Rammy,
You put these into proper perspective for me. I have not endured anything near what you have, yet I was in agony for Half Of A Year!! And just because of somebody else’s actions. I can’t let her affect me any longer.
I don’t have the proper words to explain how sorry I am that you have gone through such pain, but you sure are someone that cares for others and that is something very special. I put in an extra prayer for you today.
Half
Thank you dear, this means so much to me…a prayer is so powerful in the voice of a believer, and to fall upon the ears of our Lord, and his diligent helpers who interceed on our behalf.
I know forgiving is not a one time act, it is a lifetime act in the case where we have been so used. When a hurt comes from a word, or an action…simetimes we can work around this, and come to a conclusion that both are healed. But when an action is so deliberate, selfish, hurtful, and MORALLY wrong…it does not go away easily.
It will follow both of us, because of whom we meet next, who we interact with, and what we choose to put under the carpet. It indeed hits deeply with self esteme. There is always a feeling of how i might have not been good enough, or worthy enough from this, but i know i am worthy in Gods eyes, and i have to stop giving in to satans sneaky joyride…he will not continue to let me wallow in self pitty, so that OTHERS might continue in walking over me.
Does this mean i have to be a mean or changed person…NO…but what it does mean is that the confrontation becomes focused with Satan, and the totality of unawareness of how he gets in under my skin to allow me to even believe i am not a good person.
So yes, the battle continues, and the strength i gain by zooming in on the sad feelings, and aware of how much joy Satan takes from this…a weak sad pliable person is what he can mold. I bet he wishes for me to fall into dispair, turn to drugs or alcohol, loose my marriage and or children, and the list goes on…
I WILL find joy in life, I WILL confront him at as many turns as i feel him near to me. And i will remind him of being unwelcome in my presence, in the name of my Lord, Jesus Christ…be gone from me. Then ask for the Lord right then and there to hold firmly with me in this stance, and give me the strength to fight him.
When i fight him, i am stronger, and feel better about my life and person…THAT makes it easier to forgive again, and again.
I take parenting so very seriously, and he was everything i did not believe in…but i figured this out too late…Florence Nightingale i thought i was…to love and care for the wounded soul. I never once thought it might consume my very being.
My son is living proof, although he is Gone from this world now, that from the deepest evil, will come good…
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DD just turned two and is definitly having some “terrible” times, but I know it’s normal. 
DD has really been testing us lately (well, me more than DH of course!) but at the same time she’s so amazing, smart, and sweet…it’s a challenging, wonderful time!
Mine is still looking (he has small renovation jobs here and there, but nothing dependable, you know?).
