St. Monica pray for us! Praying for our husbands....

[HalfOfAWhole]

Peaceful, I had an anniversary recently without my seperated wife, it was painful. I’m not great at giving advice, I will leave that to the experts like mom & rammy.

For those that recall my situation, I was looking for some (name removed by moderator)ut. I think I’ve had a revelation on how to forgive my wife. If you remember, she stole $65K of sacred inheritance money and has been driving my car bought with sacred inheritance money.

I was in this long, drawn out lawyer mess, of course. I also knew that I could never forgive her for stealing. I have decided to “give” her all she has taken. This will be my GIFT to her, so she cannot be a thief any longer and also there will be nothing to forgive.

I love her and if she would have had good purpose and asked me before she “took” all, it could have been hers anyway. This was the first time in my life I could not forgive someone, so this answer came to me last night.

 

[Belle10]

I was in this long, drawn out lawyer mess, of course. I also knew that I could never forgive her for stealing. I have decided to “give” her all she has taken. This will be my GIFT to her, so she cannot be a thief any longer and also there will be nothing to forgive.

I love her and if she would have had good purpose and asked me before she “took” all, it could have been hers anyway. This was the first time in my life I could not forgive someone, so this answer came to me last night.

Sounds like the Holy Spirit is helping you. Forgiveness sure is hard to give, especially in your situation it seems. I think your idea of it all being a “gift” to her is a good one – a great way to let it go and forgive. Praying that you can do it.

 

[peacefulpainter]

I know my husband cannot help it, and I love and forgive him
Just think that I have been trying to rescue and save him ever since we met.
i would take him back if he got help.
( he drinks daily and seems so weak and pale, yet, when I told him he could get back on my insurance case , he declined to accept that offer as well.
( he needs another MRI as he had radiation done on a lesion in his brain and he ought to be going to a neurologist for his seizure disorder)
I cannot accept his marijuana use in my life with the kids… daily drinking…
He does not want to get help or stop these things.
HE lives with no power or gas now, and has a gf.
I feel like helping but when I have helped in the past, it seems to do no good.
God help us.

 

[Belle10]

((((((peacefulpainter)))))) <----hugs for you (imagine it’s Jesus hugging you – He is there beside you through it all)

So sorry for everything you’ve been through. Praying for you.

 

[Rammy]

Half…what a wonderful way to put it all, and to bring you peace. My ex took over time, 87 K…the last 40 was my sons, and i too face the same thing. Forgiving the money was easy at first, but the reality of it being done to my son whom he hurt so deeply in the past was the hardest to deal with.

We have to make peace with it though…and you are on the way.

Peaceful…my dear…you radiate how to be treated, and when you truly stand up for the situation, you can not help him but must know not to enable or use you as a crutch. If he does not accept help, then it is no longer in your hands except in prayer.

You know, learning to say no was the easy part, getting them to accept the no was brutal, and the worse stance i ever took. I’d prefer to still be beaten, punched in the face, and kicked like my ex used to do alot, than to be emotionally abused by anyone…

Husband, brother or friend, it matters not…a bruise heals, but emotional rape is just not easy to get over…and yes, we become the abuse cycle we never want our children to know. I changed because a friend pointed out to me, that i was teaching my children to be spoken to like that was ok, and to allow it to continue as well.

Now i am simply lonely, as the abusers are mostly at bey…and the old feeling comes back, a bruise is better than a word…but nothing hurts in a different way…we internalize it as our self worth then and we must fight it, and not sabotage ourselves.

abuse is abuse…to you or to himself. Accept responsibility for your own, and be good enought to let him see his kids, but anything else just might be sucking all your self worth from you, and teaching this to your children.

Lana

 

[onmyknees]

Thaank you everyone for your prayers, support, and sharing. I’m praying for all of you too. I can’t get my dh to go to the Dr. let alone a counselor. He doesn’t ever share his feelings with me. I do try to be calm too when I am hurt and angry with him. I have tried to use the I statements and tell him how it hurts me when he says these things. I have also told him lovingly how I would like to be treated. He doesn’t want to communicate about our marriage at all. I have been crawling on the floor crying, trying to get things done when my discs are herniated and he never has any empathy. Anyways I do love him very much. And I know he loves me and will never leave. It is just my cross I guess. It is hard when you hear about husbands that share,pray or even talk to you though. On the positive side we do have a great sex life and he is willing to abide with the Catholic teachings. God bless you all!

 

[PattyJane]

St. Monica - Please continue to pray for our spouses, children, and all family members and neighbors that the holy spirit will soften their hearts and open their minds to the Lord’s call… Please also pray for my marriage as we leave tonight for our Retrouvaille weekend. Pray the Holy Spirit will help us heal our marriage.
In God’s name…
PJ

 

[HalfOfAWhole]

Rammy, I am lucky in that me and my son with have enough to get by in life. I also believe the money will be replaced somehow in time, either by earning it or some other magical balance. So for the first time in many months, I am at peace.

Half…what a wonderful way to put it all, and to bring you peace. My ex took over time, 87 K…the last 40 was my sons, and i too face the same thing. Forgiving the money was easy at first, but the reality of it being done to my son whom he hurt so deeply in the past was the hardest to deal with.

