is, because every day is more and more difficult and being this upset all the time is no way to live.

Lastly hun, did you find out the gender of the new baby on the way?

We were supposed to find out the gender Tuesday, but apparently we misunderstood the doctor previously: they don’t do the ultrasound there (this is our first pregnancy with this group of doctors), you have to go somewhere else, and they meant that they would schedule the ultrasound around the time of yesterday’s appointment. We were pretty disappointed, so the doctor grabbed their ultrasound machine (which is not the really high-tech one used to measure the baby, tell the gender, etc.) and gave it a try. We couldn’t tell the gender, but we did get to see our little one moving around like crazy in there! The heartbeat was strong at 120 (I know the old wives’ tale, so we’ll see) and the results from all our screenings came back normal, so things are going well with baby. (Thank you God!)

We go for the actual ultrasound Thursday – hopefully they’ll be able to see and tell us then.

 

[jules11]

Hello everyone, How are you all?
It seems like a lifetime since I posted on here. I have been here to Caf every now and then but haven’t had the chance to read through all of the posts I have missed.
I have missed you all. I hope there has been some improvements. Has anyone had some little miracles?
My situation has been up and down, too much to relay here now.
I will post again soon.
God bless you all and your marriages.

 

[Rammy]

I love being a part of this wonderful group of women (and one man!). I miss out on that kind of interaction in my day to day life. Most of my time is spent with my children, my husband and my clients. I love all of them, but female companionship is a must.
I hope this thread continues as my children begin to try different things. What I haven’t told you guys yet is I am a recovering alcoholic coming from a long line of alcoholics who die from this disease. I lost my Dad in 2005 at the age of 54. My daughter will be 13 this year and she is fascinated (it seems to me) with alcohol. She took a drink of a mimosa when she was a junior brides maid in April at her aunt’s wedding knowing she was strictly forbidden from doing that. I have so much fear that she or one of my boys will begin to use and there will be nothing I can do. You are all in my prayers. I finally got on with my other log in Princz23 and plan to use that instead of CatholicMomof5 so look for me under that name. Love and blessings,
Jennifer

Your daughter is at a tender age. Keep no secrets, hide no past and educate her silly. Show her the world it brought to you as a child, show her the world it brought to you as an adult, and show her shows like intervention so she can see skid row. Now some might not show their kids this, but i was open with stuff like that with my son. Give her the information, and play with her senses by asking her questions you might wonder.

For instance, “OMG, is that really true that she has not showered in a month…is that what i heard hun…” and wait for her to respond. Make it interactive rather than a question period of yes and no.

So when she is faced with this, she makes an informed decision. That is the most you can do.

Remember this…any substance abuse is really an inability to cope with inner pain. So teaching your child skills for copeing is one of the best tools you can give them. Without these skills, they are left to do it the best way they can.

and never stop talking to them about their world…

lana

 

[Rammy]

Bell hunny, do not apologise sweetie…gosh your plate is full indeed.

Know this…NO one knows your heart better than GOD. He hears this cry from you and it pains him to know his baby is crying. He is answering you, just not the way you expect right now. Trust therir is good reason hun…and in this pain i know it is hard to see this. Even for me it is hard to see this for you.

Know this, you have to calm yourself…sa the mother to a new orb in your belly, this could harm the baby, or yourself. Durring stress, there is much not given to your baby that it needs. It also feels your stress. All of this you know and i am not preaching.

this is to merely help you count to ten, and breathe…on and out…

we need you focused…if it is out of your controle, then the extended worry is harmfulll…find another avenue to focus on…

old red legs has you in his clutches of fear…it is those who fear who loose faith…not religion…but faith hun.

again, not preaching…just trying to help you focus on calming yourself!

god bless…

Lana

 

[Rammy]

Hello everyone, How are you all?
It seems like a lifetime since I posted on here. I have been here to Caf every now and then but haven’t had the chance to read through all of the posts I have missed.
I have missed you all. I hope there has been some improvements. Has anyone had some little miracles?
My situation has been up and down, too much to relay here now.
I will post again soon.
God bless you all and your marriages.

It’s SECRETARY day…helloooo my dear!

To those who are new, she is so good at details and listing our members for us to pray over, that i kinda gave her the title! She’s well earned it.

Up and down, see and saw…mee too. But God has been good, all are still healthy, and the move definitely was a good perge. The less i had, the better i felt. Emotionally and spiritually calmed me a bit, and focus on home life organization has been stronger.

And…hubby has responded to this sense of order in a good way.
He has only been away Two nights out of a two week span. It was almost every other day before.

So onward we trudge…for the love of God and our little families.

Lana