We have to make peace with it though…and you are on the way.

Peaceful…my dear…you radiate how to be treated, and when you truly stand up for the situation, you can not help him but must know not to enable or use you as a crutch. If he does not accept help, then it is no longer in your hands except in prayer.

You know, learning to say no was the easy part, getting them to accept the no was brutal, and the worse stance i ever took. I’d prefer to still be beaten, punched in the face, and kicked like my ex used to do alot, than to be emotionally abused by anyone…

Husband, brother or friend, it matters not…a bruise heals, but emotional rape is just not easy to get over…and yes, we become the abuse cycle we never want our children to know. I changed because a friend pointed out to me, that i was teaching my children to be spoken to like that was ok, and to allow it to continue as well.

Now i am simply lonely, as the abusers are mostly at bey…and the old feeling comes back, a bruise is better than a word…but nothing hurts in a different way…we internalize it as our self worth then and we must fight it, and not sabotage ourselves.

abuse is abuse…to you or to himself. Accept responsibility for your own, and be good enought to let him see his kids, but anything else just might be sucking all your self worth from you, and teaching this to your children.

Lana

 

[peacefulpainter]

thank you for the prayers, but I have received advice and isn;t that against the forum rules?
I hope I have not offended anyone.
we are not to give advice though, it does say so in the guidelines. just a reminder. I received a private message as well giving advice.
makes me think I am better off not being so open.
thank you for prayers.
taking a break now.

 

[mnmom]

PattyJane

Praying for you and your husband as you head off to Retrouvaille weekend. I too would love it if my husband with go with me and give it a chance. Our communication has gone down hill to almost to no communication at all. It’s not good for the children, we have five, or for ourselves and our marriage.

Most of what I read about Retrouvaille is that you also need to do the follow up sessions for your new communication skills to take hold. Praying for you

 

[Trishie]

St Monica please intercede for all these good, struggling people and their spouses. Please pray for their healing and happiness.

 

[Rammy]

thank you for the prayers, but I have received advice and isn;t that against the forum rules?
I hope I have not offended anyone.
we are not to give advice though, it does say so in the guidelines. just a reminder. I received a private message as well giving advice.
makes me think I am better off not being so open.
thank you for prayers.
taking a break now.

i have to admit, that the giving advice might be so in a thread of reactions to a topic. But i must confess, that there is much more here… a fellowship of wounded women looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. I respect the choice if you decide to take a break, but if they had their eyes on this thread, it would have been closed at the apropriat 1000 post mark.

I really think this is a thread meeting place for a few good friends in need of something…hope for some one giveing a hoot and sometimes that is just enough. We struggle with things we can not change, and still in our fellowship learn to endure. We know the intentions are to help uplift, not to tell someone what to do. I hope you understand the intentions here…to simply show you you are worth it, and to fight to keep your spirit strong, so that what we can not change, we can certainly learn to accept the gift of enduring something in the fellowship of friends!

Peace to you…

Lana

 

[Rammy]

Rammy, I am lucky in that me and my son with have enough to get by in life. I also believe the money will be replaced somehow in time, either by earning it or some other magical balance. So for the first time in many months, I am at peace.

I am lucky, the abuse physically, and the child that i had that died 4 years ago was the only children from that marriage. So when he fought me for the money in court, and won based on my son not having a will, he got half. I got 40k, he got 40k, and the lawyers and government took 50k. had he not fought this, i would have been out of medical debt that will not be fully gone for another 10-12 years. He refused to even help pay for the funeral, and i still do not have the money or credit to buy a headstone yet. I have about 25k left to pay, plus the headstone…then i will be clear of the medical bills.

So he has nothing left to stalk me over, my son is dead…there is no longer a paun for his ill use! We will not even go in the areas of him being a pedafile, rapeist, and lives a gay lifestyle that together as a team, enlists the vulnerability of being sexually molested by him. 27 children i had a positive abuse case i had interviewed, only 3 came forward to testify over his sexual misconduct, feeding of liquer, xxxmoviesxxx, and drugs. And he is a teacher using tutoring as an in with kids in his home…

When we could not help him (yup, i was florence nightengale), i moved away when my child was 7…fled the province, and it was the best thing i did. No longer was my child tied up for the weekend, left hungry, tortured, sexually abused by my exes lover, and then left alone crying to wander the streets alone down the still used railway tracks. Did i tell you he was three when this happened, and came home crying all of the time…please give daddy ____ back or he said he’d kill you and chop you up into pieces and bury you all over the yard…i don’t want you to die mommy.

That is still so very raw…and hard to CONTINUALLY forgive him for…and then put his hands out for his sons money. The man’s soul is already dead…yet i am taught to still see the parts in him of Christ. The man who beat me so bad, and then with cuts everywhere, forced me into a bath of vinegar water untill i passed out in convulsions. The man that when i miscarried at 5.5 months along stole my baby and to this day, i do not know where he put, burried or dumped the baby.

I tend to think this man is not just messed up, but pure evil. I would not believe exercisms would help…he was raised to hate, tortured himself, and god have mercy on his soul…but he has made his choices, and i fear he will not ever choose God…he hates God, and at every turn smashed any statue i owned, tore up rosery’s, and any bible he found was torn up as well…and i held tight to my bible, knowing that i might not live throught the night for that disobedience. I never sobbed, for that would get you one more kick in the head, or back, or dragged by the head down the stairs that had carpeting…i just lay still…silently with hot tears running down my face thinking, please let this be the last kick…please let him take the joy he does with seeing me cry and reminding me how weak and pathetic i was…

yes, forgiving is a lifetime act…every day.

Like my son said to me just before he died at nearly 19…Ma, he has nothing except money and monitary things…so we have bills…we have eachother…God will help us through it.

That is courage, and i hope to own it one day

Lana

 

[Trishie]

Lana your story made me feel cold all over.I can’t imagine how it’s been for you, yet you show so much understanding, love forgiveness. God bless you.

 

[mom4truth]

onmyknees,

That was cute…the good “physical” relationship…you still have. At least that’s something to hold on to. Maybe through that, greater love will flow and he will come to understand your suffering. I pray that this happens. St. Monica, please intercede for this woman, I beg you. Grant her health, peace, and joy in her life! I beg this of you. Amen.

 

[Trishie]

St Monica please intercede for all these mothers and their husbands and families.

Jesus flood Your blessings on us.
Mother Mary please intercede for us.

 

[Belle10]

I really think this is a thread meeting place for a few good friends in need of something…hope for some one giveing a hoot and sometimes that is just enough. We struggle with things we can not change, and still in our fellowship learn to endure. We know the intentions are to help uplift, not to tell someone what to do. I hope you understand the intentions here…to simply show you you are worth it, and to fight to keep your spirit strong, so that what we can not change, we can certainly learn to accept the gift of enduring something in the fellowship of friends!

Peace to you…

Lana

:yup: Well said Lana.

I think I’m the one you were referring to peaceful painter…I was simply trying to uplift and offer encouragement, just as we all do here. As far as I understand it, we are not to offer any medical advice on the forums, but advice other than that is OK and anyone is free to take it or leave it (read any thread and you’ll find advice like crazy).

Best wishes to you and to all here (still praying). :grouphug:

 

[onmyknees]

onmyknees,

That was cute…the good “physical” relationship…you still have. At least that’s something to hold on to. Maybe through that, greater love will flow and he will come to understand your suffering. I pray that this happens. St. Monica, please intercede for this woman, I beg you. Grant her health, peace, and joy in her life! I beg this of you. Amen.

Thank you so much m4t for the kind words and the prayer to St. Monica! Did you have to have surgery? Are things any better with your dh?

 

[mom4truth]

onmyknees,

I think I will be having surgery sometime in the fall. Right now, they are trying some very strong medications. The side effects are horrible. Dh has been somewhat better. However, he tends to behave for 2 days at most, and then reverts to being his old usual self. Well, at least I can appreciate the moments he is kind. Looks like I won’t make it to Mass today. I am feeling quite ill. I hope you are doing better today. God bless you always!

 

[Rammy]

:yup: Well said Lana.

I think I’m the one you were referring to peaceful painter…I was simply trying to uplift and offer encouragement, just as we all do here. As far as I understand it, we are not to offer any medical advice on the forums, but advice other than that is OK and anyone is free to take it or leave it (read any thread and you’ll find advice like crazy).

Best wishes to you and to all here (still praying). :grouphug:

Yes, i believe this must be true, and one of the main reasons the bipolar threads a while back were closed. Members were sharing their experiences, so with meds, some without, and it got touchy…and not what was allowed.

heck, i have been canned as a member twice already over being upfront with pointing out the cruelty of some members attacks personally, and saying God would be so sad to see this…Mods kicked me off saying if i could not handle it, to leave…and BANNED me from the spirituality forums…

So i truly have learned to KISS…keep it simple stupid, do as my conscience feels answerable to Christ only. If it is a problem, i simply join in another name…on my third now. First boot was over speaking of my pain, praying, and listening to what God was saying to my heart…they freaked all over me, as i was speaking of VISIONS…and not aproved by the catholic church, then they had not happened, and yadda yadda yadda…

None are banned without the complaints and asked intercession of this problem by a member to a mod. Some members have claws, and i have accepted that. My rule is, it is more important to help and be happy in the eyes of God, WAY more than some members quality of actions in the jousting trying to be right.

God teaches there are many other things that come before being right…and these are key personality and actions shown in Jesus’s demeanor in how to treat your neighbor.

BTW, this is not about anyone ever whom is in this thread…but rather the political process that occurs policing such a large forum.

Been Lanasshoebox, TheRam, and Rammy…I have already chosen my next name in the event. Saves on the extreme loss i felt personally on the first boot three years back. I will be Ariesella…Elven for TheRam. In the clubs forums, we have roleplayed before, and i am Lady Ariesella, Captain of the Trog Guard (Troglodytes…cave dwellers) set in very Arthurian times, the holy grail and so on…)

So Ariesella is my next name…just being prepared!

BTW, the ram is stubborn, as was the mod involved…hence my other names…hehe

Lana